It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, and a day to love them, but it takes an entire lifetime to forget them.
I just learned from a good friend’s daughter that her dad passed away last Wednesday after a long illness and then I was notified that his wife passed away two days later. He was a longtime friend of the family going back to our days in Chicago more than fifty years ago. Our kids played together and our families shared meals and events often. In later years we would visit him in St Louis. His first wife also a good friend passed away many years ago and my friend later remarried a kind and sweet lady. They even cruised with us.
In the last two months too many friends and acquaintances have passed on leaving fond memories behind. That certainly is the case with my good friend John and his wife Rita. They both were in hospice so there passing was peaceful. I am grateful for the good times we had together and for his family that was almost part of ours.
Here is something that can help folks when they too experience a loss,
How to Deal With a Friend’s Death
Losing a friend is never going to be easy. Keeping your own sense of calm and maintaining your friend’s memory are important elements of the grieving process. Accept that this is going to be a very hard time in your life but be reassured by the reality that you will get through this and that the best way to honor your friend is to retain his or her memory always alive in your heart.
- Think of the good times. Recall fond memories of things you’ve shared together and remember those. Do not play over the tragedy that took his or her life.
- Accept help that others might give you. Lean on family and friends.
- Allow yourself to feel sad. Don’t let anyone tell you how long you should feel sad, or how sad you should feel. The loss of a friend affects different people in different ways, but it is painful no matter what. Do remember that it is pain that must simply be endured, like a broken arm – there are things you can do to alleviate it for a little while, but it will eventually hurt again until it fully heals. Believe it or not, as painful as this loss is, it will fully heal in time.
- Talk to your friend. This might sound weird, but it’ll help. Tell your friend how you feel, that you miss him or her; talk over things that are happening in your life, and how different things are since your friend can’t be with you. Tell your friend that you take him or her with you wherever you go, that he or she is always in your heart. Go for grief counseling or pick up some books on grief and how to handle the pain you feel.
- Resume your place in the world. Once you feel better, go out with your friends and do things you like to take your mind off the pain. Distracting your thoughts for a while will not make you forget your friend forever. Dwelling on your own pain doesn’t honor your friend’s memory – having a big, bold life, and remembering your friend with love and affection as you do is what your friend would want you to do.
- Do something cool in your friend’s honor. If your friend liked to ride his or her bike, find out when the next MS ride is, and ride in your friend’s honor. Or if he or she battled cancer, check with the Cancer Society and do a Walk For the Cure or something similar. Donate any funds you raise in your friend’s name. This gives great honor to your friend’s memory, and does something positive in the world at the same time.
No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.
At an all-girls’ college, dates were permitted only on Saturday nights. One young man showed up on a Tuesday evening, however, explaining to an older woman at a desk in the lobby of the dorm, that it was imperative he see a certain young lady. “I want to surprise her. You see, I’m her brother.”
“Oh, she’ll be *real* surprised all right,” replied the woman. “In fact, even I’m surprised… I’m her mother.”
“The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he’ll be late for supper and she’s already left a note that it’s in the refrigerator.”
A man walks into a dentist’s office and says, “Excuse me, can you help me. I think I’m a moth.”
Dentist: “You don’t need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist.”
Man: “Yes, I know.”
Dentist: “So why did you come in here?”
Man: “The light was on…”
“The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.”
The fellow had recently succumbed to promotions for satellite TV, which advertised non-stop sport day and night. It was to be expected, however, that his wife did not share his enthusiasm. One evening she could take it no longer and confronted her husband: “It’s like this every day,” said she. “It’s true–you love football more than you love me.”
Such a cosmic question was new to the man, and several moments’ reflection was in order. “Why, yes, I do,” said he. “But I can sincerely say,” he continued thoughtfully, “that I love you more than baseball …”
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
One of my students could not take my college seminar final exam because of a funeral. “No problem,” I told him. “Make it up the following week.”
That week came, and again he couldn’t take the test due to another funeral.
“You’ll have to take the test early next week,” I insisted. “I can’t keep postponing it.” “I’ll take the test next week if no one dies,” he told me.
By now I was suspicious. “How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?” I asked. “I don’t know any of these people,” he said. “I’m the only gravedigger in town.”
The day the child realizes that all adults are imperfect he becomes an adolescent; the day he forgives them, he becomes an adult; the day he forgives himself, he becomes wise.
We telemarketers know we’re universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone. One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.
I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, “Good morning, Highland View Cemetery.”
When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure.
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.