“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you are thinking about yesterday all the time.”
Charles F. Kettering
I had breakfast with a friend yesterday and our conversation reminded me of how much I have changed the Daily’s format over the years. Since I am running behind this morning I decided I would go back and see what I offered 11 years ago today. So here we go, I think you will see there was not much meaningful content but I was just having fun getting started.
Ray’s Daily first published on June 20, 2001
It was on this date in 1948 that “Toast of the Town,” a variety show hosted by Ed Sullivan, debuted on CBS. Later known as “The Ed Sullivan Show,” it ran until 1971 as one of the most popular programs in American television history. Many of you won’t remember but it was the “never miss” variety show. We first saw Elvis, the Beatles, and many other American icons on the show.
I wish us all Love, Joy, Creativity, Pleasure, Abundance, Grace, Self-Esteem, Courage, Balance, Spontaneity, Passion, Peace, Beauty, and Life Energy.
I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the movie. Chances are, if you cried at the end of it, I didn’t.
I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it — looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2001, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vacuuming, the shopping and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest.
“My Dog Can Lick Anyone”
So you think you know what most computer acronyms really mean? Think again!
CD-ROM – Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
IBM – I Blame Microsoft, or I Bought Macintosh
PCMCIA – People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN – It Still Does Nothing
APPLE – Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
DEC – Do Expect Cuts
CA -Constant Acquisitions
OS/2 – Obsolete Soon Too
SCSI – System Can’t See It
DOS – Defunct Operating System
BASIC – Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
WWW – World Wide WAIT
If your behind is in front, you turned around!
My wife seems to be losing her sense of humor for no apparent reason.
Why just the other day, she got mad when she announced that she was going to the beauty parlor.
I asked, “Are you going in for an estimate or are you going to get the work done?”
Indecision may, or may not, be my problem.
Two women were chatting about their weekend, but the one was kind of upset.
“So, what’s the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband,” her friend said.
“Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!”
Procrastination has its good side. You always have something to do tomorrow.
One Sunday morning a young lady is out shopping when she receives a call notifying her that her Grandfather had died. She immediately races over to visit her Grandmother..
“Grandma,” she sobs, “how did it happen? Grandfather seemed so healthy and full of the joy of living when I last saw him and now barely two days later he’s dead.”
“Well”, replies the old lady, “the truth is he had a heart attack while we were having sex this morning.”
“Sex! He was having sex at the age of 94?! Isn’t that asking for trouble?”
“Oh no.” Granny replied “You see we had a routine every Sunday morning we used to keep time with the church bells coming from a church around the corner. In with the “dings”, out with the “dongs.” She paused for a moment to wipe her eyes.
“And if it wasn’t for that damn ice cream truck, your Grandfather would still be alive today.”
People rarely disclose their character so clearly as when they describe someone else’s.
On a trip to the zoo, I made a casual stroll by the cage of a laughing hyena. A young man was leaning over the bar at the edge of the cage, whispering something in the animal’s direction.
As I stepped closer, I heard him say, “Did you hear the one about…”
It’s easy to understand modern art: If it hangs on the wall it’s a painting, if you can walk around it it’s a sculpture.
A man went to his lawyer and said, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.”
The lawyer said, “No problem, leave it all to me.”
The man looked somewhat upset and said, “Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I would like to leave a little to my children too!”
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.
“The fellow who never makes a mistake takes his orders from one who does.”
Herbert V. Prochnow
Stay well, do good work, and have fun.
Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.
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