Ray's musings and humor

Pray for us

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

pray-for-us1

The election is over and now my nation moves into uncharted waters led by novice leadership. I wish us well. Pray for us. I have nothing more to say today so here is another past Daily.

Ray’s Daily first published on November 10, 2004

Monday night I had the good fortune to be invited to listen to a panel of Foreign Policy experts at an Indianapolis based think-tank. It was great; we learned about global issues that tend to get buried as our nation concentrates on Iraq. It was a highly interactive event with both the panelists and audience participating. I left somewhat charged up because of what I had learned. So yesterday I started a process to engage the panelists in speaking opportunities so they can share their knowledge with more of our Indianapolis citizens.

I am just starting to learn one of the secrets of having an exciting and energetic retirement; it is to unbridle my curiosity. There have been many things over the years that I thought I would like to know more about, but time constraints and other priorities just did not allow me the time to do so.

My interests have run the gamut from what is behind the news to how things are made. I have been amazed to learn how many resources there are locally to help me satisfy my curiosity. Universities, senior centers, churches, interest groups, and public meetings are but a few of the places available to us if we just look for them. Most events are cost free, a few require a modest fee. I have also learned how welcome you are when people see that you care. I have found not only enlightenment but also made new friends. I think back to the things I was doing, mostly with my feet up, as I let the world pass me by. Not anymore. All you have to do is stick your toe in the water and I think you will find yourself enjoying the process.

If you live in Indianapolis and would like to learn more about what is going on let me know.

~~~

It is a shameful thing to be weary of inquiry when what we search for is excellent.

Marcus T. Cicero

~~~

Aaron was playing a round of golf with Sidney when suddenly, Aaron announces, “I want a divorce.”

“Why on earth do you want to do that?” says Sidney. Why do you want to divorce your lovely Esther? She’s beautiful. And if I may say so, she seems so warm and gentle, with a great figure to got with it.”

“Look at it this way Sidney,” replies Aaron, as he removes one of his shoes. “Just look at this shoe. The leather seems soft and gentle, it looks great on my foot and its shape is very modern.  Don’t you agree?”

“Yes,” replies Sidney, “but I don’t understand what you’re getting at.”

“Well,” says Aaron, “I’m the only one who knows the shoe is pinching my toes and it hurts terribly.”

~~~

“Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?” “No, but that didn’t keep her from talking for two hours.”

~~~

Myron, in his mid 50’s, had a relatively minor heart attack, and while he was in hospital, he complained to his cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was now once-and-for-all over and done with.

The cardiologist said, “Not true, Myron.  Sex is a wonderful exercise for your heart.  After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week.  It’ll be the best thing you can do for your recovery.”

So after his discharge, Myron tells his wife what the doctor had said.

His wife looked at him and said, “That’s wonderful, Myron!  Sign me up for twice.”

~~~

Being a husband is like any other job . . . It helps a lot if you like the boss.

~~~

*Top Ten Best Golf Caddie Remarks*

#10 Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?”

#9 Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

#8 Golfer: “Do you think my game is improving?” Caddy: “Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

#7 Golfer: “Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?” Caddy: “Eventually.”

#6 Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.” Caddy: “I don’t think so sir.  That would be too much of a coincidence.”

#5 Golfer: “Please stop checking your watch all the time.  It’s too much of a distraction.” Caddy: “It’s not a watch – it’s a compass.”

#4 Golfer: “How do you like my game?” Caddy: “Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf.”

#3 Golfer: “Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday? Caddy: “The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

#2 Golfer: “This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.” Caddy: “This isn’t the golf course.  We left that an hour ago.”

and the #1 best caddy comment:…..

Golfer: “That can’t be my ball, it’s too old.” Caddy: “Well….tt’s been a loo-oong time since we teed off, sir.”

~~~

“If you think education is expensive, try ignorance!”

Andy McIntyre

~~~

A man and woman are having marriage problems, and decide to end their union after a very short time together.  After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple goes to court to finalize their break-up.

The judge asks the husband, “What has brought you to the point that you are now at, where

you are not able to keep this marriage together?”

The husband says, “We haven’t been able to agree on anything in the six weeks we’ve been

together!”

“Seven weeks,” says the wife.

~~~

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

~~~

Only a true Southerner has the wisdom to know:

The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption, and that you “PITCH” one, and you “HAVE” the other.

How many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up “a mess.”

Can show or point out to you the general direction of “yonder.”

Exactly how long “directly” is – as in: “Going to town, be back directly.”

That “Gimme some sugar” is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl on the middle of the table.

Exactly when “by and by” is.

Grow up knowing the difference between “right near” and “a right far piece.” They also know that “just down the road” can be 1 mile or 20.

That “fixin'” can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

~~~

I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.

Dr. Seuss

~~~

A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license.  He has to take an eye sight test.  They show him a card with the letters ‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z’.

“Can you read this?” the optician asks.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “Heck, I know the guy.”

~~~

A hug is a great gift… one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it’s easy to exchange.

~~~

Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in Florida. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver. “Say, is this really a healthful place?”

“It sure is,” the cabby replied. “When I came here I couldn’t say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn’t have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed.”

“That’s wonderful!” said the tourist , “How long have you been here?”

“I was born here.”

~~~

It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it is the journey that matters, in the end.

– Ursula Le Guin

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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Comments on: "Pray for us" (1)

  1. great quote, ray –

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