Ray's musings and humor

I have been freed

Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.

Swedish Proverb

 ! LifeGoesOnPoem

I am worn out from too much hibernation. Snow kept me in for the last two days and so this morning I am busting out on my newly plowed driveway and trekking over to the gym to restart my normal life. I have a full day plan that includes lunch with one of my favorite grandsons. Since I find that solitary confinement seems to result in a loss of brainpower I am sending you a copy of the Daily I wrote on this day 12 years ago, it still works for me.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on December 28, 2005

Soon we will see another year go by. Now is a good time to review this year before we build our wish list for next year. Most of us we have had some good days and some bad days, and fortunately most of us had many more good ones than bad ones. We have won often and have lost occasionally, and as always each loss made the next win sweeter. When you add it all it up we have much to be grateful for, we are here, we are not hungry, violent death is not all around us, and our basic needs are satisfied most every day. I am happy that I have been able to travel, learn, and enjoy each day.

Most significantly, I have again benefited from a wife and family that tolerate my weaknesses and provide support whenever I need it.

I appreciate everyone who offered me their friendship, knowledge, and companionship. And I am thankful that I have been able to spend so much time with people who are making positive changes in their lives. As always, I was saddened by the loss of those who are no longer with us, fortunately they live on in my memory. I will always appreciate the time we had together.

Of course there are wishes that did not come true, but that is why there is always a next year and the chance to again make a dream or two come true. I hope your year was as good, if not better than mine. Just think in a few days we get to start over again, I can hardly wait.

~~~

“When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.”

Sam Lefkowitz

~~~

Reasons why I never visit my rich friend:

Once while visiting a very rich friend, the maid approached me and…..

Question : “What would you like to have ..Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Capuccino, Frapuccino,or Coffee?”

Answer: ” Tea please”

Question : ” Ceylon tea, Indian tea, Herbal tea,Bush tea, Honey bush tea,Iced tea or green tea ?” Answer : “Ceylon tea ” Question : “How would you like it ? black or white ?

Answer: “white”

Question: “Milk, or fresh cream?

Answer: “With milk ”

Question: “Goat’s milk, or cow’s milk”

Answer: “With cow’s milk please.

Question: ” Freezeland cow or Afrikaner cow?”

Answer: ” Um, I’ll just take it black. ”

Question: ” Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?”

Answer: “With sugar”

Question: ” Beet sugar or cane sugar?”

Answer: “Cane sugar ”

Question:” White, brown or yellow sugar?”

Answer: “Forget about the tea, just give me a glass of water instead.”

Question: “Mineral water, tap water or distilled water? ”

Answer: “Mineral water”

Question: “Flavored or non-flavored ?”

Answer: “I think I’ll just die of thirst!!!!

~~~

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

Rita Rudner

~~~

“I noticed you always carry my photo in your handbag. Why?” a husband asked his wife.

“When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem always disappears,” she said.

The man smiled. “You see how good I am for you?” he asked.

“Yes,” she said. “I see your picture and say to myself, ‘What other problem can there be that is worse than this one?'”

~~~

“One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.”

George Carlin

~~~

A blonde is complaining to her friend what a horrible day at work she had; her boss had a heart attack and died!

Her friend says, “Why, that’s terrible! What did you do?”

The blonde shakes her head and says, “There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 911, but he wouldn’t tell me the rest of the numbers!”

~~~

In taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy; but in passing it over, he is superior.

Sir Francis Bacon

~~~

An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, “Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you’ve been giving to Mrs. Smith.”

“Oh, he did, did he?” the doctor shot back. “And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor’s orders?”

The old man says, “Since he found out I’ve been on birth control pills since February.”

~~~

“I like to play blackjack. I’m not addicted to gambling, I’m addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.”

Mitch Hedberg

~~~

Judy reports that a not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: “Give four advantages of breast milk.”

What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.

2. Never goes sour.

3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good – maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

He received an A

~~~

To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. Guaranteed!!

~~~

Bambi, in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said,

“That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.”

~~~

“Reflect upon your present blessings, of which every man has plenty;

Not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.”

Charles Dickens

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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