Ray's musings and humor

Archive for April, 2017

You really are OK

Ray’s Daily

April 19, 2017

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Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.

Bruce Barton

Yesterday and so far, today is somewhat challenging. You see I had to replace my smart phone and my new phone is trying to prove it is smarter than me as I attempt to reload and install applications and more. So since my mind is suffering from excess use I will again dip into the archives and send a Daily from yesteryear.

Ray’s Daily first published on April 19, 2006

Why do so many of us spend our time and money ornamenting ourselves in order to create an impressive image in the eyes of others? Is it insecurity? It is as if we think a better car, a tailored suit, a bigger diamond transforms us into something other than ourselves. Real beauty rests below the surface; it is the product of how we feel, how we act, and our love of ourselves and others. I think we all would be better off if we did not spend our lives masquerading as someone else. Investing in ourselves does not require material wealth it just requires a zest and love for life.

Someone wise has written how we might enhance our inner beauty, here is what he said:

May you find serenity and tranquility in a world you may not always understand. May the pain you have known and the conflict you have experienced give you the strength to walk through life facing each new situation with courage and optimism. Always know that there are those whose love and understanding will always be there, even when you feel most alone. May you discover enough goodness in others to believe in a world of peace. May a kind word, a reassuring touch, and a warm smile be yours every day of your life, and may you give these gifts as well as receive them. Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending.

Teach love to those who hate, and let that love embrace you as you go out into the world. May the teachings of those you admire become part of you, so that you may call upon them. Remember, those whose lives you have touched and whose have touched yours are always a part of you, even if the encounters were less than you would have wished. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than the form.

May you not become too concerned with material matters, but instead place immeasurable value on the goodness in your heart. Find time each day to see beauty and love in the world around you. Realize that each person has limitless abilities, but each of us is different in our own way. What you feel you lack in the present may become one of your strengths in the future. May you see your future as one filled with promise and possibility. Learn to view everything as a worthwhile experience. May you find enough inner strength to determine your own worth by yourself, and not be dependent on another’s judgment of your accomplishments. May you always feel loved.

Author unknown

~~~

“Only after we can learn to forgive ourselves can we accept others as they are because we don’t feel threatened by anything about them which is better than us.”

Stephen Covey

~~~

A TEENAGER IS…

– A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.

– A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.

– A youngster who receives her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows it from her best friend on Wednesday.

– Someone who can hear his favorite singer 3 blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

– A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.

– A student who spends 12 minutes studying history and 12 hours studying for her driver’s license.

– A connoisseur of 2 kinds of fine music–loud and very loud.

– An enthusiast who has the energy to bike for miles but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

– A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates the brother.

– A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

– A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

– A boy who can sleep till noon on any Saturday he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

– An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

~~~

Let your heart guide you. It whispers, so listen closely.

~~~

There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately.

So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, “Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door.”

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, “I want a shave!”

The barber said, “Sure, just sit in the seat and I’ll be with you in a moment.”

The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, “God, the first customer came in and I’m going to witness to him. So please give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen.”

Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying, “Good morning sir. I have a question for you……….Are you ready to die?”

~~~

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

~~~

Rita wanted her husband to stop smoking so she sent him to the doctor.

The doctor gave him a box of these patches and said to use one a day. He said ok, and took them home.

Rita asked him what the doctor said and he showed her the patches and told her that the doctor said to use one patch a day. Rita commenced to sew one patch on each shirt he had.

The both of them are still trying to figure out how that’s going to help him quit smoking.

~~~

To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity.

~~~

Customer to Accountant: I’ve been working on my budget like you told me to. Line one is my fixed expenses. Line two is my fixed income. And… the difference is the fix I’m in.

~~~

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

~~~

“Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.”

Will Rogers

~~~

Investment Definitions

STOCK: A magical piece of paper that is worth $33.75 until the moment you buy it. It will then be worth $8.50.

BOND: What you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in Amazon.com.

BROKER: The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell “Broke”.

BEAR: What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you.

BULL: What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.

MARGIN: Where you scribble the latest quotes when you’re supposed to be listening to your manager’s presentation.

SHORT POSITION: A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn’t actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. “The rent, sir?” “Hahaha, well, I’m a little short this month.”).

COMMISSION: The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.

YAK: What you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.

~~~

The capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest meaning and significance.

Pablo Casals

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

 

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I like their attitude

Ray’s Daily

April 18, 2017

Attitude-Word-Cloud

“If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.”

Rosalyn Carter

The people who impress me the most are those who always exhibit a positive attitude. I have known many such folks in my lifetime and as I think back they have been the people who have the most influence on the choices I have made over the years. In truth these were the ones who often showed more confidence in my ability to accomplish than I did.

I am awe struck by how many of you have stayed positive over the years. I am sure I am not the only one who appreciates you for not getting bogged down in negative doldrums.

I good attitude sometimes takes work and self-assessment here is a piece by Catherine Pulsifer where she tells us how she did not let self-doubt slow her down.

Your Attitude Determines Your Future

This past week was one of those weeks for me. I questioned the work I was doing, both on the web sites and on our crafts. I found myself wondering if all my time and effort was worthwhile.

Questions Asked

Would our new business provide the income we needed? Is my work good enough for others to want to buy or to read? These are only a few of the questions that ran through my mind. And, with every question, my self-confidence was sliding downward! As my doubts swirled in my mind, I could feel my attitude changing. I was thinking is it really worth the effort?

Negative Thoughts

Realizing that these negative thoughts were affecting my attitude and my self-confidence, I went to the website to read quotes on confidence only to find I did not have a category for “confidence”. I then did a search on the wow4u website and found that I had wonderful quotes on confidence. I also went through my files and found more great quotes. So I ended up establishing a category on confidence.

Restored Confidence

As I worked on the web page, my self-confidence was being restored. I could feel my outlook changing, almost like I gave myself an attitude adjustment. Many times in my life I have found quotations have actually changed my outlook, and, without fail, it was happening again.

The quotes I was reading reassured me, and provided me with the motivation to realize that what I was doing was in fact what I loved to do. Like everything else in life, it takes time; success does not happen overnight. My mindset was changing to one of a positive attitude.

Lacking Persistence and Determination

As I was reading a quote from Rosalyn Carter, I realized I do have confidence in my ability. What I was lacking was the persistence and determination to follow it through!

It Takes Time

Reflecting on my previous career, it took me 20 years to realize success. I laughed at myself for thinking this new career would be a success in one year. If I have realized anything from working on the wow4u website, and from the experiences of my previous career, it is that success takes time, persistence, determination, and most importantly, believing in yourself!

~~~

“Confidence comes when you’re comfortable with who you are and what you’re doing in your life. Don’t wear masks, be yourself!”

Frankie Robinson

~~~

Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

“Why don’t you wait until your husband gets home?” someone asked.

“I could,” my mother told the group. “But the couch is easier to move if he’s not on it.”

~~~

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Approaching the counter at a local post office, I said the stern-faced woman on the other side, “Are you the Postmistress?”

“No!” she replied testily, “I’m the Postmaster – Uncle Sam doesn’t pay me enough to be anyone’s mistress.”

~~~

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton

~~~

In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: “So how is your strange business going?”

“What do you mean strange?”

“Because you sell only trumpets and guns!”

“So?”

“Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?”

“It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun.”

~~~

As for butter or margarine, I trust cows more than chemists.

~~~

Mrs. Johnson was shopping at a produce stand in her neighborhood. She approached the vendor and asked, “How much are these oranges?”

“Two for a quarter,” answered the vendor.

“How much is just one?” she asked.

“Fifteen cents,” answered the vendor.

“Then I’ll take the other one,” said Mrs. Johnson.

~~~

Don’t regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many.

~~~

A boss was educating an employee on effective sales technique.

“The main thing to remember is that repetition, repetition, repetition is the keynote!” he advised. “If you have a product to sell, keep harping on it in every possible way, cram it down people’s throats and beat them over the head with it! Above all, don’t ever forget to repeat and repeat and repeat! It’s the only way to get results!”

“Yes, sir!” the employee answered.

“And now, what was it you came in to see me about?” the boss asked.

The employee replied, “A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise! A Raise!”

~~~

I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence.

William F. Buckley

~~~

One woman was talking to her friend.

“You should listen to my neighbor,” she said. “She is always bad-mouthing her poor husband behind his back. I think that’s so rude. Look at me! My husband is fat, lazy and cheap, but have you ever heard me say a bad word about him?”

~~~

A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.

Wade Boggs

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Join me on the bright side

Ray’s Daily

April 17, 2017

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“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”

Winston Churchill

Here we go again, a new week. I hope yours will be as good as I know mine will be, Over the years I have learned that if I remain optimistic and expect that all will be well it usually is. The great thing about living on the bright side is that the feeling is contagious and results in friends and acquaintances sharing in the better times.

In fact I get as much pleasure in the reflected happiness of others as most anything else. Today I would like to share an edited article written by Henrik Edberg that he published on the Positively Present blog. He tells us how each of us can help others enjoy their lives.

10 Simple Ways to Spread the Optimism and Positive Energy Starting Today

  1. Just be there for someone. Listen and lend the optimistic and grounded perspective to someone in your life in need of it. At first I find it best to just the let other person vent, to let him or her get issue at hand out into the light. So I am just there fully and listening.

If she or he gets stuck in negative thinking or in making a mountain out of a molehill then it can be helpful to add your own perspective to ground him or her and to help shift perspective on the situation.

  1. Play positive music. Uplifting music is of course a great way to boost your own mood and open up new perspectives again.
  2. Take 30-60 seconds to give a genuine compliment. Think about one thing that makes the other person tick. A small or bigger passion. Or something good that people too often take for granted about him or her. And then give a compliment about that. It often means more than you might guess.
  3. Smile. A smile puts you and the people around you into a better and more relaxed headspace.

It works even when you don’t feel that much like smiling.

  1. Hide a secret note. Take 60 seconds out of your day to write and hide a note with a compliment. Or some encouraging words. Or make it a note of thankfulness. Hide it under their pillow, in the lunch box or wallet or perhaps the book he or she is reading at this time.
  2. Help someone to wind down. Being busy with work or school can over time add a lot of tension and stress. And that can certainly get in the way of optimistic and constructive thinking.

So help someone in your life to wind down.

A break like this can do wonders for the mood and perspective for the both of you.

  1. Cook or bring their favorite food. If she’s having a bad day then cook her favorite meal. Or get her favorite takeout food. Or maybe just a small treat, like a piece of the chocolate or the special cupcake she loves the most.
  2. Hug. A hug is, perhaps often even more than a smile, something that can make someone feel a little better and a bit safer again. Use it when appropriate of course.
  3. Share what you’ve found or made. It could delicious fruit that you’ve picked. Or the jam, cookies or bread you made. Or fish you’ve smoked or the beef you made jerky out of.
  4. Pay it forward. If someone in your life adds a bit of optimism and positive energy to your life then don’t just return it somewhere down the line. Pay it forward to someone else too. And together build a growing upward spiral of optimism, encouragement and kindness.

~~~

Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push. A smile. A world of optimism and hope. A ‘you can do it’ when things are tough.

Richard M. DeVos

~~~

SEUSS COMPUTES

 

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,

And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,

And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,

Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,

And the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,

And your data is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash,

Then your situation’s hopeless, and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,

Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,

But your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,

That’s repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss

So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,

Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,

‘Cause as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk,

And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,

Then you have to flash your memory

and you’ll want to RAM your ROM.

Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

~~~

Take interest in your future. It’s where you’re going to spend the rest of your life.

~~~

Pastor Dave Charlton tells us, “After a worship service at First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with a fidgety seven-year old boy told me how she finally got her son to sit still and be quiet. About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and whispered, ‘If you don’t be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over again!’ It worked.”

~~~

Friendship is what binds the world together in peace, may we all become friends.

~~~

“I was walking the streets of Glasgow the other week and I saw this sign: ‘This door is alarmed.’ I said to myself: ‘How do you think I feel?'”

Arnold Brown

~~~

My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.

Jack Layton

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Thank You Everyone

Ray’s Daily

April 13, 2017

dish-of-ice-cream 

Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.

Voltaire

~~~

One of the things I like most about spring in my part of the world is how it seems to make daily life more pleasant. It also provides us the opportunity to see the rebirth of a landscape filled with trees in bloom and flowers breaking through the soil on their journey towards the sun. But best of all the people we meet along the way seem to find enjoyment in their lives.

As I am leading a less active life I am provided more time to appreciate the people I meet along the way. The people that greet me at the gym early in the morning always provide a warm beginning for my day. If I go to one of my regular stops for breakfast I have the opportunity to let a favorite server know how much they are appreciated. As the day goes on I get to notice some ones kindness, I also get to return a smile or two as I again realize that some of the best things in life is the appreciation of others.

I know I have shared the following story with you in the past, it is one of my favorites. The boy places more value on sharing his appreciation than on material reward. I know much of what I have accumulated has become clutter but the friends I have made have become that which warms my heart.

A Dish of Ice Cream

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?”

“50 cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it.

“How much is a dish of plain ice cream?” he inquired. Some people were now waiting for a table and the waitress was a bit impatient.

“35 cents,” she said brusquely.

The little boy again counted the coins. “I’ll have the plain ice cream,” he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and departed.

When the waitress came back, she began wiping down the table and then swallowed hard at what she saw.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were 15 cents – her tip.

~~~

“For all you do, for who you are, I will be forever grateful you are in my life.”

~~~

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.

Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say “Uh-huh” or “Yes dear” or “I’m sorry, it won’t happen again”?

~~~

If you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. March down there and turn it on yourself.

~~~

A church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money for a special trip to Bethlehem.

They made a large sign that read: CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP. On the scheduled Saturday, business was very good. But, by two o’clock the sky clouded, the rain poured, and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the soprano singers had an idea. She printed a very large poster with the words: WE WASH. GOD RINSES. (Next to the words was an arrow pointing skyward.) Business boomed!

~~~

Enthusiasm is contagious. Start an epidemic.

~~~

In a physics lab course, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week’s experiment before coming to class…

At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so:

“What are the two types of light?” he asked.

The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised his hand and said, “Uhhh, Miller and Bud?”

~~~

Some people will grow up and spread cheer, others just grow up and spread.

~~~

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, “I descend into hell!” A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would spring, and the actor would drop from view.

The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, “I descend into hell!” the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.

One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: “Hallelujah! Hell is full!”

~~~

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in our back yard. I was an only child ….. eventually.

~~~

A while back an airplane company ran an add stating that they would make you a pilot for $2,900. They want to train more people to fly planes in hopes that they could sell more planes. Their add had a beautiful picture of an airplane and in big black print were the words, “We will make you a pilot for $2,900.

I heard that the ad elicited a lot of response, but the most unique response came from 7 women in Kansas. They wrote into the company and said; “We understand you can make us a pilot for $2,900. We would like you to make us one right away. We want him to be a man, 6 feet tall, 190 pounds, with blue eyes and brown wavy hair. We understand that you guarantee that you can make us a pilot. Therefore we would like the pilot on approval for about 60 days. If he works out we’ll order more.”

~~~

If you don’t run your own life, someone else will.

John Atkinson

~~~

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.

For the life of him, though, he couldn’t think of the names of the couple who were to be married.

“Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?” he requested.

Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front.

~~~

Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you’ll find that you have more of it.

Ralph Marston

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Be Happy

Ray’s Daily

April 13, 2017

Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it.

William Feather

Remember-to-be-happy

After a full day yesterday and a busy morning ahead I have run out of time to write a new daily so I am sending you this one instead.

Ray’s Daily first published on April 13, 2005

A friend and I were discussing someone who seems to be searching for happiness and never finding it. She seems so concerned about her job, relationships and playing the roles expected of her that she has little time to become herself. I don’t know why so many of us live with unhappiness or live dull, regimented lives, never experiencing the joys that are there for us to find. What is really sad is when we miss happiness because we did not recognize it when we saw it, or we did not take the time to enjoy it when we had the opportunity.

Here are a few investments we can make that can help make happiness easier to find.

  1. Free your heart from hatred
  2. Free your mind from worries
  3. Live simply
  4. Give more
  5. Expect less

I know for many of us committing ourselves to the above is not easy, but I suggest that taking a few minutes each day to think about them can provide real results. Maybe the question we need to ask ourselves is, “do things really have to be this way?” The answer is often they do not, and once we know that we can unload a little each day. If we do I think we will find things a little brighter, life more enjoyable, and joy more frequent.

~~~

Even if happiness forgets you a little bit,

never completely forget about it.

Jacques Prévert

~~~

Alice was to bake a cake for the church ladies’ group bake sale, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She baked an angel food cake and when she took it from the oven, the center had dropped flat.

She said, “Oh dear, there’s no time to bake another cake.” So, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom … a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

The finished product looked beautiful, so she rushed it to the church.

Before she left the house, Alice had given her daughter some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, the attractive cake had already been sold. Alice was beside herself.

The next day, Alice was invited to a friend’s home where two tables of bridge were to be played that afternoon. After the game, a fancy lunch was served, and to top it off, the cake in question was presented for dessert. Alice saw the cake, she started to get out of her chair to rush into the kitchen to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, one of the other ladies said, “What a beautiful cake!” Alice sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say …”Thank you, I baked it myself.”

~~~

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom.

Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.

Lao Tzu

~~~

A Methodist minister meets three Baptist deacons on the golf course and invites them to come to his church some Sunday. Not too many weeks thereafter and just as services are starting, they show up.

Attendance was good in the small Methodist church and there wasn’t a pew available. Several church members were already seated on folding chairs. When the minister, just starting the service, saw the three Baptist deacons enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, “Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back.”

The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Get three chairs for my Baptist friends,” repeated the minister. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.

Once more the minister tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. “Three chairs. For the Baptists,” he enunciated.

The usher’s face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation. “All right, everybody,” he called out to the assembled worshipers. “Three cheers for the Baptists!”

~~~

Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with what there is.

Ernest Hemingway

~~~

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move,” said the broker. “It’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1,000 shares,” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker asked, “To who? You were the only one buying that stock.”

~~~

“My mother always told me I wouldn’t amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said, ‘Just wait.'”

Judy Tenuta

~~~

Jill and Nina went to lecture on positive thinking. After the lecture was done, Nina said to Jill, “You know, I learned a lot from this. From now on, I am going to accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative. From now on, I am going to use the word IS instead of the word NOT.”

“You’re right Nina. I am going to quit making negative statements too.

I am going to speak positively from now on as well”, Jill said.

“Really Jill, like what?” asked Nina.

“Well,” Jill says, “I used to always say that my husband was not fit to live with the hogs. Now I am going to say he IS fit to live with them.”

~~~

The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality.

John Quincy Adams

~~~

She said, now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. “What will you do if I die before you do?” Dad asked Mom. After some thought, she said that she’d probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then Mom asked Dad, “What will you do if I die first?” He replied, “Probably the same thing.”

~~~

After being advised by a store front investment counselor to invest my few measly savings in CD’s, does anyone know of a good music store that sells them cheap?

~~~

After joining the Navy, a guy undergoes a physical. During the exam, it was discovered that, due to a bum shoulder, he couldn’t fully extend his arms above his head. Perplexed, the doctor conferred with another physician.

“Let him pass,” said the second doctor. “I don’t see any problems, unless he has to surrender.”

~~~

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.

Margaret Young

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

It’s going to be a good day

Ray’s Daily

April 12, 2017

224804

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”

John Lennon

As I begin my sixty-fifth year of marriage I have decided that there is really little time to succumb to the aches and pains that come with old age. Nor is there time to focus on the trials and tribulations that accompany those who dwell on unhappiness.

I think I have shared with you in the past that I believe choosing to be happy is the secret to a satisfying life. For me paying little attention to what is wrong allows me time to dwell on what is right. I know that rains are followed by rainbows and that discomfort will pass. So during momentary times of stress I find comfort in knowing this too will pass.

So how about joining me in welcoming a new day, another start, a day when we can appreciate all that is right in our lives. I hope the following poem will help

Complete Happiness

     by Ernestine Northover

 

Greet the bright dawn with joy,

Raise your spirit to the light,

Then your smile you must employ,

Swiftly expelling the gloomy night.

 

A new day comes into view,

To be shaped and to redesign,

And each move will be, by you

So perfect, so right and fine.

 

The birds will start their song,

And delight in this newborn day,

And with your courage so strong,

Exhilaration will come your way.

 

Greet the bright dawn with joy,

Don’t give in to tears and stress,

Find nothing that might annoy,

Come to know complete happiness.

~~~

“For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

A man in the pub orders a beer. He gets his beer and begins to drink it when he notices that the beer is kind of warm. So he mentions something to the bartender, who tells him to shut up and just drink his beer.

Then it is time to pay and instead of giving three $1 dollar bills to the bartender, the guy throws 30 dimes behind the counter.

The bartender is pissed, and is on his hands and knees collecting change as the guy leaves.

The next day the man is back, and he comes in waiving a $5 dollar bill.

The bartender thinks, “Okay, business is business,” and lets him in. Again, the beer is kind of warm, but the guy doesn’t say anything.

Comes time to pay, the man gives him the $5 bill.

The bartender goes to the register to get the change, but instead of taking out two $1 dollar bills, he takes out 20 dimes and throws them all around the entire pub.

The bartender says, “Here is your darn change.”

The man looks around and remains quite calm. He takes out ten dimes, throws them behind the counter and says, “Gimme another beer!”

~~~

There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget.

~~~

COMPSPEAK

State-of-the-art: Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Microsecond: The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

G4: Apple’s new Macs that make you say, “Gee, it’s four times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a microsecond ago.”

Syntax Error: Walking into a computer store and saying, “Hi, I want to buy a computer and money is no object.”

Hard Drive: The sales technique employed by computer salesmen, especially after a Syntax Error.

GUI (pronounced “gooey”): What your computer becomes after spilling your coke on it.

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy: The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Laptop Computer: A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash: A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update: A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

~~~

When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s obsolete.

~~~

An observant Jew called Jacob finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help.

He goes into the synagogue and begins to pray: “God, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto.”

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Jacob goes back to the synagogue: “God, please let me win the lotto, I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well.”Lotto night comes a second time and Jacob still has no luck! Back to the synagogue again, Jacob asks: “My God, why have you forsaken me? I’ve lost my business, my house, my car and my wife and my children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. Why won’t you just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order?”

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Jacob is confronted by the voice of God himself:

“JACOB, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE….BUY A LOTTO TICKET.”

~~~

If it’s stupid and works, then it ain’t stupid!

~~~

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, “Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?”

“I think so,” the man replied. “My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming with plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our friends.”

“I don’t mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you prepared spiritually?”

“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey.”

~~~

I have learned a great deal about myself from my Inbox. According to my junk e-mail, I’m bald, impotent and in need of constant refinancing.

~~~

“The most important thing is to enjoy your life—to be happy—it’s all that matters.”

Audrey Hepburn

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

It was springtime in New York

Ray’s Daily

April 11, 2017

 Wedding Pic cropped

“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be.”

Robert Browning

It was spring time in Manhattan sixty-four years ago today. It was especially pleasant at Columbia University’s Church of Notre Dame where my wife and me began our long journey as husband and wife.

We had met on a blind date in 1952 during my first visit to New York with a navy classmate, We were attending school at the Bainbridge Navy Base in Maryland at the time. After I met Nancy I traveled to New York almost every weekend where we explored Manhattan and all it had to offer together. It was a great time, As time went by we made many new friends who helped us see the great dity like most people never do..

We were very young but that allowed us to grow up together. Over the years, we like most people have had our ups and downs. I was fortunate to have married a woman who was tolerant of my many missteps, a woman who raised three terrific kids. Often, she was raising them without my help as my carrier in the computer industry frequently kept me away from home for extended periods. Our kids have gone on to provide us seven outstanding grandchildren all who continue to do well.

The years have been good to us. We traveled the world together and shared thousands of experiences. We have been blessed with wonderful friends who continue to enrich our memories. Our age has slowed us down but our partnership continues to flourish, enhanced by the support we get from our family.

How glad I am that my blind date sixty-five years ago resulted in my having such a wonderful lifetime companion.

~~~

“Real love stories never have endings.”

Richard Bach

~~~

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man.

Socrates

~~~

The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn’t bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: “Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it.”

~~~

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Lana Turner

~~~

A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, “My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale.”

“I’m sure he’ll understand when you tell him about all the bargains,” the hostess replied.

“Normally, yes,” the lady said. “But he just broke his leg, and he’s waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set.”

~~~

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I’ve done my job.

Roseanne Barr

~~~

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.

His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house.

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewilderedly and asked, “What happened here today?”

She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work you ask me what in the world I did all day?”

“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

~~~

A woman must be a genius to create a good husband.

Honore De Balzac

~~~

Love vs Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street   Marriage is holding arguments in the street

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant   Marriage is Chinese take-out

Love is cuddling on a sofa   Marriage is deciding on a sofa

Love is talking about having children   Marriage is talking about getting away from children

Love is going to bed early   Marriage is going to sleep early

Love is a romantic drive   Marriage is a long, hot ride

Love is losing your appetite   Marriage is losing your figure

Love is sweet nothings in the ear   Marriage is sweet nothings in the bank

Love is a flickering flame   Marriage is a flickering television

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws   Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?!”

Nancy, I am only kidding

~~~

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”

  1. A. Milne

~~~

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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