Ray's musings and humor

Have a happy day

Ray’s Daily

June 1, 2017

www.rays-daily.com

don-t-worry-be-happy

“Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are.”

Henry Van Dyke

It is another one of those days limited to 24 hours filled with 28 hours of opportunities. Since I am off to a 6 AM meeting followed by a scholarship awards breakfast I will save time by sending you a Daily reprint. Have fun today!

 Ray’s Daily first published on June 03, 2008

I got a question for you today, why is it so many people seem to feel that they either don’t have a right to be happy or are satisfied without happiness? Tick tock, tick tock, the clock keeps ticking and another minute is lost as they accept unhappiness as their plight. Just think how awful it must be, no wonder so many of them are sore heads and critics of the happiness of others. What I hate is when they go out of their way to try to make the rest of us unhappy.

Like I have said before no one can make us unhappy unless we let them. I would much rather leave them to their misery while they let me go on maximizing my opportunities to enjoy my life.

Most of us are not as happy as we could be fortunately all we have to do is go for it. Here are few tips to get you started:

 How to Be Happy

  1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
  2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
  3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
  4. You can’t please everybody. Don’t let criticism worry you.
  5. Don’t let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.
  6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.
  7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
  8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, enmity, grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
  9. Have many interests. If you can’t travel, read about new places.
  10. Don’t hold postmortems. Don’t spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don’t be one who never gets over things.
  11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
  12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.

~~~

Life leaps like a geyser for those willing to drill through the rock of inertia.

Unknown

~~~

HOSPITAL CHARTS

(Taken from actual hospital charts.)

  1. The patient refused autopsy.
  2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
  3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
  4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
  5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
  7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
  8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
  9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
  10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
  11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
  12. She is numb from her toes down.
  13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
  14. The skin was moist and dry.
  15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
  16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
  17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
  18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
  19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
  21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
  22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
  23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
  24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
  25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

~~~

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

Satchel Paige

~~~

During a recent vacation in Atlantic City, a couple went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a woman from the back of the theater yelled out: “Hey, how’d you do that?”

“I could tell you, madam”, the magician answered, “But then I’d have to kill you.”

After a short pause, she yelled back, “Ok, then… Just tell my husband.

~~~

May God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway.

The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

~~~

A good woman died and went to Heaven. When she arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter offered to take her on a tour of the facilities. As they walked past the halo depository, she noticed a sort of fence off in the distance. Intrigued, she asked St. Peter if they could look at it. “What’s a fence doing up here?” she asked.

“Oh, that’s not exactly a fence,” he replied. “It’s a balcony railing. You see, some folks arrive here and find that certain friends or loved ones aren’t here, and realize they must have gone to Hell. So we have an arrangement with the Adversary whereby our folks can stand at the railing and look down and find their loved ones.”

So they approached the railing, and the woman looked down. She spotted a group of people wailing and tearing out their hair while demons poked them with pitchforks. “What’s the matter with that group?” she asked. St. Peter took a look. “Ah,” he said. “Those are Southern Baptists who went to dances.”

Then she noticed another group, screaming while they walked on red-hot coals. “What are they being punished for?” she asked the saint. He looked and replied, “Those are old-style Catholics who ate meat on Friday.”

Another group caught her attention. They were being whipped with scorpion tails, and screaming. “And their sin?” she asked. St. Peter looked and said, “Oh, those are Episcopalians who used the wrong fork.”

~~~

“It is not the man who has too little, but the man who craves more, that is poor.”

Seneca

~~~

On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rearview mirror made me realize that I’d been over the limit. I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration.

“I’m usually very careful about my speed,” I told him as my wife handed me the paperwork.

The officer studied it and then gave it back. “Sir,” he said gruffly, “this is not your registration.” It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South Carolina.

~~~

Someday is not a day of the week.

~~~

She said: The college football player knew his way around the locker room better than he did the library, so when my husband’s co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of books, looking confused, she asked how she could help.

“I have to read a play by Shakespeare,” he said.

“Which one?” she asked.

He scanned the shelves and answered, “William.”

~~~

The happiest people I know are those who have learned to live beyond their own special interests by discovering the rewards that come from giving of themselves.

Winfield C. Dunn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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