Ray's musings and humor

Welcome home

“Being in a long marriage is a little bit like that nice cup of coffee every morning – I might have it every day, but I still enjoy it.”

Stephen Gaines

 ! Happy Marriage

Great news, as of last night the plan is to let my wife come home later today after her lengthy stay in the hospital. Her absence again made me realize how dependent I am on our companionship. The time comes in a long marriage when you often communicate silently. It is like your psyche has merged together. We are really fortunate that our marriage has weathered the storms. We have had more good moments than most and that allowed us not to mess up our great children too much. The vacuum created by her not being here has been disturbing and I am glad it will come to an end today.

Those of you, who know my wife know it does not take long for her to get cabin fever. She usually takes off in her car a couple of times a day. She walks a mall in the morning, often eats lunch away, runs errands, or visits family and friends. I either stay home protecting our space from invasion or venture out to do the things I do. In other words we both happily do our own thing.

What will be different is she cannot drive for two weeks so I am going to be her chauffer. I want her to be able to do as much as she can after being hospitalized for so long. As I was looking to find suggestions as to how I should behave on the assignment I ran across the following piece that should help.

If A Dog Were Your Teacher

If a dog were your teacher these are some of the lessons you might learn…

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride

When it’s in your best interest practice obedience

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory

Take naps and stretch before rising

Run romp and play daily

Thrive on attention and let people touch you

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do

On warm days stop to lie on your back on the grass

On hot days drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree

When you’re happy dance around and wag your entire body

No matter how often you’re scolded don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout run right back and make friends

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm

Stop when you have had enough

Be loyal

Never pretend to be something you’re not

If what you want lies buried dig until you find it

When someone is having a bad day be silent ….. …sit close by. …and nuzzle them gently.

~~~

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.”

Sam Keen

~~~

Harold was an old man, he was sick, and he was in the hospital.  There was one young nurse that just drove him crazy.  Every time she came in, she would talk to him like he was a little child.  She would say in a patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning, or are we ready for a bath, or are we hungry?”

Old Harold had had enough of this particular nurse.  One day, Old Harold had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his bed side stand.  He had been given a Urine Bottle to fill for testing. The juice was apple juice.  So…..  you know where the juice went. The nurse came in a little later and picked up the urine bottle.  She looks at it.  “My, but it seems we are a little cloudy today…..”

At this, Old Harold snatched the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and drinks it down, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time.”

The nurse fainted……  Old Harold just smiled

~~~

Only a mediocre person is ever at their best.

~~~

She said: Antiques have become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny-looking, don’t work and are only kept for sentimental purposes. Some of these are called antiques – and the rest are called husbands.~~~

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who’s this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?”

“That’s your father.”

“Then who’s that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?”

~~~

All food is Fat-Free – if you don’t eat it.

~~~

A feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a Hassidic elderly Jewish man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, “Here’s another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat,” so she pushes him back onto the seat.

A few minutes later, the elderly man tries to get up again. She is still insulted so she refuses to let him up again. Finally, the old Jewish man says, “Look, lady, trouble I don’t want, but you’ve got to let me get up….. I’m twelve blocks past my stop already!”

~~~

Never leave your wife’s anniversary present in a Wal-Mart bag.

~~~

SCHIZOPHRENIA – Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY – We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA – I Think I’ll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC – Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

PARANOIA – Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER – You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I’ll tell you why.

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY – Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE – On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away).

~~~

“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.”

Dave Meurer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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