Ray's musings and humor

I am glad to be back!

Laughter is not at all a bad beginning for a friendship, and it is far the best ending for one.

Oscar Wilde

! 000 being-a-friend

Hi everybody, as you can see I am back after a brief hiatus. I had some internal bleeding last week that ended up requiring a four day hospital stay to get the problem stopped and begin a recovery regimen. The good news is that I am not leaking blood anymore. The semi-good news is that my blood has begun its climb to normal ranges but it will be a week or so before I get to where I have to be. At least I have a rationale for the excessive amount of time I am bed resting. I am off to see a Doctor later today to monitor my progress so I will be out at least for that.

I was moved by all the good wishes I received. Some from folks I have not seen or heard from for years. I got about a hundred or so on Facebook alone. I have had welcome visits from friends and family as well and that means a lot. I am grateful for the great team of caregivers I had at the hospital. It is always nice to make new friends; one of the nurses even has connected with the Daily.

I was tempted to wait another day to publish the Daily as I am still in low energy mode but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on. I hope you will understand why we will again visit yesterday and see what it was like on this day ten years ago.

Ray’s Daily

March 10, 2005

A week or so ago one of my favorite ladies was bemoaning the fact that she soon would turn 30, another is using her forthcoming 45th birthday to reflect on where she is and where she is going, and just yesterday another friend shared with me how she is dealing with the fact that she will soon be 65. I find our concentrating so much on age to be fascinating.

My grandchildren can hardly wait for their next birthday. Many of my friends would stop their watches and never turn the pages on their calendars if they thought that would work. It seems like we view the march of time as the author of a script that requires us to think, act, or behave in a certain way as the pages turn. In my case I have failed to understand it. I am surrounded by magic mirrors that don’t make me appear as fat as I am, that don’t show me how many hairs I have lost or how many wrinkles I have gained. My body wears out so gradually that I never think about why I don’t bend down and pick up things as easily as I use to.

I have always found that I don’t feel any different the day before a birthday then I did the day after. For me time is measured by the things I have done, the friends I have made, the mistakes I wished I hadn’t made, and the great adventures I have had. But these are my yesterdays that lay the foundation for my tomorrows. There are so many things to do, places to see, and people I have yet to meet, that I can’t wait until tomorrow when I will begin again.

I honestly feel younger in some respects than I did 25 years ago and that is because of many of you and the wonders that the world offers to us all. So my friends please use your birthday each year as the exciting beginning of the rest of your life and certainly never as the close of a part of it. Forget thinking or fretting about it, just jump in and join us, you’ll be glad you did.

~~~

Our life’s journey of self-discovery is not a straight-line rise from one level of consciousness to another. Instead, it is a series of steep climbs and flat plateaus, then further climbs. Even though we all approach the journey from different directions, certain of the journey’s characteristics are common to all of us.

~ Stuart Wilde ~

~~~

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your stinking chain letters over the past years. Thank you for  making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern……..

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains and it eats the paint off of cars.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put “Under God” on their cans.

I no longer use plastic wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers — but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time!!!).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer use my cell phone because I could spontaneously combust at a gas station while refueling my car.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me!  I will now return the favor.

If you DON’T send this e-mail to at least 5000 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00PM tomorrow afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of a  . . . . . .etc…

~~~

By your thoughts you are daily, even hourly, building your life; you are carving your destiny.

Ruth Barrick Golden

~~~

At a world brewing convention in the States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day’s conferencing.

Bruce, CEO of Fosters, shouted to the barman. “In ‘Strailya?, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, mate.”

Rob, CEO of Budweiser calls out next. “In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all – gimme a Bud”.

Hans steps up next “In Germany ve invented das beer. Give me un Helles, ze REAL King of beers.”

Jan, chief executive of Grolsch follows by stating that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top.

Patrick, CEO of Guinness, steps forward. “Barman, give me a coke with ice please”.

The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces.

Eventually Bruce asks, “Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?”

Patrick replies “Well, if you jokers aren’t drinking, then neither am I.”

~~~

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

~~~

“May I go swimming, Mommy?”

“No, you may not. There are sharks here.”

“But Daddy’s swimming.”

“He’s insured.”

~~~

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

~~~

Last summer Ed met a woman while on vacation and fell head over heels in love with her. On the last night of his vacation, the two of them went to dinner and had a serious talk about how they would continue the relationship. “It’s only fair to warn you, I’m a total golf nut,” Ed said to his lady friend.. “I eat, sleep and breathe golf, so if that’s a problem, you’d better say so now.”

“Well, if we’re being honest with each other, here goes,” she replied. “I’m a hooker.”

“I see, Ed replied, and was quiet for a moment. Then he added, “You know, it’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight when you tee off.”

~~~

If you don’t like the news, go out and make some.

~~~

An elderly couple were experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class, where they teach one to remember things by association. Later, the man was talking to a neighbor about how much the class helped him.

“Who was the instructor?”  Asked the neighbor.

“Oh, let’s see,” pondered the man.  “Ummm…  What’s that flower, you know, that smells real nice, but it has those thorns…?”

“A rose?”  offered the neighbor.

“Right,” said the man.  He turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the guy we took that memory class from?”

~~~

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

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