Ray's musings and humor

Archive for January, 2016

We won’t be gone long

“It`s not how old you are, it`s how you are old.”

Jules Renard

! 000 aging

I hope all is well with you. My computer and I are going to take a few days off, the Daily will return early next week. Of course if you miss us too much there are a few thousand back issues stored at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com that you can read.

We need to take care of some family business as we continue to strive to get 2016 right. I sometimes wish that aging gracefully was as easy as it sounds, I think it was Betty Davis who said ”Old age is no place for sissies”, don’t get me wrong the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

Here is a story I picked up along the way that I find worth reading as the years go by.

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

     I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body – the wrinkles, the baggy eyes and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don’t agonize over those things for long.

     I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become more kind to myself and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to overeat, to be messy, to be extravagant. I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

     Whose business is it if I choose to read until 4:00 am and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 50s & 60s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love, I will. I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the bikini set. They, too, will get old.

     I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten and I eventually remember the important things. Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when a beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

     I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turn gray and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. I can say “no” and mean it. I can say “yes” and mean it. As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore. I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.

     So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day.

~~~

The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.

Madeleine L’Engle

~~~

An very blond farmer knocked on his neighbor’s door. A young boy about 12 answered.

“Is yer paw home?” the farmer asked.

“No sir, he ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went into town.”

“Well, said the farmer, is yer maw here?”

“No, sir, she ain’t here neither. She went into town with paw.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?“

“He went with maw and paw.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

“Is there anything I can do fer ya?” the boy asked politely. “I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer paw.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It’s about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.”

The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to Pa about that,” he finally conceded.

“If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets fer Howard.”

~~~

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it’s time to check your yardstick.

Bill Lemley

~~~

Tired from waiting for their overdue baby, my daughter and her husband broke the monotony one night with a trip to the movies. My daughter went inside to get seats while my son-in-law bought popcorn and drinks in the lobby. Paying for the refreshments, my son-in-law knocked over his soda. The clerk mopped up the mess and refilled his cup. Rattled, he then joined his wife.

Talking over the background music, he dramatically described his embarrassing episode. One of his expressive gestures upset the bucket of popcorn. He sheepishly headed back to the lobby. When he was out of earshot, the woman sitting next to my daughter turned and said, “You’re not going to let him hold the baby, are you?”

~~~

“A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.”

Carl Sandburg

~~~

A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked, “What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?”

He thought for a moment and then said, “I would take up a collection.”

~~~

Ever notice how people who tell you to calm down are the very one’s who got you mad in the first place?

~~~

The customer at the Italian restaurant was so pleased with his meal that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef.

“Your veal parmigiana was superb,” the customer said. “I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there.”

“Naturally,” the chef said. “Over there, they use domestic cheese. Ours is imported!”

~~~

The easiest way to get your old car running better? Check out the price stickers on new ones!

~~~

An old woman was taken to a gynecologist for the very first time, and of course the gynecologist was a very young and handsome fellow.  The doctor was very thorough in his examination, and of course the old woman was quite embarrassed throughout the whole examination.  Finally, the exam was over and the doctor told her to get dressed and come in to his office to talk about his findings.

The old woman listened intently as the doctor gave her the results. She then said she really only had one question for him. The doctor said,  “What is the question you have?”

“Tell me young man, does your mother know how you make a living?”

~~~

To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.

Thomas Bailey Aldrich

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Was Lucy right?

“I have an everyday religion that works for me. Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”

Lucile Ball

! 000 be_yourself

I have a question for you, is it easy for you to follow Lucy’s advice? It has never been easy for me. It seems what I thought I ought to do almost always came before what I wanted to do. I am not complaining since most of the time there did not seem to be too much difference. Where I think I still have some problems is that I feel guilty when I don’t want to do what others want me to do.

Since I am at a point in my life where I need to concentrate on wellness with a little rest and recreation thrown in I am now leaning toward Lucy’s advice.

Here is part of an article in the Lucille Ball mode that I think makes some sense, do you?

Looking Out For Number One

By Lori Snyder

We all heard the saying a million times before—“When you take care of yourself first, you will then be better able to take care of, and give your best to the people you care most about.” How many of us follow this prescription?

For me, I am now becoming more conscious of this wonderful truth. I was always so busy worrying about everyone else’s needs first, that I put my needs and thoughts to the sideline. After careful evaluation one day, I realized that this was doing no one any good, because after I looked after what everyone else wanted from me, I was too limited on time, energy, etc. to take care of my needs.

So what can you do to turn this scenario around, and start taking care of your needs first? To begin, look at the list below.

  • Start each day filled with gratitude for all that you are, and all that you are capable of doing. Appreciate the beauty all around you.
  • Count your blessings for the people who you love and who love you. Be gracious for everyone that enters your life. They all come, and some go for a reason. The lesson learned with each is a wonderful gift.
  • Try to take time each day in a moment of silence for yourself to meditate, and think about what your needs of the day are, and what you would like to accomplish.
  • Be mindful of your health, and take care to incorporate a wellness schedule into your week. Exercise, eat healthy, get enough rest, do things that make you feel good and empowered. Do not skimp on your needs.
  • Look at your goals sheet quickly each week, and evaluate how you are doing with them. Do any need changing? Re-tweaking? If they do, get to it. If you do not have a goals sheet, get writing.
  • Learn new things, research something you have always been interested in. Read a good book about the subject you want to learn more about. Discovery of something new helps you to grow and feel more alive. Do not limit yourself. So go ahead and learn something new and interesting, and talk about it with your loved ones, it will enlighten them as well.
  • Take the time to give loved ones and friends, a squeezing hug. A good hug coming from a real place makes everyone feel special and great.
  • Come from a positive mindset, and if negative thoughts creep in, shift it to the positive. This will help you to create a happier state of being, which in turn will help you to be more productive in what you would like to accomplish.
  • Take time to play. This can be any hobby or activity that you truly enjoy. Go out and capture moments of joy!

~~~

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

GOLF

* The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

* Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!

* The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.

* There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly — or start cheating.

* An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice – once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

* Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize or laugh.

* Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

* Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.

* There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

~~~

My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

~~~

A young lady came home from a date looking rather sad. She told her mother, “Arthur proposed to me an hour ago.”

“Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked.

“Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”

Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

~~~

“It is not economical to go to bed early to save the candles if the result is twins.”

Chinese Proverb

~~~

I never knew what to get my father for Father’s Day, so I gave him one hundred dollars and said, “Buy yourself something that will make your life easier.”

So he bought a present for my mother.

~~~

Error: An unspecified error has occurred. Please correct the error to continue.

~~~

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said:” Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?”

Watson said, “I see millions and millions of stars.”

Holmes: “And what does that tell you?”

Watson: “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?”

Holmes: “Somebody stole our tent”.

~~~

Your harshest critic is always going to be yourself. Don’t ignore that critic but don’t give it more attention than it deserves.

Michael Ian Black

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

We begin again

“The future begins today.”

Wayne Gerard Trotman

! 000 about-new-beginnings17

I hope your new year is starting well. 2016 has been pretty expensive for me so far, my appliances are in revolt. First a TV bit the dust and needed to be replaced and then our water heater sprung a leak and it too needed to go. So we spent a few thousand dollars already and we haven’t even made it through the first week of the new year.

For me the big thing is the adjustments I must make this year. My wife and my ages have imposed some limits on what we realistic can undertake these days. I also find that it is time to inventory my commitments and start to limit them to more practical levels. Right now I am struggling with the guilt associated not contributing as much effort as I have been able to do in the past. If the truth be known it is getting harder to get motivated to step away from a more leisurely existence.

I have promised myself and others that I will take it easy for a few months and concentrate on rebuilding my stamina and strength. So my friends at Kiwanis and the other organizations that I work with it is not that I don’t care it is just that I am real tired and want to take it easy for a while. I will keep up with the Daily, it is my five days a week mental workout. And will continue with my YMCA exercises and who knows what else.

This week I will be going on a special non-cancelable assignment for a few days so the Daily will go dark at the end of the week but will return early next week.

As I was working on my “what’s next” life I ran across the following article that I think has some good suggestions.

How to make a fresh start

Nicola Conville

Leave the past where it belongs and take these steps to move forward and start over.

Take stock

There’s nothing wrong with lying low for a while: it’s an opportunity to regroup and rethink.

Lose gracefully

When you’re hurt, it can be tempting to lash out. But the best strategy is to maintain composure and avoid burning bridges.

Allow yourself time to wallow

Eat chocolate, watch a sad movie, call your friends. Write a letter and burn it. Get it all out. But put a time limit on how long you’ll do this for because this behavior gets pretty counterproductive after a while.

Leave the past behind

It’s only natural to put emphasis on your negative experiences, but reliving the past is only torturing yourself because it’s not where you’re going. That energy is better spent investing in your future.

Forgive yourself and others

Holding a grudge or beating yourself up will ultimately only weigh you down. Forgiveness isn’t about being weak or allowing anyone to “get away” with anything, it’s about setting yourself free.

Focus on being happy

Regardless of what’s happened, there are plenty of ways to find a little joy. Go for a walk, call your mum, sit in the sunshine or share a meal with a friend. And above all, take life one day at a time.

~~~

“It may not be the life you imagined, but it’s your life. You came here for a reason. Is it time for you to go and begin again?”

Doug Cooper

~~~

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done – what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”

~~~

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~~~

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M., on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.

He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

The boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you an entire hour?”

~~~

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

~~~

A friend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA. Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl:  athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my friend asked her if the roast beef was rare.

The waitress gave us a long blank look, and then replied, “Well, no.  We have it, like, just about every day.”

~~~

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it.  I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'”

~~~

A little boy took his dog on a “take your pet to school” day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.

Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, “Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?”

The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent.

“Right!” exclaimed the boy.

His dog won first prize.

~~~

What is not started today is never finished tomorrow.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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