Ray's musings and humor

It is cold and it is lent

“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”

Carl Reiner

! 00000 beat the blahs

Fat Tuesday and Mardi Gras 2016 are now history. Yesterday was Ash Wednesday for Christians throughout the world and marks the beginning of Lent and forty days which are marked by fasting, both from foods and festivities. So far I have done a good job avoiding eating liver, fried grasshoppers, squid, rattlesnake and other delicacies too numerous to mention. I have and will continue to avoid sky diving, mountain climbing, bob sledding and even more.

One of the advantages of my current age and infirmities is that it so much easier to not do than to do. Of course the disadvantage also means there are no sins that require penance. So if it is OK I will limit any plans than to do more than watch you all have fun. I don’t think my happy thoughts count but I don’t think I will check with clergy to see, for I would hate to have to give them up.

Meanwhile it has been cold and blustery here and time for a winter antidote, here are some ideas if you are living in the cold.

5 Tips on Beating the Winter Blahs

By Diane Passage

If you are feeling down and just want to get through winter, follow these tips!

Eat Healthy Food!

This simply means to eat foods with nutritional value. Quality food contributes to increased productivity, happier mood, weight control, appetite control and overall health. Do your best to maintain a balanced diet.

Exercise!

Oh my, am I trying to trick you into becoming an all-around healthy individual? Eating clean, exercising, being happy? Well if better health is a side effect of getting through the rest of the winter, then okay, I’ll take credit! Activity is important in combatting cabin fever because it reduces stress, promotes healthy sleeping, improves mood, and boosts energy. You can find movement indoors, outdoors, high-intensity or low-intensity. Find what works for you whether it’s stretching, yoga, CrossFit, Roku workouts, skiing, ice skating or the plethora of other options. Shoveling snow and sledding also counts!

Do Something Nice For Yourself!

The first two tips are ways of being nice to yourself but you might not be completely aware of it as your dragging yourself to the gym in 20-degree weather. So think of other ways to treat yourself that you really look forward to. Perhaps, reading a good book, catching up with Netflix, taking a workshop, enjoying a spa day, indulging in a hobby, etc. Carve out time in your schedule and make it non-negotiable — that is your time and no one else’s.

Socialize!

I don’t mean hide behind your computer and leave LOLs on your friends’ Facebook posts. Stay connected on a personal level. Pick up the phone and call someone, email your friends and family directly, text jokes with your besties, or engage in a fun winter activity with someone. Aim for personal and enjoyable interaction daily!

Plan for spring!

See the light at the end of the tunnel. The seasons are like our moods and our moods are like the seasons — both are phases, and some phases are more enjoyable than others. Think of some of the things you want to do in spring or summer that you can’t quite do right now. Do any of your plans require any prep? If so, get ready now — make a plan! Getting in shape for the beach, sprucing up your home for summer soirees, planning for weekend getaways, etc. — now is a great time to start thinking about these things!

~~~

“Laughter is sunshine, it chases winter from the human face.”

Victor Hugo

~~~

Struggling to make ends meet on a first-call salary, the pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought.

“How could you do this?!”

“I was outside the store looking at the dress in the window, and then I found myself trying it on,” she explained. “It was like Satan was whispering in my ear, ‘You look fabulous in that dress. Buy it!'”

“Well,” the pastor replied, “You know how I deal with that kind of temptation. I say, ‘Get behind me, Satan!'”

“I did,” replied his wife, “but then he said, ‘It looks fabulous from back here, too!'”

~~~

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

~~~

A mother and father were chatting with their eight-year-old son about his future. The youngster said he’d like to attend Cornell, as his parents and other members of the family had. Pleased with his response, they pressed on. “What would you like to take when you attend college?” they asked the little boy. After giving it some thought and glancing around the kitchen, he replied, “The refrigerator, if you can get along without it.”

~~~

Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

~~~

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy. I was deprived. Then they told me that underprivileged was overused. I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I have a great vocabulary.

~~~

“Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source.”

Ron Nesen

~~~

Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  “Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house.”

~~~

Clerk in flower shop: “Sorry, we don’t have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?”

Customer (sadly):  “No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

~~~

Life-insurance salesman …

“Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” the life-insurance salesman asked his client.

“What do you mean?” countered the woman.

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.

The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”

~~~

“That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.”

Dorothy Parker

~~~

The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn’t bring his swimming trucks, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private area and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and he wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said to him, “You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds.”

“Impossible,” said the embarrassed man. “You really know what I think?”

“Yes,” the lady replied, “Right now, you are thinking that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.”

~~~

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.”

Albert Camus

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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