Ray's musings and humor

Goodbye 2015

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering, ‘It will be happier.’

Alfred Lord Tennyson

! 000 Happy New Year

Just another day or so and 2015 will slip into the past. My computer and I are taking the next two days off to say good bye to the old year and welcome the new year. I don’t know about you but these last twelve months seemed to fly by at a faster clip than in the past. I am hoping the next twelve will be slower and involve less hospital stays and medical procedures.

We are not making any big travel plans, at least so far, as traveling is not as easy as it once was for my wife and I so we are booking some short close by trips to satisfy our wanderlust needs. I do plan on enjoying each day as I hope you are. Maybe I will do a little less running and jumping and a little more leisurely walking and looking. I am rededicating myself to following the exercise program that Julia my coach laid out for me some time ago. Of course I plan on visiting with you through the Daily during the year as well.

So Happy New Year one and all and I will see you next year.

Look For the Good

In the New Year, let’s resolve

to get less stressed, upset, anxious

about things over which we have no control.

Lets have a narrower focus on our lives,

loving and helping our family and friends,

making our community a better place to live,

to create peace and contentment.

In the New Year, let’s resolve

to pay less attention to depressing stories

on TV, in magazines and newspapers,

and to stop focusing on what we want

that we haven’t got,

instead of appreciating

the many blessings we do have.

In the New Year, let’s look for the good.

We may have to search

through a mass of negative media,

but the good is there,

all around us.

I wish for you a New Year filled with good,

engulfed in serenity and happiness!

By Joanna Fuchs

~~~

“Let us make our future now and let us make today’s dreams tomorrow’s reality.”

Malala Yousafzai

~~~

A guy was down on Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco when he saw a seafood restaurant and a sign on the Specials Board which read, “Big Lobster Tales, $5 each.

“Amazed at the great value, he said to the waitress, “$5 each for lobster tails … . . . is that correct?” “Yes”, she said, “It’s our special just for today.” “Well”, he said, “they must be little lobster tails.” “No,” she replied, “It’s the really big lobster.” Are you sure they aren’t green lobster tails – and a little bit tough?” “No”, she said, “it’s the really big red lobster.” “Big red lobster tails, $5 each?” he said, amazed. “They must be old lobster tails!” “No, they’re definitely today’s.” “Today’s big red lobster tails – $5 each?” he repeated, astounded. “Yes”, she insisted.

“Well, here’s my five dollars,” he said, “I’ll take one.

She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down.

She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him and said, “Once upon a time there was a really big red lobster.”

~~~

“On a recent survey, 80 per cent of golfers admitted cheating. The other 20 percent lied.”

Bruce Lansky

~~~

Three women walk into a bar: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.

The brunette says to the bartender, “Give me a ‘BL’.”

Bartender: “What’s a ‘BL’?”

Brunette: “Duh, a Bud Light.”

Bartender: (speaking to redhead) “OK, what’ll you have?”

Redhead: “Give me a ‘ML’.”

Bartender: “Let me guess, a Miller Lite?”

Redhead: “Duh, yeah!”

Bartender: “And for you?”

Blonde: “I’ll have a 15”

Bartender: “A fifteen, what the hell is that?”

Blonde: “Duh, Seven and 7”

~~~

“It’s no longer a question of staying healthy. It’s a question of finding a sickness you like.”

Jackie Mason

~~~

EXCERPTS FROM THE DOG’S DAILY DIARY. . .

8:00 am – Oh Boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 am – Oh Boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 am – Oh Boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 am – Oh Boy! Back in the car for a ride! My favorite!

11:30 am – Oh Boy! A treat! My favorite!

12:00 noon – Oh Boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 pm – Oh Boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 pm – Oh Boy! The kids friends! My favorite!

5:00 pm – Oh Boy!  More dog food! My favorite!

5:30 pm – Oh Boy! Mom! My favorite!

6:30 pm – Oh Boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

8:00 pm – Oh Boy! Sleeping in master’s bed! My favorite! Woof!

EXCERPTS FROM THE CAT’S DAILY DIARY. . .

Day 283 Of My Captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair; must try this on their bed.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of “allergies.” Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.

But I can wait. . .  it is only a matter of time…  heh heh, Meow!

~~~

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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