Ray's musings and humor

March is here

It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere. Agnes Repplier

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As I was contemplating my return to the outside world I realized that it is the first day of March. Since I am in the process of selecting my activities while heading the warning of a good friend to avoid too many obligations I thought I should check on what is expected in March. Here are a few things I found.

March is:

Adopt A Rescued Guinea Pig Month – Sorry we already have enough with our ceramic pet dog

Brain Injury Awareness Month – I had a brain scan last week so I should know soon if I need to worry

Credit Education Month – I credit my education for where I am, is that good enough?

Humorists Are Artists Month – and some artists are funny.

International Ideas Month – Sorry most of my ideas are domestic.

International Mirth Month – why only March? Support year around mirth.

Mad for Plaid Month – I once had a plaid suit that drove my wife mad, she never fully recovered.

National Caffeine Awareness Month – I am aware daily, in fact many times a day

National Ethics Awareness Month – I wish ethics was contagious.

National Noodle Month – I like this one, in fact I am taking a noodle to lunch tomorrow.

Optimism Month – I was told this will never work.

There are even more special things this month. Some are just going to have to wait until I figure out what to do with these.

~~~

People will always have an opinion, but you have to live life the way you want to. It’s very easy to tell others what to do, but difficult to implement it on yourself.

Preity Zinta

~~~

Paddy O’Toole woke up one fine morning with a monsterous hangover.

“Ooooooooooweeeee!” He thinks to himself, “Paddy, me boy, ye got to get yerself back on the straight and narrow…… get down to St. Swithens and make yer confession to Father O’Staggers and start with a clean slate.”

But, first he needs to get his courage up. So he rummages around and finds some courage, in a gallon jug.

He weaves his way down to the church and into the confessional.

“Faaaather, I done sinned and sinned baaaaaad! Oooooooooooweeeeeee!”

Well, he nearly knocks the Padre out of the booth with his breath.

“Paddy, me lad, have ye killed anybody?”

“No Faaaather, I ain’t been killin’ nobody today. Ooooooooooweeeeeee!”

“Well, off with ye then. Go your way in peace and sin no more.”

As Paddy stumbles out of the church and down the steps, he runs into his old friend Shamus Flannegan. Shamus is in the same shape as Paddy and on a similar mission. “So, tell me Shamus, do ye be going to confession this morning?”

“Yes, Paddy, I done sinned and sinned bad.”

“And have ye killed anyone Shamus?”

“No, Paddy, I ain’t killed nobody.”

“Well, don’t be wastin’ yer time then Shamus. Father O’Staggers is only hearing murder confessions today!”

~~~

Man is never astonished that he doesn’t know what another does, but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does.

~~~

Judy’s Flu Shot Solution

Eat right! Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your Vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least hour a day, go for a swim, take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often. If you can’t wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air. Open windows whenever possible.

Get plenty of rest.

Try to eliminate as much stress from your life as you can.

OR …. take the doctor’s office approach: When you go for a shot, what do they do first? Clean our arm with alcohol. Why? Be cause alcohol kills germs. So……

I walk to the liquor store (exercise), I put lime in my Corona (fruit), celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies), drink on the pat io (fresh air), get drunk, tell jokes, and laugh (eliminate stress) ; then pass out (rest).

The way I see it, if you keep your alcohol levels up, flu germs can’t get you!!!!

~~~

There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for my brother, and there’s nothing in the world he wouldn’t do for me. We spend our lives doing nothing for each other.

~~~

A man said to his wife one day, “I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.”

The wife responded, “Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful, so you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid, so I would be attracted to you!”

~~~

It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

~~~

A new mother goes upstairs to check on her napping infant. As she opens the door she see’s her husband sitting in front of the crib. He hasn’t noticed her yet so she slowly and quietly walks up to him. The new father is just staring at the baby in the crib, not saying a word, deep in thought. The mother looks and sees expressions of bewilderment, disbelief, and absolute pure joy on her husband’s face.

Dad finally notices his wife and says, “It’s amazing, isn’t it?”

Mother who, spent over 17 hours in labor without an epidural, says, “Yes dear, it’s just incredible,” as she wipes a tear of joy from her husband’s face.

He looks directly into her eyes and says, “Who’da thought ya could buy a crib this good for fifty bucks!”

~~~

Everyone is handed adversity in life. No one’s journey is easy. It’s how they handle it that makes people unique.

Kevin Conroy

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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