Ray's musings and humor

Archive for March, 2013

If you want to be happy listen to Erma

The summit of happiness is reached when a person is ready to be what he is.

Erasmus

choose to be happy

My recent visit to North Carolina as you know was somewhat devastating since my super sister-in-law died while I was there. Fortunately most of her immediate family lived close by so they provided support as did some of their truly special friends.

As it often happens when we lose someone close we spent much of our time reminiscing about their life and the really good times we shared. I was pleased that we were able to celebrate the life she had while not limiting ourselves to mourning her death. The moments also were used by many for personal introspection; a review if you will of our lives as they are now and what we might do make sure we take advantage of the years we have left. The issue always is one of knowing yourself and then having the courage to take the steps that can lead to a better life.

Each of us carries burdens from our past that can bog us down if we let them. In my experience the faster we release ourselves from our past and any ties that bind us to the status quo the faster we can begin a happier life.

I am sure I shared with many of you some time ago a piece written by Erma Bombeck. She wrote it near the end of her life and it holds many of the keys to a happier life..

 

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER –

  • I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.
  • I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.
  • I would have talked less and listened more.
  • I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded.
  • I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.
  • I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.
  • I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.
  • I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.
  • I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.
  • I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.
  • Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
  • When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.”
  • There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”
  • But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute, look at it and really see it , live it and never give it back.

The good news is that we all have time to follow her advice, I know if we do we will be better for doing so.

~~~

Lead the life that will make you kindly and friendly to everyone about you, and you will be surprised what a happy life you will lead.

Charles M. Schwab

~~~

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. “Squawks” are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before next flight.

(P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid. (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield (S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent (S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick (S) That’s what they’re there for

(P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right.” and be serious.

(P) Target Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words

~~~

You’re never too old to become younger.

MAE WEST

~~~

A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.  She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.

“Excuse me,” she said, “I’m in a hurry.  Could you check me out, please?”

The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, “Ummmm, Not bad.”

~~~

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

~~~

A couple is celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary and goes down to their old school. There, in a corner, they hold hands as they find their old desk where he had carved, “I love you, Sally.”

On the way home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car in front of them. She picks it up and counts $50,000.

The husband says, “We’ve got to give it back.”

She says, “Finders keepers.” And when they get home she hides it in the attic.

The next day, two FBI men show up at their home. They ask, “Pardon me, did anyone in this house find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?”

She says, “No.”

The husband says, “My wife is lying. She took the money and hid it in the attic.”

She says, “Don’t believe him, he’s a bit senile.”

So they sit the man down and begin to question him. One FBI guy says, “Tell us the story from the beginning.”

The old man says, “Well, my wife and I were on our way home from school…”

The FBI guy looks at his partner and says,  “Let’s get out of here.”

~~~

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. Circumstances and situations do color life but you have been given the mind to choose what the color shall be.

John Homer Miller

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I’m having fun, are you?

“Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.”

Robert Browning

happy aging

Yesterday one of my favorite in-laws sent me a piece suggesting that I don’t wait to enjoy aging. She actually was singing to the choir as as each year has gone by my life has gotten better. There is real joy in letting go and not worrying about what others think and discovering the fun that comes from finding new things to do. Way to many of us put off enjoying life until that elusive someday and sadly find that they waited too long and the day never came. Recently author Chris Mautner wrote a piece on how to age gracefully that hit home for me since it advocates things that really have worked for me. Here in part is what he said:

 

How to age gracefully: Don’t be afraid of growing older

Is it about cheerfully accepting growing older and the changes that come with it? Or is it about trying to stay as youthful as possible — physically and mentally — regardless of the consequences? Or is it just about feeling good and staying as healthy as possible?

“There’s normal aging and then there is successful aging,” said Dr. Noel Ballentine of Penn State Hershey Internal Medicine. “Successful aging is being vibrant well into your 80s. It’s not only possible but it’s common.”

Here are some ways to do that:

Keep active physically. We’re not saying you should run a mile every day, but some form of physical exercise is always a good idea regardless of your age.

Keep your mind active. Read. Do crossword puzzles. Your brain needs as much exercise as your body.

Eat right. A poor diet can lead to such problems as diabetes, obesity and joint issues.

Be proactive. Plan for the future. Think about where you are going to be in 10 years and what you want to do. “A lot of people get to the point where retirement hits and are not sure what’s next,” said Matthew Gallardo, a life coach for Messiah Lifeways in Mechanicsburg.

Ask yourself tough questions about what you are going to do with your time. What are the things you want to accomplish or enjoy when you were younger but didn’t have the time to do? Do you have enough money to live as you’d like to? Do you want to stay in your current home or move to a retirement community? What are the things you thought of doing but didn’t have the chance to?

Get involved. Staying active in your community is a good way to keep your mind sharp. Volunteer. Go back to school or look into trying a second career.

Anticipate your health-care needs. Have a plan in place so that if you or a loved one becomes ill you know what to do.

Maintain a positive attitude. There are benefits that come with growing older, such as having a better understanding of yourself and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

Don’t fight getting older. The only way to live a long life is to get older, and if you ignore encroaching age, you’re going to have difficulty adjusting to it.

~~~

Aging can be fun if you lay back and enjoy it.

Clint Eastwood

~~~

Henny Youngman the king of the one-liners said:

a.. A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

b.. The patient says “Doctor, it hurts when I do this.” “Then don’t do that!”

c.. The doctor says to the patient, “Take your clothes off and stick your tongue out the window”. “What will that do” asks the patient. The doctor says “I’m mad at my neighbor!”

d.. A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man’s chest. The man asks “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says “That’s what puzzles me!”

e.. “Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” The doctor says “Limp!”

f.. Doctor says to a man “You’re pregnant!” The man says “How does a man get pregnant?” The doctor says “The usual way, a little wine, a little dinner….”

g.. “Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears.” “Don’t answer!”

h.. Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office”. Doctor: “Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.”

~~~

Always aim for achievement and forget about success.

Helen Hayes

~~~

Subject: : THE THREE GOSPEL TRUTHS

1)  Jews do not recognize Jesus Christ as the Messiah.

2)  Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.

3)  Baptists do not recognize each other at Hooters.

~~~

Have you noticed how toothaches always start on Friday night right before the weekend when the Dental Office will be closed.

~~~

A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him.

“Speak!” she said to the dog.

The dog says, “Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!”

~~~

“Among the things you can give and still keep are your word, a smile, and a grateful heart.”

Zig Ziglar

~~~

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS: George!

~~~

When someone tells you that what he’s about to say is “for your own good,” expect the worst.

~~~

Little Johnny returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, “Mum, what’s sex?”

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, Little Johnny produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, “Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”

~~~

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

~~~

A young man, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The young man walked up to the Chinese man and asked, “When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?” The old Chinese man replied with a smile, “Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers.”

~~~

“You don’t stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”

George Bernard Shaw

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Farewell Dear Friend

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

A headstone in Ireland

sailaway

Sorry for the week absence, my wife and I flew to Charlotte for a few days to spend time with my sister-in-law who has had some serious health problems over the past few years. We arrived midday and Miriam, my sister-in-law who had pretty much lost her sight seemed to really enjoy the time spent with us and two other sisters as we reminisced about the old days, she even laughed a few times. Later we went to dinner with her husband and her children and enjoyed being together even if just for a little while. We went home and after she went to bed she had a seizure and lost conciseness. She was rushed to the hospital and never woke; she ended up passing away very early the next morning surrounded by family and friends.

This was really difficult for me as she was more than a sister-in-law to me for we had known each other for sixty years, she was the sister I never had and also one of my best friends. We laughed together often and even cried together on occasion. We were cruise mates many times over the years sailing both in the Americas and Europe.

I spent most of the time since her death with my brother-in-law doing what I could to ease his pain. While she had suffered way too much recently and now is at peace her loss is devastating for him. I shared with the attendees at her funeral that she would always live forever in my mind as while she is no longer with us I have 60 years of great memories to fall back on. I am truly grateful for all those years we had togehter.

A fellow cruiser and my good friend sent me a note for her that I repeated at the funeral. He wrote “Bon voyage Dear Miriam as you embark on your final cruise to heaven. Please wait for us for by the grace of god we will be joining you sometime in the future.”

Now I am back home adjusting to a world that no longer includes my dear friend. She would not be happy if today’s daily was filled with sadness so I will try to add a little humor in her memory.

~~~

May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back.  May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields.  And until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

Irish Blessing

~~~

Do you know how many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

a.. Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

b.. Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

c.. Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

d.. Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

e.. Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

f.. Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

g.. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

h.. Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including candescent, fluorescent, three- way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

i.. Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

j.. Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

k.. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

l.. Amish: What’s a light bulb?

~~~

“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day just exactly fits in the newspaper.”

Jerry Seinfield

~~~

When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old son, Billy, was utterly amazed, and a little bit disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his mom’s tummy. So one day when the baby was especially active, she asked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still.

“Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap,” shrugged Mary.

“A nap?” Billy marveled. “You mean there’s a bed in there too?”

~~~

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.”

Walter Bagehot

~~~

TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”?

JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

~~~

Ask me about my vow of silence.

~~~

Three couples–one elderly, one middle-aged and one newlywed–wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, “Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”

The old man replied, “No problem at all, Father.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the church!” said the priest.

The priest went to the middle-aged couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?”

The middle-aged man replied, “The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights, but, yep, we made it.”

“Congratulations! Welcome to the church,” said the priest.

The priest then went to the newlywed couple and asked, “Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?”

“No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks,” the young man replied sadly.

“What happened?” inquired the priest.

“My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it,” said the young man. “When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there.”

“You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church,” stated the priest.

“We know,” said the young man. “We’re not welcome at the supermarket anymore either.”

~~~

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I have to suspend publishing the Daily for a week

Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.

Lou Holtz

 Image

I have to handle some personal business for the rest of the week so I am shutting down the presses until next week. There are about 1,500 past Daily’s at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ if you want a substitute.

 

In the meantime I am off this morning to my 5 AM workout at my YMCA’s wellness center. I am still amazed at how much I am benefiting from my five day a week commitment. Any of you who knew me in my past life must be shocked about how far out of character this is compared to my previous behavior. I don’t smoke anymore and have not for years, I work out; I can’t drink anymore because of my medications, I work out: I don’t walk around gasping for breath anymore, I work out and it all pays off.

I doubt that I would have added this beneficial activity to my life if I had not transitioned to it via my cardiac rehab at the hospital. so again it was a negative experience that turned into a big time positive change in my life.

If you’re not exercising you really ought to think about starting. If you need some help here is some tips written by Health Coach Claire Kerslake that are worth your consideration.

 

7 Ways to Embrace Exercise

  • Change ANTS into PETS. Huh? Automatic negative thoughts (ANTS) like ‘I hate to exercise’ can really derail our attempts to develop an exercise habit in their tracks. Changing these thoughts into Positive Enabling thoughts (PETS) such as ‘It’s just something that I do’ or ‘I love to exercise’ can make such a difference.
  • Just do it. Like the slogan says, sometimes I just needed to take action.
  • Start small. There is magic in just starting for 5 minutes a day. Every day. This changes the wiring in our brain to really cement the exercise habit in. One of the mistakes I used to make when I was trying and failing to establish a regular exercise habit was to start with sessions of 30-60 minutes 3-4 times a week. It was too much, too soon and before long I’d have given up again. The 5 minute sessions were successful because they were short enough that I thought ‘anybody can do this’ and it was easy to do something every day. Then, over time, I slowly increased the length of the sessions.
  • Rewards. I’d half-heartedly tried my hand at using rewards in the past. Then I tried sticking simple gold stars on a chart. I felt like I was 8 again and it was amazing just what I was prepared to do to earn that gold star! You can be creative with this. It’s your journey – you get to make up your own rules! Sometimes we can be tempted to use food as a reward. This can be a trap for the unwary and sabotage all of your good work as hundreds of extra calories can easily be consumed as a reward for effort. In my case the Y automatically tracks my progress and even sends me monthly reports, the reward are the points I accumulate with each workout.
  • Accountability. The stick part of the ‘carrot and the stick’. This is just as important as the reward part. For me, an exercise diary worked well. A supportive friend who’ll hold you accountable, an exercise buddy or an online app can all keep you on the straight and narrow. There is a coach at the Y who does not hold back criticizing my behavior if I slack off, know that someone is watching ready to pounce if I slack off sometimes is enough to keep me going.
  • Experiment. Varying the contents of my exercise sessions helped to prevent boredom. In being willing to try new things, I discovered some activities I now really love that I never would have tried otherwise.
  • Make it enjoyable. I found adding music to my exercise sessions really made a difference. Exercising with a friend instead of meeting for coffee can also be a fun way to burn off some calories and provide the motivation to exercise regularly.

~~~

Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.

Jim Ryan

~~~

He said: Yesterday my brother Jim was taking a test required for a management job with a local trucking company.   Part of the test involved a verbal section given by the company employment director (or whatever).

Question: “You are driving a forklift and 2 men get in your way, what do you do?”

My brother’s answer: “Go for the one with the most seniority!”

~~~

Q: What’s a Jewish sweater?

A: It’s what a Jewish child wears when his mother is cold.

~~~

Found on the retirement village bulletin board

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim,5’4″ used to be 5-6), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and  am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and  meditation. If you are the silent type, let’s get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

MINT CONDITION: Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn’t in running condition, but walks well.

~~~

What is a friend? A single soul shared by two people.

Aristotle

~~~

Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says: “Make me one with everything.”

He gives the vendor a $20 bill and waits. Finally he says: “Where’s my change?”

Says the vendor: “All change must come from within.”

~~~

“Half our live is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed though life trying to save.”

Will Rogers

~~~

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “Jeez doc, exactly what’s my problem?”

Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

~~~

Exercise should be regarded as tribute to the heart.

Gene Tunney

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I am me, are you you?

“Be yourself- not your idea of what you think somebody else’s idea of yourself should be.”

Henry David Thoreau

 be yourself

I was reading an article the other day that was advocating paying less attention to what other folks think and keeping to your own set of values. We have all heard the reasons why we should not let others try to manage our lives through their telling us what they approve of and what they don’t like about what we do. Some of us depend on the kind of control our parents had over us during childhood throughout the rest of our lives and so never really become what we might have been.

I would be lying if I did not tell you that I really do appreciate approval, especially from people I respect however I do not shift what I want to do just to get their appreciation. In truth I sometimes am pained by the disapproval of others but most of the time it is a feeling of being sorry that they cannot see why I do what I do.

When I read the article I realized something that I never thought about. In truth we are better of not seeking the approval of others but rather by earning their approval by what we do. I would much rather be true to my values and do the best that I can each day in my own way and let those that observe my actions decide if they want to be a friend or not. When I can stay focused on doing what I believe is right knowing that I will be much more effective than if I have to behave in a manner that others think is best.

So as you have heard me say before, this is as good as I get and it is up to you to decide if it pleases you or not.

Off and on over the years I have shared what some others have told us are their rules of life, here are a few more that someone sent me that I like.

 

More rules for life

  • When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
  • Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
  • Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
  • When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
  • Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
  • Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.

~~~

Believe in yourself; trust yourself and always give the best of yourself.

Ricardo Housham

~~~

Well it finally happened, retaliation! The blondes of the world got together and have decided to take revenge on the brunettes:

WHAT’S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE? Brown-bagging it.

WHAT’S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it.

WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? So brunettes can remember them.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible.

WHAT’S A BRUNETTE’S MATING CALL? “Has the blonde left yet? ”

WHY DIDN’T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? The hair from a buffalo’s butt was more manageable.

WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage

WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price

KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES? Brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights

~~~

Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

~~~

A newspaper writer, after working for 17 long years, was finally granted two months leave, during which time he would be fully paid. However, he turned down his boss’ kind offer.

The boss asked, “Why would you turn down such a generous offer?”

The newspaper writer said there were 2 reasons.

“Well, what are they?” asked the boss.

“The first,” he said, “is that I thought that my taking such a long leave might affect the newspaper’s circulation.”

The boss asked him what the other reason was.

“The other reason,” replied the writer, “is that I thought my taking such a long leave might NOT affect the newspaper’s circulation.”

~~~

The greatest thing is, at any moment, to be willing to give up who we are in order to become all that we can be.

Max De Pree

~~~

He said: The company where my brother worked had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls.  If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working  late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number.

It got to the point where, as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, “Psychic Hotline. I’m sorry, but you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

The callers would often reply with something like, “But I didn’t even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong . . . Oh! (Click)

~~~

Abstinence should be practiced in moderation.

~~~

A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist.

They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. The dog was produced and the manager said, “Fetch the Bible.”

The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager then said “Find Psalms 23”. The dog, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly impressed, the couple purchased the dog.

That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, “Can he do normal dog tricks too?”

“Let’s see” said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded “Heel!” The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher’s forehead and began to howl.

The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed “Good grief, we’ve bought a Pentecostal dog!”

~~~

Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you?

Fanny Brice

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Life is a puzzle to be enjoyed

Life is like a puzzle. There may be difficulties finding the right pieces but in the end your puzzle will be complete.

Alma Sales

puzzle

Yesterday I stumbled across a piece in my archives that someone sent me many years ago. I thought I would share it with you and add some comments. Here it is:

 

THINGS ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM A JIGSAW PUZZLE

Don’t force a fit. If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.  

Have you ever wondered how many hours you have lost trying to make the impossible possible? One of the most efficient success techniques is knowing when to quit and move on.

When things aren’t going so well, take a break.      Everything will look different when you return.  

I spent most of my life working on difficult problems both in the computer industry and in my later careers. I learned early that I would see more clearly if I took a break and came back and took another look.

Be sure to look at the big picture. Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.  

Far too often we get bogged down trying to take care of a minor glitch when all we need to do is to move around it and go forward.

Perseverance pays off. Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.  

Too many of us fail because we give up too soon.

The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.  

The greatest gifts I have been given in my life have been the shared vision of others, don’t fail to pay attention.

Variety is the spice of life. It’s the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.  

This is so important; rut dwellers live in a colorless world.

Working together with friends and family makes any task fun.  

I know of no greater reward than that feeling of satisfaction that comes from shared experiences.

Don’t be afraid to try different combinations. Some matches are surprising.  

Trying again does not mean doing the same thing over again more success come from thinking outside the box.

Anything worth doing takes time and effort. A great puzzle can’t be rushed.  

Life is our common puzzle, it can be great fun if we take our time and do it right.

 

Now I am going out to have a great day, I hope you are as well.

~~~

“The human race is like a puzzle: Everyone fits in somewhere, it just takes a while to figure it out”

Jen Leaman

~~~

A woman goes to the police station to report that her husband was missing.

“Can you give me a description of him?” asked the officer.

“He’s short and bald and skinny and wrinkled and wears dentures,” answered the woman. “Come to think of it, most of him was missing before he was….”

~~~

A wise man once said, “If you want to watch the world passing you by, just try driving the speed limit.”

–Lawrence Brotherton

~~~

She said: While I was dining out with my children, a man came over to our table, and we started talking.  He asked where my kids go to school.  I told him we home-schooled them.

With a raised eyebrow, he asked if my husband is the sole breadwinner for our family.

I said, “No, I also work out of our home.”

Then, noticing our two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital our son was born in.  “He was born at home,” I answered.

The man looked at me, then said, “Wow, you don’t get out much, do you?”

~~~

What is the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?

Morning Sickness!

~~~

A man wanted to get his blonde wife, Kim, something nice for their wedding anniversary. He decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained all of its features to her. Kim was excited to receive the gift, and simply adored her new phone. The next day, Kim went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment,

it was her husband on the other end. “Hi, Kim!” he said. “How do you like your new phone?”

Kim replied, “I just love it! It’s so small, and your voice is clear as a bell. But there’s one thing I don’t understand.” “What’s that, sweetie?” asked her husband. “How did you know I was at Wal-Mart?”

~~~

“I just bought a microwave fireplace…You can spend an entire evening in front of it in only eight minutes.”

Steven Wright

~~~

A little girl in Minnesota came home from Sunday School with a frown on her face. “I’m not going back there anymore,” she announced with finality. “I don’t like the Bible they keep teaching us.”

“Why not?” asked her astonished mother.

“Because,” said the little girl, “that Bible is always talking about St. Paul, and it never once mentions Minneapolis.”

~~~

“We are like pieces in a jigsaw puzzle. We are all unique, and have our own special place in the puzzle of the universe. Without each of us, the puzzle is incomplete. ”

Rod Williams

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Are you who you want to be?

Never mind searching for who you are.  Search for the person you aspire to be.

Robert Brault,

 who am i person

I am a big believer in the value of self-assessment. We really do not need to be graded or judged by others if we are honest with ourselves. The key is to identify the elements of the person you want to be and then measure how well you stack up. I find that it is interesting that so many of us find it easy to judge and criticize others while ignoring our own actions and behavior.

If you want to good things, what are they? Do you do them? How well do you do them? What could you do to do them better? You get the idea. How about writing your life’s job description in as much detail as possible and then periodically appraise your performance. Mine might include always displaying kindness. By adding kindness to my job description I can focus on my effort to be kind and warning myself if I am about to be unkind. We are often told we need goals, we need to make a plan and then work our plan and almost always the focus is on vocation and material success. I think vocation and material success are but a small part of what life can be, all we have to do is see the possibilities and then pursue them. If we do that our so called bucket list is not something to work on as part of an end of life ritual but something that we can work on every day. The fun part is that our job description does not have to be all that complicated.

A few years ago the wise Gretchen Rubin wrote ways to test a person’s character and I like the simplicity of the behaviors that are indicators of who we really are.

What is a true test of a person’s character?

Yesterday, as I was reading Bob Sutton’s work manifesto, I was struck by his #9: “The best test of a person’s character is how he or she treats those with less power.” I love this way of thinking about character, and that statement got me thinking: what else is a test of a person’s true nature? Well, what a person finds funny is a good test. I asked a bunch of friends for their ideas.

–“How a person treats a waiter.”

–“Whether a person plays by the rules when no one is watching.”

–“How people behave when they’re pulled over while driving.”

–“How a person treats his or her own parents. And in-laws.”

–“How often they use the bcc function in work emails. I don’t think you should ever use the bcc.”

–“Whether a person eats a piece of chocolate cake at a birthday party.” (As an unconventional eater myself, I’d fail this test; I wouldn’t eat that birthday cake.)

–“How he or she handles good fortune.”

–“How he or she behaves during a long, arduous trip.”

“It is almost a definition of a gentleman to say that he is one who never inflicts pain.”

John Henry Newman.

 

You get the idea, if we pay attention to what we do and how we behave we can learn a lot about ourselves, and if we don’t always like what we see we can work on improving so that we learn to really like ourselves.

~~~

“The most fundamental aggression to ourselves, the most fundamental harm we can do to ourselves, is to remain ignorant by not having the courage and the respect to look at ourselves honestly and gently.”

Pema Chödrön

~~~

He said: My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding from 9 holes to 18 holes.

Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on.

When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long.

“There,” said one of the golfers, “is a guy who hates to lose his ball!”

~~~

If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I’d have fewer imaginary ones.

Don Herold

~~~

The little boy’s mother asked him, “Why did you get such a low grade on that test?”

“Because of an absence,” he replied.

“You mean you were absent on the day of the test?” she questioned.

He replied, “No, but the kid who sits next to me was.”

~~~

The meek shall inherit the earth … if it’s okay with the rest of you.

~~~

A woman frantically calls the fire department to report a fire in the neighborhood.  The dispatcher asks, “Well, how do we get there?”

Confused she replies, “Don’t you still have those little red fire trucks?”

~~~

Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

~~~

A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, “what did you learn today?”

He answered, “The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt.”

“How?”

The boy said “Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharaoh up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross.”

The father was shocked. “Is that what the Rabbi taught you?”

The boy replied, “No. But you’d never believe the story he DID tell us!”

~~~

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.

But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

Thomas Szasz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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