Ray's musings and humor

Be Well

People pay the doctor for his trouble; for his kindness they still remain in his debt.

Seneca

! 1 stay_well_over

Good morning one and all. I had a hectic day yesterday chasing on-line orders and doing other semi-productive activities. Since I am off to a six am meeting and then giving the invocation at a 7:30 meeting this morning I am again dipping into the archives for a past Ray’s Daily.

Ray’s Daily first published on December 3, 2002

As some of you know I spent many years involved in the Indiana health care system. I was a board member of the health planning agency that had responsibility for federal 1122 reviews of health investments for the purpose of Medicare and Medicaid reimbursement for 30 counties in Central Indiana. Later I became a member of the long range planning committee of a major hospital. Up until a few years ago most of my interaction with the profession was through Doctors I met and worked with on a number of projects.

On occasion in the past, the Indiana Doctors and I had some significant differences of opinion. Today I am a patient of a virtual multitude of Doctors and health care professionals. As an example, today I see my Infectious Disease Doc in the morning and my Blood Doc in the afternoon. I am either getting real good care or they have found a way to get even after all these years.

~~~

To be or not to be isn’t the question. The question is how to prolong being.

Tom Robbins ~

~~~

It was the day before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well, and he was ready to go back to his family for the holidays.  The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.

Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe.  Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way. With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the attendant,  “Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe.”

“Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is located.” (pause)

“Ok, I see that it’s above the luggage scale, which is the place you’d have to step forward for a kiss.”

“That’s not why it’s there.” (pause)

“Ok, I give up.  Why is it there?”

“It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”

~~~

If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.

~~~

Ken sent us these marriage tips:

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. –Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. –Kirsten, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. –Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You Got to be a fool to get married. –Freddie, age 6

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. –Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don’t want any more kids. –Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. –Lynnette, age 8

On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. –Martin, age 10

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. –Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they’re rich.–Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mss with that. –Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.–Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. –Anita, age 9

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN’T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn’t there? –Kelvin, age 8

“And the #1 Favorite is……..”

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. –Ricky, age 10

~~~

A hair in the head is worth two on the brush.

~~~

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards.

She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Hanukkah stamps?”

The clerk says, “What denomination?”

The woman says, “O my God. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

~~~

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

~~~

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers.  “So,” he said, “I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe.” Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000.”  The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon.

“Now then, I’m returning $5,000, and we’re going to decide this case solely on its merits.”

~~~

I’m an idealist. I don’t know where I’m going but I’m on the way.

Carl Sandburg

~~~

The three little boys were lined up in front of the Juvenile Court judge.  “Now, what did you do wrong, boys?  Just tell me in your own words.”

“I stole potatoes from Mr. Simpson,” said the first boy, “and I threw broken glass on the highway, and I threw peanuts in the lake.”

“Now, you know that’s not right,” said the judge.  “You shouldn’t do that.”  he turned to the second boy.  “What did you do?”

“I stole potatoes from Mr. Simpson, threw broken glass on the highway, and threw Peanuts in the lake.”

“Never do that again,” said the judge.  And he turned to the third little boy:  “What did you do?”

“I stole potatoes from Mr. Simpson and threw broken glass on the highway.”

“And didn’t you throw peanuts in the lake?” asked the judge.

“No, sir,” said the boy.  “I’m Peanuts.”

~~~

Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.

George Washington

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

Ray’s Daily has been sent for more than fifteen years to people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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