Ray's musings and humor

Enjoy

Live today, for tomorrow it will all be history.

Happy Puppy

My goodness it is July already and the year is already half over. I don’t know about you but I am glad there is still time to get my act together before 2016 ends. I am doing better although after yesterday you wouldn’t think so. I slept past the time I needed to get up for an early meeting, I did not make it to my weekly Kiwanis meeting and had to be home with a cleaning service so I missed my daily exercise.

At least it should be easy to do better today. I have an early appointment with my pulmonologist where I will have the opportunity to demonstrate my breathing skills; they also will check my continuous positive air pressure (CPAP) machine to read my usage history over the last six months. I have been using it religiously, even for naps so I do not expect any punishment.

After that I will be free to begin the preparation for our three day holiday weekend, you see next Monday is our national Independence Day holiday. I do plan on exercising that morning but I am giving Ray’s Daily’s computer the day off so I will not be with you again until July 5th enjoy your weekend.

As you know I am always looking for ways that you and I can do better in our lives so here is a self-help piece that can help us both.

If a dog was your teacher, these are some of the lessons you might learn

  • When loved ones come home, always run to greet them
  • Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride
  • Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face, to be pure ecstasy
  • When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience
  • Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory
  • Take naps and stretch before rising
  • Run romp and play daily
  • Thrive on attention and let people touch you
  • On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass
  • On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree
  • When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body
  • No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout,  run right back and make friends
  • Delight in the simple joy of a long walk
  • Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough
  • Be loyal
  • Never pretend to be something you’re not
  • When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

~~~

Take wrong turns. Talk to strangers. Open unmarked doors. And if you see a group of people in a field, go find out what they are doing. Do things without always knowing how they’ll turn out.

Randall Munroe

~~~

Laws you should know

“The Law of Volunteering” If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

“The Law of Reality” Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

“The Law of Motivation” Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

“Boob’s Law” You always find something in the last place you look.

“Weiler’s Law” Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

“Law of Volunteer Labor” People are always available for work in the past tense.

“Law of Cybernetic Entomology” There is always one more bug.

“Osborne’s Law” Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

~~~

We the people have much to enjoy, share, love, ponder, appreciate, learn, celebrate, anticipate, admire and contribute. Gets you to wondering why we squander so much time and energy on fighting, cheating, killing, envying, hating, torturing and killing each other.

~~~

She said: I returned to my parents’ home to attend a funeral.  At the chapel, my mother led me to a man who looked vaguely familiar.  “Barbara, remember Rabbi Green?” she asked as she left me in his company.

I frantically tried to place him, and suddenly it came to me.  He was the kind man who, five years earlier, had officiated at my grandmother’s funeral.  “It’s good to see you again, Rabbi,” I said.  “Though I wish it weren’t always under such tragic circumstances.”

The rabbi looked perplexed but uttered some words of consolation before he was called away.  A few minutes later, I rejoined my mother. “Imagine,” she whispered, “after all this time, to run into the rabbi who performed your first wedding!”

~~~

He said: I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son. Without hesitation, the barber answered, “When he’s four.”

~~~

He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire. The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, ”Let’s go!”

The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically. ”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, ”and make several low-level passes.”

”Why?” asked the nervous pilot.

”Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. ”I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.” The pilot replied, ”You mean you’re not the flight instructor?”

~~~

A husband is a man who wishes he had as much fun when he goes on business trips as his wife thinks he does.

~~~

A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf clubs he had just bought.

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.”

“What did you buy your wife?” the friend asked.

The man said, “A new lawn mower.”

~~~

At the mall, women get excited, thrilled, and overjoyed by purchasing the perfect item.

Men experience the same feelings just by finding a close parking space.

~~~

A young man drove his minibike in to a gas station and dismounted. “I’ll need about a pint of gas,” he said to the attendant, “and a few ounces of oil for the motor.”

“Certainly sir,” the attendant said, “And would you also like me to cough into your tires?”

~~~

The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.

Sydney J. Harris

~~~

A concerned Father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

“I’ll say he is Daddy,” she replied… “Why just last night  he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you guys are easy to get along with.”

~~~

Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, you ought to set up a life you don’t need to escape from.

Seth Godin

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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