Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s Back

“Ah! There is nothing like staying at home, for real comfort.”

Jane Austen

 relax

I just returned to the artic like weather in Indianapolis from my rejuvenation hiatus in the Caribbean. Now while avoiding the frigid and blustery weather outside we need to unpack, put the house back in order and try to catch up with everything.

I spent the last week mostly resting and eating so I need to restart my investment in good health. These last few days have convinced me that I need put more time into relaxation on a regular basis if I am going to return to my previous physical capabilities. If you are like I am that is easier said than done. I find it difficult to slow down so I need to change my propensity to jump in whenever the opportunity presents its self. I learned with the recent critical illness that it is not helping anyone if you not able to do what needs to be done.

While I have convinced myself that I am not prone to stress I do know that I do not handle my propensity to take on too much very well. As I wandered the web searching for relaxation tips I ran across the following from the Rush University Medical Center that I think has merit.

Relaxation Tips

In these times, many people live with chronic stress. The first step is recognizing that this is a problem that can have long lasting effects on your health. The single most important thing you can do is try to reduce the stressors in your life. It is unreasonable to expect to remove all stress, but evaluate your life – are you expecting too much of yourself? Once you have reduced your stress to a minimum, try using some of these suggestions to learn to consciously relax.

Breath slowly and deeply — slowing your breath begins the relaxation response.

Start by extending your exhale out for longer than you usually would. Soon you’ll find that your inhales have naturally become slower and deeper.

Regular exercise has been shown to reduce stress — so get moving.

Try meditation — start by being aware of your breathing. One simple technique is to say to yourself “I’m breathing out” as you exhale and say to yourself “I’m breathing in” as you inhale. Start with three minutes and slowly add a minute until you’re able to sit in meditation for 15 minutes.

Join a yoga class — enjoy the deep relaxation at the end of the class.

Schedule relaxing activities regularly, such as:

Go for a relaxing dinner and a movie every Friday night.

Go for a walk through the park after lunch three times a week.

Do something that you enjoy, like a hobby or other fun activity, every Saturday.

Do some volunteer work. You’ll find that you lose your stress as you help others.

Read a book or magazine that you enjoy.

Call and talk to a friend.

Take a long hot shower.

Listen to music that you enjoy.

Have dinner at your favorite restaurant.

Go on a picnic.

Live for the moment.

~~~

Sometimes the cure for restlessness is rest.

Colleen Wainwright

~~~

The doorbell rang and the little girl ran to open the door. In the doorway stood a man with a clipboard. He explained he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family.

Coming over, drying her hands on her apron, the mother said, “Let’s see. There’s me and my husband, and my children Tracy, Katherine, Amanda, Alfred, Benjamin–”

The census taker interrupted, saying, “I’m not interested in the names. The numbers will be enough.”

The little girl pitched in. “We don’t use numbers. We haven’t run out of names yet!”

~~~

Just remember–when you think all is lost, the future remains.

Robert Goddard

~~~

A woman, having walked all around the cemetery, complains to the caretaker, “I have looked all around, and can not find my husband’s grave.”

“Oh? What name were you looking for?”

“Irving Finkelstein.”

“Hmmmm,” says the caretaker, “must be a mistake somewhere. The only Finkelstein we have is a Rachel Finkelstein.”

“That is no mistake!” says Rachel. “Irving has always put everything in my name!”

~~~

Do unto others — then run !”

Benny Hill

~~~

At the bar one night, a man approached one of the ladies standing near the edge of the dance floor. “Would you like to dance?” he asked.

The girl didn’t even look at him when she replied, “I don’t like this song, and even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”

The man immediately said, “Oh, I’m sorry, but you must have misunderstood me. I said, ‘You look fat in those pants.'”

~~~

“Ever notice that a human baby doesn’t walk until it’s tall enough to reach a parent’s hand?”

~~~

Someone sent me an article that said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish things you’ve started. It is definitely working for me. I am now making a point of always finishing what I start, and I think I am well on my way toward finding inner peace. Because I care for you, I am passing this wisdom on to you.

Here are the things that I have finished today:

– Two bags of potato chips,

– a strawberry cheesecake,

– a package of Oreo’s,

– a bottle of wine, and

– a large box of chocolates.

I think this really works because I feel better already.

~~~

The best way to get even is to forget..

~~~

A pilgrim was walking across the prairie during the days of the Old West when he came across a small town. Passing through the town, he noticed a saloon and decided to stop and quench his thirst. After ordering a beer, he stood at the bar and observed the other clientele in the saloon.

Suddenly the saloon door swung open, and a cowboy came running in yelling “Big Jake’s comin’!” Within seconds the establishment had cleared, leaving the pilgrim and his beer alone at the bar.

Sure enough, a huge seven-and-a-half foot, 500 pound cowboy came swaggering in, tearing out the front door frame with his broad shoulders. The cowboy looked around the saloon, marched over to the pilgrim, picked him up by the scruff of the neck, and threw him over the bar, bellowing “Gimme a drink!”

The pilgrim complied, placing the almost-full bottle next to the glass on the bar. The cowboy tossed back the drink, then bit the neck off of the bottle and emptied that too.

At that point, the pilgrim, quaking in his boots, asked “Sir, would you care for another?” To which the cowboy replied, “Nope. I gotta go. Big Jake’s comin’!”

~~~

He enjoys true leisure who has time to improve his soul’s estate.

Henry David Thoreau

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Comments on: "Ray’s Back" (1)

  1. nofrillswrapping said:

    Welcome back.

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