Ray's musings and humor

Enjoy Life

I have found that if you love life, life will love you back.

Arthur Rubinstein

enjoy-your-life

Yesterday was Father’s Day in my country and my daughters took my wife and me to brunch. The time we get to spend with them is always a highlight in our lives. They both have done so well and have given us a great group of grandchildren. Tonight we will dine with my son who has also done well including helping my daughter-in-law raise three super kids.

My wife deserves most of the credit for their success as she gave so much when they were children. I wish I had spent more time at home, but the time I was there has left me with some great memories.

As we raise our families and watch them grow into adulthood our life skills are tested and while I don’t think Nancy and I deserve a lot of credit, we did our best. I think it worked so well because we are basically good people who care about others.

I recently stumbled across excerpts from H. Jackson Brown’s book Life’s Little Instruction Book that reminded me how we all should live.

Instructions for Life

  1. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
  2. Never laugh at anyone’s dreams.
  3. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
  4. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  5. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
  6. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
  7. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  8. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
  9. Remember that your character is your destiny.
  10. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  11. Spend some time alone every day.
  12. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
  13. Pray. There’s immeasurable power in it.
  14. At least once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
  15. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
  16. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
  17. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
  18. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

~~~

The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.

William Morris

~~~

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. Baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.

“Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, son is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night. Says the baby stork, “Nowhere…just scaring the heck out of some college students!”

~~~

We recently went to a seaside resort for a change and a rest.

The maid got the change and hotel got the rest!

~~~

I wish to express my thanks to all those who forwarded such informative e-mails, for instance, the one about rats in the glue on envelopes because I now have to get a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. You have made me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favor!

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 9:00 PM (CST) tonight, and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician!

~~~

He’s one person who would make a perfect stranger.

~~~

Drunk guy: “Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead!”

Drunk girl: “What’s that mean?”

Drunk guy: “It’s an Irish toast.”

Drunk girl: “Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.”

Drunk guy: “Huh?”

Drunk girl: “That’s French toast.”

~~~

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals and dying of nothing.

~~~

A famous Hollywood director dies and reaches Heaven. At the proverbial gate, St. Peter meets him and explains that God would like the director to make one more movie.

The director grimaces, “But I retired years before I died. I’m tired of all the hassles involved in making movies.”

“Listen,” St. Peter explains, “we got Ludwig von Beethoven to write a new score for the movie…”

“You’re not listening to me,” the director protested. “I don’t want to make any more movies.”

“But we’ve got Leonardo de Vinci to do the set design for you,” St. Peter exclaimed.

“I don’t want to make any more movies!” the director insisted.

“Just look at this script,” St. Peter said. “We got William Shakespeare to write it for you!”

“Well,” said the director, “a score by Beethoven, set design by de Vinci, a script by Shakespeare…How can I go wrong? I’ll do it!”

“Great!” exclaimed St. Peter. “There’s only one small hitch…I’ve got a girlfriend who sings…”

~~~

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these.

George Washington Carver

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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