Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Back

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.”

Dalai Lama XIV

new-day_quote1

I am back after a memorable week. My eye surgery went well and I only have experienced minor discomfort. The healing process will take about a month while I continue a regimen of multiple eye drops each day. I am looking forward to establishing my new normal vision and getting glasses that will again provide me youthful vision.

Unfortunately the news was not all good while I was out of commission. The restaurant where my Kiwanis Club has met for many years closed this past weekend providing little notice that it was going to do so. Now we have to find a new location for our early Thursday morning meetings. Our club is 40 plus years old and I was a charter member. It is very active and provides a great service to our community while providing our members with knowledge on the issues of the day and good fellowship.

That was not the worse news. Each year for decades our club runs a food service at a major national horse show. We raise thousands of dollars that are used to by winter clothes for kids who have little allowing them to stay warm during our Indiana winters. As you may know Central Indiana has had record rain fall over the past month resulting in regular flooding and saturated grounds. It is so bad that the Traders Point Horse show had to cancel because the competition areas we all so saturated as to make it impossible to hold the event. Now our club will do its best to find additional sources of funds so we can again provide young people what they need to survive the winter cold.

At least I am doing well and look forward to getting back into action one of these days.

~~~

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing.

“Can you give me a description of him?” asked the officer.

“He’s short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures,” answered the woman.  “Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was.”

~~~

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.

Ingrid Bergman

~~~

Two very reform Jews from the big city were traveling in Florida where on Shabbos they found an orthodox shul in a small town where they could attend services.

The shul Rebbe, seeing strangers at the entrance, greeted the two strangers and asked where they would like to sit.

Looking somewhat confused, one out-of-towner smiled and said, “Non-smoking please.”

~~~

The future is not what it used to be.

~~~

She said: As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a deceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up.

After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card.  It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind.  The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent’s name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card.

“Pardon me,” he asked hesitantly, “but how do you pronounce your husband’s middle name?”

~~~

“To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.”

Benjamin Franklin

~~~

A young minister, sitting down to dinner was about to say grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers.

“I don’t know,” he said dubiously. “It seems to me that we’ve blessed all this stuff before.”

~~~

The young know the rules, the old know the exceptions.

~~~

“I was relaxing in my favorite chair on Sunday,” said Doug to Bill, “reading the newspaper, watching a ball game on TV and listening to another on the radio, drinking a beer, eating a snack, and scratching the dog with my foot — and my wife has the nerve to accuse me of just sitting there doing nothing !”

~~~

“Put even the plainest woman into a beautiful dress and unconsciously she will try to live up to it.”

Lady Duff-Gordon

~~~

You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?” asked the judge.

“Yes,” answered the suspect.

“And what did you steal?”

“A dress, Your Honor,” replied the subject.

“One dress?” echoed the judge. “But you admit breaking in four times!”

“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect. “But three times my wife didn’t like the color.”

~~~

“Most of the things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done.”

Louis D. Brandeis

~~~

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son.

Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn’t stop crying.

Finally, the dad got so worried he decided to take the infant to the doctor.

After the doctor listened to the father all that he had done to get the baby to stop crying, the doctor began to examine the baby’s ears, chest and then down to the diaper area.

When he undid the diaper, he found that the diaper was indeed full.

“Here’s the problem”, the Dr. said, “He needs a change.”

The father was very perplexed, “But the diaper package says it is good for up to 10 lbs.!”

~~~

“It’s been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.”

L.M. Montgomery

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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