Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Away Today

It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.

Hans Selye

! 00000 10 Jord

If today’s Daily seems a little dusty it is because it is eleven years old. I hope you’re OK with that.

Ray’s Daily

February 18, 2005

OK, which ever one of you prayed that I could solve my e-mail problems, thanks it worked. I think this happens to me periodically just to test my ability to handle stress. I was fortunate enough yesterday to break up my foul mood by my friend Sandra taking me to a world class seafood restaurant for lunch.

Believe it or not we have made all the arrangements for our November cruise. So far there are six couples in our party, two from my UNIVAC days, two old friends, my favorite in-laws, and of course us. We fly into Orlando on Saturday, limo to the Cocoa Beach Radisson Resort (Got a super $109 rate), transported by the hotel to the ship on Sunday, go to our super priced Deluxe Balcony cabin, and then enjoy seven days of fun and frolic. This will be a special cruise since my pal Robin booked 50 cabins and has all kinds of special stuff planned. In case I decide to stay at sea I want you to know how much I have enjoyed your friendship.

So I am out of the doldrums and am ready to enjoy the weekend. One of the things I will be waiting to hear is the results of my granddaughter’s gymnastic competition in Fort Lauderdale this weekend. When I was 10 I got to ride a street car in Chicago, last weekend she was competing in Chicago, this weekend in Florida. But not to worry if I play my cards right I may be able to go to a local movie.

So have fun one and all, we are back in business.

~~~

Getting there isn’t half the fun – it’s all the fun.

Robert Townsend

~~~

Carolyn shares more of her wisdom.

Subject:  My Philosophy on Life!!!

I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully the first time.

God, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

My idea of cleaning the house is sweeping the floor with a glance. I cleaned my house yesterday, sure wish you could have seen it.

If you don’t like my attitude, call 1-800-Who Cares.

If it’s true we are what we eat, I am either fast, cheap, or easy.

Discover Wildlife! Have Kids!

“Genuine Antique Person,” Been there, done that, can’t remember!

Our policy is to always blame the computer.

Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends – none of us can remember.

I am not cheap, but we can negotiate.

Okay! I love you! Now can we eat?

You know you’re getting old when you stop to think and forget to start again.

I love to give homemade gifts, … umm, which one of the kids would you like?

I have a million dollar figure — but it’s all loose change!

By the time you find greener pastures, you can’t climb the fence!

~~~

“I was raised to sense what someone wanted me to be and be that kind of person.

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.”

Sally Field

I really believe this is one of life’s great secrets-Ray

~~~

There was once a general store in central Kansas back around 1900. The owner was an elderly man who went to church for a long time. The store always had those two or three “older gentlemen” that you always see on the front porch talking about “the war” or how it used to be. Anyway, this certain storeowner had the habit of quoting Scripture every time he made a transaction, and it was always a different verse.

It got to where the old men on the porch came in every time a customer showed up just to hear what the verse was going to be. Well, one day, a Texan came in and inquired about the rug that was hanging on the wall. The man asked about the price of the rug, and the owner told him $400. But, the owner and the old men all knew that the true worth was about $200. So the Texan thought it over and said, “I’ll take it!”

He bought the rug and left the store.

The old men stared at the owner in anticipation of what possible Scripture could follow such a dishonest act. The owner said, “He was a stranger, and I took him in.”

~~~

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn’t enough anxiety in my life.

~~~

Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the “Fasten Seat Belts” sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one.

Just before landing, he asked the flight attendant about it.

“Well,” she explained, “up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees…..

So…..what would you do?”

~~~

In my day, we didn’t have water.  We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

~~~

When Suzy got home, she told her dad that she got a 100 in school. Her dad told her to go sit down and tell him all about it.

She said, “Well, I got a 20 in math, a 30 in science, and a 50 in spelling!

~~~

When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was “comfortable underwear.” Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, “How will I know which ones to pick?” “Hold them up and imagine them on me,” she answered. “If you smile, put them back.”

~~~

“Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.”

Evan Davis

~~~

One morning a man comes into the church on crutches. He stops in front of the holy water and splashed some of it on both of his legs, then throws away his crutches.  An alter boy witnessed the scene and ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen. Without batting an eye, the priest said, “Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?”

“Flat on his behind over by the holy water, Father.”

~~~

A father is asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”

“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” replied the boy’s father.

His friend thought for a moment and responded, “That’s a rather strange ambition to have for a career.”

“Well,” said the boy’s father, “he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!”

~~~

I like the dreams for the future better than the history of the past.

Thomas Jefferson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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