“Sometimes “No” is the kindest word.”
I have been somewhat distraught by the fact that health restrictions and my inability to predict my availability have kept me from doing as much as I would like to do. This reality has resulted in temporarily requiring me to say no to requests for my help. I suffer a few pangs of guilt as I see others do so much while I am on the sidelines. I am on the mend and hope to be able to do more in the months ahead.
It has never been easy to say no but it is worse to say yes and then fail to make your commitments. If you are like I am and find that turning down requests from others is hard you might find this article helpful.
Stages of Learning to Say “No”
By Donna Birk
One of the most important skills we can learn that will help us manage and fulfill our priorities is to say “No.” Once we get there, it becomes easier and easier, but initially it can be extremely awkward and unpopular with others. Knowing the stages we’ll go through can help us realize that what’s happening is natural and that it’s not just that we can’t seem to do it.
Stage 1: Identifying Opportunities
In this initial stage we have identified our need to learn to say “No” and have made it a goal. What happens is that we start to identify opportunities that have already past where we could have and should have said “No.” We may easily be able to relate to this stage. Most of us at one time or another have said to ourselves or someone else “I never should have agreed to do this.” It’s that regretful feeling that we didn’t take the chance when we had it. This is an important stage in the process, though, since it instills within us the negative experiences that can result from not having said “No.” When enough of those build up, we move on to the next stage.
Stage 2: Backing Up
This next stage of learning and practicing saying “No” is the most difficult. What actually happens is that we continue to say “Yes,” but decide later that we really should have said “No.” We get up the courage to make it right, go back to the other person and tell them we’ve changed our mind. We may feel uncertain, uncomfortable, embarrassed, unsure of ourselves, and not fully believe that what we’re trying to do is the right thing. Responses from others who let us know that we’ve let them down, we’re going back on your promise, or what will they do now certainly contribute to the discomfort we feel within this stage. We also, however, begin feeling intense moments of relief, self-confidence, and pride in ourselves. This is a stage where we seem to need the most reassurance that we’re on the right track. Bear with it, because it will be well worth it! When these positive experiences begin to have more impact than the discomfort, we move on to the next stage.
Stage 3: Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time
Within this stage, we have arrived at a place where we are able to say no at the right time: immediately. Again, this stage can be somewhat uncomfortable, but much of the discomfort, fear, and lack of confidence from the last stage has minimized dramatically. Because we are human beings who have feelings, we may never completely be rid of some sense of guilt or discomfort, but it will continue to have less and less of an impact on us.
No matter what stage you are in or if you’ve just decided to start learning to say “No,” use this information to reassure yourself that you’re not alone, you’re not crazy, and you’re not a bad person because you say “No” to someone. None of us are any good to anyone else unless we do what is right for us first.
“It takes effort to say no when our heart and brains and guts and, most important, pride are yearning to say yes. Practice.”
The differences between North and South.
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions
The North has double last names, The South has double first names
The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
“A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.”
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, “This is matzo ball soup.”
On seeing the two large matzo balls floating in the broth, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man. “Try it; if you don’t like it, you don’t have to finish it.”
Finally he agreed. He dug his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzo ball with some soup in his spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual “Mmmmmmmmm” sound could be heard coming from deep within his chest, and he quickly finished the whole bowl.
“That was good” the man said. “Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?”
Blessed are the pessimists, for they have made backups.
A Toddlers Crede…..
If it is on, I must turn it off.
If it is off, I must turn it on.
If it is a liquid, it must be shaken, then spilled.
If it a solid, it must be crumbled, chewed or smeared.
If it is pointed, it must be run with at top speed.
If it has leaves, they must be picked.
If it is plugged, it must be unplugged.
If it is closed, it must be opened.
If it does not open, it must be screamed at.
If it is full, it will be more interesting emptied.
If it is stroller, it must under no circumstances be ridden in without protest.
If Mommy’s hands are full, I must be carried.
If it has buttons, they must be pressed.
If it is a drawer, it must be pulled upon.
If it has a faucet, it must be turned on at full force.
If it doesn’t stay on my spoon, it must be dropped on the floor.
If it is not food, it must be tasted.
If it IS food, it must not be tasted.
If it is a car seat, it must be protested with arched back.
If it is Mommy, it must be hugged.
I am a toddler!
“I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”
A guy walked into his friend’s office, he found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed.
“Hey, what’s up with you?”, he asks.
“Oh, its my wife,” replied the man sadly. “She’s hired a new secretary for me.”
“Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette?”
“Neither, He’s bald.”
“We must say “no” to what, in our heart, we don’t want. We must say “no” to doing things out of obligation, thereby cheating those important to us of the purest expression of our love. We must say “no” to treating ourselves, our health, our needs as not as important as someone else’s. We must say “no.”
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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