Ray's musings and humor

Archive for July, 2016

Keep Laughing

Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.

Langston Hughes

laughter

I have been publish Ray’s Daily for almost fifteen years now. It has been the vehicle that has provided me real benefits. It has kept me in touch with thousands of people, required me to think about the world around me and kept humor in my daily thoughts. Many of you have commented that it is the jokes and sayings included “below the fold” each day that keeps you coming back’

For me starting the day with a laugh or too lightens my day and helps me from taking things too seriously. It is true that laughter is great medicine. Here are excerpts from an article written by Elizabeth Scott that help make your day’s as happy as mine usually are.

Maintain A Sense of Humor to Cope

Developing a sense of humor about life’s challenges is an effective coping technique that can actually lead to better overall health as well as simple stress management. That’s because, aside from the health benefits of laughter (which are numerous and significant), having a sense of humor about life’s difficulties can provide a way to bond with others, look at things in a different way, normalize your experience, and keep things from appearing too overwhelming or scary.

Start With a Smile.

Studies show that having a smile on your face can release endorphins, which make you feel better, and can lead you to actually feeling more happy (rather than just looking happier).

Take A Step Back.

When you’re in the middle of a difficult situation, it can seem overwhelming. If you try to see your situation as an observer would, it’s often easier to recognize what’s funny. Trying to see your current situation through a new lens is known as reframing, and it works!

Value The Extremes.

If your situation seems ridiculously frustrating, recognize the potential humor in just how ridiculously frustrating and annoying it is. In your imagination, take the situation to an extreme that becomes even more ridiculous until you find yourself amused.

Have A Funny Buddy.

Find a friend with whom you can laugh, and let the relationship work for you! You can each share your frustrations, and laugh about them in the process. Even when your friend isn’t there, you can lighten your mood in a dark situation by thinking about the retelling that will come later.

Getting your friends on board with laughter can be an excellent way to make the laughs come more easily. They can help you find the humor in life, and you can help them. Share your thoughts, share your jokes, and share this article–you’ll all be laughing in no time!

~~~

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.

e. e. cummings

~~~

How about some golf quips…

Lee Trevino:  “You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives.  Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.”

Hank Aaron:  “It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.”

Lee Trevino:  “I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.”

Jimmy Demaret:  “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.”

Gerald Ford:  “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.”

P.G. Wodehouse:  “The least thing upsets him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.”  

Tommy Bolt, toward the end of one of his infamous high-volume, temperamental, club-throwing rounds, asked his caddie for a club recommendation for a shot of about 155 yards. His caddie said:  “I’d say either a 3-iron or a wedge, sir.” “A 3- iron or a wedge?” asked Bolt. “What kind of stupid, #*!~%^* choice is that?” “Those are the only two clubs you have left in the your bag, sir.” said the caddie.

~~~

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”

Forrest Tucker

~~~

She told me that her husband likes massages. She booked a masseuse to come to the house. Wasn’t that a good idea? She had thought, until the doorbell rang, and there was an eighteen-year-old gorgeous blonde girl standing there saying, “I’m here to give your husband, a massage.”

My friend said, “He’s dead.”

~~~

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”

Charles, Count Talleyrand

~~~

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses.

“Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

“Nuns with scissors.”

~~~

A thief broke into my house last night.  He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him.

~~~

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity.

To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

~~~

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t the fine line between sanity and madness gotten finer?”

George Price

~~~

One day, a gorilla escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as in the newspapers, but no one reported seeing it.

At last, the gorilla was discovered in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo and the animal handlers were summoned to the library where they found it sitting at a desk in the reading room with two books spread out in front of him. The gorilla was reading with great concentration. One book was the Bible and the other was Darwin’s “Origin of Species”.

The zookeepers asked the gorilla what he was doing.

The gorilla replied, “I’m trying to figure out whether I am my brother’s keeper or my keeper’s brother.”

~~~

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It’s probably the most important thing in a person.

Audrey Hepburn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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I am glad we are friends

“Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life.”

Dean Koontz

good-friends

I had a pleasant surprise last week. A gal who worked for me almost thirty years ago found me on the internet. She was a personal favorite, a good worker and a friend. She was fairly young in those days and new to the computer industry but did well. She left for warmer climes before I retired from the computer business in 1990 but I have often thought of her over the years.

We have e-mailed back and forth since and I was rewarded by her positive memories of the years we worked together. She seems to be doing well in Florida, starting a new job while acting as a caregiver and companion for her widowed mother.

Her connecting has been a welcomed gift. I always appreciate hearing from friends, colleagues and acquaintances who I have shared time with in the past. Especially those like Debi who only left fond memories behind.

On another subject, I don’t know about you but I really have had a hard time saying no over the years. It took me a long time to understand that agreeing to do something you don’t want to do is never a good idea. If you have the problem this edited article may help:

4 Ways to Say No Effectively in Any Situation Without Drama

By Stephanie Owens, MA

Saying “No” can be difficult because Pleaseaholics are concerned about hurting people’s feeling or damaging a relationship. I know how difficult it can be to even imagine telling someone no. These 4 No’s are simple, practical solutions to gracefully decline a request of your time or resources. Each no is designed for a specific situation or type of relationship. All you have to do it pick the right “NO” and put it to use.

Short & Sweet No

This no is ideal for strangers or intrusive salespeople. In this case, keep it short and sweet with a smile and a simple “No” or “No thanks” response. I believe in kindness to strangers too, so be polite, but clear.

Simplify Sandwich

Use Simplify Sandwich with co-workers, acquaintances and anyone with whom you have an on-going friendly relationship. It sounds like this, “I’m sorry, I’m making an effort to simplify right now, but thanks for thinking of me.” The “simplify” is sandwiched between “I’m sorry” and “Thank You” – two of the least conflict evoking phrases in the English language. Also, everyone can relate to an intention to simplify, especially around the holidays. It’s more credible than being “busy.”

The Invisible No

The Invisible No is great for children or adults who act like children. The “NO” is implied and inferred, but never stated. In fact it starts with a “yes.” Therefore it’s less likely to be rebuffed. Here’s the formula for The Invisible No: “Yes, you can _____ as soon as you ______.” For example, if your child wants to go outside and play, avoid getting into a tug of war, or caving on your no. Simply respond, “Yes, you can go outside as soon as you finish unloading the dishwasher.” Continue to calmly repeat your Invisible No like a broken record. They’ll get the point.

The Positive No

The Positive No is reserved for your most important relationships or significant requests. William Ury, world-renowned negotiator and author of A Positive No, developed it. The structure of A Positive No is actually a YES, NO, YES. The first “yes” is your core value that’s driving your need to decline the request. The “no” clearly states your boundary. The last “yes” is an invitation to find a solution that’s mutually agreeable to both of you.

~~~

A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.

~~~

The School for the Deaf had just graduated it’s newest class of 21 year-olds. As a celebration, they all went out to a bar for drinks. They all sat down at the bar and began to sign their orders to the bartender, who was looking at them puzzled. He looked at the teacher and said, “I don’t know sign language! What are they askin’ for?”

The teacher replied, “Just give em what you think is good. Don’t give em too much, because this is the first time they’ve ever been drinking. Just use your judgement.” The teacher got a drink and went downstairs with the other teacher, leaving the students at the bar.

An hour later, the teachers come upstairs, running to the screams of the bartender. He was backed against the wall pointing at the students and screaming. The students were moaning loudly and waving their arms all over the place. “What the hell are they doing now???” the bartender asked.

The teacher observed for a moment. “Ach! I told you not to give them too much to drink!! You got them drunk, and now they’re singing!”

~~~

I went to San Francisco…I found someone’s heart…Now what?

~~~

An American general was speaking, via an interpreter, to a battalion of Iraqi troops. At one point, he told a rather long and somewhat convoluted joke. When it was the interpreter’s turn to interpret, he spoke for about four seconds, and the audience burst into laughter, pleasing the general.

A captain, along on the trip, turned to a Iraqi officer and asked how he managed to convey the general’s joke so quickly.

The Iraqi officer replied, “The interpreter said ‘The American general has just told a joke. Everyone please laugh.'”

~~~

Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Howard W. Newton

~~~

Tower: “Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to 4000 feet for noise abatement.”

Pilot: “How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 3000 feet?”

Tower: “At 4000 feet, you will miss the 707 now coming at you at 3000 feet, and that is bound to avoid one heck of a racket….

~~~

“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”

Groucho Marx

~~~

A new recruit police officer had almost finished his interview, and the interviewer asked him the last question which was:

“You are on duty. A car crashes in the middle of the road with two people inside the car, the two people are critically injured and the car is badly damaged. The ambulance arrives, but it is going too fast and crashes into the damaged car. The car blows up and causes the ambulance to flip on its side. A passer-by, while walking on the sidewalk is toppled, by the force of the explosion, into the river beside the road. Unfortunately he cannot swim and is drowning in the river. Another man runs out of a house screaming, and shouts that his wife is pregnant and about to have her baby any second now. “What would you do in this situation?” the interviewer asked.

The recruit looks around the office and thinks for a while… he replies, “I’d take off my uniform and disappear into the crowd!”

~~~

WARNING! The Surgeon General has determined that the excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages could cause you to sleep with someone you normally wouldn’t even talk to!

~~~

My job is in the aerospace industry, and it’s always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.

At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, “Defense contractor.”

The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, “So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?”

~~~

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.

Charles R. Swindoll

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Living the good life

The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.

Carl Rogers

Live a good life

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As you know I have lately had to make some life adjustments. I find it is not easy doing as much as I use to do and I often feel guilty that I am not doing more. Part of my reluctance to commit to too much has been my unreliability. I have decided that it does little good to agonize over my new reality so I was pleased to find a helpful piece published by Marc Chernoff, here it is in part:

Good Decisions You Have Waited Too Long to Make

As you’re moving at the speed of life, it’s easy to overlook the basics – the simple, good decisions that make life sweeter. It’s time to…

Be present. – Being completely present is extremely important – being actively in the ‘here and now’ for yourself and for the ones you love.  Fortunately, doing so is an easy thing to accomplish.  It’s enough to simply take a few deep breaths, pay attention, and let go of thinking and planning for every other time and place.  Just come back to where you are, breathe in, breathe out, and smile.  You are right here, right now in this moment we call life, which is in itself a miracle worth paying attention to.

Leave the past behind you. – You act like it’s you against the world, but it’s really just you against yourself.  You become a prisoner in your own mind when you cling to the pains of the past.  Instead, be free and cling no more.  If you’re brave enough to say “goodbye,” life will always reward you with a new “hello.

Make conscious choices. –You’ve learned many things from the path you’ve walked in the past.  What do you wish to learn today?  What are the possibilities that most interest you now?  Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens because of you – it’s what you choose to think, do, and create in each moment.

Start DOING. – Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from what you can do.  Do what you can with what you have right now.  Stop over-thinking and start DOING!

Give yourself more credit. – What if you started giving yourself more credit?  What if, for today, you choose to believe that you have enough, you are enough, and that you’ve come far enough to be worthy?  What if, for today, you choose to believe that you’re strong enough, wise enough, kind enough, and loved enough to move forward?

Appreciate the good life you have. – The secret to a good life is to pay more attention to the beginnings than the endings.  So many people say they want a new life, but then they take the new one they get every morning for granted.  Don’t do this.  Don’t wait until your life is almost over to realize how great it has been.  The good life begins right now, when you stop wanting a better one.

~~~

“Dance. Smile. Giggle. Marvel. TRUST. HOPE. LOVE. WISH. BELIEVE. Most of all, enjoy every moment of the journey, and appreciate where you are at this moment instead of always focusing on how far you have to go.”

Mandy Hale

~~~

How to move a computer

  1. Bone up on your cursing. You will need it later.
  2. Pick a *good* spot to locate your computer. Don’t be too picky; you will regret having started on this venture soon enough.
  3. Disconnect all cables, cords, power sources, umbilical cords and plumbing. Look at the black, gray & white spaghetti mess on the floor and sob. Refer to number 1. While you’re at it, it helps to focus on cursing Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for making all this possible.
  4. Be sure to dust machine off, since it’s been sitting for months in one spot, gathering a dust mound the size of Mt. Rainier. This is especially essential if you have asthma.
  5. Now that you’ve picked a *good* spot, it’s time to replace all the cables, cords, etc. Make sure it’s in a dark, hard-to-reach location.
  6. New computers have color-coded plugs and plugins to make assembly easier. This has no bearing on you since your computer is in a dark, hard-to-reach location and they’re all the same color: gray. See number 1.
  7. Get a flashlight. Look for new batteries for flashlight you’ve left in the junk drawer for months. Go to store to buy new flashlight batteries since you don’t have any. Rule number 1 is coming in handy now.
  8. While inserting various cords and cables, be sure to drop at least one on the floor behind the desk, where it will take a contortionist to retrieve it.
  9. Find out that your printer cable is now not long enough to reach the computer (see number 1). Oh well, you didn’t use it that much anyway.
  10. Once you have all the cables, etc. back in place, turn computer back on.
  11. Sit, puzzled why computer isn’t working.
  12. Plug monitor in.
  13. Ponder why keyboard and mouse don’t work.
  14. Switch keyboard and mouse plugins.
  15. Call spouse in to admire your handiwork.
  16. Spouse informs you that he/she liked it better where it was, and to move it back.
  17. When asked why you’re banging your head on the monitor, don’t reply. It would only confuse him/her.

~~~

There is more to life than increasing its speed.

Mohandas Gandhi

~~~

Two blondes were talking over coffee one morning about men. Susan said, “I can’t understand why men are so afraid of commitment.”

Debbie replied, “Tell me about it! I dated one guy for a year and a half, and I finally had to give him an ultimatum.

“What did you say?” Susan asked

“I just told him, ‘Look, either you tell me your last name, or it’s over!'”

~~~

At my age, I’ve begun to regret the sins I did NOT commit.

~~~

The telephone solicitor selling basement waterproofing must have thought she’d died and gone to heaven when she reached my very polite and patient son on the phone. At the end of her long sales pitch, she asked, “Do you mind if we send out someone to give you an estimate?”

“Not at all,” my son said.

“When would be a good time?” she asked.

My son answered, “Just as soon as I dig a basement.”

~~~

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.

Robert Louis Stevenson

~~~

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, “Would you like to dance?”

The girl says, “I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”

The guy says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”

~~~

“Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”

Milne (Winnie the Pooh)

~~~

Young son: Pop, did you know Mommy thinks you’re perfect?

Father: She does? Wow! How do you know?

Young son: I heard her say it to Mrs. Smith.

Father: When was that?

Young son: Just before she used the word idiot.

~~~

“If you want to be happy, do not dwell in the past, do not worry about the future, focus on living fully in the present.”

Roy T. Bennett

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Ray’s Resting

“My goal is no longer to get more done, but rather to have less to do.”

Francine Jay

leisure-time

I enjoyed my day of relaxation so much yesterday that I am going to devote another day to doing nothing more than having a very early breakfast with an old friends. In the meantime here is the Daily I published twelve years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on July 15, 2004

I know I complained some these last few days and in reality I should be glad for how lucky I really am. I am saddened by the loss of an old friend and Indianapolis Icon; for days the newspapers have been filled with the death of my friend Charles. He was only in his mid-fifties and had two agonizing years fighting prostate cancer. We first met more than 30 years ago when he was just starting his lifelong journey in his constant effort to help others.

When all is said and done we really have it pretty good. What helps me is messages like the one I just received from one of our friends. He said:

I hope you continue to feel better and better.  Reading your daily is a real pick-me-up and a great way to start the day with a smile.  It helps keep everything in perspective.  It was a real blessing during April, May, and June when my mother was dying of lung cancer (She died on June 8th) and I just hope that the medicine that you have been dispensing to all of us is also of benefit to you.  May God continue to bless you and may your health continue to improve.

That kind of makes everything worthwhile.

~~~

No one gets out of this world alive, so the time to live, learn, care, share, celebrate, and love is now.

Leo Buscaglia

~~~

Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis had a waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor’s office, and, amazingly, emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her head held high.

A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, “It’s a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you’re walking erect. What did that doctor do?”

She answered, “Miracle, shmiracle . . .  he gave me a longer cane.”

~~~

A life with Love will have some thorns. But a life without Love will have no Roses.

~~~

I don’t remember who sent this to me years ago, she does not sound happy.

She said: We start to “bud” in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find anything that comes in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurts so bad it brings us to tears. Enter the almighty, uncomfortable training bra contraption the boys in school will snap until we have calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we now bloat, we cramp, we get the hormone crankies, have to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn’t even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage (premarital or not) is having sex for the first time, which is about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn’t end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it’s off to Motherhood where we learn to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we don’t spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learn to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day, making us wonder if we’re having Rosemary’s Baby. Our once flat bellies now look like we swallowed a watermelon whole and we pee our pants every time we sneeze. (The latter condition never goes away, either…lots of times, neither does the former.)

When the big moment arrives, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions will invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we’ll waddle with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER. Then it’s huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, “Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one or (or 10) good push,” warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the bastard (and hubby) square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 lb. bowing ball through a keyhole.

After that, it’s time to raise those angels, only to find that when all that “cute” wears off, the beautiful little darlings morph into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

The teen years. Need I say more?

The kids are almost grown now and we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our mid-30’s to early 40’s while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday (which just happens to be the reason all that early, hot, man sex got you pregnant in the first place).

Now we hit the grand finale: Menopause. The Grandmother of all womanhood. It’s either take the HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned “buds” or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off of anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men when men get off so easy INCLUDING the icing on life’s cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks…

Now, I love being a woman but “Womanhood” would make the Great Ghandi a tad crabby.

Women are the weaker sex? Yeah, right. Bite me.

~~~

Shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

~~~

Nina and Rosey shared the chores and on this day Nina went to the grocery store. In addition to the healthful items on their carefully prepared shopping list, she returned with a box of sugar- laden cookies.

Nina noticed Rosey’s glare and said, “This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than usual.”

“Oh really?? Why is that?” Rosey asked.

“I ate a third of the cookies on the way home,” Nina replied.

~~~

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

~~~

Ron and John were building a house. John was on a ladder, nailing. He’d reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or proceed to nail it into the wood.

Ron couldn’t stand it any longer and yelled, “Why are you throwing some of the nails away?”

John explained, “When I pull it out of my nail pouch. If it’s pointed toward me, I throw it away. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I can use it!”

Ron replied, “Don’t throw away the nails that are pointed toward you! They’re for the other side of the house.”

~~~

God gave us memories that we might have roses in December.

James M. Barrie

~~~

She said: A bricklayer at my husband’s construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. “I’m sick and tired of getting the same old thing!” he shouted one day. “Tonight I’ll set my wife straight.”

The next day the men could hardly wait until lunch time to hear what happened.

“You bet I told her off,” the bricklayer boasted. “I said, ‘No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!’ We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across.”

He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut- and a hammer.

~~~

“Next time you think you’re perfect, try walking on water.”

~~~

When my friend was pregnant, she was having a hard time with the weight she’d gained. One day her husband persuaded her to go to the beach for the day. “There I sat, with my bulges and potbelly,” she told me later, “and this gorgeous girl, about 18 years old, walked by in a fluorescent pink micro bikini. And I started to cry.”

“When my husband asked what was wrong,” she continued, “I said, ‘Just look at that beautiful teenager. My body will never look like that again”

“He rolled over and glanced at the girl in pink, and–here’s how I know I’ve married a special man–he took my hand and kissed it. “You know what, Honey?” he said. Neither will hers.”

~~~

A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.

Dwight D. Eisenhower

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I’m Resting

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”

Jane Austen

Relax

I decided that today I am not going to think too much, do more that I have to do and just devote the time to being my wife’s companion. Of course I will do what must be done, after all we have to eat and I may even dream some but not too much. So I am just going to send you a poem that offers insight on how we can live happier lives rather than my usual blurb.

       Outlook

By Priscilla Leonard

 

Forget each kindness that you do

As soon as you have done it.

Forget the praise that falls to you

The moment you have won it.

Forget the slander that you hear

Before you can repeat it.

Forget each slight, each spite, each sheer

Wherever you may meet it.

 

Remember every kindness done

To you, whate’er its measure.

Remember praise by others won

And pass it on with pleasure.

Remember every promise made

And keep it to the letter.

Remember those who lend you aid

And be a grateful debtor.

 

Remember all the happiness

That comes your way in living.

Forget each worry and distress;

Be hopeful and forgiving.

Remember good, remember truth,

Remember Heaven’s above you,

And you will find, through age and youth,

True joys and hearts to love you. 

~~~

We will be more successful in all our endeavors if we can let go of the habit of running all the time, and take little pauses to relax and re-center ourselves. And we’ll also have a lot more joy in living.

Thich Nhat Hanh

~~~

A small polar bear and his dad were walking along the ice cap when the son poked his dad and asked, “Dad, are you a real polar bear?”

“Yes son, I’m a real polar bear.”

They proceeded across the ice cap and before long the son again poked his dad and asked, “Dad, I mean are you a real polar bear?”

His dad responded, “Yes! I’m a real polar bear!”

They again started across the ice cap and about 15 minutes later the small polar bear poked his dad and asked, “Is Mom a real polar bear?”

His dad a bit puzzled answered, “Yes son, your mother’s a real polar bear!”

And again they began walking across the polar ice. Well, after a short time the small bear again poked his dad once again and asked, “Dad, are you sure Mom’s a real polar bear; I mean she doesn’t have any mixed bear in her, or anything?”

Dad, a bit aggravated said, “Your Mom is a real polar bear, and that’s it. Why do you keep asking me these questions about us being real polar bears?”

With that the small polar bear shyly looked up at his Dad and said, “Because I’m cold!”

~~~

“The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.”

Plutarch

~~~

Some Classic Lines from Dear Abby’s syndicated newspaper advice column…

  • Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn’t know he drank until one night he came home sober.
  • Dear Abby, I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
  • Dear Abby, I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much on me I’m not even sure this baby I’m carrying is his.
  • Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I’ve seen it. Now how do I get out?
  • Dear Abby, Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early? Signed, Wondering. – Dear Wondering. The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
  • Dear Abby, I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions? Signed, Sam – Dear Sam, Yes. Run for public office.

~~~

People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anybody who rested to death?

~~~

George Burns told a story about cheating on his wife once during their marriage.  He kept it to himself, but he felt so bad that he bought Gracie a beautiful diamond bracelet.  Finally, after several years had gone by, he confessed to Gracie about his indiscretion.

She said, “I know.  I was hoping you’d do it again.  I wanted a ring to match.”

~~~

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpeting to change the TV channel.

~~~

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity.

“I’m foreman of the local sawmill,” he explained. “Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time.”

The operator giggled, “That’s really funny,” she said. “All this time we’ve been setting our clock by your whistle.

~~~

“Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will no withdraw from us.”

Maya Angelou

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

How’s your day?

Every day is a good day to be alive, whether the sun’s shining or not.

Marty Robbins

some-days-you-just-have-to-create

I had breakfast with an old friend yesterday who is about to embark on a path many wish they would. She has decided to spend the next six months pursuing her interests instead of fulfilling obligations. She has withdrawn from her employment as well as organizations that required her to commit to regular duties. Her husband is an active retiree who enjoys an adventurous life as well. As an example they will soon leave on a trip that will include exploring Alaskan wilderness and more.

My friend has many interests and has been a community activist for worthy causes. She plans to spend some of the time in the months ahead exploring new roles she might play. She has a lot to offer, our community and we are lucky to have her with us. I look forward to staying abreast of her activities.

As you know I don’t like to dwell to long on the occasional adversities that life throws my way. That is one of the reasons I enjoy Henrik’s writings on the Positivity Blog. Today I would like to share with you a piece he wrote on dealing with bad days,

Having a bad day?

On some days everything seems to just go wrong. And sometimes it is not just days we’re talking about. But a week or months when things feel tough and rough and you just want go home and give up. I’ve had many such days and periods but over the years I have also become a lot better at handling them and not letting them drag me down. So today I’d like to share 3 things to remember when your whole day, week or month(s) seems to go wrong. I hope they’ll be as helpful for you as they have been for me.

There is a brand new day tomorrow.

Just because this day or the last week didn’t go well doesn’t mean that there is not a brand new day tomorrow. A day when you can start anew. With taking action to move towards what you want, likely having a bit more luck and when it will be easier to see that this difficult time is only temporary and not permanent (even if it might feel that way right now).

I have handled tough situations in the past.

When you are standing in the middle of things going wrong then you might get a bit panicky. And lose faith in yourself and your abilities. Then look to the past for a bit of strength and confidence in what you can do. Doing this helps me to feel like I am standing on firmer ground again. And sometimes I can even find a solution I used for another challenge in the past that I can reuse or readjust to get me out of this situation too.

What is going well in my life though?

It is very easy to get stuck in focusing on the negative things and so they drag you further and further down into self-criticism and negativity. But don’t forget that there are still things that are going well in your life. It may be small things. Or things you often take for granted like a roof over your head, clean

water or three steady meals every day. I find that zooming out in this way helps me a lot to snap out of destructive thought patterns and to feel more level-headed again.

Have a wonderful Sunday and week ahead!

Henrik

~~~

Every day is a good day, some are just a little better than others.

Jeff Garthwaite

~~~

A doctor said to his patient: “You have a slight heart condition, but I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“Really, Doc?” the patient replied. “Well, if you had a slight heart condition I wouldn’t worry about it either.”

~~~

We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.

Helen Keller

~~~

She said:

I have five siblings; three sisters and two brothers.

One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first born child to the last.

She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:

“When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called 911 all the time!

But when your youngest brother swallowed a dime? heh heh, I just told him it was coming  out of his allowance.”

~~~

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.

John Quincy Adams

~~~

The third grade class was being given a course in first aid. The question was asked,

“What would you do if you had a younger sibling who swallowed a house key?”

After a pause, one of the students answered,

“Easy! I’d climb through the window!”

~~~

The best way out is always through.

Robert Frost:

~~~

The Laws Of Golf:

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a life-time.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see law three).

LAW 5: Golf balls never bounce off the trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 6: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant ‘You looked up’ or invoke the wrath of the universe.

LAW 7: The higher a golfers handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 8: The person you would most hate to lose too will always be the one who beats you.

~~~

Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and of true progress.

Nicholas Murray Butler

~~~

Jon was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking bum who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner. Jon took out his wallet, extracted two dollars and asked, “If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whiskey?”

“No, I stopped drinking years ago,” the bum said.

“Will you use it to gamble?”

“I don’t gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive.”

“Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?”

“Are you NUTS! I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

Jon said, “Well, I’m not going to give you two dollars. Instead, I’m going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The bum was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad.”

“Hey, man, that’s OK!” Jon responded, “I just want her to see what a man looks like who’s given up drinking, gambling, and golf!”

~~~

Every single day is a good day no matter how bright or dark it is, because it always brings an opportunity to start a positive beginning in your life.    

Edmond Mbiaka

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Enjoy your life

“Doing what you like is freedom. Liking what you do is happiness.”

Frank Tyger

enjoy-the-little-things-723x1024

One of things that comes with retirement is more time to reflect on our choices. I don’t mean just the “what am I going to today” choices but also how do I chose to see my world.

Lately I have not been as involved in the activities open to me as I once was. I miss the action but more importantly I miss the fellowship that comes with sharing experiences with friends and acquaintances. I plan to reengage as my health improves but I know I will never be able to do all the things I use to do.

I know that I do not have to sacrifice happiness because of lifestyle changes, I just have stay aware of what makes me happy. As I thought about my options remembered a piece written by Marc Chernoff that dealt with happiness opportunities and as usual I found his thoughts to be useful. Here are excerpts from his article that you might find interesting

Habits of Highly Happy People

Be a Part of Something You Believe In – This could be anything.  People may take an active role in their local city council, find refuge in religious faith, join a social club supporting causes they believe in, or find passion in their careers.  In each case the physiological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.

Share Time with Friends and Family – A happy life is a life shared with friends and family.  The stronger the personal relationships are and the higher the frequency of interaction, the happier a person will be.

Reflect on the Good – Quite often people concentrate too much of their attention on negative outcomes and leave no time to positively reflect on their successes.  A continuous general awareness of your daily successes can have a noticeably positive affect on your overall emotional happiness.

Exploit the Resources You DO Have Access To – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.

Use Personal Strengths to Get Things Done – Everyone possesses unique personal strengths.  We all have different talents and skill sets.  Emotional happiness comes naturally to those who use their strengths to get things done. 

Savor the Natural Joy of Simple Pleasures – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free.  They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times.  It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love.  Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.

~~~

Every now and then, when the world sits just right,

a gentle breath of heaven  fills my soul with delight…

Hazelmarie “Mattie” Elliott

~~~

Bubba and Billy Bob, who are from Tennessee, travel to Kentucky to visit a relative.  They are walking along the street, and they see a sign on a store which reads, “Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair.”

Bubba says to his pal, “Billy Bob, “Look here!  We could buy a whole gob of these, take ’em back to Tennessee, sell ’em to our friends, and make a fortune.  Now when we go in there, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do the talkin’ ’cause if they hear your accent, they might think we’re ignorant, and not wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I’ll talk in a slow Kentucky drawl so’s they don’t know.”

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Kentucky drawl, “I’ll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, and 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I’ll back up my pickup and …….”

The owner of the shop interrupts, “Ya’ll are from Tennessee, ain’t yah?”

“Well…yeah,” says a surprised Bubba………  “How come you know that?”

The owner says, “Because this is a dry-cleaners.”

~~~

“There’s an old saying – There’s No Place Like Home. Well, I went in the house next door, and it was very similar.”

Geoffrey Parfitt

~~~

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams.  He asked her about what he should do next. His mother had an idea:

“Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

“Oh, mom, the evening was a disaster,” he moaned.

“Why…….didn’t she come over?” asked his mother.

“Oh, she came over alright………but she refused to cook…”

~~~

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

~~~

An employment interviewer for a big company in New York was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work.

“What about your bus line?” the interviewer asked her.

“I don’t believe I mentioned it,” came the pleased reply, “but it’s a 36C.”

~~~

“Live your life and forget your age.”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

A couple with their four-year-old son was dining at one of San Francisco’s sophisticated restaurants.  “What do you suggest for a little boy who likes nothing but hamburgers, hot dogs, and tacos?” asked the mother.

“Los Angeles or San Diego,” sniffed the waiter.

~~~

Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one.

~~~

An aspiring young actor asked a young lady’s father if he could have his daughter’s hand in marriage. The father said, “I would never let my daughter marry an actor.”

The actor said, “Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won’t you at least come and see the play?”

So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, “You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You’re no actor.”

~~~

A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

Esther broke-up with her boyfriend. She asked her Mother’s advice about returning the gifts he’d given her.

Without a pause, her Mother replied: “Send back the stuffed animals and letters, but keep the jewelry for sentimental reasons.”

~~~

“If you look to others for fulfillment, you will never be fulfilled. If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy with yourself. Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the world belongs to you.”

Lao Tzu

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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