“Never leave a friend behind. Friends are all we have to get us through this life.”
I had a pleasant surprise last week. A gal who worked for me almost thirty years ago found me on the internet. She was a personal favorite, a good worker and a friend. She was fairly young in those days and new to the computer industry but did well. She left for warmer climes before I retired from the computer business in 1990 but I have often thought of her over the years.
We have e-mailed back and forth since and I was rewarded by her positive memories of the years we worked together. She seems to be doing well in Florida, starting a new job while acting as a caregiver and companion for her widowed mother.
Her connecting has been a welcomed gift. I always appreciate hearing from friends, colleagues and acquaintances who I have shared time with in the past. Especially those like Debi who only left fond memories behind.
On another subject, I don’t know about you but I really have had a hard time saying no over the years. It took me a long time to understand that agreeing to do something you don’t want to do is never a good idea. If you have the problem this edited article may help:
4 Ways to Say No Effectively in Any Situation Without Drama
By Stephanie Owens, MA
Saying “No” can be difficult because Pleaseaholics are concerned about hurting people’s feeling or damaging a relationship. I know how difficult it can be to even imagine telling someone no. These 4 No’s are simple, practical solutions to gracefully decline a request of your time or resources. Each no is designed for a specific situation or type of relationship. All you have to do it pick the right “NO” and put it to use.
Short & Sweet No
This no is ideal for strangers or intrusive salespeople. In this case, keep it short and sweet with a smile and a simple “No” or “No thanks” response. I believe in kindness to strangers too, so be polite, but clear.
Use Simplify Sandwich with co-workers, acquaintances and anyone with whom you have an on-going friendly relationship. It sounds like this, “I’m sorry, I’m making an effort to simplify right now, but thanks for thinking of me.” The “simplify” is sandwiched between “I’m sorry” and “Thank You” – two of the least conflict evoking phrases in the English language. Also, everyone can relate to an intention to simplify, especially around the holidays. It’s more credible than being “busy.”
The Invisible No
The Invisible No is great for children or adults who act like children. The “NO” is implied and inferred, but never stated. In fact it starts with a “yes.” Therefore it’s less likely to be rebuffed. Here’s the formula for The Invisible No: “Yes, you can _____ as soon as you ______.” For example, if your child wants to go outside and play, avoid getting into a tug of war, or caving on your no. Simply respond, “Yes, you can go outside as soon as you finish unloading the dishwasher.” Continue to calmly repeat your Invisible No like a broken record. They’ll get the point.
The Positive No
The Positive No is reserved for your most important relationships or significant requests. William Ury, world-renowned negotiator and author of A Positive No, developed it. The structure of A Positive No is actually a YES, NO, YES. The first “yes” is your core value that’s driving your need to decline the request. The “no” clearly states your boundary. The last “yes” is an invitation to find a solution that’s mutually agreeable to both of you.
A friend hears the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.
The School for the Deaf had just graduated it’s newest class of 21 year-olds. As a celebration, they all went out to a bar for drinks. They all sat down at the bar and began to sign their orders to the bartender, who was looking at them puzzled. He looked at the teacher and said, “I don’t know sign language! What are they askin’ for?”
The teacher replied, “Just give em what you think is good. Don’t give em too much, because this is the first time they’ve ever been drinking. Just use your judgement.” The teacher got a drink and went downstairs with the other teacher, leaving the students at the bar.
An hour later, the teachers come upstairs, running to the screams of the bartender. He was backed against the wall pointing at the students and screaming. The students were moaning loudly and waving their arms all over the place. “What the hell are they doing now???” the bartender asked.
The teacher observed for a moment. “Ach! I told you not to give them too much to drink!! You got them drunk, and now they’re singing!”
I went to San Francisco…I found someone’s heart…Now what?
An American general was speaking, via an interpreter, to a battalion of Iraqi troops. At one point, he told a rather long and somewhat convoluted joke. When it was the interpreter’s turn to interpret, he spoke for about four seconds, and the audience burst into laughter, pleasing the general.
A captain, along on the trip, turned to a Iraqi officer and asked how he managed to convey the general’s joke so quickly.
The Iraqi officer replied, “The interpreter said ‘The American general has just told a joke. Everyone please laugh.'”
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy.
Howard W. Newton
Tower: “Alpha Charlie, climb immediately to 4000 feet for noise abatement.”
Pilot: “How can I possibly be creating excess noise at 3000 feet?”
Tower: “At 4000 feet, you will miss the 707 now coming at you at 3000 feet, and that is bound to avoid one heck of a racket….
“You’ve got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it.”
A new recruit police officer had almost finished his interview, and the interviewer asked him the last question which was:
“You are on duty. A car crashes in the middle of the road with two people inside the car, the two people are critically injured and the car is badly damaged. The ambulance arrives, but it is going too fast and crashes into the damaged car. The car blows up and causes the ambulance to flip on its side. A passer-by, while walking on the sidewalk is toppled, by the force of the explosion, into the river beside the road. Unfortunately he cannot swim and is drowning in the river. Another man runs out of a house screaming, and shouts that his wife is pregnant and about to have her baby any second now. “What would you do in this situation?” the interviewer asked.
The recruit looks around the office and thinks for a while… he replies, “I’d take off my uniform and disappear into the crowd!”
WARNING! The Surgeon General has determined that the excessive consumption of alcoholic beverages could cause you to sleep with someone you normally wouldn’t even talk to!
My job is in the aerospace industry, and it’s always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.
At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, “Defense contractor.”
The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, “So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?”
I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
Charles R. Swindoll
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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