Ray's musings and humor

“Too many young musicians today want to win polls before they learn their instruments.”

Benny Goodman


Hi, sorry I can’t stop now I am off to a meeting. Just so you will have something to read while doing what ever you do when you read I am sending you this dog-eared Daily from years ago.

Ray’s Daily first published on May 30, 2002

It’s the birthday of one of my all-time favorite musicians, Benny Goodman. He was known as the “King of Swing,” born in Chicago in 1909, the eighth of twelve children of an immigrant tailor. When he was ten years old, the local synagogue offered him music lessons and a free loaner clarinet to practice on. At the age of 16, he joined Ben Pollack’s band along with Glenn Miller, Jack Teagarden, and Jimmy McPartland. He had a reputation of being not the most likeable guy in the world, but he sure could play. His Carnegie Hall Concert in, I think 1938 is still a mind blower. The music of today is not my cup of tea, but I remember the days when Jazz and R&B were not appreciated by the seniors of those days, maybe we tend to live in our pasts.


By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.


This is my week for the Doc’s, yesterday I went to get a clean bill of health from my family physician, after all, my shipboard infection was gone, wrong! Back Friday for more blood work. Stock tip of the day – buy medical.


I’m Fine – How are you?


There’s nothing the matter with me,

I’m just as healthy as can be,

I have arthritis in both knees,

And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze.


My pulse is weak, my blood is thin,

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.


All my teeth have had to come out,

And my diet I hate to think about.

I’m overweight and I can’t get thin,

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.


And arch supports I need for my feet.

Or I wouldn’t be able to go out in the street.

Sleep is denied me night after night,

But every morning I find I’m all right.

My memory’s failing, my head’s in a spin.

But I’m awfully well for the shape I’m in.


Old age is golden I’ve heard it said,

But sometimes I wonder, as I go to bed.

With my ears in a drawer, my teeth in a cup,

And my glasses on a shelf, until I get up.

And when sleep dims my eyes, I say to myself,

Is there anything else I should lay on the shelf?


The reason I know my Youth has been spent,

Is my get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went!

But really I don’t mind, when I think with a grin,

Of all the places my get-up has been.


I get up each morning and dust off my wits,

Pick up the paper and read the obits.

If my name is missing, I’m therefore not dead,

So I eat a good breakfast and jump back into bed.


The moral of this as the tale unfolds,

Is that for you and me, who are growing old.

It is better to say “I’m fine” with a grin,

Than to let people know the shape we are in.


Is this really what we have to look forward to?


A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. “Oh, we’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,” the wife explained. “He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I’m listening.”


“There is only one pretty child in the world, And every mother has it.”

Traditional Proverb


Doug goes to a doctor and says: “Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?”

The doctor replies, “Try coming home at 3 in the morning!”


A vacationer e-mailed a seaside hotel to ask its location.

“It’s only a stone’s throw away from the beach,” he was told.

“But how will I recognize it?” asked the man.

The reply was, “It’s the one with all the broken windows.”


My #1 goal is to always speak well of others.

My #2 goal is to make sure I don’t end up like the rest of those losers.


During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. “Your jeep stuck, sir?” asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside

“Nope,” replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, “Yours is.”


Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?


A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number.

“What kind of car was he driving?” the husband asked.

“I don’t know,” she said.  “I never can tell one car from another.”

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and so for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked.  About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. “Darling,” she said with obvious pride, “I just hit a brand new Buick!”


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

Rita Rudner-


“Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him.  For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth.  He even kept a log of the “conversation.”  Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

“My husband spends his nights … calling out to owls,” she said.

“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied.  “So does my husband.”

Then it dawned on them.


“It is time to start living the life you’ve imagined.”

Henry James


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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