Ray's musings and humor

“Count your age by friends, not years. Count your life by smiles, not tears.”

John Lennon

 Be Happy

I hope you are staying as happy as I am. I am sometimes accused of being unrealistically happy, if I am I don’t care as I find deciding to be happy is a choice I am glad I make every day. How drab it must be for those who never smile and who are so often ignored because the express little joy.

I get up every morning expecting to have a good day, I expect to like everyone I meet and usually do, I will laugh some and smile often. Not because my world is much different than the world of those who just exist without being happy, it isn’t, it is because I have chosen to be happy. You can too. If you need help follow the advice below.

 

“Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel that there is something in them

To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best, and to expect only the best.

To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud words but great deeds.

To live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

Christian D. Larson

~~~

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.”

Dale Carnegie

~~~

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

STUDENT: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

~~~

Why are things typed up but written down?

~~~

The old Professor and his wife decided to visit an art gallery. Right on the first wall, they see a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The professor’s wife doesn’t like it and moves on, but naturally, the old professor keeps looking… She asks, “Well, what are you waiting for?” The old professor replies, “Autumn.”

~~~

A doctor examined a man, took the wife aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your husband at all.” “Me neither doc.” said the wife. “But he’s a good provider and really good with the kids.”

~~~

The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces and laid it upon the altar. And then Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over the altar. He had them do this four times. “Now, said the teacher, “can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?”

A little girl in the back of the room raised her hand with great enthusiasm. “To make the gravy,” came her enthusiastic reply.

~~~

How can you tell which bottle contains the PMS medicine?

It’s the one with bite marks on the cap.

~~~

Alex, a widower, went to a dance at the Senior’s Center. There he met Ruth, a woman also in her golden years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.

Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, “You remind me of my fourth husband.”

“Really?” Alex replied, “How many times have you been married?”

“Three.”

~~~

The right thing to say usually comes to mind right after you’ve said the wrong thing.

~~~

10 Things You Never Hear in Church

  1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew!
  2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
  3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
  4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
  5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
  6. Forget the denominational minimum salary. Let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
  7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
  8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
  9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
  10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

~~~

“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.”

Molly McGee

~~~

After being on the phone forever with a customer who had been having difficulties with a computer program, a support technician at my company turned in his report:  “The problem resides between the keyboard and the chair.”

~~~

You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

Mae West

~~~

“You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?” asked the Judge.

“Yes,” answered the suspect.

“And what did you steal?”

“A dress, Your Honor,” replied the subject.

“One dress?” echoed the judge. “But you admit breaking in four times!”

“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect. “But three times my wife didn’t like the color.”

~~~

“Success is getting what you want, happiness is wanting what you get”

 W.P. Kinsella

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

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