Ray's musings and humor

I am working on my comeback

I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination.

Jimmy Dean

! 00000 I can

I have been concerned lately that I am getting too use to not doing much. I love the daily naps and find it easy to avoid activity while my body is rebuilding. I know the inactivity is not helping at all but I also know that I won’t be able to do some of the things I did before I got into my eighties.

So after next week’s medical interventions I will begin anew to get out and about. I look forward to leaving my easy chair and returning to the world. As I build my new to do list I want to concentrate on what I can do and not waste time regretting what I no longer can do.

Here is a story that makes sense to me, it might to you also.

Knock the “t” Off theThe “Can’t”

Neil Eskelin

Recently I took a sheet of paper and divided it into two columns: “Yes People,” and “No People.” Then I thought about individuals I knew and wrote their names in the appropriate column. What a shock it was to see the length of the “No” list.

 These were the people who heard someone say, “You can’t do that!” and they believed it. Now they were saying, “It can’t be done!” and their negativity was affecting the lives of others.

 If your friends made such a list right now, under which heading would they write your name? Do they see you as enthusiastic, affirmative and optimistic? Or do they believe you see more problems than solutions?

 It’s time to knock the “t” off the “can’t.” I like the words of author Frank Hughes: “I will say this about being an optimist; even when things don’t turn out well, you are certain they will get better.”

 You are only a decision away from responding with hope instead of fear, with encouragement instead of criticism, with belief instead of despair. It’s your choice!

~~~

If you think you can do it, you can.

John Burroughs

~~~

Thibodeaux’s two kids are in the same class at school, and the teacher had the class write reports about their pets. After the reports were all turned in, the teacher called one of the Thibodeau youngsters up to her desk and scolded him. “This report on ‘My Dog’ is exactly, word for word, the same as your brother’s. Did you copy from him?”

He replies, “Mais, no Ma’am, it’s about de same dog!”

~~~

She said: I disagree with my psychiatrist’s assertion that I’m depressed because I have a serotonin imbalance. I’m pretty sure the real reason is: My life sucks!

~~~

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:

We will no longer accept a doctor’s statement as proof of sickness. If You are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary; the funeral should be scheduled in The late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under The “Chronic Offenders” category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company’s mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

~~~

“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.”

Groucho Marx

~~~

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. “As you can see,” she says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this”?

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp too.”

~~~

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

Garrison Keillor

~~~

She said: I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I’ve tried online dating. I haven’t met anyone in person yet because the guys always stop writing before we can set up a date. I don’t know what it is. Perhaps that handsome athletic thirty-two-year-old doctor was lying about his age, got grounded, and lost his internet privileges. Or maybe it was something I said, “I’d love to meet for coffee. Thursday’s are best for me. That’s when my neighbor picks up my four kids from my three previous marriages.”

~~~

Man often becomes what he believes himself to be. If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing, it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it. On the contrary, if I have the belief that i can do it, I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it even if I may not have it at the beginning.

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: