Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2012

Do something risky while the Daily is shut down

Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.

T. S. Eliot

 

Note: Ray will be on assignment next week so he has delegated the staff to do fall cleaning.

The Daily will return next Thursday.

~~~

It seems to me that time goes by faster every year and as the weeks fly by I realize that I am running out of time to do everything I would like to do. As you know our bucket list will always be full if we don’t start to do some of the things that are on it. As I look back I recognize how many opportunities I missed because I never took advantage the chance to do something that was worth my time.

In truth we will never swim if every time we put our toe in the water we decide it is too cold to take the plunge. I wonder sometimes if the failure to do something rewarding is because of excessive worry over the risks involved or a propensity to just go with the flow and avoid all challenges. What I do know is that once we learn not to be held back by either real or imagined barriers life becomes more interesting, sometimes more exciting, occasionally fun filled and always more satisfying.

Some time ago bestselling author Gretchen Rubin sent this article where she shares her technique for overcoming the reluctance to act. Here is what she said:

When I’m reluctant to take a risk or face something uncomfortable, I ask myself these five questions which, in melodramatic form, I call the “Five Fateful Questions.” They help me think clearly about a situation.

What am I waiting for?

What would I do if I weren’t scared?

What steps would make things easier?

What would I do if I had all the time and money in the world?

What is the worst, and the best, that could happen?

For example, when I considered switching from law to writing, I thought, “I’m moving to New York, the publishing capitol of the country. I have friends who are agents and writers who can give me advice. I have an idea for a book that I’m dying to write, and in fact, I’ve already started writing it. I really want to be a writer. What am I waiting for?” Nothing. I made the switch.

What about you? Do you ask yourself these questions — or do you have a question of your own? I suspect there are more than five fateful questions! Though that phrase does have a nice ring to it. Which ones have I overlooked?

~~~

Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.

e. e. Cummings

~~~

Kids rules for life:

Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.” – Michael, age 14

“Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.” – Joel, age 12

“When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.” – Alyesha, age 13

“Never try to baptize a cat.” – Laura, age 13

~~~

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.

~~~

Recently, a magazine ran a contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life managers. Here are some of the submissions:

1.  As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2.  What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3.  E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

4.  This project is so important, we can’t let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5.  Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We’ve been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I’ll let you know when it’s time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

~~~

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

~~~

   A husband and his wife advertised for a live-in maid to cook and do the housework.  A likely-looking girl came in from the country, and they hired her. She worked out fine, was a good cook, was polite, and kept the house neat.

One day, after about six months, she came in and said she would have to quit.

“But why?” asked the disappointed wife.

She hemmed and hawed and said she didn’t want to say, but the wife was persistent, so finally she said, “Well, on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I’m pregnant.”

The wife said, “Look, we don’t want to lose you.  My husband and I don’t have any children, and we’ll adopt your baby if you will stay.”

She talked to her husband; he agreed, and the maid said she would stay.  The baby came, they adopted it, and all went well.

After several months though, the maid came in again and said that she would have to quit.  The wife questioned her, found out that she was pregnant again, talked to her husband, and offered to adopt the baby if she would stay.  She agreed, had the baby, they adopted it, and life went on as usual.

In a few months, however, she again said she would have to leave. Same thing. She was pregnant.  They made the same offer, she agreed, and they adopted the third baby.  She worked for a week or two, but then said, “I am definitely leaving this time.”

“Don’t tell me you’re pregnant again?” asked the lady of the house.

“No,” she said, “there are just too many kids here to pick up after.”

~~~

”In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.”

Robert Frost

~~~

She said:

I’m not fat just horizontally disproportionate.

I’m not loafing. I work so fast I’m always finished

I’m not opinionated, I’m just always right!

I’m not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you that?

~~~

Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.

Denis Waitley

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

A past favorite of mine

The most important truths are likely to be those which society at that time least wants to hear.

W. H. Auden

 

I just came up for air and realized that I had yet to do today’s Daily so I am again going to take the easy way out and join you as we revisit the past. I’ll do better tomorrow.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 11, 2005

I just have a few random thoughts today, I hope you will bear with me.

  • I don’t understand why it is only objective people who agree with me and only subjective people who don’t. For those of us who find this to be our reality we might want to stop and ask ourselves the question “Might I be wrong?”
  • Yesterday I was in a group workshop that discussed various methods and processes that could be used to manage a people-to-people networking effort. There were some really good ideas. However I started to wonder if the result might be too much process and not enough progress. I sometimes think we hide by continually doing tasks. No matter how well we do tasks, it is all for naught if in the end we don’t accomplish something. The science may be important but please do not forget the art.
  • While we meet way too many people who are easy to dislike, there are many more who are easy to like, all we have to do is take time to know them. When we do stop for awhile and talk I find that there is so much pleasure in new people you like that there is little time to fret about those you don’t. One of the secrets of building friendships is learning just how interesting other people are. When we care enough to learn about others magic things happen. Some of us collect facts, others objects, but the truly happy collect friends. But please remember that the one sure way to close down budding relationships is by behaving as if you are more important than the other person.
  • I mourn the loss of excitement and joy, demonstrated by so many as they age. We seem to have the ability to talk ourselves into believing that we are just too tired and too old to do the things we always dreamed about. It does not have to be that way. Every day I meet contemporaries who have begun new adventures, started new hobbies, began another career, or just said I want to look around and enjoy all that is to be seen. Don’t feel sorry for those who have too much to do, feel sorry for those that don’t.

~~~

To be fully alive is to feel that everything is possible.

Eric Hoffer

~~~

Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, “All those opposed to my plan say, ‘I resign.'” End of meeting.

~~~

A guy told his buddy, “I called the local insane asylum yesterday to check on who has escaped from there recently.”

His buddy asked, “Oh? Why do you wonder about that?”

“Well, somebody ran off with my wife this week!”

~~~

“Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.”

Quentin Crisp

~~~

Joe sets up his chum Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Mike, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry,” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:   “Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”

~~~

“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”

Bill Lyon

~~~

Rules for Driving in New York City

* When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

* Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

* The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.

* Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

* Always look both ways when running a red light.

* Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in. (Truest of All)

* Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

* Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

~~~

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

Doug Larson

~~~

A lady lived in a small Minnesota town had two pet monkeys that she was very fond of. One of them took sick and died. A couple of days later the other died of a broken heart. Wishing to keep them, the lady took them to the taxidermist. The man asked if she would like them mounted. “Oh, no,” she replied, “Just have them holding hands.”

~~~

“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”

~~~

Scott and Glenn who worked together were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Scott said, “Panty stitcher… I sew the elastic onto women’s underwear.”

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Glenn was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied.

Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave Glenn $600 a week.

When Scott found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor.”

“What skill?!” yelled the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic and he pulls on it and says, ‘Yep, dese’ll fit ‘er.'”

~~~

A curious ad, placed in THE DAYTONA BEACH NEWS-JOURNAL:

“LOST:  Orange jacket, lavender shoes, & gray briefcase.  Please don’t ask!  Reward!”

~~~

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses. “Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

“Nuns with scissors.”

~~~

The meaning of life is not to be discovered only after death in some hidden, mysterious realm; on the contrary, it can be found by eating the succulent fruit of the Tree of Life and by living in the here and now as fully and creatively as we can.

Paul Kurtz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

We both get to write a new page in our history today

People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself.  But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates.

Thomas Szasz

 

I was listening to a radio interview of actor Hal Holbrook the other day and heard him say that as he looked back on his life he wished he had done something’s differently. He talked about his half century of playing Mark Twain thousands of times and the many plays, TV programs and movies he made over his 60 years in show business. He reported that he stayed so busy that he spent little time with his wife and children resulting in a divorce and separation from those he cared about. In other words he was too busy to live other than on the stage, in a way he was like a lot of us, so busy playing the part that we have little time for much else.

As I thought about what he said I realized that I would have also benefited if I had stopped and imagined myself being sometime in the future looking back on my life. In effect I imagined I had the ability to have an Ebenezer Scrooge moment seeing what my life would be like ahead as the result of the choices I had made or not made. Even right now I find my life looks different than it seems when I look back on it from an imagined point in the future, like Scrooge when I look in on my life from the outside I see more of the world around me, the people I know, the people who depend on me and the people I care about, and I see places where I can improve. Something’s would be better left undone and other things would make a positive difference if I got them done.

I appreciated Holbrook’s getting me to not wait until the end to see where I have been by providing me the motivation to see where I am now. You know we can’t change history but we do write it a new page every day which gives us the opportunity to make sure it is worth reading.

~~~

All men should strive to learn before they die

what they are running from, and to, and why.

James Thurber

~~~

There’s this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen.”

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen.”

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about, your wife fell three times this week.”

~~~

“Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family.”

Kin Hubbard

~~~

One of those physical fitness club franchises was preparing to enter the international market.  They placed ads in newspapers all over the county for people who could represent them on a tour.  The ad said:

We’re looking for five men in peak physical condition.  Must be able to speak Spanish, French, Chinese, or Japanese.  Must be knowledgeable about weights, aerobics, and at least two major sports. The day after the ad appeared, a heavy man of about 70 appeared in the offices of the fitness club.  “I’m here about the ad,” he said.

The bronzed Adonis behind the desk looked surprised, but decided to be polite.  “Do you speak Spanish or French?” he asked.

“Nope,” the old man said.

“Chinese? Japanese?”

“No, both times.”

“Know anything about weights or aerobic exercises?”

“Only that I wouldn’t be caught dead with either one.”

“How about sports?”

“I’ve never played anything more taxing than checkers.”

“I see,” the young man said.  “Tell me something.  Why did you come here?”

“To tell you to count me out.”

~~~

An eternity is very, very long, especially towards the end.

~~~

A nervous taxpayer watches with growing unhappiness as an IRS tax auditor goes over his records, making notations on a legal pad. Finally, the auditor finishes his work. He turns to the taxpayer and says, “We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the United States. As a citizen, you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile.”

“Thank goodness,” the man says, a grin spreading from ear to ear. “I thought you were going to want me to pay with cash!”

~~~

Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.

Mary Kelly

~~~

A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally, the old girl died.On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, “Darling, if I didn’t love you so much, I don’t think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years.”

His wife looked at him aghast. “My Aunt Emma!” she cried. “I thought she was ‘your’ Aunt Emma!”

~~~

“I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.”

Mark Twain

~~~

An older couple went on a cruise for their anniversary. Their conversation with the other couples they met tended towards political and international events.

At one point, the husband asked, “Honey, what do you think about the Middle East position?”

She replied, “Oh, I don’t know, dear, you know I’m not into any of that kinky stuff.”

~~~

It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts.

K.T. Jong

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Do you know what your main thing is?

“Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.”

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

 

I know I have said a lot lately about rewarding yourself by living a life that brings you happiness. The trouble for some seems to be their difficulty in deciding what would make them happy and then making their choices a priority. I know it sounds easy but for too many of us we are so busy doing other things that we find it too easy to delay our happiness until tomorrow of if not then maybe next week, or next month and soon another year goes by.

Trust me it is worth investing in yourself by making sure you set aside the time to pursue your drams. In fact I believe that it is worth making it your priority. Things start to change when you measure what takes your time by whether it takes you a step closer to happiness or a step further away from what you desire. Not long ago I ran across an article on the Positively Present blog about making sure your main thing is your main thing. Here is the article:

Keeping the Main Thing the Main Thing

Stephen Covey’s words of wisdom — “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” — are certainly poignant, but it’s not always so simple to identify the main thing — or keep it the main thing. With so many aspects of life to balance — work, relationships, the pursuit of personal passions — it’s no wonder that that main thing often gets lost amidst the lengthy to-do lists and the impromptu must-do’s.

But Covey has a point. For each of us, there should be a main thing — the thing that fuels us, that motivates us, that keeps us engaged and interested in life. The main thing could be a hobby, a career, even a relationship (though I wouldn’t advise making another person your main thing…). Your main thing could be a state of mind, a life-long dream, a career path. No matter what your main thing is, we should all strive to keep the main thing, the main thing. Easier said than done, right? Below are some ideas for identifying the main thing — and keeping it the main thing — in your life.

3 Methods for Maintaining the Main Thing

1. Evaluate your current situation.

Think about how you spend your time. Think about the people in your life. Are these things exciting you? Motivating you? Are they in tune with the path you want to be on? If not, what does excite you? What makes you want to get up in the morning with a big smile on your face? If that’s not what you’re doing every single day, then you’re missing out on the main thing and it’s time to make some changes. Remember: no one is going to make the main thing your priority for you. It’s up to you to identify what makes you thrilled to be alive — your main thing — and it’s up to you to make sure you prioritize it in your life.

2. Make it part of your daily routine.

If you want your main thing to stay in focus, you’ve got to put it where you can see it. Don’t put it off until someday — or even until the weekends. Make sure you do what you feel passionate about every single day. Pencil it in on your calendar. Schedule it as a meeting. Do whatever you need to do to make time for the main thing in your life. If you don’t actively find a way to incorporate the main thing into your life on a regular basis, it will become out of focus, blurry, and it will become less and less of a priority for you. If you want the main thing to be the main thing, you have to keep it in the forefront. Zoom in on it daily.

3. Create a to-don’t list.

Make a list of things that do (or could) get in the way of the main thing. Are any of the things on the list currently part of your life? If they are, stop doing/seeing/being them — or minimize them if you can’t cut them out altogether. Anything standing in the way of your main thing is essentially standing in the way of you. While I’d recommend directing your attention to how to incorporate more of your main thing into your life (positive over negative!), knowing what will stand in the way of the main thing is also important when it comes to keeping the main thing, the main thing.

Of course, keeping the main thing — whatever that might be — the main thing is difficult with all of life’s distractions and detours. It will take effort, perseverance, and determination to keep the main thing in focus. But life’s short. Don’t you want what matters most to you to be what you spend most of your time and energy on? I certainly do. Don’t waste any more time on the sideshows, on the things that don’t really mean that much to you. Life is short. Keep the main thing, the main thing. 

~~~

“The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now.”

Leo Babauta

~~~

“I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Paul Merton

~~~

A fool and his money are soon partying.

~~~

A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. “Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?” yelled an irate man.

She rolled down her window and yelled back, “What makes you think these are all mine ?”

~~~

Never knock on Death’s door: ring the doorbell and run (he hates that).

~~~

She told her friend, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”

~~~

The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three

grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. “I just got some news, Mom,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” his mother said. “Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don’t think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!”

~~~

A kindergarten teacher asked, “What is the shape of the earth ?”

One lil’ girl spoke up: “According to my Daddy — terrible !”

~~~

An ageing man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn’t know anyone who would spade up his potato garden.  The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, “For HEAVENS SAKE, don’t dig up that garden, that’s where I buried the GUNS!”

At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn’t find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next.

His son’s reply was: “Now plant your potatoes.”

~~~

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.”

Victoria Moran

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Do you see what I see?

“We’re so busy watching out for what’s just ahead of us that we don’t take time to enjoy where we are.”

Bill Watterson

 

If you have been reading the Daily for anytime at all you know that I believe that much of people’s unhappiness is due to their inability to see and appreciate what they already have. Many of us spend so much time reaching for the brass ring that we never take our eyes off the ring long enough to see and appreciate the passing parade. They thing I find most rewarding is that when I stop to see what I already get out of life the remembrances leave little need to lust for much more. In a day when many tell us that happiness and success lie just around the corner if we set targets, work diligently, in my experience all that is OK if it is built upon a life that values life success and not just career and monetary success.

I was pleased after getting so many tips on how to be prosperous to receive the following from the editors of the Change blog. It was written by Anne – Sophie Reinhardt. It has a long list that I have edited down to give you the idea of what makes her life special. Rather than taking her list why don’t you stop and take some time and generate your own.

Reasons to Fiercely Embrace Life

Life is grand, full of magic, hope and possibility. However, sometimes it’s hard to see how lucky and fortunate we are to be here. We get so caught up in our daily stresses that we completely forget how awe-inspiring and miraculous living really is. We go through the motions, get in a rut and are busy putting out one fire after the next in an attempt to keep our lives in balance.

Yet, drama happens all the time. Our projects don’t work out, our businesses aren’t going the way we had hoped for, our relationships experience troubles, the economy is bad, politicians let us down and life is just not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s easy then to get sucked into a spiral of self-doubt and weariness. It’s easy to lose hope, feel listless and ready to just give up.

Speaking from experience, I know how destructive these feelings can be and how easily they overshadow your entire world. But if you take a moment to breathe, open your eyes and see, just see, all the marvels of this world, it’s hard not to be speechless, feel grateful and happy to be alive. Since I know I’m not the only one who sometimes lacks inspiration, I created the following list of reasons to love being alive, living on this beautiful planet and sharing these times with so many incredible fellows. Ready? Let’s go.

  • Receiving help in unexpected ways.
  • The wistful longings of a heart in love
  • Experiencing the beating of your heart after a long, hard work out.
  • The belly-laughter experienced when you’re with great friends.
  • The promises of a new day when watching the sunrise.
  • The sheer joy of seeing friends long lost.
  • The delight in sharing your wisdom and knowledge with others.
  • The pleasure of feeling the sun on your face or the wind in your hair.
  • The wonder of exploring new places and worlds.
  • Seeing the innocence in a toddler’s eyes.
  • The beautiful smell of the air after heavy rain.
  • Falling into your bed after a long and hard day.
  • The first signs of fall after a hot summer.
  • Finally figuring out what you’re truly hungry for.
  • Giving to others and experiencing their joy.
  • Coming home.

What are your reasons to lovingly and fiercely embrace life?

~~~

“Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight.”

Gordon B. Hinckley

~~~

When my cousin, Tom, was at the police academy, prior to joining Chicago’s finest, one of his instructors asked him during an oral exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?”

He immediately replied, with conviction,  “Call for backup.”

~~~

When you have accumulated sufficient knowledge to get by, you’re too old to remember it.

~~~

We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy.  During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be performed. “Dad,” our teenager asked, “how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?” Without hesitation he quipped, “They’re going to give you a phone to hold.”

~~~

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

Recently we called a business phone number and heard the following:  If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, press one now.  If you are calling from a rotary phone, hang up and call back from a touch-tone phone.

~~~

I dialed a wrong number and got the following recording:  “I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.  I am making some changes in my life.  Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”

~~~

Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.

~~~

There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya.  On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic.  As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies.  She wanted to always remember this moment and try to share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, “Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?” Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, “If you boil the water, you won’t get dysentery.”

~~~

“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”

Charlie Chaplin

~~~

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.  “I’m not aware of your problem,” the doctor said.  “So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning.”

“Of course,” replied the patient.  “In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth…”

~~~

“What you have to decide… is how you want your life to be. If your forever was ending tomorrow, would this be how you’d want to have spent it? Listen, the truth is, nothing is guaranteed. You know that more than anybody. So dont be afraid. Be alive.”

Sarah Dessen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I really like somebody and I am glad you are somebody

I don’t have to hide or be somebody I’m not. I don’t have to compromise. I can just be myself.

Cory Monteith

 

As some of you know I have spent a lot of time in recent years with people who either needed to or who had decided to make a life change. Often these were folks that had lost their job through no fault of their own or who had just decided that the rat race they were in was not worth the unhappiness. Most often they almost immediately either offered me a resume or started to briefly tell me what they had to offer to those who might provide them the answer to their need. They often were taken aback, sometimes even getting angry when I would refuse their offering, telling them that I needed to know them better before I listened to how they described themselves. The reason for my asking them to bear with me is that more often than not people fail to realize how good they really are. They spent so much time trying to conform to a model designed by others that they missed the opportunity to build upon their inherent strengths so they could reach their full potential.

Here is a piece written Bryon Pulsifer not long ago that I really like and I hope my friends who have yet to reach their potential will invest in themselves so they too can become that special somebody that lies latent within themselves.

Be Somebody Not a Nobody

What would you rather be a somebody or a nobody? I think most people really have a desire to be a somebody, and a somebody that is liked and admired by others. The question is do you really know how to be a somebody, or do you really want to remain in the shadows of life?

Sometimes, it is difficult to know just what to do to actually be a somebody that people would want to know, trust, and respect. But, there are a few simple ways that one can have his or her presence felt in a good way.

One way is to be known as a person who always sees the good in every situation. This is a person who knows that life always will throw curve balls no matter how much you try and prevent it from happening. But, this is the kind of person who takes everything in stride and always looks for a solution to the issue. This kind of person is known as a doer not a complainer or one prone to use excuses to stop them in their tracks.

If you are a doer, you will be a somebody, a person that people will come to, will count on, and a person to be admired for their ability to move forward no matter what is going on. A somebody is also a person who does not wait to be asked to do something whether this might be in a work situation or otherwise. This kind of person is the first to respond by saying that they can take on whatever needs to be done. This is the kind of person who makes things happen and does it well. If you are this kind of somebody, you will certainly be noticed and respected.

If you are a somebody, friends that could use a little help will call you. If you are this kind of person, you do not mind in the least of giving up your time or energy to come to a friend’s assistance. You will be valued because you not only say you care but you actually demonstrate it time and time again. Being a somebody puts you out in front of life not behind it. You are able to decide what is important and what is not. You do not seek wealth for the sake of wealth but know how to use wealth, if you have it, to help the most people most often.

Many people who want to be a somebody, cast a faint shadow in false pretense pretending to care when they really don’t, or pretend to argue for what is right and just but are the first ones who will do whatever is necessary to come out ahead. These are the same kinds of people who pretend to be a friend but are the first ones to find an excuse not to help you, or say they are far too busy right now but call them another time. This person is a nobody not a somebody; a somebody is genuine and means what they say and follow through with the appropriate action.

You do not have to go out of your way to be different than you already are if you have within you the strength of character, a genuine person who really cares for others and shows it in all they do and how they behave. You do not have to be perfect either to be a somebody for each of us has our own faults but we try and correct these as we can, as best we can.

You can be a somebody if you want – you do not have to pretend.

~~~

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does.

William James

~~~

Things I learned at the hospital:

•Little is a medical term that is not defined the same as in Webster’s dictionary, for example “this may be a little uncomfortable,” “this may sting a little,” “you may feel a little burning sensation,” and “there may be a little post-op pain.”

•All staff meetings are held outside of open hospital room doors between the hours of 1 AM and 4 AM.

•A requirement not to leave the hospital bed for eight hours is a highly effective Diuretic but having to pee in a little plastic bottle while lying in bed is an art and not a science.

•Hospital food has one great attribute; it makes everything you eat after having one seem so much better.

~~~

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

~~~

Two elderly, excited Southern women were sitting together in the front pew of church listening to a fiery preacher. When this preacher condemned the sin of stealing, these two ladies cried out at the tops of their lungs, “AMEN, BROTHER!”

When the preacher condemned the sin of lust, they yelled again, “PREACH IT, REVEREND!”

And when the preacher condemned the sin of lying, they jumped to their feet and screamed, “RIGHT ON, BROTHER! TELL IT LIKE IT IS…AMEN!”

But when the preacher condemned the sin of gossip, the two got very quiet, and one turned to the other and said, “He’s quit preaching and now he’s meddlin’.”

~~~

“I tell ya, a lot of people are in bad shape. A guy stopped me in the street the other day. He told me he hasn’t eaten in five days. I told him, I said, ‘I wish I had your will power.'”

Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.

At bedtime, the two boys kneeled down beside their beds to say their prayers. Suddenly, the youngest boy began praying at the top of his lungs, “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…”

His older brother leaned over, nudged his younger brother, and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.”

The little brother replied, “No, but Grandma is!”

~~~

When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.

~~~

On the first day of college, the Dean addresses the students, pointing out some of the rules. “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.  Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180.

“Are there any questions?” At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, “Er…  How much for a season pass?”

~~~

I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.

Edward Everett Hale

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

My mistakes are the foundation upon which I built my life

“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”

Mark Twain

 

Hopefully it is my imagination but it seems to me I am running into more and more folks suffering from an excess of woe-is-me moments. I sometimes have difficulty understanding why when usually they are fretting over a past event. Don’t get me wrong, if you find yourself in shark infested water, miles from shore it is perfectly understandable that you would wish to be somewhere else. What concerns me is that most of the people I am troubled about are agonizing over something that has already happened. If it was something they wish they had not done, it is over now and the best they can do is just not do it again. If it was a scary moment that accompanied a traumatic event then I would think there would be some joy in the fact that it is now over.

I know one thing, there is nothing we can do to change what has already happened. In my experience I also have found that the world paid little attention to my screw-ups. And in truth in most cases I never would have messed up in the first place if I had not put myself at risk of failure. Failing in an attempt beats the heck out of hiding from risk by never venturing beyond the security of our safe harbors.

Here is an article by Lisa Kyle, Ph.D. that offers each of us tips on how to put our regrets quickly behind us so that don’t become anchors that keep us from taking advantage of what the future offers.

How to Overcome Regrets, Disappointments & Mistakes

Are you being tormented by a regret, a missed opportunity, a perceived mistake, a disappointment, or past hurts? Maybe something awful was done to you or perhaps you did something horrible to someone else. By focusing on bad events in the past, you’re only hurting yourself more. Feel that tightness in your neck and shoulders? Hear that nagging, negative voice in your head? Imagine the relief if that was gone. Imagine how much better you’d feel if you’d get over what happened and move on with your life. Here’s how:

1. Name it. What is it that’s pulling you down? If there’s more than one thing, make a list as fast as you can. Over what regrets, disappointments and perceived mistakes are you beating yourself up?

2. Dispute it. Take some time to give a reality check to each item named in step #1. For example: “I blew my chance to sell my screenplay and now I never will. How could I have made such a stupid mistake!” might be more realistically stated as “I missed a great chance to sell my script but that wasn’t the only possible opportunity to do so. If I took some specific actions now, I could create new, possibly better opportunities to sell by script. A well-written screenplay is always a hot commodity. It could be that I wasn’t really ready before but now I’m much more confident and therefore in a much stronger position to sell my script. Besides, I’ve since revised the screenplay a few more times so I know it’s considerably better than what I had to offer earlier.”

3. Let go. If you’ve been stuck on a past mistake, regret or disappointment: Discard it. Rip it up. Burn it. Forget it. If you find yourself thinking about it, stop. Reach for a better, kinder thought — shift your attention elsewhere. If you have a little voice in your head that delights in scolding you, you may even have to say “stop it!” out loud. Stubborn negative thoughts may require you to wear an elastic around your wrist to snap whenever you return to dwell your ‘favorite mistake’. (It sounds stupid, I know, but it works). More importantly: forgive yourself and anyone else involved. Where appropriate, make amends.

Even more importantly: make a plan of action that will give you peace. This might mean abandoning an earlier plan and trying something completely different…or you may devise a new path to accomplish the same end. Maybe you’ll decide to pack it in as a screenwriter and try your hand at photography instead. Perhaps you’ll launch a new effort to sell that script. The key is to take action to make you feel better. Keeping things the way they are, stewing over something you can’t change, is not a healthy choice.

4. Act As If. (also known as Fake it Til You Make It)

Pretend as if this burden in your past never existed. Go on. Imagine if you never made that mistake, if that horrible thing had never happened, if you weren’t feeling overwhelmed by this thing looming in your past. For a moment, close your eyes and pretend it never happened, it won’t happen in the future and ALL IS WELL. Breathe. Declare this ‘Fresh Slate Day’ — pretend you are free.

~~~

“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can’t build on it it’s only good for wallowing in.”

Katherine Mansfield

~~~

Religious Thought

1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.

2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

4. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

5. When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.

6. People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.

9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: “And in conclusion.”

10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

11. Not only are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children, but nowadays the sins of the children are visited upon the fathers.

12. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

13. To make a long story short, don’t tell it.

14. If your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.

15. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

16. Peace starts with a smile.

17. I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

18. A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises.

19. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

20. Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.

~~~

For people who like peace and quiet – a phoneless cord.

~~~

“When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.”

~~~

“There are bigger things in life than money — bills, for instance.”

~~~

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. “We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth.”

The customs official shook his head and said, “Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?”

Moisha then said “Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.

The customs official slapped his head and then said,

“You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?”

“Well to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.”

~~~

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.”

Adam Osborne

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

What day is it?

“What day is it?”

It’s today,” squeaked Piglet.

My favorite day,” said Pooh.”

A.A. Milne

 

I recently read this poem and it again reminded me of how those who concentrate on fault finding almost always fail to see the bright spots in life.

 

Foundation of Life

Poet: Dorsey Baker

If you are always looking for fault, that is what you will find-

If you are always looking for fault, that is what you will find- and you’ll never have peace of mind.

 

If you are always looking for the bad, you’ll never see the good,

If you are always looking for the bad, you’ll never see the good, surely must be clearly understood-

 

Don’t look for the shadow and the sun you will see,

Don’t look for the shadow and the sun you will see.

And a better human being you will surely be!

 

I think it is tragic that so many miss enjoying their days because they feel the need to find fault in the belief that either everything can be made better or that they believe that they are being realistic and that most everything is flawed. In reality few things are perfect but most do not require perfection to be appreciated. I suggested to a friend not too long ago that we would do well to train ourselves to not stop at identifying something is wrong but take a few moments more to look for what is also right. I might not like rutabaga in a stew but I like all the other ingredients, if I refuse to eat the stew because of one root vegetable I will miss the opportunity to enjoy everything else.

The best things in life exist below the surface, we only allow ourselves to see the surface we will never find the diamonds buried below. Life is to be savored and not consumed in haste. So when you start to report a fault stop for a bit and put it into context for even the imperfect vessel still does an excellent job holding water.

 

What you can do is:      Count your blessings instead of your crosses;

Count your gains instead of your losses.

Count your joys instead of your woes;

Count your friends instead of your foes.

Count your smiles instead of your tears;

Count your courage instead of your fears.

Count your full years instead of your lean;

Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.

Count your health instead of your wealth;

Love your neighbor as much as yourself.

Poet: Unknown

~~~

“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”

Victor Hugo

~~~

Jacob, 92, and Rebecca, 95, were very excited about their decision to get married. They went for a stroll to discuss the wedding. Soon, they came upon a drugstore. They went in and Jacob addressed the man behind the counter:

“Are you in charge?” The pharmacist answered “Yes.”

Jacob asked, “Do you sell heart medication?” The pharmacist replied, “Of course we do.”

Jacob asked, “How about medicine for circulation?” The Pharmacist replied, “All kinds.”

Jacob continued his questioning. “Medicine for rheumatism?” The pharmacist said, “Definitely.”

Jacob said: “How about Viagra?” The Pharmacist said, “Of course.”

Jacob asked, “Medicine for memory?” the pharmacist asked, “Yes, a large variety.” Jacob asked, “What about vitamins and sleeping pills?” the pharmacist said, “Absolutely,” Jacob turned to Rebecca: “OK Sweetheart, we might as well register our wedding gift list here.”

~~~

“If the world were indeed a logical place, men and women would both ride side-saddle.”

Rita Mae Brown

~~~

Max can’t find a job. He finally applies for a job as a janitor at the Catholic Church. They decide to give him a trial run and see what it is like for a Jewish man to work there. After a week, he is told, “Max, things are working out fine. I just have a few corrections. First, when you wash your hands, use the bathroom, don’t use the holy water. Second, when you hang your coat up, use the cloakroom, do not hang it on the cross. Third, my name is Mother Superior, not Mother Shapiro!”

~~~

The thing that counts most in the pursuit of happiness is choosing the right traveling companion.

~~~

Herman the hypochondriac began sobbing before a doctor. “I’m sure I’ve got a liver disease, and I’m gonna die from it.”

“Ridiculous,” said the doctor. “you’d never know if you had the disease or not. With that ailment there’s no discomfort of any kind.”

“Right,” said Herman, “those are my exact symptoms.”

~~~

Those who say it can’t be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.

Joel A. Barker

~~~

She said that when her three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. she was not so pleased.

She turned to her Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?”

Her mom smiled and then replied, “I remember.”

~~~

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them.”

Marcus Aurelius

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

She impressed me

It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”

Unknown

 

I was speaking to a new friend recently who is planning on starting a new venture. This will be a major departure from an already successful working life. I don’t know enough to share with you what it is or the motivation that has resulted in the change but I can tell you the impression I got as I listened. My new friend seems to place real value on what she can provide to others doing something that she loves to do.

I could not help but think about another friend who is doing something she wants to do but feels guilty because what she is doing does not generate a large income nor is it viewed as being a prestigious occupation. I think all of us get trapped sometimes in the wrong place because we do not place enough value on the non-monetary opportunities in life. I know it took me a long time to realize I was being paid a nice salary to tolerate less happiness that I might have had if I had not been trapped in career path that included regular promotion and a lucrative income. Fortunately there came a time in my life when I was smart enough to turn down more. Some thought I was crazy when I turned down a relocation that would have doubled my salary, but it has turned out to be one of the smartest decisions I ever made for in retrospect the quality of my life has exceeded even my wildest past expectations.

I recently read an article that talked about the cost of our decisions. It suggested that we become so enamored with what we can achieve when someone offers us a new opportunity that we lose sight of what we will have to give up to do it.

Money could not buy the enjoyment I get by being where I am at. My range of friends is priceless, the things I get to do each day are more valuable than anything I can buy and oh yes, being close to my children and grandchildren provides me a wonderful place to sit as I watch them thrive. I have no reason to envy my new friend I just appreciate that she too is choosing to live a happier life.

I like what our old friend Ralph Marston had to say about how we can succeed when we decide to make happier choices, here is what he said:

What steps to take

When you see someone who is enormously successful, you naturally want to know how he or she did it. Although it can certainly be helpful to understand how others achieve, that’s not really the most crucial factor. For your own success, it is even more important to clearly know what you wish to achieve, and to clearly understand why you wish to achieve it. Once you’re absolutely certain about what and why, you are absolutely able to figure out how.

Even before you could talk, you were able to figure out how to get what you wanted. As your knowledge and experience have increased, so have your skills for reaching your goals. If you’re having trouble attaining any of those goals, it’s not because you don’t know how, or because you can’t figure it out. The problem is you’re not completely clear about exactly what you wish, or not completely sure about why.

It could be that the goal itself is not really yours. If it’s just something you assumed would be nice, that’s not going to give you a strong enough sense of purpose. Dig deep into your purpose and make sure that what you’re working toward is truly what you desire. Once you’re clear about what and why, you’ll know what steps to take.

~~~

“Allow the world to live as it chooses, and allow yourself to live as you choose.”

Richard Bach

~~~

She says there is a difference.

If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change and she does.

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

~~~

“The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.”

~~~

Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said “Please give me a prescription for the Pill.”

“I don’t think you need the Pill at your age.”

“It relaxes me.”

“But you know the ‘purpose’ of the Pill. It’s not for relaxing,” exclaimed the physician.

“I know,” said Mrs Ogden, “but my daughter dates, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed.

~~~

“The economy depends on economists about as much as the weather does on forecasters.”

~~~

Little Johnny was walking down the beach, and he spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand. He walked up to her and asked, “Are you a Christian?”

“Yes.” she replied.

“Do you read your Bible every day?”

She nodded her head, “Yes.”

“Do you pray often?” Little Johnny asked next, and again she answered, “Yes.”

With that he asked his final question, “Will you hold my quarter while I go swimming?”

~~~

When dog food is new and better tasting, who tests it?

~~~

A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. “After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn’t you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?” the defense attorney prompted.

“Yes,” she replied, “I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him.”

“And when was that?”

“When he asked for his second cup.”

~~~

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”

Robert F. Bennett

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

 

 

Thanks Baird family, see you in the Spring

Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.

Albert Camus

 

How do you define your world? In my case I use to depend on culture and tradition to tell me that the year had ended, the season had changed or that the vacation season was over and the serious time for work would now begin. Luckily I have allowed myself the freedom to define my world as I see it and not as others do. Possibly that is due in part to the fact I am no longer bound by a workday, scheduled vacations and the like. But I think it is primarily due to my outgrowing the need to live within conventional time boundaries.

What got me thinking about this freedom was the fact that this weekend I found that summer had really ended by my measurement. While others may see Autumn beginning after the US Labor Day holiday or the equinox or maybe even the beginning of the leaves turning color in my part of the world, in my case it is when the gifts of summer are no longer available. I hate to admit it but I have an addiction, I am addicted to summers Indiana grown produce. This is especially true of the world’s freshest and tastiest corn on the cob grown in Tipton, Indiana by the Baird family. They cut the corn late Friday and rush it to Central Indiana farmers markets early Saturday mornings where a family member sells it under the name of My Dad’s Corn; when it first comes to market I buy it and then do so almost every Saturday thereafter. The Baird’s stagger their planting and harvests so they have corn for me and hundreds of others all the way up until the first frost. I usually accompany my corn purchase at the market by also picking up some locally grown real tomatoes, some bread and rolls from some local bakers and even meat on occasion.

And now it is over, I bid fond farewell to Jennifer, one of the Baird daughters, on Saturday as she closed down until next spring. Now I must live with pleasant gastronomic memories and move to winter foods. I will miss summer and all it has to offer but I love autumn as well. I find the sweater weather exhilarating; the changing leaves inspiring and returning friends heartwarming. I know those of you who live below the equator will love your spring and I know you are not bound by the calendar but rather by your own appreciation of time as well.

~~~

The Mist and All

by Dixie Willson

 

I like the fall

The mist and all

I like the night owl’s lonely call

And wailing sound

Of wind around

 

I like the gray

November day

And dead, bare boughs that coldly sway

Against my pane

I like the rain

 

I like to sit

And laugh at it

And tend my cozy fire a bit

I like the fall

The mist and all

~~~

It is better to wear out than to rust out.

~~~

Man goes to see the Rabbi. “Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.”

The Rabbi asked, “What’s wrong?”

The man replied, “My wife is poisoning me.”

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, “How can that be?”

The man then pleads, “I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?”

The Rabbi then offers, “Tell you what.  Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.” A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “Well, I spoke to your wife.  I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.  You want my advice?”

The man anxiously says, “Yes.”

“Take the poison,” says the Rabbi.

~~~

Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.

~~~

The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent.  The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.

A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters’ father, “That, sir, is some display of teamwork!”

The father replied, “I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up.”

~~~

Women don’t make passes at men who are asses.

~~~

O’Brian loved to play golf and would go out alone to a course and get paired up with any group that needed a fourth. One day he went to his favorite course and the pro said, “I’m sorry O’Brian, but the only group I can put you with is one with three Hassidic rabbis.”

O’Brian says, “That’s fine with me.”

He joins the group and tees off. His shot is about 200 yards out and off to the right rough. Reb Moshe tees off 300 yards straight out into the middle of the fairway. Reb Yitzchak’s shot is about 290 and Reb Yaacov’s is 300, but slightly off center.

O’Brian has trouble getting out of the rough and four-putts, while the rabbis’ approach shots are right on the pin, and each two-putts for par.

The rest of the round is the same, with the rabbi’s scores either par or under par, while O’Brian has a 95. He says to them, “You guys must play and practice all the time.”

Reb Yitzchak says, “No, we study all the time and only play once a week. But, on our Sabbath, while we are in shul, we say a prayer asking God to give us one good round of golf each week.”

O’Brian is so impressed that he goes home and tells his wife that they are converting. They study, convert, join a shul, and go to services every Shabbat.

About a year later, O’Brian runs into the threesome of rabbis at the same course and they invite him to play with them. The game is exactly like last year’s. O’Brian is doing nothing

right, and the three are perfect.

At the end, O’Brian says to the rabbis, “I don’t understand it. I converted, I joined a shul, pray every week.”

Rabbi Moshe says, “You joined a shul? Which one?”

O’Brian says, “Beth Shalom.”

Rabbi Moshe says, “No, no, no! Beth Shalom is for tennis!”

~~~~~~

No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace

As I have seen in one autumnal face.

John Donne

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

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