Ray's musings and humor

Still rebuilding me

Hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.

Norman Cousins

! 0000 recovery

It is another one of those days; I have an early appointment with my dentist outside of the city followed by a visit to the Brain Doctors for a brain scan that will take me up to early this afternoon. Yep, you got it, another Daily from the past.

Ray’s Daily first published on February 3, 2005

Yesterday I told you about the fun part of my vacation, the cruise. Now for the rest of the story.

As I was flying from San Juan to Orlando I started experiencing discomfort on the upper-part of my inner-thigh, I mean real upper, the area where I keep my private parts. After landing and getting to my sister-in-law’s home I dropped it all and discovered a lump that was becoming more bothersome. Two days later the lump had grown and the discomfort turned to pain. So off to the emergency room at the Leesburg Regional Medical Center. I got there a little after noon and was released around ten PM, after they performed surgery to drain an abscess that appeared to have been the result of an insect bite. They shot me up with antibiotics, packed the wound, gave me pain and antibiotic prescriptions and sent me on my way with instructions to have the packing removed in a couple of days. Since we then were staying at a hotel in Disney World I went to their local hospital and got the packing removed where I was told I still had problems and got a prescription for more antibiotics.

I got back to Indy the night before last and went to my primary physician yesterday, where she joined her predecessor medical professionals in an immodest examination. The result, I still have a problem and now I am on new antibiotics. Because I am infection prone and have had heart problems created by infection I soon will be seeing my infectious disease doc.

As you know I believe that there is something good in every situation. In this case there are a number of them; my brother-in-law pushed me in a wheel chair for two days at Disney World; I overcame any last vestige of modesty; and I participated in my sympathetic birthday celebration.

So my long term relationship with the medical community continues, enhanced by my latest opportunity for them to perform. It is like Dolly Parton says, “You can’t have a rainbow if you have no rain,” I just wish it would stop raining for a few days.

~~~

For every ailment under the sun, there is a remedy, or there is none,

If there be one, try to find it;

If there be none, never mind it.

Mother Goose

~~~

He said:

As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies… fall out!”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.

The Instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.

I smiled and said,        “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh sir?”

~~~

A solicitous husband is a person who is interested in his wife’s happiness and hires a detective to find out who’s responsible for it.

~~~

TO: Medical Personnel

FROM: Human Resources

It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.

Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).

Stroke patients are NOT “Charlie Carrots.” Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.

Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or “hamburger helper”.

Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like “negative vehicle to vehicle interface” or “terminal deceleration syndrome.”

HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not “glow worms.”

Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered “pharmaceutically gifted.”

Gunshot wounds to the head are not “trans-occipital implants.”

The homeless are not “urban outdoorsmen”, nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a “PVC Challenge”.

And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being “paws up,” ART (assuming room temperature), or CTD (circling the drain).

I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries.

Sincerely,

Director of Human Resources

~~~

I had amnesia once — or twice.

~~~

The house lights started to dim as a couple were returning to their seats after a trip to the movie theater concession stand for popcorn and soft drinks.

“Excuse me sir, but did I step on your toes on the way out?” the guy asked the man seated at the end of the row.

“You most certainly did!” the man responded angrily.

“Turning around to his wife, the husband says,

“All right, follow me, honey…. I found our row.”

~~~

“He who laughs most, learns best.”

John Cleese

~~~

The scene: Alexander Graham Bell’s laboratory. An exciting new discovery is about to take place. In the next room sits Bell’s assistant, a man named Watson, hard at work on Bell’s new invention to transmit sound over wires.

As Mr. Watson toiled away in the room with the receiver, it suddenly rings — it must be Bell!

He picks it up and hears: “Good evening, sir. Are you paying too much for your long distance service?”

~~~

A fish is an underwater creature that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time the fisherman describes it to his friends.

~~~

Two older women ( we’ll call them A & B ) who were rivals in a social circle met at a party. “My dear,” said Lady “A” “Are those real pearls?”

“They are,” replied Lady “B” “Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them.”

Smiled Lady “A” Lady “B” responded “Yes, but for that you would need real teeth.”

~~~

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

~~~

Bernie was unfortunate enough to be hit by a truck and ended up in the hospital. His best friend Morris came to visit him. Bernie struggles to tell Morris, “My wife Sadie visits me three times a day. She’s so good to me. Every day, she reads to me at the bedside.”

“What does she read?” asks Morris.

“My life insurance policy.”

~~~

Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it.

~~~

A woman from Michigan and another from the East coast were seated side-by-side on an airplane. The woman from Michigan, being friendly and all, said: “So, where are you from?”

The East coast woman said, “From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence.”

The woman from Michigan sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: “So, where are you from, bitch?”

~~~

Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.

Warren Buffet

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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