Ray's musings and humor

Stay Happy

“Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

Abraham Lincoln  

be_happy

My doc’s have me scheduled for early x-rays this morning so I am going to again send you a Daily from years ago. Have a great day.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 16, 2004

I have been fighting laser printer problems, I am running out of ink in my photo printer, the battery in my lap-top has quit, but I still choose to be happy. I took a shortcut to a meeting the other night that turned out to be a long-sightseeing-cut, but I still choose to be happy. 12 different people have provided me 12 different opportunities for service, each only requires about 10% of my time (total 120%), but I still choose to be happy. Right now I don’t need any more happiness. You can stay happy too if you heed the following advice.

  1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things.
  2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears.
  3. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people.
  4. You can’t please everybody. Don’t let criticism worry you.
  5. Don’t let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself.
  6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt.
  7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones.
  8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, enmity, grudges. Avoid people who make you unhappy.
  9. Have many interests. If you can’t travel, read about new places.
  10. Don’t hold postmortems. Don’t spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don’t be one who never gets over things.
  11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself.
  12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy.

~~~

Happiness does not depend on outward things, but on the way we see them.

Leo Tolstoy

~~~

She said:

Before I was a Mom – I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed. I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom – I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn’t worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom – I had never been puked on – Pooped on – Spit on – Chewed on, or Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and My thoughts. I slept all night

Before I was a Mom – I never held down a screaming child So that doctors could do tests…Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom – I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t want to put it down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom – I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn’t know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn’t know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom – I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, The joy, The love, The heartache, The wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.

~~~

“Automobile – A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.”

~~~

She told me that as an attendant at an exclusive golf club, her work includes welcoming guests to the course and loading bags in and out of vehicles.  She’s the only female on the staff, and works with eight teenage boys.

One day a golfer drove up in a yellow Lamborghini.  Three of the teens rushed to help him.  Later, they gushed about their conversation with the man, who told them he owned three of the Italian sports cars.

“Really?” she replied. “What line of work is he in?”

“We didn’t talk about that,” said one of the boys. “We only asked if he has a daughter.”

~~~

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

~~~

One of the single girls in the office came in one morning and began passing out cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a diamond solitaire on her left ring finger. “It’s a boy,” she announced, “six feet tall, 178 pounds!”

~~~

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

~~~

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. “How many of you,” he asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?”

Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, “Who’ll give us the reason for being opposed to war?”

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. “Johnny?” the teacher said.

“I hate war,” Johnny said, “because wars make history, and I hate History!”

~~~

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.

General George S. Patton

~~~

NEW DRUGS FOR WOMEN!

BUYAGRA: Stimulant to be taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

MENICILLIN: Potent anti-boyotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, “You make me want to be a better person.”

  1. MOM’S WORT: Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

EMPTY NESTROGEN: Highly effective supplement that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.

PEPTO-BIMBO: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

DUMMEROL: When taken with Pepto-bimbo, can cause lowering of IQ, causing enjoyment of loud country music and cheap beer.

FLIPITOR: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

JACKASSPIRIN: Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember your birthday, anniversary, or phone number.

ANTI-TALKSIDENT: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

RAGAMET: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as nagging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

DAMMITOL: Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for 8 hours

~~~

If you cannot teach me to fly,

teach me to sing.”

Sir James Barrie

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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