Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2012

Do you know how?

The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions—the little soon-forgotten charities of a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the disguise of a playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

I am afraid to drink too much water for fear I will become a fountain with water shooting out of all the holes in my body that I continue to make while giving myself injections. I had hoped it would be over by now but it appears that my diet has slowed down my blood thinners kicking in. At least I am eating again, even if it is only a bland diet. While I am going a little slower I intend to enjoy my weekend and even venture out as an alternative to my current hibernation.

You and I both know that everyday has the potential to be enjoyed but not if we stay hidden in our caves. So while slow I may be for the next few days the speed will give me time to make sure I don’t miss anything. Too many of us fool ourselves into believing that we are too busy for savoring a little leisure time when in truth it is the fuel that can feed our happiness. If you think you are too busy please take a little time and see what Peter Clemens has to say about our ability to have happier lives.

 

How to Enjoy Life

1. Appreciate Beauty. Each day we come across beauty in a number of shapes and forms. It’s a shame, then, that many people have become so accustomed to this beauty that it largely goes unappreciated. I suggest looking again at the people, plants, gadgets, and buildings (to name but a few examples) around you and taking a moment to appreciate what makes them so special.

2. Connect With Nature. Nature is an amazing healer for the stresses and strains of modern life. Eating lunch in the park, attending to a vegetable garden in your backyard, or watching the sunset are just a few simple ideas for how you can enjoy the outdoors on a daily basis.

3. Laugh. E. E. Cummings once said “the most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” How very true. Never be too busy to laugh, or too serious to smile. Instead, surround yourself with fun people and don’t get caught up in your own sense of importance.

4. Have Simple Pleasures. A good cup of coffee when I first wake. Time spent playing with my 8 month old son. Cooking a nice meal in the evening. These may not seem terribly exciting, but they are some of the simple pleasures I enjoy in life. If you slow down for just a moment and take the time to appreciate these ordinary events, life becomes instantly more enjoyable.

5. Connect With People. In so many ways, it is our relationships with people that give us the most happiness in life. Perhaps, then, the best way to enjoy your work more is not to get a raise or a promotion, but rather to build rewarding relationships with your co-workers.

6. Learn. There is a strong link between learning and happiness. Given this, there is no excuse not to be stimulating your brain and learning something new each day. My favorite way to find time for learning is to make the most of the commute to and from work. Audiobooks and podcasts are great for this purpose.

7. Rethink Your Mornings and Evenings. Are the mornings a mad rush for you to get out the door? Do you switch off the TV at night and go straight to bed? I have personally experienced the profound benefits of establishing a routine in the morning and evening. For example, in the morning you may choose to wake an hour earlier and spend the time working on yourself, whether it be reading, writing or exercising. In the evening, consider spending some time just before bed reviewing your day or in meditation.

8. Celebrate Your Successes. During a normal day we are sure to have some minor successes. Perhaps you have successfully dealt with a difficult customer, made a sale, or received a nice compliment for your work. These aren’t events worth throwing a party for, but why not take a moment to celebrate your success? Share the experience with someone else, reward yourself with a nice lunch, or just give yourself a mental pat on the back.

~~~

May you live all the days of your life.

Jonathan Swift

~~~

Stumpy’s English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Stumpy handed in a poor paper. “This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read,” ranted the teacher. “It has too many mistakes. I can’t understand how one person would have made all these mistakes.”

“One person didn’t,” replied Little Stumpy defensively. “My dad helped me.

~~~

Ever notice how ignorance picks-up confidence as it goes along.

~~~

A note to the teacher from a parent said: To all teachers

Please put this in a prominent place on your desk so that you may refer to it throughout the year. Attach it securely, as no copies will be made available. So that there is no misunderstanding between thee and me, it is expected that the following rules be obeyed:

1. Students must leave their homes no later that 7:30 A.M. and return no earlier that 3:00 P.M. No hanging around the front yards. Parents have enough to do in the mornings without babysitting your students.

2. Students may come home for lunch only if they live within thirty feet of the school.

3. If school is to be dismissed at noon on any given day, notice must be sent home six months in advance.

4. No student may come home claiming illness unless he a) is bleeding from both ears, b) has a broken bone protruding from the skin, c) is unconscious. In such cases, the student may come home if s/he brings a note from the school nurse testifying that the child is not faking.

5. Oil paints, India ink, and Magic Markers are strictly prohibited and if brought into the home, will be confiscated and destroyed. In the event that said items are smuggled into the home, and are found by a preschool age sibling, it shall be understood that the teacher will then be required to report to the home that evening to wash down the walls, clean the carpet, and explain the whole thing to Dad.

6. Requests for milk money, hot-lunch money, mission money, field-trip money, or any other money must be made before the 21st of the month, as no respectable mother can be expected to come up with any petty cash after that date.

7. Students who are persuaded to go out for band will be allowed to practice only in the home of the band instructor.

8. In the interests of peace at home, the following policy will be strictly adhered to: No PTA meetings, scout banquets, Christmas programs, graduations, etc., may be scheduled on Monday nights unless they are first cleared by all parents.

9. Students are expected to return home from school in reasonably reputable clothes. Trousers with holes, jackets with rips, and shoes with irremovable tar will not be tolerated. In the case of primary students, parents of first and second-graders will be satisfied if their children just return home in the same clothes they wore to school.

10. We realize that personality conflicts may occur throughout the year. However, we must insist that teachers do not request that their students be assigned to another family. While many parents would be happy to cooperate with such a request, surveys have shown that one home is pretty much like another, and students and teachers will just have to adjust. If you have any questions concerning this letter, please feel free to call me anytime before 3:00 P.M. yesterday afternoon.

I am sad to say that I believe this note reflects the thinking of many parents today. They are so busy in self-centered activities that they have no time for the inconveniences brought on by parenthood.

~~~

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.

~~~

I believe life is to be lived, not worked, enjoyed, not agonized, loved, not hated.

Leland Bartlett

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

It is going to be a great day today

What we give our attention to – stays with us

What we let go of – will let go of us

Cat Forsley

 

Hooray I get to start to eat again today, but only soft foods for five more days. I can’t believe that I have lost eight pounds since Sunday. All in all things are going pretty well after my surgery. I have again learned the value of not agonizing over what we cannot change. People often ask if I really don’t let adverse happenings bother me and they don’t that much. I have had enough experience to know that adversity is part of life and that challenges are best treated as events that begin and end and life goes on. I do know that the agony of worry serves no purpose and is usually unfounded. The secret is to go on, deal with whatever it is and then move on.

I like to think that each of us has the ability to unleash our resiliency and put distressful experiences behind us. Resiliency is defined as the ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy. If you would like to improve your personal bounce back skills you might want to use the following advice offered by clinical psychologist Dr. Stephanie Vogel.

 

WAYS TO BECOME MORE RESILIENT

Give yourself positive self-talk

View stressors as challenges with solutions. Unfortunately, many individuals are unaware of the critic that resides in their own minds. When they are faced with a challenging situation, that critic is the first to respond with thoughts that are hurtful, not helpful. These thoughts often arise without effort and automatically. One way to fight back is to create a personal mantra of positive thoughts: “I can get through this,” “I’m strong and capable” or “This is a temporary setback, not a permanent one.” Repeating these thoughts to yourself at every opportunity or having a daily reminder (e.g., a special key ring or a note on your computer) that prompts you to say your mantra will encourage the negative part of you to pipe down.

Be more self-aware

To be self-aware means you recognize and identify the emotions you are feeling but are not immobilized or overwhelmed by fear or anxiety. To develop self-awareness, a good tool is journaling. Journaling encourages a person to confront the emotions they are experiencing in a non-threatening way and allows him/her to focus and reflect on the emotions they are having. Becoming aware of your emotional response to life’s disappointments is often the first step in overcoming obstacles you face.

Take control (of what you can!)

Distinguish between the factors under your control and those beyond your control – and focus on addressing the factors within your control. If you try to change something that is not changeable, you will only feel like you are banging your head against the wall.

More important, you have control over your reactions to life – whether you have control of the actual situation or not. You can control your reactions by controlling how you think. Again, talk back to that internal critic that wants to be negative about everything! Find the opportunity that exists within the obstacle. And remember, learning to control your reactions takes time and practice, so be patient with yourself.

Lean on your social support

Healthy friendships and social networks provide feedback, solutions and emotional support to lift you up during those hard times. Research has shown that having a social support network is crucial for not only facing and overcoming the obstacles that we encounter but for being happier in general.

Learn from the present

Individuals who are resilient are not just good at coping with the present but learning from their experience (however painful) to shape their future. Even if you can’t think about the future at this moment, taking the time later to think about what you can learn from what you’ve overcome can be valuable for the next obstacle and make you more resilient.

Individuals who can cope with adversity bounce back – no matter what they face. You, too, can become more resilient to face the many challenges life throws your way.

~~~

“Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.”

H. Jackson Brown

~~~

A group of elderly Jewish men meet every Wednesday for a coffee and a chat. They drink their coffee and then sit for hours discussing the world situation. Usually, their discussion is very negative. One day, Moishe surprises his friends by announcing, loud and clear, “You know what? I’ve now become an optimist.”

Everyone is totally shocked and all conversation dries up. But then Sam notices something isn’t quite right and he says to Moishe, “Hold on a minute, if you’re an optimist, why are you looking so worried?”

Moishe replies, “Do you think it’s easy being an optimist?”

~~~

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

~~~

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, “Reverend, you’re a man of God, can’t you do something about this storm?”

To which he replies, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.”

~~~

“The main fault we, as human beings have is the preoccupation with the faults of others.”

~~~

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist: “You are far too upset and worried

about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.”

On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?”

“Yes” the mother answered.

“And how is your son now?” he asked.

“Who cares?” she replied.

~~~

Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair.

~~~

A man pleaded with the psychiatrist, “You’ve got to help me. It’s my son.”

“What’s the matter?”

“He’s always eating mud pies. I get up in the morning and there he is in the backyard eating mud pies. I come hoes at lunch and he’s eating mud pies. I come home at dinner and there he is in the backyard eating mud pies.”

The psychiatrist reassured him, “Give the kid a chance. It’s all part of growing up. It’ll pass.”

“Well, I don’t like it, and neither does his wife.”

~~~

“When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it was a valuable plant.”

~~~

“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.”

J. B. Priestley

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I hope your life is magnificent too

“‎Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen Hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regrets. Appreciate your friends. Continue to learn. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Wow, I have lost seven pounds so far and that in only three days. But to tell you the truth I would not recommend the diet to you. I fasted, limited to only clear liquids for two days and today they are letting me go a little further, I can have soup and other liquids that have a little more substance. And then for the next five days I am on a soft food diet. I also get to give myself injections to hold down blood clots until my blood thinners kick back in. This was sure not what I had planned but my surgery was a little more complicated than expected and requires a substantially more ridged post operation regimen. I can do more today but cannot restart exercise until next week.

They did remove a giant polyp and then added metal clamps to hopefully keep it from opening and putting me back in the hospital like it did two years ago. Since I am pretty much homebound I won’t be passing through metal detectors so that will be no problem. They did tell me that after I do some healing the metal clamps will fall off and I will pass them out of my body; I don’t think they pass out by magic but rather via my normal body functions. yuk! They expect the biopsy to be negative and that all will be well, at least until they do it all over again in four months when they are going back in to make sure they got it all this time. So I will have another round of fasting, self-administered shots and baring my body for a multitude of health workers who will again promise not to laugh.

So I have lost some needed pounds and expect to lose a few more which is good since I had gained some on my recent cruise to Alaska. It also looks like I avoided the need to remove part of my insides and that is good too. I suppose getting some more forced leisure should also be good and might be if I don’t go stir crazy. All in all I have a lot to be thankful for and soon I will be able to get back in action, yippee!

It is true our life is mostly what we make it. While I do have an occasional interruption mine is great, maybe even magnificent because I see it that way. Here is what Ralph Marston offers for all of us to consider as we live on.

Make life magnificent

Don’t merely seek to do it. Get busy working on it.

Don’t just think about it, or talk about it, or plan for it, or wish you could have it done. Make the effort right now to make it happen.

Are you unsure about how to get started or what the next step should be? The fact is that you can never be sure, so go ahead and do what your heart tells you to do.

Are you worried about making mistakes or looking foolish or wasting your time? Just remember that the biggest waste of time, the most foolish looking mistake, is to sit around worrying and doing nothing.

There is immense value in the unique person you are. Every moment of every day is an opportunity for you to live and express that value in ways that will astound the world and fulfill your spirit.

So what are you waiting for? Get motivated, get focused, get serious, get up, get going, get out there and make life as magnificent as you know it can be.

~~~

“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”

Jack London

~~~

In the spirit of keeping you abreast of the world news we have included some headlines you may have missed:

War Dims Hope for Peace

If Strike isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

~~~

A fool and his money are soon partying.

~~~

Manager: Sorry, but I can’t give you a job. I don’t need much help.

Job Applicant: That’s all right. In fact I’m just the right person in this case. You see, I won’t be of much help anyway!!

~~~

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

~~~

A factory owner said to a store owner, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”

“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith.

“You know that I argue every bill and always pay late.”

The factory owner said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

~~~

I’m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?

~~~

On Husband-and-Wife day at La Quinta in Palm Springs, a player drove straight down the 1st fairway. Taking over, his wife sliced the ball 100 yards into the rough. The husband gritted his teeth and made a magnificent recovery right onto the green. The wife blasted her putt past the pin into a deep trap. Delicately, the man lifted the ball back to the green-where it rolled into the cup. He turned to his wife. “We’ll have to do a bit better than that from now on, dear. The hole was bogey five.” “Don’t give me a hard time,” she snapped, “only two of those strokes were mine.”

~~~

A lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a wide mouth.

~~~

Retired professor Moriarty was brought before the country judge on charges. The judge said sternly, “This is not the first time you have been brought before this court on charges of being drunk and disorderly. Have you any reason why a stiff sentence should not be pronounced?”

The old drunk stood up and looked at the judge. “Man’s inhumanity to man makes countless thousands mourns.” Then he turned and faced the courtroom. “I’m not as debased as Poe, as ungrateful as Keats, as intemperate as Burns, as timid as Tennyson, as vulgar as Shakespeare, as—”

The judge interrupted, “Shut up! That’ll be ninety days.” And he slammed down the gavel.

Then he said to the bailiff, “Take down that list of names and round them up. They’re as bad as he is!”

~~~

Life is very interesting… in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths.

Drew Barrymore

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I just stopped by to say hi

“We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere.”

Tim McGraw

 

I have returned from my latest adventure that took me to Alaska via the Celebrity Infinity. I had the good fortune to be with old friends who also shared a trip into the Yukon Gold Country high in the mountains via a narrow gauge railroad. The food was good, the company great, and I even got some rest which I appreciated. I did add a few pounds and did not exercise enough which may have contributed to some minor medical discomfort.

The weight gain is being offset today by a thirty-two hour fast and purge in preparation for surgery tomorrow. It should be no big deal and I should be back in action in a few days. Since they won’t let me delay the procedure to publish a Daily tomorrow it will be a day or two before the Daily will be back on schedule.

The good news is that I have added a few new friends to my collection in recent weeks and am looking forward to getting to know them better. All in all it has been a good couple of weeks and once my surgery is over it will be even better.

Recently I was speaking with a new friend who sat next to me on the plane during the first leg of my journey, shared with her that my hobby was collecting friends and how glad I was that we had met. It turns out her and her husband live close by and we have much in common she we are going to stay in touch.

I shared with her that I think friends are worth more than money or material things, they warm our hearts, cheer us on, pick us up when we fall and make life worthwhile. The friends I have and those I have had have left with me with a multitude of fond memories that will never be lost, they are always with me wherever I go. I owe so much too so many for the gifts of their friendship, thank you all.

Here is a poem I read recently that I like, I hope you will also.

 

You Should Know

By Abby Heard

 

I don’t know how to say this, but I thank you very much

for always being there for me you’re gentle, friendly touch

 

You helped me to get better and stop what I regret

you helped me through the hard times that, I can’t forget. thank you.

 

You listened to my problems in a kind and caring way

and without you I may not be smiling today. thank you.

 

I trust you with my secrets the no one has been told

I trust you with my feelings and in my heart, your words I’ll take until I’m grey and old. thank you.

~~~

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.  That’s why it is a comfort to go hand in hand.”

Emily Kimbrough

~~~

Speaking of flying, here are a few things heard on the way from here to there:

·       A flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”

·       After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

·       Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US Airways.”

·       A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH, MY GOD!”

Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier; but, while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!” A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

~~~

He said, my girlfriend takes advantage of me. I asked her out and she asked if she could bring a date.

~~~

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat.  “This year,” she says, “I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me.” The daughter protests, “But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this.”

“Don’t worry honey,” says the mother, “your father won’t get the bill for a couple of weeks.”

~~~

If you want the world to beat a path to your door, just try to take a nap on a Saturday afternoon.

~~~

When Jack Benny’s daughter Joan was married for the first time, the L.A. Times had a headline, “Jack Benny’s Daughter Married in $25,000 Affair.”

The L.A. Examiner’s headline was “Benny Spends $50,000 on Daughter’s Wedding.”

Eddie Cantor woke him up with a phone call to say “Did you read either of the morning papers yet?”

Jack said no.

Cantor said, “Well, do yourself a favor and just read The Times.  You’ll save $25,000.”

~~~

TROUBLE: Area of nonspecific space a child can always be sure to be in.

~~~

“Dad,” said Little Johnny, “I’m late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?”

Little Johnny’s father said irately, “Son, it just wouldn’t be right.”

“That’s okay,” replied Little Johnny, “At least you could try, right?”

~~~

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

Winston Churchill

~~~

A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty hands.  She stopped him and said, “Johnny, please wash your hands.  My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”

With a smile the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

~~~

“It is by chance we met

By choice we became friends.”

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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