Ray's musings and humor

The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.

Marcel Proust

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Why so many people better than the think they are or could be. The following article makes me wonder if the problem isn’t that too many of us have been conditioned to minimize our self-worth. I wish many of my friends and acquaintances would think as well of themselves as I do of them.

Dr. Paul provides plenty of food for thought on how we might break away from the anchors that keep us from brighter days.

Are You Making These 4 Mistakes?

By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

I, like many of you, was brought up and programmed to believe in a number of ideas that have turned out to be untrue. These false beliefs led me to make various life and relationship mistakes. I didn’t like making mistakes any more than you do, but it is from my mistakes that I’ve learned so much.

In this article, I’m going to discuss the 4 major mistakes that I used to make and that so many of my counseling clients make before working with me.

Self-judgment

I used to judge and shame myself unmercifully, although mostly unconsciously. Until I started to pay attention to my anxiety, stress, and insecurity, I never realized how much I judged and shamed myself.

Now I know that self-judgments create so much inner stress that it makes it harder to do well – not easier. Now I know that people treat me the way I treat myself, so the more I judge myself, the more others judge me. Now I know that my passion and creativity flow when I’m accepting of myself, and that self-acceptance creates an inward motivation to be all I can be.

Giving Myself Up

I was taught that the way to get love and approval was to please others – to give myself up and be what they wanted me to be. Now I know that giving myself up is a form of controlling others, and that while I might get some temporary approval, I never feel loved when I compromise myself. Now I know that when I disrespected myself so much as to give myself up for approval, others also disrespected me. Now I know that when I love myself and approve of myself, I also experience others’ genuine love for me. Now I know that others treat me the way I treat myself. 

Competition vs. Cooperation

I never particularly liked to compete, but I was taught to compete for grades, for attention and for approval. I was taught that my value was in my looks and performance, not in my goodness, kindness, caring and compassion. Now I know that there is far more joy and achievement in cooperation than competition. Now I know that I can define my own worth through my intrinsic qualities of goodness, gentleness, kindness, creativity, caring and compassion, rather than competing to be seen as worthy through others’ eyes.

Controlling vs. Learning About Loving Myself and Others

Because love was conditional in my family of origin, I learned various ways of trying to have control over getting love and avoiding pain. Judging myself, giving myself up, looking right and achieving were all ways to control how my parents and others felt about me. But with all of this, I never felt inwardly safe, secure, lovable or worthy – no matter how much approval I got.

Now I know that self-esteem comes from learning to love myself and others, rather than from getting approval. Now I know that my sense of inner safety and worth comes from how I treat myself and others rather than from how others treat me.

~~~

“Nothing ever happened in the past that can prevent you from being present now, and if the past cant prevent you from being present now, what power does it have?”

Eckhart Tolle

~~~

He said: Recently launched into the “real world” and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother Dustin was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance.

“If you got married,” teased my dad, “the premium would be lower.”

Dustin smiled and said, “That would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts.”

~~~

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.

~~~

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

~~~

At my age flowers scare me

George Burns

~~~

His mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. His six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger’s voice say, “We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?”

Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, “Dad! They’ve got Mom! And they want money!”

~~~

She said: DON’T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN I’M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN

~~~

Several women were visiting elderly Mrs. Diamond who was very ill.

After a while, they rose to leave and told her, “Esther, we will keep you in our prayers.”

“Just wash the dishes in the kitchen,” the ailing woman said, “I can do my own praying.”

~~~

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it.

~~~

Marvin was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common sense.

He turned to his wife with a look of question on his face. “I’ll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives.”

His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”.

~~~

Sometimes it is when you become exhausted of your old habits where you then observe all the dislikes in your life and you begin living more consciously. You realize that you have a choice in every matter. That your life becomes that which you focus on and that at any time you can assert your personal will power to become what you want to be and not become what the outside circumstances may attempt to mold you into.”

Jason Micheal Ratliff

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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