Ray's musings and humor

A past favorite of mine

The most important truths are likely to be those which society at that time least wants to hear.

W. H. Auden

 

I just came up for air and realized that I had yet to do today’s Daily so I am again going to take the easy way out and join you as we revisit the past. I’ll do better tomorrow.

Ray’s Daily first published on October 11, 2005

I just have a few random thoughts today, I hope you will bear with me.

  • I don’t understand why it is only objective people who agree with me and only subjective people who don’t. For those of us who find this to be our reality we might want to stop and ask ourselves the question “Might I be wrong?”
  • Yesterday I was in a group workshop that discussed various methods and processes that could be used to manage a people-to-people networking effort. There were some really good ideas. However I started to wonder if the result might be too much process and not enough progress. I sometimes think we hide by continually doing tasks. No matter how well we do tasks, it is all for naught if in the end we don’t accomplish something. The science may be important but please do not forget the art.
  • While we meet way too many people who are easy to dislike, there are many more who are easy to like, all we have to do is take time to know them. When we do stop for awhile and talk I find that there is so much pleasure in new people you like that there is little time to fret about those you don’t. One of the secrets of building friendships is learning just how interesting other people are. When we care enough to learn about others magic things happen. Some of us collect facts, others objects, but the truly happy collect friends. But please remember that the one sure way to close down budding relationships is by behaving as if you are more important than the other person.
  • I mourn the loss of excitement and joy, demonstrated by so many as they age. We seem to have the ability to talk ourselves into believing that we are just too tired and too old to do the things we always dreamed about. It does not have to be that way. Every day I meet contemporaries who have begun new adventures, started new hobbies, began another career, or just said I want to look around and enjoy all that is to be seen. Don’t feel sorry for those who have too much to do, feel sorry for those that don’t.

~~~

To be fully alive is to feel that everything is possible.

Eric Hoffer

~~~

Long, unproductive meetings are often the bane of corporate life. My very funny boss at the software company where I work has come up with what just might be the perfect way to cut business conferences short before they start rambling out of control. There comes a time when he announces, “All those opposed to my plan say, ‘I resign.'” End of meeting.

~~~

A guy told his buddy, “I called the local insane asylum yesterday to check on who has escaped from there recently.”

His buddy asked, “Oh? Why do you wonder about that?”

“Well, somebody ran off with my wife this week!”

~~~

“Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.”

Quentin Crisp

~~~

Joe sets up his chum Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of a friend of his. But Michael is a little worried about going out with someone he’s never seen before. “What do I do if she’s ugly?” says Mike, “I’ll be stuck with her all night.”

“Don’t worry,” Joe says, “just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don’t just shout ‘Aaaaaauuuggghhh!’ and fake an asthma attack.”

So that night, Mike knocks at the girl’s door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He’s about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts:   “Aaaaaauuuggghhh!”

~~~

“If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”

Bill Lyon

~~~

Rules for Driving in New York City

* When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.

* Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.

* The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.

* Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.

* Always look both ways when running a red light.

* Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in. (Truest of All)

* Making eye contact revokes your right of way.

* Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell loudly and chase him back up on the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

~~~

“Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.”

Doug Larson

~~~

A lady lived in a small Minnesota town had two pet monkeys that she was very fond of. One of them took sick and died. A couple of days later the other died of a broken heart. Wishing to keep them, the lady took them to the taxidermist. The man asked if she would like them mounted. “Oh, no,” she replied, “Just have them holding hands.”

~~~

“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”

~~~

Scott and Glenn who worked together were both laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

When asked his occupation, Scott said, “Panty stitcher… I sew the elastic onto women’s underwear.”

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Glenn was asked his occupation. “Diesel fitter,” he replied.

Diesel fitter is listed as a skilled job, so the clerk gave Glenn $600 a week.

When Scott found out he was furious. He stormed into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained, “Panty stitchers are unskilled, and diesel fitters are skilled labor.”

“What skill?!” yelled the panty stitcher. “I sew the elastic and he pulls on it and says, ‘Yep, dese’ll fit ‘er.'”

~~~

A curious ad, placed in THE DAYTONA BEACH NEWS-JOURNAL:

“LOST:  Orange jacket, lavender shoes, & gray briefcase.  Please don’t ask!  Reward!”

~~~

An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest’s much-loved roses. “Not bad,” said the priest, “but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death.”

“What on earth is that?” asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

“Nuns with scissors.”

~~~

The meaning of life is not to be discovered only after death in some hidden, mysterious realm; on the contrary, it can be found by eating the succulent fruit of the Tree of Life and by living in the here and now as fully and creatively as we can.

Paul Kurtz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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