Ray's musings and humor

The countdown has begun

Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children.

Charles R. Swindoll

 ! Family

Good morning everyone. The good news is that my wife is back home after her short hospital stay and is doing well. The bad news is that I am fighting a nasty winter cold that coupled with the annual holiday countdown has drained my energy. I will miss my work out again this morning and substitute more bed rest as well as send you another past issue of the Daily. Stay well, do well and have fun I hope to be back with a new Daily tomorrow.

 Ray’s Daily First published on Thursday December 18, 2003

My grandchildren have grown to be young adults in the eleven years since this was written and they are still our pride and joy.

~~~

We are one week away from Christmas today. Our grandchildren, like so many other kids have begun the pre-Christmas countdown. It is a time filled with school and church pageants, and a time filled with anticipation and excitement. To some extent I think we adults have overdone it. In days gone by our Christmases were filled with good fellowship, good food, and family get-togethers. We did not have a lot of presents, but what we did have were special and lasted throughout our youth. Today it seems that is quantity as well as quality that count. Children, like us, are caught up in a whirlwind of technology and the need to have the latest. Computer games become obsolete almost at the point of purchase, there will be a new super special game platform out soon, that will render the one they have now out of fashion and no fun anymore. You can’t play without the right shoes, go out without the right jacket, and so on. I begrudge them nothing, for it is we adults who are responsible. We demonstrate the same behavior, be it the car we buy, our latest computer upgrade, a dinner at prestige restaurant, the list goes on and on. Many of us with income, maybe a little wealth and lots of credit cards seem to think that score is kept not by what we do, but by what we have. It is sad to me that so much of it is just our adult toys of the moment, soon to be tossed aside for the next thing. I often wonder if the nostalgia expressed by my generation is about the real things out of our past or out of our imagination, but no matter, in our minds life was a lot simpler, friends a lot closer, and our things more dear.

But that is enough of Christmas past. We all have much to be thankful for and much to celebrate. I know I am more fortunate than most, as the gifts I have been given are the things I have been allowed to do; a family that is near and dear; and a wide group of people like you, my friends and  acquaintances, and those of you that I know only through this daily. People come and go in our lives, but like the Christmas gifts we cherished as a child, they all live on in our memories. Happy Holidays.

~~~

God gave us our memories so that we might have roses in December.

J.M. Barrie

~~~

Dear Diary…

For my 65th birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great  shape since playing on my college football team 25  years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go  ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress………….

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but and it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile.  Woo Hoo!  Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill.

She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today.  Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.  My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.  She said some other crap too.

Thursday:

Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine – which I sank.

Friday:

I hate that Belinda more that any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.  Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the *&%#(#&**!! @*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my wife will choose a gift for me that is fun – like a root canal or a vasectomy.

~~~

A young person knows the rules but the old person knows the exceptions.

~~~

A witness is testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney is asking him questions. “You witnessed the robbery, sir?”

“Yes” “What was stolen?” “Two televisions” “Did you see the thieves?”

“Yes” “Could you identify them?” “Yes”

“Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?” At this point, the two defendants raised their hands.

~~~

Some can trace their family back 300 years, but can’t tell you where their children are tonight.

Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

The Hebrew school teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little David interrupted.

“My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

~~~

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.

William Allen White

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are more than 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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