“Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do.”
Hopefully it is my imagination but it seems to me I am running into more and more folks suffering from an excess of woe-is-me moments. I sometimes have difficulty understanding why when usually they are fretting over a past event. Don’t get me wrong, if you find yourself in shark infested water, miles from shore it is perfectly understandable that you would wish to be somewhere else. What concerns me is that most of the people I am troubled about are agonizing over something that has already happened. If it was something they wish they had not done, it is over now and the best they can do is just not do it again. If it was a scary moment that accompanied a traumatic event then I would think there would be some joy in the fact that it is now over.
I know one thing, there is nothing we can do to change what has already happened. In my experience I also have found that the world paid little attention to my screw-ups. And in truth in most cases I never would have messed up in the first place if I had not put myself at risk of failure. Failing in an attempt beats the heck out of hiding from risk by never venturing beyond the security of our safe harbors.
Here is an article by Lisa Kyle, Ph.D. that offers each of us tips on how to put our regrets quickly behind us so that don’t become anchors that keep us from taking advantage of what the future offers.
How to Overcome Regrets, Disappointments & Mistakes
Are you being tormented by a regret, a missed opportunity, a perceived mistake, a disappointment, or past hurts? Maybe something awful was done to you or perhaps you did something horrible to someone else. By focusing on bad events in the past, you’re only hurting yourself more. Feel that tightness in your neck and shoulders? Hear that nagging, negative voice in your head? Imagine the relief if that was gone. Imagine how much better you’d feel if you’d get over what happened and move on with your life. Here’s how:
1. Name it. What is it that’s pulling you down? If there’s more than one thing, make a list as fast as you can. Over what regrets, disappointments and perceived mistakes are you beating yourself up?
2. Dispute it. Take some time to give a reality check to each item named in step #1. For example: “I blew my chance to sell my screenplay and now I never will. How could I have made such a stupid mistake!” might be more realistically stated as “I missed a great chance to sell my script but that wasn’t the only possible opportunity to do so. If I took some specific actions now, I could create new, possibly better opportunities to sell by script. A well-written screenplay is always a hot commodity. It could be that I wasn’t really ready before but now I’m much more confident and therefore in a much stronger position to sell my script. Besides, I’ve since revised the screenplay a few more times so I know it’s considerably better than what I had to offer earlier.”
3. Let go. If you’ve been stuck on a past mistake, regret or disappointment: Discard it. Rip it up. Burn it. Forget it. If you find yourself thinking about it, stop. Reach for a better, kinder thought — shift your attention elsewhere. If you have a little voice in your head that delights in scolding you, you may even have to say “stop it!” out loud. Stubborn negative thoughts may require you to wear an elastic around your wrist to snap whenever you return to dwell your ‘favorite mistake’. (It sounds stupid, I know, but it works). More importantly: forgive yourself and anyone else involved. Where appropriate, make amends.
Even more importantly: make a plan of action that will give you peace. This might mean abandoning an earlier plan and trying something completely different…or you may devise a new path to accomplish the same end. Maybe you’ll decide to pack it in as a screenwriter and try your hand at photography instead. Perhaps you’ll launch a new effort to sell that script. The key is to take action to make you feel better. Keeping things the way they are, stewing over something you can’t change, is not a healthy choice.
4. Act As If. (also known as Fake it Til You Make It)
Pretend as if this burden in your past never existed. Go on. Imagine if you never made that mistake, if that horrible thing had never happened, if you weren’t feeling overwhelmed by this thing looming in your past. For a moment, close your eyes and pretend it never happened, it won’t happen in the future and ALL IS WELL. Breathe. Declare this ‘Fresh Slate Day’ — pretend you are free.
“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can’t build on it it’s only good for wallowing in.”
1. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited-until you try to sit in their pews.
2. Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
3. It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
4. The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
5. When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
6. People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
7. Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
8. Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
9. The phrase that is guaranteed to wake up an audience: “And in conclusion.”
10. If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
11. Not only are the sins of the fathers visited upon the children, but nowadays the sins of the children are visited upon the fathers.
12. God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
13. To make a long story short, don’t tell it.
14. If your left hand doesn’t know what your right hand is doing, you should consider running for a job in Washington, DC.
15. Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
16. Peace starts with a smile.
17. I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
18. A lot of church members who are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the premises.
19. We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
20. Outside of traffic, there is nothing that holds this country back as much as committees.
For people who like peace and quiet – a phoneless cord.
“When a woman says she’ll be ready to go out in five more minutes, she’s using the same meaning of time as when a man says the football game just has five minutes left. Neither of them is counting time outs, commercials, or replays.”
“There are bigger things in life than money — bills, for instance.”
Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. “We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth.”
The customs official shook his head and said, “Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?”
Moisha then said “Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food.
The customs official slapped his head and then said,
“You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?”
“Well to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich.”
“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake – you can’t learn anything from being perfect.”
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile
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