Ray's musings and humor

Enjoy the memories

Memories are the best things in life, I think.

Romy Schneider

memories

I had a really full day yesterday and am going to a very early meeting this morning. So you guessed it, another blast from the past.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on July 21, 2004

If you are like I am you sometimes wonder where your memory has gone. Fortunately for me I seem to be able to forget most of the bad things. Names of people I meet often return slowly, many times not until after they pass by. Even little things like standing in front of the refrigerator with the door open wondering why I am there is one of my life’s little adventures. But in the main, I like you, have many memories that I cherish, those that I can pull up in found remembrance of another time. Someone sent me the following awhile ago and I thought we could use the advice. It is our life; we might as well enjoy it. To paraphrase something a friend has often said, if you think you won’t, you won’t.

Do you remember the times when life has seemed almost magical? Do you remember those days when you felt as if you were floating on air? Stop for a moment and fill yourself with those feelings of how very good, how very special life can be. Though the events may be distant in space and time, the positive feelings they bring can always be with you. Remember often how good life can be. For the more you remember, the more life you give to your best possibilities.

If you focus your attention on the worries, anxieties, conflicts and shortcomings, those are the things that will grow. Focus instead on how good life can be, and with every moment you’ll be making it better. Look up, rather than down, and you’ll see an infinitely bigger, more positive horizon. Celebrate life’s real and substantial goodness, and that goodness will come to dominate your reality. Take a moment, early and often, to remember how very good life can be. And make the goodness grow ever stronger.

~~~

Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things only hoped for.

Epicurus

~~~

There once was a guy who treated his wife royally. Anything she would want, she got. He would constantly hold ‘real’ conversations with her, forewent his “night out with boys” to be with her, and made her life a heaven on earth. One night, after cuddling together, she turned to her husband and said, “You know, you treat me so good, that if you ever divorce me……..I’m going with you!”

~~~

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Josh Billings

~~~

God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for me.” Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?”

God said, “Go down into that valley.” Adam said, “What’s a valley?”

God explained it to him. Then God said, “Cross the river.” Adam said, “What’s a river?”

God explained that to him, and then said, “Go over to the hill…….” Adam said, “What is a hill?” So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave” Adam said, “What’s a cave?”

After God explained, he said, “In the cave you will find a Woman.” Adam said, “What’s a woman?” So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, “I want you to reproduce.”Adam said, “How do I do that?”

God first said (under his breath),  “Aw, Man!!!” And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it now?”

And Adam said, “What’s a headache?”

~~~

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

Dave Barry

~~~

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”

Kenny replied, “Well then, just give me my money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.”

Kenny said, “OK then, just unload the donkey.”

The farmer asked, “What ya gonna do with him?”

Kenny says, “I’m going to raffle him off.”

Farmer, ” You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!”

Kenny, “Sure I can. Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he is dead.”

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, “What happened with that dead donkey?”

Kenny, “I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.”

Farmer, “Didn’t anyone complain?”

Kenny, ” Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.”

Kenny grew up and eventually became Martha Stewart’s financial advisor

~~~

Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.

Ed’s Fifth Rule of Procrastination

~~~

When the heir to the Rothschild estate visited a poor Jewish village near Budapest, the locals poured out to greet him.  With all due ceremony, he was given a small parade, met with the mayor, and awarded a key to the city. At the local inn, he ordered some roast chicken for brunch.  When he finished, he received a bill larger than the most expensive bottle of wine his family sold.

“This is outrageous!” he shouted at the innkeeper. “Never in my life have I been billed so much for a roast chicken!  Are chickens that rare around here?”

“Not at all,” said the innkeeper reassuringly.  “But millionaires — ah, they are a rarity!”

~~~

Today is the Tomorrow you worried about Yesterday. Was it worth it?

~~~

A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location. “It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach,” he was told. “But how will I recognize it?” asked the man.

Back came the reply: “It’s the one with all the broken windows.”

~~~

When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

Paul Dickson

~~~

Two teenagers were arrested. The police sergeant told them they were entitled to a phone call. Some time later a man entered the station and asked for them by name.

The sergeant said, “I suppose you’re their father……..or maybe their lawyer?”

“Nope, neither,” the chap replied. “I’m just here to deliver their hot pizza.”

~~~

He said, “Some women are terribly hard to please – the rest are impossible!”

~~~

A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged.   The doctors didn’t give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdasher in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen.

The clerk said, “Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen.”

The man said, “I know my size. I want them in a fourteen.”

The clerk said, “I’ll get them for you, but I want to warn you…if you wear a fourteen you’ll gasp all day and yours eyes will bulge.”

~~~

The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion and compassion, and humor and style, and generosity and kindness.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

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