Ray's musings and humor

Archive for November, 2012

Join the Rut Extraction Society

“Habit is necessary; it is the habit of having habits, of turning a trail into a rut, that must be incessantly fought against if one is to remain alive.”

Edith Wharton

 

If you are like I am you hear a lot of folks complain about their lives. I hear things like “is this all there is,” or “I am just not enjoying my job anymore,” or “I just never have any fun,” the list goes on and on. The thing that concerns me is that so many just seem to accept their fate and live in the same old rut day after day.

I have been one of the fortunate ones to have lived an interesting and often challenging life. Looking back I don’t remember too many times that I found myself bogged down in unhappiness or self-pity. Of course it could be that my aging brain has forgotten those occasions but if that is the case it is only because the peaks were so much higher and more frequent than the valleys. I don’t know if it was luck, an inability to accept the status quo or what, all I know is that I wouldn’t change much. I do know I was often inpatient but when I was I seldom accepted my status but forged ahead looking for something better. I have said it before and I will say it again, if I can do it I am sure almost anybody can.

Here is an edited article I just got yesterday which is an antidote that rut dwellers might try.

 

Stuck In A Rut? Six Ways To Jumpstart Your Life Right Now

By Guerline Ridore, president of Success Strategies Unlimited,

You know how it feels to be stuck in a rut. You’re doing the same activities over and over, and you’re not happy. Being stuck in a rut is never fun. If you want your situation to change, you must change. Instead of complaining that there’s nothing you can do to make your life better, realize that there’s actually a lot you can do. You just have to get out there, take a risk, and do something. When you are not making any progress toward a particular goal and feel completely stuck, the key to making a big change is to make little changes. Use the following six guidelines to jumpstart your life out of a rut right now.

1. Think Big…and Small − You need motivation to change. Therefore, think of the new circumstances you want in your life. Envision the new job, the new office, or the new career. Now you have the motivation to actually do something. But don’t stop there. Once you decide what you want, you then need to make a plan to get there. Create a list of action steps that will move you closer to the vision you have for yourself. Realize that your action steps don’t have to be big or monumental leaps. They can be small baby steps that lead you to your goal. Always remember that small steps, done consistently, will get you where you want to go.

2. Be 100% Responsible − To get unstuck, you have to be 100% responsible for your actions. After all, you are the only person with the power to change your situation. Despite what you may think, your company, the marketplace, and even your family do not have the power to make changes for you. You are in control of your life and must be responsible for making changes. Therefore, don’t complain about your current situation. Sure, your complaints helped you realize that you were dissatisfied with something, but now that you’re aware of what you want or don’t want in life, stop complaining. Your constant negativity will only further drain you and won’t change your situation.

3. Express, Don’t Repress − As you work your way through your rut, don’t suppress your emotions. Instead, experience them fully. Rather than be depressed for weeks or even months, express the emotion you’re feeling. If you feel you need to cry or yell out in rage, then do so. After you’ve let the emotion out, let it be. Don’t dwell on it forever. Experience the emotion and then move on.

4. Take Inventory − Schedule time each day to review your past successes. Many times when people get stuck in a rut, they forget about all the great things they did in the past. They are concentrating on the present, which is not so good right now, and they can’t figure out how they’ll get past their current circumstance. However, when you look back at your past successes, you start building your confidence and your inner strength. You are reminded of all your wonderful capabilities and that you can be successful again, if only work toward your goal.

5. Expand Your Focus − It’s easy to want something, whether it’s a new career, a promotion, or even to lose weight. The work happens when you’re making that want a reality. This is when you need to shift your thinking from “wanting” to “having.” Why is a “having mindset” so important? Because when you focus on something in terms of “having,” your subconscious mind will go to work immediately to come up with a number of ways to get the item or circumstance.

6. Do Something − Many people who are stuck in a rut reply to every suggestion or request with the same answer: “Well…I’ll try.” It’s time to reject that answer. You need to either accept, decline, or counter the suggestion. The words “I’ll try” are not motivating and contain the seeds of defeat. The fact is that trying and thinking about doing something are a waste of time and energy. To get out of a rut, you must do something. Ultimately, the decision is up to you.

~~~

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

M Scott Peck

~~~

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, “Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don’t think it’s fair – there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?”

“Ever go fishing?” the policeman suddenly asked the man.

“Ummm, yeah…” the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, “Ever catch *all* the fish?”

~~~

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

~~~

When a three-year-old opened a birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol.

He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

His Mother was not so pleased. She turned to Grandmom and said, “I’m surprised at you.

Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?”

Grandmom smiled and then replied, “I remember.”

~~~

Eschew obfuscation.

~~~

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

“Holy cow, Mister,” one of them said after catching his breath. “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”

“Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”

~~~

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

~~~

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume and began to give the moose love call.

Before long their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, ‘OK, lets get out and get him.’

After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, ‘The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?’

The guy in the front says, ‘Well, I’m going to start nibbling grass, but you’d better brace yourself!’

 

~~~

“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.”

Charles R. Swindoll

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Always look for the silver lining

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Christopher Robin to Pooh

 

I have often written that I believe that our world exists to a large extent in how we look at it. It is something like semi-selective vision. If most of what we chose to see is negative our would will not be very inviting, but if we make sure we see all that is positive and bring what we see into balance with the negative we get a more accurate picture. In fact if we want to we can bank and build on the good we see and not waste too much time agonizing over the bad. The following story I just received just reinforced my belief that most of how well we like life is really up to us.

 

Be Content About Your Life

Wonder if any of you ever had the feeling that life is bad, real bad,…and you wish you were in another situation. Do you find that life seems to make things difficult for you, work sucks, life sucks, everything seems to go wrong…. It was not until yesterday that I totally changed my views about life; after a conversation with one of my friends.

He told me despite taking 2 jobs, and bringing back barely above 1K per month, he is happy as he is. I wonder how he can be as happy as he is now, considering that he has to skimp his life with the low pay to support a pair of old-age parents, in-laws, wife, 2 daughters and the many bills of a household. He explained that it was through one incident that he saw in India……

That happened a few years ago when he was really feeling low and was touring India after a major setback. He said that right in front of his very eyes, he saw an Indian mother chopped off her child’s right hand with a chopper. The helplessness in the mother’s eyes, the scream of the pain from the innocent 4 years old child haunted him until today. You may ask why did the mother do so, has the child been naughty, was the child’s hand infected??

No, it was done for two simple words — to beg. The desperate mother deliberately caused the child to be handicapped so that the child can go out to the streets to beg. I cannot accept how this could happen, but it really did, just in another part of the world which I don’t see.

Taken aback by the scene, he dropped a small piece of bread he was eating half-way. And almost instantly, flock of 5 or 6 children swamp towards this small piece of bread which was then covered with sand, robbing of bits from one another. The natural reaction of hunger. Striken by the happenings, he instructed his guide to drive him to the nearest bakery. He arrived at two bakeries and bought every single loaf of bread he found in the bakeries.

The owner is dumbfounded, but willing sold everything. He spent less than $100 to obtain about 400 loaf of bread (this is less than $0.25/per loaf) and spend another $100 to get daily necessities. Off he went in the truck full of bread into the streets. As he distributed the bread and necessities to the children (mostly handicapped) and a few adults, he received cheers and bows from these unfortunate. For the first time in life he wonder how people can give up their dignity for a loaf of bread which cost less than $0.25. He began to ask himself how fortunate he is as a Singaporean. How fortunate he to be able to have a complete body, have a job, have a family, have the chance to complain what food is nice what isn’t, have the chance to be clothed, have the many things that these people in front of him are deprived of…..

Now I begin to think and feel it, too. Was my life really that bad? Perhaps….no,… it should not be bad at all….

What about you? Maybe the next time you think you are, think about the child who lost one hand to beg on the streets.

Story by Wendy Tan

~~~

There is no danger of developing eyestrain from looking on the bright side of things.

~~~

“Sorry, we don’t have potted geraniums,” the clerk said, and then added helpfully, “Could you use African violets?”

“No,” replied Ed sadly, “It was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone.”

~~

“A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another’s.”

Jean Paul Richter

~~~

On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”

A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”

~~~

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

~~~

Bob: “My wife drives like lightning.”

Ted: “She drives fast?”

Bob: “No, she hits trees!”

~~~

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

~~~

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, “If it weren’t for my money, the house wouldn’t be here!”

His wife replied, “My dear, if it weren’t for your money, I wouldn’t be here.”

~~~

Few women admit their age, Few men act it!

~~~

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

~~~

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

~~~

A pious man who had reached the age of 105 suddenly stopped going to synagogue. Alarmed by the old fellow’s absence after so many years of faithful attendance the Rabbi went to see him. He found him in excellent health, so the Rabbi asked, “How come after all these years we don’t see you at services anymore?”

The old man looked around and lowered his voice. “I’ll tell you, Rabbi,” he whispered. “When I got to be 90, I expected God to take me any day. But then I got to be 95, then 100, then 105. So I figured that God is very busy and must’ve forgotten about me, and I don’t want to remind Him!”

~~~

“Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of things that matter least.”

Goethe

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I hope you know how good you are!

We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.

Roderick Thorp

 

One of my greatest concerns in recent years has been how easy it is for some people I spend time with to give up on themselves. Sometimes they sink even deeper into depression because they spend so much of their time agonizing over the past instead of searching for ways to pull themselves back up.

Recently it dawned on me that people like me may be part of the problem. If all people hear are negatives about themselves they often start to believe what they hear. Almost without exception the folks I know who have given up on themselves are really good people who are much better than they think they are. So why do I now take part of the responsibility for how they feel, I do because I have not in the past let them know how good I know they are and how much I truly appreciate them. Possibly if more of us shared our belief in others we could offset the often undeserved criticisms that they so often hear. For many it is just that they are in the wrong job, relationship or environment so the criticisms maybe somewhat understandable but the solution seldom rests in maintaining the status quo, rather it is deciding to make changes.

Almost everyone I know is better than they think they are and they may start to realize that better if they take this advice I got from WikiHow.

 

How to believe in yourself

  • Set goals. When you set goals, you have control. I am not a big believer in setting grandiose goals; I like goals that are simple and quickly achievable. Ray
  • Recognize when you achieve your goals, so that you will build your confidence.
  • Consider reasons you fail. Everyone fails to achieve some goal, but if you learn from the failure, you will be more likely to succeed in the future.
  • Use realistic expectations to judge your success. Do not expect to run a four minute mile, until you have trained and conditioned to run a four minute mile. You can judge your success by looking at the gap between where you are and where you want to be. This perspective helps you gauge what remains to be done. You can also judge by looking at the progress you’ve made from 2-3 years ago or 2 months ago. This helps you know how far you have come. Both perspectives are valid.
  • Listen to critics, but never let them convince you that you are less than you are. Some critics will tear you down to make themselves look bigger and better, while others will offer critical advice to help you make changes to improve yourself.
  • Give your time and energy to others. When you do this, you will get positive feed back and respect from others. These are building blocks for self respect…which is essential to believing in yourself.
  • Don’t give up on your dreams, goals or aspirations for you never know how right they truly are until you put them into action.
  • Believe in yourself and you will do your best. Believing in yourself is the key to success in life.

~~~

You should never let your fears become the boundaries of your dreams.

Kim Kims

~~~

An elderly couple would constantly argue about everything. The woman often ended the arguments by stating vociferously, “I’ll dance on your grave!  I’ll dance on your grave!”

Well, sure enough, the old geezer died first. His last request was that he be buried at sea.

~~~

“I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws.”

Charles Baudelaire

This is also how I feel about Wagner’s music.

~~~

A married couple was watching volleyball game at a beach when the wife spotted a couple in the bleachers. They were being very affectionate. The girl was running her hands all over the boyfriend and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. Looking at them, the wife said to her husband “I don’t know whether to watch them or the game.”

Husband said, “Better watch them! You already know how to play volleyball.”

~~~

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

~~~

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any again.”

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am. Of course, we’ll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago.”

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, “Never, never, never, never say we don’t have something.  If we don’t have it, say we ordered it and it’s on its way.  Now, what was it she asked about?”

And the clerk said, “Muggings in the parking lot.”

~~~

Experience teaches us that there is a small but important difference between keeping your chin up and sticking your neck out.

~~~

A blonde is taking the driving portion of her driver’s license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well.  However, she has a little trouble parallel parking, and winds up a about a foot from the curb.

“Could you get a little closer?” the examiner asks.

The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner and asks, “OK, sir. Now what?”

She said: Working as a court reporter, I hear to a lot of testimony that you won’t hear on LAW AND ORDER, including the following give-and-take between the judge and a mother during a paternity suit.

Judge: “Was this child born out of wedlock?”

Mother: “No, sir, just outside of Louisville.”

~~~

“If you can’t believe in miracles, then believe in yourself. When you want something bad enough, let that drive push you to make it happen. Sometimes you’ll run into brick walls that are put there to test you. Find a way around them and stay focused on your dream. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Isabel Lopez

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Bon Votage

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

Ernest Hemingway

 

I was having breakfast with a friend the other day and we talked about how some people seem to be happier and more successful than most of us. He shared a little bit of his dreams which were descriptions of reaching a goal without much thought about the journey that would be required to get there. As the years have gone by it has become more obvious to me that achievement of ones dreams is a combination of choosing to take the first step and then doing what is necessary along the way to reach the milestones on the path that lead to where you think you want to go. In fact I have found that as I take one well thought out step at a time I sometimes end up in a better place than my original sought after destination.

Unfortunately many of us never even get started on the path to a better life because we cannot decide where we want to go. I understand that and have been there, in my case it was because I did not know myself well enough. But fortunately, like the explorer, I started on a path away from where I was and soon found myself happier because I made good choices along the way. I hope that makes sense, what I am trying to say is if you want to be happier don’t hesitate to take the first step from where you are and as you journey forward I think you will enjoy what you will find along the road.

Here is an article that I hope will help clarify what I mean.

 

Success – luck or choice

The foundation of success goes largely unnoticed. Success is almost always built in small, inconspicuous stages. When a major accomplishment is attained the world notices. Recognition is quick. It seems everyone takes notice. Yet while the accomplishment is happening, while the hard work and effort is being executed it rarely draws any attention at all.

If attention is only focused on the finished product, it would appear that success is available only to the lucky few. However when we go behind the scenes, a completely different picture appears.

The opera singer who gives a standout performance received with a standing ovation has practiced and rehearsed offstage hour after hour, day after day, year after year. The overnight successful business owner who appeared to be in the right spot at the right time worked unnoticed late into the night, month after month to get there.

Success and accomplishment are not limited to those who are lucky. They are available to anyone who chooses to be disciplined, focused, persistent, committed, positive and enthusiastic. True, from time to time luck can play a role in success. However luck bestowed upon anyone is only ever significant for those who choose to turn opportunity into success. Success like the color of the shirt we wear is a choice. Our approach to life is a choice. I believe we should consciously make success a chosen way of life.

Set out on all your journeys throughout life with the end in mine. Choose to make success the destination for all your life’s undertakings. Provide your life with the stewardship it requires for ultimate success, fulfilled happiness. The first step in achieving success in anything starts and ends with a choice.

There is no question that luck plays a role in life and where it can sometimes lead us. But remember the ability for anyone or any situation to impact on our emotions is the result of our response to such experiences. No one can make you feel any particular way until you first empower them to do so. The power of our feelings remains ours. We choose how we will respond to the daily dynamics in life. Don’t give that responsibility to anyone other than yourself.

We are the captains of our life sailing through the many different climatic conditions life presents. We decide what direction we take. We ultimately adjust our sails for a new course of direction. Happy Sailing

Mark Horton

~~~

“The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday.”

Steve Maraboli

~~~

DEFINITIONS BY GENDER

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female: Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.

Male: Playing football without a helmet.

COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.

Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.

Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys.

BUTT (but) n.

Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.”

Male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, homerun, or goal.

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.

Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.

Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every three minutes.

~~~

“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”

Rita Rudner

~~~

I’m walking to work this morning and I see one of those mime performers. So the mime is doing that famous mime routine where he’s pretending to be trapped in a box. And he finishes up, and thank God he wasn’t really trapped in a box. I see on the sidewalk there he’s got a little hat for money.

So I went over and I pretended to put a dollar bill in his hat.

~~~

“Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.”

Unknown

~~~

“Psych Exam”

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, “Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex.” The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, “OMIGOSH!!  Four people having sex!!!!”

Next the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and says, “One man having sex.”

Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient identifies as, “two woman and one man having sex.”

The doctor puts the drawings away and says to the patient, “Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex.”

To which the man replies, ME????? YOU’RE the one drawing all the dirty pictures!”

~~~

“We may run, walk, stumble. drive, or fly, but let us never lose sight of the reason for the journey, or miss a chance to see a rainbow on the way.”

Gloria Gaither

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Will you join the choir?

Harmony makes small things grow, lack of it makes great things decay.

Sallust

 

Our elections are over and now we will see what kind of a people we are. We have monumental issues that must be quickly resolved and if they are not we will all pay a terrible price. If we continue the polarizing dissonance that has created absolute failure to work on our debt, our wars, our economy I am afraid we will be driven to even more difficult times. As I thought about what is ahead I realized that our failure to utilize our differences in a manner that would allow us to benefit from harmonious results has resulted in ever growing disharmony and failure.

The issues we face are too great for us to man battle lines that only result in our fighting each other. We must find ways to sit across the table and find reasonable middle ground on which we can build rather than destroy. And in truth we cannot blame the other guy for if we are standing behind the lines cheering the warriors on to even more battles we all will surly lose. It is time to again realize that it is the peace makers who are blessed, and they are because they build. Harmony become music from the blending of voices with different pitch and timbre which when blended becomes music. If we all continue to sing different tunes in different keys all we will get is unbearable noise.

Let’s put our differences behind us and concentrate together on the quality of the performance for we cannot not be a group made up only of soloists, we must become a chorus focusing on what we can offer when we do it together.

~~~

“The downfall of the attempts of governments and leaders to unite mankind is found in this- in the wrong message that we should see everyone as the same. This is the root of the failure of harmony. Because the truth is, we should not all see everyone as the same! We are not the same! We are made of different colours and we have different cultures. We are all different! But the key to this door is to look at these differences, respect these differences, learn from and about these differences, and grow in and with these differences. We are all different. We are not the same. But that’s beautiful. And that’s okay. In the quest for unity and peace, we cannot blind ourselves and expect to be all the same. Because in this, we all have an underlying belief that everyone should be the same as us at some point. We are not on a journey to become the same or to be the same. But we are on a journey to see that in all of our differences, that is what makes us beautiful as a human race, and if we are ever to grow, we ought to learn and always learn some more.”

C. JoyBell C.

~~~

“Is it always to be a winners-losers world, or can we keep everyone in the game? Do we still have what it takes to find a better way?”

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Master Sergeant Alfie was a thirty-year Army veteran now assigned to a training battalion and tough as nails. He seemed to have no thought whatsoever about how others responded to his cut-and-dried military manner. One day he assembled the training battalion and announced, “Private Monroe, take one step forward.” Private Monroe took one step forward, and the sergeant bellowed, “Private Monroe. Report to the chaplain; your mother just died.” Monroe just crumbled and fainted dead away from shock. Later that day, the battalion commander chewed out the master sergeant: “You’re going to have to learn something about TACT.

You just can’t yell at a man and tell him his mother just died. The next time you’re called on for this duty, you’d better do it in a more compassionate way.” It just so happened that the very next day, another soldier’s mother died, and the MSGT assembled the troops again. “All you whose mother is living” he shouted, “take one step forward. NOT SO FAST, TAYLOR!”

~~~

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me.”

William Shakespeare

~~~

The lady lawyer approached the jury box and began an eloquent plea for her client: “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about this man.  There’s so much to say that is good: he never beat his mother; he was always kind to little children; he never did a dishonest thing in his life; he has always lived by the golden rule; he is a model of everything decent, forthright, and honest.  Everyone loves him and. . . ”

Her client leaned over to a friend and said, “How do like her? I pay her good dough to defend me, and she’s telling the jury about some other guy.”

~~~

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

Henny Youngman

~~~

Two blondes are racing down a bumpy back road in a pretty beat up car down to a bank they’re going to rob. “Drive slower,” pleads the one in the passenger seat, “I don’t want all the dynamite in the trunk to explode.”

“Relax,” the driver replies. “Even if it did, I’ve got a spare box under the passenger seat.”

~~~

“Happiness is good health and a bad memory.”

Ingrid Bergman

~~~

Mr. Smith was a traveling salesman and frequent flyer, so he was always very, VERY careful to mark his luggage so that no one would mistakenly take his bags.  He always did this with bright ribbons and tape, so he was quite surprised to see his bags grabbed by a well-dressed man when he got to the luggage carousel.

Mr. Smith walked over to the fellow and pointed out the colored ribbons tied to the handle, and the fluorescent tape on the sides.

“I believe that luggage is mine.  Were your bags marked like this?” he asked.

“Actually,” the man replied, “I was wondering who did this to my luggage.”

~~~

“Don’t worry,” a patient told his psychiatrist. “I’ll pay every cent I owe or my name isn’t Alexander the Great!”

~~~

Morris had proposed to young Sarah, and was being interviewed by Sam, his prospective father-in-law.

“Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked Morris the suitor.

“Yes, sir,” replied Morris, “I’m sure that I am.”

“Think long and carefully now,” said Sarah’s father. “There are twelve of us…including Uncle Izzy”

~~~

“A choir is made up of many voices, including yours and mine. If one by one all go silent then all that will be left are the soloists. Don’t let a loud few determine the nature of the sound. It makes for poor harmony and diminishes the song.”

Vera Nazarian

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I’m going to take a nap now

“Live your truth. Express your love. Share your enthusiasm. Take action towards your dreams. Walk your talk. Dance and sing to your music. Embrace your blessings. Make today worth remembering.”

Steve Maraboli

 

To tell you the truth I am a little worn out this morning. Besides being drained by the election yesterday I also spent an inordinate amount of time juggling, actually I was juggling next week’s activities due to an unscheduled mid-week trip that I will be taking. So guess where I am going now, yep back into the archives for a daily from yesteryear.

 

Ray’s Daily first published on November 7, 2003

If trying to get rid of my backlog isn’t enough, I have to worry about all the other things imposed on us. As an example, today is day five of National Impotency Week, I didn’t even know they had a week for guys my age, nobody told me what to do to celibate oops, I mean celebrate.

It also is day 6 of National Double Talk week, and here I thought with all that is going on that it was National Double Talk year. If it is really only this week then why have they been talking that way all year?

And if that was not enough it is National PMS Stress Day, which means many of us will have to hide out for twenty four hours. At least they have sense enough to hold it during Impotency week.

~~~

It is only possible to live happily ever after on a day-to-day basis.

Margaret Bonnano

~~~

If all that wasn’t enough, she said:

1. Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be out alone.

5. Go for the younger man. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same – they just have different faces, so that you can tell  them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn’t ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember, a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal!

~~~

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

~~~

The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. “Nothing much, Pastor,” replied one boy. “We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life.”

“Boys, boys, boys!” he scolded. “I’m shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex.”

In unison they all replied, “You win!”

~~~

There are two theories on how to successfully argue with a Jewish mother. Unfortunately, neither works.

~~~

A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors’ houses each month. Of course the lady of the house was to prepare the meal.

When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over. A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, “We aren’t going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive.” He said, “Why don’t you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed.”

She said, “No, I don’t want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison.”

He then said, “I don’t think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected them.”

After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced an diced them to get them ready go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol’ Spot’s (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty. Ol’ Spot didn’t slow down until he had eaten every bite. All morning long Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn’t seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.

The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class. After everyone had finished they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit.

About this time the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie’s ear. She said, “Mrs. Brown, Spot just died.”

With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.

The doctor said, “It’s bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We will pump out everyone’s stomach and everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm.”

It wasn’t long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases and a stomach pump and the doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One by one they took each person into the master bedroom and pumped out their stomach. After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, I think everything will be fine now, and he left. They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time the town lady came in and said, “You know, that fellow that ran over Ol’ Spot never even stopped.”

~~~

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.

~~~

And the Churchgoer said:

Most of us spend the first six days of the week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn’t belong.

If a church wants a better pastor, it can get one by praying for the one it has.

Every evening I turn my troubles over to God – He’s going to be up all night anyway.

~~~

Boxing great Jake LaMotta said of his old friend Gerry Cooney:  There’s nothing I won’t do for him, and there’s nothing he won’t do for me.  So we go through life doing nothing for each other.

~~~

“Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic, be enthusiastic and faithful, and you will accomplish your objective. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

At last

“We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.”

Thomas Jefferson

 

At last, it is finally here, our National Election Day. I am so glad that the campaigns will soon be over and the inundation of vitriolic mail and constant phone calls as well as the domination of the airwaves by ruthless campaign ads will end.

I cannot remember a more disheartening public display of polarizing information generally filled with misleading and often outright falsehoods. My state was viewed as being critical to the effort for achieving a party majority in the Senate so. millions of dollars have been spent by outsiders using every trick of the trade to influence voters mostly through scare tactics. Both parties are guilty and sadly to a large extent they have been successful in driving a wedge between friends, neighbors and sometimes even families.

We are at a point in that many are not interested in the truth as much as they are in defending what is often discredited information. Some say that all this is OK, it is only politics and that saddens me for in effect they seem to believe that the ends justify the means. I fear we will pay a price for accepting that an uninformed electorate is the way we should select our leaders. Too many of us seem to feel that all we need are a few sound bites, advice from talking heads that believe our traditional ability to come together and constructively deal with the problems we face is now passé.

Getting reelected is almost a full time job, good people refuse to run unwilling to allow their families and themselves to be dirtied by unreasonable mudslinging. It pains me when I hear politicians in the legislatures say that there is no longer a place for civility in politics. But you know what? To a large extent it is our fault, we no longer place importance on civics in our schools, we refuse to support paying for our basic needs, we fight wars with borrowed money, we tolerate a deteriorating infrastructure rather than doing what is necessary to maintain safe and efficient transportation. We say we hate kicking our problems to the next generation but we provide little support for the solutions when we would have to make any sacrifices to achieve them.

I grew up in a period when the public was asked to sacrifice when our country needed our help. These days we hire a permanent Army and pay them to fight our wars. We send some of our best citizens in our National Guard units to fight for us and give them little in return when they return, that is if they return home.

I just pray that there are enough of us to focus on supporting those who are willing to find practical solutions rather than concentrating of finding someone to blame for the problems we have allowed to grow to monumental size. I especially hope that friends who have allowed misinformation to make them enemies will put their differences aside and sign up to help us get back on tract.

I am sorry about today’s tirade but I have been deeply troubled by what has been happening however I am optimistic enough to believe that we can turn things around.

So now back to the lighter side. And by the way, I hope those who are elected today do well.

~~~

“A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what’s going on. ”

William S. Burroughs

~~~

The seven year old told her mom, that a little boy in her class asked her to play doctor. “Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”

“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double billed the insurance company.”

~~~

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Patrick, Age 10

~~~

To get ahead:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the evidence that I have been using company property for personal purposes, including circulating my resume and searching for more rewarding and satisfying work.

And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.

Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

And help me to remember that when I’m having a really bad day, and it seems that people are working on my last Good Nerve, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me.

~~~

I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

~~~

A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens.

The bride said, “No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom.”

~~~

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he is going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the very same thing yesterday.

~~~

A woman answered her front door and found two little boys holding a list.

“Lady,” one of them explained, “we’re on a scavenger hunt, and we still need three grains of wheat, a pork-chop bone and a piece of used carbon paper to earn a dollar.”

“Wow,” the woman replied. “Who sent you on such a challenging hunt?”

“Our baby-sitter’s boyfriend.”

~~~

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”

~~~

It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.  “What are you charged with?” he asked.

“Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.

“That’s no offense,” replied the judge.  “How early were you doing this shopping?”

“Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

~~~

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Theodore Roosevelt

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

I hope you don’t wait too long

“Renew, release, let go. Yesterday’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to bring it back. You can’t “should’ve” done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!”

Steve Maraboli

 

I have been rambling on a lot lately about not waiting to get more out of life than we are now. The other day I suggested that we compress the middle parts of our lives so that we can quickly move from the unencumbered freedom of the child to the years when we let ourselves go and get out of the rat race. I guess I have because I think I waited far too long to get over caring about convention and trying to please others. The thing I find interesting is that ever since I got to my “take me or leave me, this is as good as I get” phase, I not only began to enjoy life more but I am surprisingly more effective in the tasks I do take on.

I have learned that when I pay attention to my likes and dislikes, my skills and my weaknesses I get to tailor my activities to who I am and what I want. Of course as I age my abilities and even desires are always shifting but I have learned that once I left the day-to-day rut I have become more flexible and resilient. I also know myself well enough to realize I am nothing special and if I can do it so can anyone else. I know it is not easy to break the chains that hold us back but if you wish to do so maybe this edited piece I copied from the Marc and Angel Hack Life blog will help.

 

10 Things I Dare You to Do Today

Make someone else smile. – Ordinary people worry today and postpone their happiness for tomorrow.  Intelligent people are happy today and postpone their worries for tomorrow.  Wise people only wish happiness for all, today and tomorrow.  If you wish to have a lifetime of happiness, dedicate time every day to helping others smile with complete sincerity and enthusiasm.

Be imperfect. – Something that is really difficult, but totally worth it, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the journey of becoming your true self.  The most beautiful part of this journey is simply returning to the peaceful feeling of being.  This peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.

Be enthusiastic about what you’re doing. – You’re not given a good life or a bad life.  You’re given life, and it’s up to you to make it good or bad.  So wake up and get motivated; not everybody made it to today.  Don’t take your time for granted.  Don’t waste time thinking back to what you could have done differently yesterday.  Keep your eyes on the road ahead and do it differently today.  Wherever the road takes you, bring your passion.  Whatever you do along the way, do it with all your heart.

Make the best of what happens. – More important than what happens to you, is what you make of what happens to you.  The more thankful you are, the more beautiful this world appears.  You must uncover the good in the bad, the happy in your sad, the gain in your pain, and what makes you grateful not hateful.  Read Stumbling on Happiness.

Forgive your past self. – Sometimes, good people like you make bad choices.  It doesn’t mean you’re bad; it means you’re human.  So get bored with your past; it’s over.  Forgive yourself for what you think you did or didn’t do, and focus on what you will do starting now.

Spend some time simply being and breathing. – The only way to live happily ever after is one day at a time.  Just be, breathe, and think not about what you’re missing, but what you’ve been given.

Learn something new. – It’s important to remember that you cannot become who you are capable of being by remaining exactly where you are.  If you are not willing to learn and grow, no one can help you.  But if you are determined to learn and grow, no one can stop you.  Learn from everyone, evolve, remain humble, and don’t forget to have a good time.

Focus on the qualities you like about those around you. – Whenever we focus on a person’s wonderful qualities, we have a wonderful relationship with them.  Whenever we focus on a person’s not so wonderful qualities, we have a not so wonderful relationship with them.  What we focus on grows in our minds and hearts.

Say “yes” to a spontaneous opportunity. – Everything in life can’t be planned.  Some of the greatest opportunities will knock on your door when you least expect them to.  Be flexible, be spontaneous, and just say “yes.”

~~~

“When was the last time you woke up and realized that today could be the best day of your life?”

Steve Maraboli

~~~

Six year-old Sophie brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good… mostly As and a couple of Bs. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Sophie is a smart little girl, but she has one fault: she talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit.”

Sophie’s dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: “Please let me know if your idea works on Sally because I would like to try it out on her mother.”

~~~

I don’t know why some people change churches – what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

~~~

The Jewish Chronicle had heard that Benny was coming up to his 110th birthday so they sent one of their reporters to interview him. “How do you account for your longevity?” asked the reporter.

“You could say that I am a health nut,” Benny answered. “I have never smoked or drunk alcohol, I am always in bed by ten o’clock, I’ve been going to Israeli folk dance classes since I was a teenager and I’ve always walked three miles a day, even in rain or snow.”

“But,” said the reporter, “my uncle Saul followed exactly the same routine and he died when he was 75.

So how come it didn’t work for him?”

“All I can say,” replied Benny “is that he didn’t keep it up long enough.”

~~~

“American 2341, for noise abatement, turn right 45 Degrees.” “Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?” “Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?”

~~~

A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation.

At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. “I’m so glad you’re teaching me instead of him.”

Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was.

“Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people.”

~~~

Be careful about health books.  You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain

~~~

The young woman really thought she’d been very patient, through a protracted period of dating with no talk of marriage. One night her steady boyfriend took her to a Chinese restaurant. As he perused the menu, he casually asked her, “So . . .  how do you like your rice? Boiled? Or fried?”

Without missing a beat, she looked over her menu at him and replied clearly, “Thrown.”

~~~

“Your hand can seize today, but not tomorrow; and thoughts of your tomorrow are nothing but desire. Don’t waste this breath, if your heart isn’t crazy, since “the rest of your life” won’t last forever.”

Omar Khayyám

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Let’s have some fun

Follow your dreams. Just make sure to have fun too.

Chris Brown

 

Here we go another weekend. I hope you will decide to use it to reward yourself and have some fun. I have found that I have benefited by not worrying too much about how I look or what others are going to think about how I act. Maybe what’s wrong with some of us is that we don’t properly use the years between childhood and old age properly. When we are in our early years we don’t know convention and rules, we are too busy discovering the world around us and having fun but then we start to grow up and things change, we get into the “Don’t do that, what will people think” phase and soon we miss the zest of our youth. Far too many of us find ourselves trapped in a pretty dull world until we reach the “Oh the hell with it” years and discover there is still fun to be had. So my friends let me offer you a piece of advice compress the number of years you spend in the middle and let go now and then, you’ll be glad you did.

I discovered the following thoughts of author Emily Myrick recently that I like, I hope you do too.

LET YOURSELF GO

The other day my friend told me to let go…. he told me not to be so worried about what I’m doing, or what I look like, but to just let myself go once in awhile. This really got me thinking. Maybe I should let go. Maybe I should do something crazy, just so I can say I did. I’ve got many long years ahead of me, and plenty of time to live a fun and happy life.

Sometimes, an opportunity only knocks at the door once, and if you don’t answer it at that particular moment, then you’ll never get another chance. Life is tough, and most of the time we spend our days wondering why things go the way they do.

After thinking for awhile I’m finally realizing that maybe thinking about this so much, is wasting the time in which we could be going out and making the days go better. We’re wasting the time we have here on Earth. By attempting to figure out why life goes the way it does, we lose time when we could be having fun, and living our lives to the fullest.

We are only here for a short amount of time. An average of 70-100 years seems long, but it goes faster then we realize. It’s so incredibly important to live every day to it’s fullest potential. When you’re 87 years old and laying on your death bed, do you want to look back and think of things that you wished you had done?

I don’t know about you but I want to look back and remember all the times when I let myself go, and had fun. I want to remember the times when I actually let myself be open to try new things, and open the door to wonderful opportunities.

Life is only wonderful if you leave yourself open to be part of it. Think about it.

~~~

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

Dr. Seuss

~~~

Mr. Smith patted his daughter’s hand fondly, and told her, “Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent.”

Oh, Papa,” gushed the daughter, “it’s going to be so hard leaving mother.”

“I understand perfectly, my dear,” beamed Mr. Smith.  “You just take her with you.”

~~~

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

~~~

Jane had been driving 16 hours straight and was still at least six hours away from her destination.  It was almost eight o’clock in the morning and she was very tired.

After dozing off and nearly crashing into a telephone pole, she decided to pull onto a side road and rest.  Jane turned off the car and closed her eyes… drifting off to sleep, precious sleep…  When an old man in a bright blue jogging suit knocked on her window, scaring her half to death.

“Sorry to wake you,” he huffed, jogging in place. “But can you tell me what time it is?”

Jane glanced at her watch. “8:15,” she said through the glass. The old man thanked her, then left.

“Just my luck,” she muttered. “I’m parked on someone’s jogging route.”

With a sigh, she settled back into her seat and tried to fall asleep. Two male joggers in their thirties knocked on her window. If she hadn’t been dead tired, she would have found them cute.  Now, they were just annoying.

“Hi,” the blond jogger said.

“Do you have the time?” his brown-haired friend asked.

Jane sighed and looked at her watch. “8:19,” she said.

“Thanks,” they said, and then jogged off.

Jane looked down the road and saw more joggers coming her way.  Irritated, she retrieved a pen from the glove box and scrawled “I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME” on the back of a magazine. She put the hastily constructed sign in the window and settled back to sleep. A thin, pale jogger knocked on the window just as she started dozing off.

Jane pointed at the sign and shouted, “Can’t you read?”

To which he replied, “Sure I can, ma’am.  I just wanted to let you know: It’s 8:27.”

~~~

“If professional wrestling did not exist, could you come up with this idea? Could you envision the popularity of huge men in tiny bathing suits, pretending to fight?”

Jerry Seinfeld

~~~

A four-year-old Catholic boy was playing with a four-year-old Protestant girl in a children’s pool in the backyard. They splashed each other, got very wet and decided to take their wet clothes off. The little boy looked at the little girl and said, “Golly, I didn’t know there was that much difference between Catholics and Protestants.”

~~~

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you’re naked at work.

~~~

One day the Mexican maid announced to the Yuppette that she was quitting. When asked why, she replied, “I am in the family way.”

The Yuppette was both surprised and shocked and asked who it was. The maid replied, “Your husband and your son.”

This time, the Yuppette was horrified and demanded an explanation.

“Well,” the maid explained, “I go to the library to clean it and your husband say, ‘You are in the way’. I go to the living room to clean and your son say, ‘You are in my way’. So I’m in the family way. I quit!”

~~~

Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, there’s really nothing to lose. There’s no wrong you can’t make right again, so be kinder to yourself, you know, have fun, take chances. There’s no bounds.

Jewel Kilcher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

Here’s November

Rise above the storm and you will find the sunshine.

Mario Fernandez

 

Can you believe it, November already. Our many friends in the eastern part of the US face weeks if not months to get their lives back in order after the monstrous storms and will never forget October. Let us hope that November treats them kindly…

I can hardly wait for our National elections to be over in but a few days. Those of us in Indiana have been bombarded by vitriolic campaign ad’s and harassing phone calls as the Super Political Action Committees battle for our Senate seat. Politics has become polluted by the millions of dollars being spent by outsiders who have little respect for accuracy nor civility.

 

Enough of that; if you have been reading my Daily for more than a year or two you know I sometimes offer a list of activities that we are to embrace during the month. Rather than generate new thoughts on these events which seldom change from year to year I decided it would be fun to see what I said in the past, so here goes November is:

2004

Good Nutrition Month and the Great American Breakfast Club month− since I am an egg, sausage, and potatoes, breakfast guy I find that these two are somewhat mutually exclusive.

International Creative Child & Adult Month, I know a bunch of creative kids − I just wish I could meet more creative adults.

National Raisin Bread − I hate to tell you but I celebrate Raisin Bread every month.

Real Jewelry Month − I think I will wait for Fake Jewelry Month.

2005

Aviation History Month – This is a great opportunity to look back on the history of flight; the days before long lines, body pat downs, fuel surcharges, airport surcharges, security surcharges, talking to real people surcharges, luggage surcharges, weight surcharges, and the rest. Soon I will only be able to afford simulated flight which I can do by standing up for an hour or so, going from one part of the neighborhood and then getting sent back to where I started from, and then finally sitting in an uncomfortable chair for hours without nourishment, finishing when I find out where my wife hid all my clothes.

Child Safety and Protection Month – my children are all in mid-life so I leave counseling them to their mother.

2006

British Appreciation Month – I don’t think they are talking about the food, I think they mean the people.

Home Education Awareness Month – I am aware, my wife often says “I wish you would learn to…..”

Religion and Philosophy Month – I knew it, they expect us to think too, why do they always save the hard part till last?

2007

International Doll Collectors Month – Sorry I am married and am not allowed to participate.

2012

Let’s have or own month, we really don’t need others to motivate us so I declare November to be “We’re All in it Together Month” for we are you know, so let’s enjoy each other, care for each other and spread as much warmth and kindness as we can for far too many find little happiness in their lives.

~~~

“In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer”

Albert Camus

~~~

A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary.   On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry.

When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting.   “Pull down your pants,” whispered the pastor. “Uh, Reverend, I’ve changed my mind,” the groom responded. “I think I would prefer the traditional service.”

~~~

I’ve got a mind like a.. a.. what’s that thing called?

~~~

A mother, accompanied by her small daughter, was in New York City.  The mother was trying to hail a cab, when her daughter noticed several wildly dressed women who were loitering on a nearby street corner. The mother finally hailed her cab and they both climbed in, at which point the daughter asks her mother, “Mummy, what are all those ladies waiting for by that corner?”, to which the mother replies, “Those ladies are waiting for their husbands to come home from work.”

The cabbie, upon hearing this exchange, turns to the mother and says, “Ahhhhhhh, C’mon lady!!!!  Tell your daughter the truth!!!! For crying out loud. They’re hookers!”

A brief period of silence follows, and the daughter then asks, “Mummy, do the ladies have any children?”

The mother replies, “Of course dear. Where do you think cabbies come from?”

~~~

Believe in miracles, but don’t depend on them.

~~~

More church bulletin bloopers:

Don’t let worry kill you – let the church help.

Thursday night – Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday, the ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing, “Put me in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

~~~

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: – ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’

Eleanor Roosevelt

~~~

A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, “Let’s get off the corner, people.”

A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, “Let’s get off that corner…NOW!” Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, “Well, how did I do?”

“Pretty good,” chuckled the veteran policemen, “especially since this is a bus stop!”

~~~

“Never deprive someone of hope — it may be all they have.”

unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

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