Ray's musings and humor

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Let a good man do good deeds with the same zeal that the evil man does bad ones.

The Belzer Rabbi

 

Here we go again, Ray got home late last night after seeing a production of the musical Chicago. He was so tired this morning that we could barely get him out of bed to get to the gym. He hollered as he was leaving that he was going to be in meetings all morning and that I should get out the Daily. Of course he had not written any so you’re stuck with another reprint.

Ray’s Computer

Ray’s Daily first published on September 19, 2001

If you are like I am you are impressed and grateful for the tremendous outpouring of support shown by so many for the victims of the New York and Washington disasters. People have donated their time, talent and money to assist those on need.

I hope that we will do the same for all of the victims.

  • The senior citizens who have seen the value of their IRA plummet, is a victim.
  • The former welfare mother who lost her job because she was the last hired and now must feed her children from a food bank, is a victim.
  • The American of Middle-Eastern extraction who has become the focus of irrational hatred, is a victim.
  • The hardworking employee who has lost his job and cannot afford to keep health insurance for his family, is a victim.
  • The husband, wives, boys, and girls who have lost their financial footing and now live in fear, are victims.

It has been easy to contribute our time, talent, and money to the high profile opportunities we have had to help those who have faced the tragic events of the past week. I pray that we will be equally supportive of those neighbors and fellow citizens in our own communities that are also victims.

~~~

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness.

Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness.

George Sand

~~~

Did you know that:

Karaoke is a Japanese word meaning “tone deaf”.

“Normal” is a setting on a washing machine.

Sleep is that fleeting moment just before the alarm goes off.

A cynic is someone who smells the flowers and looks for the casket.

The answer is what everybody is still looking for.

~~~

I’m not aging, I just need re-potting.

~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little Johnny sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong.  Finally, the boy replied, “That priest said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, and I want to stay with you guys!”

~~~

Lord, if I can’t be skinny, let all my friends be fat.

~~~

You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?” asked the judge.

“Yes,” answered the suspect.

“And what did you steal?”

“A dress, Your Honor,” replied the subject.

“One dress?” echoed the judge. “But you admit breaking in four times!”

“Yes, Your Honor,” sighed the suspect. “But three times my wife didn’t like the color.”

~~~

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

John Barrymore

~~~

A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there and found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. On the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums.

Being a city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide, “What are those drums?” The guide turned to him and said, “Drums OK, but VERY BAD when they stop.” Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went reasonably well for about two weeks.

Then, just as they were packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the biologist like a ton of bricks, and he yelled at the guide, “The drums have stopped, what happens now?”

The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said, “bass solo.”

~~~

“Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.”

~~~

A guy walked into a pro-shop with a gorilla. “Is anyone interested in a little wager?” he said, flashing some large bills around. “I’ve got $500.00 here that says my gorilla can hit the ball longer and straighter than anybody here at this club. In fact, he hits it 500 yards …right down the middle…every time!”

Everyone in the pro-shop started laughing. After a moment the newest pro at the club and the longest hitter in the area spoke up, “I gotta see this!” he said. “You know, what? I’ll take you up on that wager! Meet you on the first tee.”

When they reached the 585-yard par-5 first tee the trainer led the gorilla to the tee box, put a driver in his hands, set a tee in the ground. The gorilla did the rest.

Sure enough, he smashed his drive right down the middle and clear out of sight. When the ball finally came to rest it was on the green -6 inches from the cup.

The pro was astonished. “That’s incredible!” he exclaimed. “How did you train him to hit the ball like that! There’s no need for me to tee off. I couldn’t beat him with a stick. Here’s your money.”

As the pro walked off the green, still shaking his head, he turned back to the trainer and said “Oh, by the way, how does he putt?”

The trainer responded, “Just like he drives: 500 yards. Right down the middle. Every time.”

~~~

I’m taking Lamaze classes. I’m not having a baby, I’m just having trouble breathing.

Steven Wright

~~~

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible but in the end, they always fall–Think of it, ALWAYS.”

Mahatma Gandhi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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