Ray's musings and humor

Archive for January, 2012

It’s gonna be a great day!

Being miserable is a habit. Being happy is a habit. The choice is yours

Tom Hopkins

 

Yippee! I am up and soon will be about and it will be a great day. It may not seem so great to others but it will to me. I doubt that it will include anything earth shattering but it will be filled with positive experiences and actions. I know this already because pretty much all my days are like that.

For years I suspected that my life was as good as it was because I was lucky and so much more fortunate than most. It was not until; later in life that I learned that it is how I see things more than just being the beneficiary of dumb luck. Each day is filled with choices we can make if we realize that so much of what happens depends on what we see and how we chose to act. Actually if we wait for good fortune to land in our laps we will probably live lackluster lives missing most of what it has to offer. While if we look for and find the positive aspects of what we encounter each day we soon discover that there are many good things we overlook. We miss them because we expect to be disappointed, have a negative attitude, or lack the ability to care enough to look. I feel sorry for those who have chosen not to see

Today I will run into strangers and will enjoy their smiles. I will spend time with a new friend and find joy in her accomplishments. I’ll catch up on some things that have lain dormant the last few days as I slept through my illness. Yes, it will be a good day, you know why I know? It is because I chose it to be one. Here is something I found from an unknown author who knows what I mean. Why not chose to make your day as good as mine is going to be?

 

I have a choice about today

I woke up early today, excited over all I get to do before the clock strikes midnight. I have responsibilities to fulfill today and I am important. My job is to choose what kind of day I am going to have.

  • Today I can complain because the weather is rainy or I can be thankful that the grass is getting watered for free.
  • Today I can feel sad that I don’t have more money or I can be glad that my finances encourage me to plan my purchases wisely and guide me away from waste.
  • Today I can grumble about my health or I can rejoice that I am alive.
  • Today I can lament over all that my parents didn’t give me when I was growing up or I can feel grateful that they allowed me to be born.
  • Today I can cry because roses have thorns or I can celebrate that thorns have roses.
  • Today I can mourn my lack of friends or I can excitedly embark upon a quest to discover new relationships.
  • Today I can whine because I have to go to work or I can shout for joy because I have a job to do.
  • Today I can complain because I have to go to school or eagerly open my mind and fill it with rich new tidbits of knowledge.
  • Today I can murmur dejectedly because I have to do housework or I can appreciate that I have a place to call home.
  • Today stretches ahead of me, waiting to be shaped. And here I am, the sculptor who gets to do the shaping.

What today will be like is up to me. I get to choose what kind of day I will have!

Have a GREAT DAY … unless you have other plans and please remember, a ‘Smile’ will make the days go better

~~~

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will

Zig Ziglar

~~~

A young Technician and his General Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young tech are interested in each because they are giving each other “looks.” Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of the smack of a kiss followed by the sound of the smack of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself: “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The General manager is setting there thinking: “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped and hit me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking: “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young tech sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself: “Life at Boeing

is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his General manager all at the same time!!!!!

~~~

“Men expect too much, do too little.”

Allen Tate

~~~

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand.

The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the minister smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card.

~~~

“I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.”

~~~

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. Baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him.

“Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back.

She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, son is crying, and mother is saying “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

Says the baby stork, “Nowhere…just scaring the heck out of some college students!”

~~~

“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.”

~~~

He said, not long ago I shared my New Year’s resolutions with you. Shortly after that I got my Brother-in-laws list.

To be awake more than asleep

To remember the names of my Kid’s and Grandkid’s

To see my family… more often than my Doctor

To learn a new game besides Bingo

Not to say “In my day…”

To spend more time on the computer than the toilet

To learn to pronounce the names of each blasted pill I have to take

~~~

We cannot tell what may happen to us in the strange medley of life. But we can decide what happens in us … how we can take it, what we can do with it … and that is what really counts in the end

Joseph Fort Newton

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I hear music!

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.

Maya Angelou

 

After spending five days homebound with a severe cold I am about to break out. Tomorrow morning I will cure my cabin fever by having breakfast with someone truly interesting, the archivist of what I believe to be Americas best repository of popular music that includes thousands of pieces of sheet music, old recordings, memorabilia and books covering 20th Century’s great American popular music. I have yet to leave the music of the past and have a streaming radio next to my bed where I dose off each night to the music I love.

My friend has the responsibility of cataloging and managing this huge and growing collection of something of great value. If you would like to know about the collection and Michael Feinstein Great American Songbook Foundation you can do so at http://www.thecenterfortheperformingarts.org/Great-American-Songbook-Inititative.aspx. Here in part is a description of what is included in its collections.

 

The “Great American Songbook”, sometimes referred to as “American Standards”, is the uniquely American collection of popular music from Broadway and Hollywood musicals prevalent from the 1920s to 1960s. Familiar composers include George Gershwin, Irving Berlin, Jerome Kern, Cole Porter, Harold Arlen, and Richard Rodgers. Singers include Frank Sinatra, Al Jolson, Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, Mel Torme and so many others.

This timeless music offered hope of better days during the Great Depression, built morale during two world wars, helped build social bridges within our culture, and whistled beside us during economic growth. We defended our country, raised families, and built a nation to these songs.

The songwriters of the Great American Songbook translated positive values and an optimistic spirit into the soundtrack of American life. These values are as true and applicable today as they ever have been. Through our work, we hope to educate today’s youth about the relevance of the Great American Songbook and its connection to current popular music

 

All I can say is what a great way to start the rest of my feel-good breakout activities, breakfast with someone with a fascinating job who lives amongst the memories of the good times and bad times of the past. Much of my lifetime was lived in a more audio world without TV, we found warmth, solace and comfort in music that provided hope during some of the most difficult periods of the 20th century. I am glad that Glenn Miller, Benny Goodman and their contemporaries have left behind their music that continues to brighten my life as time marches on.

By the way, one of the great byproducts of doing the Daily every day is what I often find along the way. Today I struck gold, if you are like I am and love the music of the past you have got to visit http://songbook1.wordpress.com/, the music of the past at your fingertips, what a great gift.

~~~

True music must repeat the thought and inspirations of the people and the time. My people are Americans and my time is today.

George Gershwin

~~~

Flying Rules

1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.

2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull the stick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulling the stick all the way back, then they get bigger again.

3. Flying isn’t dangerous. Crashing is what’s dangerous.

4. It’s always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here.

5. The ONLY time you have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.

6. The propeller is just a big fan in front of the plane used to keep the pilot cool. When it stops, you can actually watch the pilot start sweating.

7. When in doubt, hold on to your altitude. No one has ever collided with the sky.

8. A ‘good’ landing is one from which you can walk away. A ‘great’ landing is one after which they can use the plane again.

9. Learn from the mistakes of others. You won’t live long enough to make all of them yourself.

10. You know you’ve landed with the wheels up if it takes full power to taxi to the ramp.

11. The probability of survival is inversely proportional to the angle of arrival. Large angle of arrival, small probability of survival and vice versa.

12. Never let an aircraft take you somewhere your brain didn’t get to five minutes earlier.

13. Stay out of clouds. The silver lining everyone keeps talking about might be another airplane going in the opposite direction. Reliable sources also report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds.

14. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you’ve made.

15. There are three simple rules for making a smooth landing. Unfortunately no one knows what they are.

16. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

17. Helicopters can’t fly; they’re just so ugly the earth repels them.

18. If all you can see out of the window is ground that’s going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all as they should be.

19. In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminum going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose.

20. Good judgment comes from experience. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment.

21. It’s always a good idea to keep the pointy end going forward as much as possible.

22. Keep looking around. There’s always something you’ve missed.

23. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. It’s the law. And it’s not subject to repeal.

24. The four most useless things to a pilot are the altitude above you, runway behind you, gas back at the airport, and a tenth of a second ago.

25. There are old pilots and there are bold pilots. There are, however, no old, bold pilots.

~~~

“The healthiest people are often those who laugh at themselves. No wonder, laughter is the best medicine.”

~~~

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress would soon die.  Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.  The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman’s death.  He summoned the astrologer and commanded him: “Tell me when you will die!”

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately, no matter what answer he gave.  “I do not know when I will die,” he answered finally.  “I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days later….”

~~~

Joy, sorrow, tears, lamentation, laughter — to all these music gives voice, but in such a way that we are transported from the world of unrest to a world of peace, and see reality in a new way, as if we were sitting by a mountain lake and contemplating hills and woods and clouds in the tranquil and fathomless water.

Albert Schweitzer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Why are the clocks so slow?

“If a doctor treats your cold, it will go away in fourteen days. If you leave it alone, it will go away in two weeks.”

Gloria Silverstein

 

It has been an interesting 24 hours. When I started my day yesterday I felt like I was well on my way to recovering from what I thought was a pretty severe cold. Was I wrong! I was at an important midmorning meeting and proceeded to go downhill fast. By the time I got home I was coughing, sneezing, wheezing, aching, leaking and god only knows what else. I hardly made it to bed where my symptoms continued until I thought I had cracked some ribs with all the coughing. Sleep was illusive, anytime I dosed I was aroused by the need to breathe. I soon learned what a severe cold felt like.

I have been in bed off and on ever since. Fortunately my Cardiac Rehab Therapists declared me a public health hazard and barred me from attending today’s session. They also suggested that since our city had so many people involved in pre-Super Bowl activities that it was my civic duty to hibernate and not infect the citizens of our fair city. I did make one scientific discovery though; it was not until yesterday that I realized that all my clocks slowdown in direct proportion to the depth of my physical agony.

The good news is that it seems like my recovery is in process when I crawled to my computer to do the Daily. Unfortunately I have been barred from attending one of my favorite Granddaughters 17th birthday tonight. and I regret that but I should be ready for critical short breakfast meeting in the morning. Oh yes, I also realize that this episode will make anything that happens in the near future seem so much better than it might really be.

In my search for relief I researched my options, while I know what I found it is worth remembering, here is the results of my search.

 

The Cold Hard Facts:

•   The symptoms for a common cold are runny or stuffy nose, sneezing, coughing, sore throats and watery eyes. The symptoms for a common flu include a fever, headache, muscles aches, and congestion.

•   The common cold causes more time off from work and school than any other illness.

•   Unfortunately, 79% of men and 84% of women don’t feel they can take time off for colds and flu.

•   Washing your hands is the best way to prevent a cold or flu.

•   Germs can survive for up to 3 hours outside of the nasal passage.

•   The first few days of having a cold are the most contagious.

•   The flu is the most infectious disease in the world.

•   Antibiotics cannot treat a cold or flu virus.

•   There is no cure the common cold. Why? Because there are more than 200 different viruses that can result in a cold.

•   Colds are more common during seasonal changes when humidity is low.

•   It is impossible to sneeze with your eyes closed.

•   A sneeze can travel over 100 miles per hour.

In light of the above it might be wise if you stay more than 100 miles and an hour away from me for the balance of the day.

~~~

When an illness knocks you on your ass, you should stay down and relax for a while before trying to get back up.

Candea Core-Starke

~~~

Being somewhat senile I can’t remember if I sent this to you before.

THE SENILITY PRAYER

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now that I’m ‘older’ (but I refuse to grow up), here’s what I’ve discovered:

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR- Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded…

FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT- Some days you’re the dog; some days you’re the hydrant.

NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few…

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause…kids.

TWELVE- It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

THIRTEEN- Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN- When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN- It’s not hard to meet expenses… they’re everywhere.

SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

NINETEEN- UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU OR NOT AND DOUBT IF YOU CAN EITHER. I forgot I already told you that.

~~~

“If at first you don’t succeed, you’re running about average.”

W.E. Hickson

~~~

Teacher Debbie Moon’s first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a different color hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted and a little girl said, “I know all about adoptions because I was adopted.” “What does it mean to be adopted?” asked another child. “It means,” said the girl, “that you grew in your mommy’s heart instead of her tummy.”

~~~

Lord, help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

~~~

Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, “Nothing, I just helped him cry.”

~~~

“It is not good for all our wishes to be filled; through sickness we recognize the value of health; through evil, the value of good; through hunger, the value of food; through exertion, the value of rest.”

Dorothy Canfield Fisher

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I will!

“There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can circumvent or hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul.”

Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I thought it might be a good time to revisit our New Year’s resolutions that I hope are still unbroken. When I read the Wilcox quote above the first thing that went through my mind was “that’s easy for her to say,” but it is not always easy to do. Once I caught myself rationalizing possible failure I shifted to accepting the challenge. Bottom line is resolutions are not of much value if we don’t sustain the resolve needed to achieve them. My challenge always is to not let road blocks and setbacks turn into excuses that allow me to back off of what needs to be done. In my case that is not always an easy task.

So the choice we each get to make is to let what we need to do slip away through inaction or reap the benefits that come from disciplined behavior. Steve Brunkhorst offers the following reinforcement and I think he is on target.

 

Strengthening Resolve

 

Resolve is firmness of one’s purpose. It is founded on earnest decision and backed by commitment. Here are five thoughts about strengthening resolve…

1. A clear vision of one’s future held consistently in mind will help to build and maintain resolve. The person keeps illuminating the outcome with a laser-sharp focus.

2. A strong resolve is continually nourished by gathering new information and knowledge. Fear and insufficient information can create real and imaginary obstacles. Continuous learning can expose and prevent them.

3. Action, especially thought-action, increases resolve because it can result in small successes and new discoveries, which enhance the dream or bring it closer more quickly.

4. Resolve remains strong when dreams are aligned with one’s core values. Small successes can clarify or strengthen one’s sense of perseverance, thereby intensifying resolve.

5. Resolve can be strengthened through team work. It is magnified by trusting alliances with others who are willing to share the vision of future accomplishments.

Your vision may be attainable next week or seem years beyond the horizon. There is always that first stepping-stone to start you on the journey. Resolve to take that first step today. By infusing your thoughts with love, faith, and determination, you will build the tenacity needed to meet every obstacle with resolve.

~~~

“Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.”

Leonardo da Vinci

~~~

It was the first day of school; many new teachers and even more new students, filled the building quickly. As the principal made his rounds to check in on each class, he heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms down the hall. He quickly rushed down the corridor, opened the door where he heard the noise coming from, & walked in. Right away he spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise.  Despite the boy’s reluctance to move, the principal seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. No and’s, if’s, or but’s about it! Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and then proceeded to lecture the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior.

“Now,” he said,” are there any questions before I leave?”

“One girl stood up timidly.  “Please sir,” she asked, “May we have our teacher back?”

“Well, I don’t see why not.”  Looking around the class, he says, “And…just…. where… exactly… is your teacher?”

“He’s the one out in the hall, sir.”

~~~

I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way.

Franklin P. Adams

~~~

This speaks a lot about the quality of Japanese products and their standards:

They’re still laughing about this at IBM.  Apparently the computer giant decided to have some parts manufactured in Japan as a trial project.  In the specifications, they stated that they will only accept three defective parts per 10,000.

When the delivery came in there was an accompanying letter.  It said, “We Japanese had a hard time understanding North American business practices. But the three defective parts per 10,000 have been separately manufactured and have been included in the consignment.  Hope this pleases you.”

~~~

Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

~~~

Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city.

One asked the other, “Your son go back to college yet?”

“Two days ago.”

“Hmm. Mine’s a senior this year, so it’s almost over.

In May, he’ll be an engineer.”

“What’s your boy going to be when he gets out of college?”

“At the rate he’s going, I’d say he’ll be about thirty.”

“No, I mean what’s he taking in college?”

“He’s taking every penny I make.”

“Doesn’t he burn the midnight oil enough?”

“He doesn’t get in early enough to burn the midnight oil.”

“Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?”

“Sure has! It’s totally cured his mother of bragging about him!”

~~~

Don’t borrow trouble.  Be patient and you’ll soon have some of your own.

~~~

A stockbroker was cold calling about a penny stock and found a taker. “I think this one will really move,” said the broker. “It’s only $1 a share.”

“Buy me 1,000 shares,” said the client.

The next day the stock was at $2. The client called the broker and said, “You were right. Give me 5,000 more shares.”

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $4.

The client ran to the phone and called the broker, “Get me 10,000 more shares.”

“Great!” said the broker.

The next day the client looked in the paper and the stock was at $9.

Seeing what a great profit he had in just a few days, the client ran to the phone and told the broker, “Sell all my shares!”

The broker asked, “To who? You were the only one buying that stock.”

~~~

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.”

Abraham Lincoln

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Achoo!

“Being ill is one of the greatest pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work until one is better.”

Samuel Butler

 

I have been fighting a cold today and that has sapped my energy. I did do well at my Cardiac Rehab session this morning but that coupled with the cold has worn me out. I know I will be better soon but the wisest course right now is to again go to a Ray reprint, so here is the Daily from January 4, 2005. Now I am off to another nap.

~~~

So, how has 2005 been for you so far? I hope you remembered that there is plenty for us to do this month. After all It is:

  • Be On-Purpose Month. Since I will be cruising for part of the month I don’t think this one is possible.
  • Barbecue Month. Oh sure, now they tell me, the grill is outside bundled-up for the winter.
  • Date Your Mate Month. I assume this means my wife and not a buddy of mine.
  • National Retail Bakers Month. Here is another one; it is also National Prune the Fat Month, I wish they would make up their mind.
  • National Yours, Mine and Ours Month. OK you tell me, what is ours?
  • Prevention of Cruelty to Your Money Month. I promise you if you send me some I will treat it kindly.
  • If that was not enough it is also Get Out Your Boxer Shorts Day, National Trivia Day, and Short People Day. So, who was the midget in his underwear?

~~~

WARNING: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.

Ellie Katz ~

~~~

A Western Buddhist woman was in India, studying with her teacher. She was riding with another woman friend in a rickshaw-like carriage, when they were attacked by a man on the street. In the end, the attacker only succeeded in frightening the women, but the Buddhist woman was quite upset by the event and told her teacher so. She asked him what she should have done – what would have been the appropriate, Buddhist response.

The teacher said very simply, “You should have very mindfully and with great compassion whacked the attacker over the head with your umbrella.”

~~~

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.

~~~

Dear Diary… For my birthday present this year, Phil (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my high school softball team (let’s say over 30 years ago and leave it at that), I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer I’ll call Bruce, who identified himself as a 26 year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. Phil seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

Monday:

Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Bruce waiting for me. He is something of a Greek God – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Bruce gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Bruce was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!

Tuesday:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Bruce made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air –then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Bruce’s rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.

Wednesday:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Bruce was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Bruce put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Bruce told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too.

Thursday:

Bruce was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn’t help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Bruce took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the men’s room. He sent Lars to find me, then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine — which I sank.

Friday:

I hate that bastard Bruce more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Bruce wanted me to work on my triceps. I don’t have any triceps! And if you don’t want dents in the floor, don’t hand me the *@*#$ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.)

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn’t it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?

Saturday:

Bruce left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the *$@# Weather Channel.

Sunday:

I’m having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year Phil (the Beast) will choose a gift for me that is fun — like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

~~~

Getting people to like you is the other side of liking them.

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9 A.M., on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late. Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson’s arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor. Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent.

He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, “I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.”

The boss said, “And to roll down two flights of stairs took you an entire hour?”

~~~

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

~~~

A friend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA. Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl:  athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my friend asked her if the roast beef was rare.

The waitress gave us a long blank look, and then replied, “Well, no.  We have it, like, just about every day.”

~~~

“I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with ‘Guess’ on it.  I said, ‘Thyroid problem?'”

~~~

A little boy took his dog on a “take your pet to school” day. There were prizes for the smallest, the prettiest, the cutest, and the smartest pet. Determined that his dog win a prize, the boy put his pet through a whole series of tricks.

Finally the boy turned to the dog and asked, “Mindy, how much is two plus two minus four?”

The dog sat quietly, making no sound, remaining still and silent.

“Right!” exclaimed the boy.

His dog won first prize.

~~~

Don’t go for looks; they can deceive.

Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away.

Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

Find the one that makes your heart smile.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Welcome 2012

Goals in writing are dreams with deadlines.

Brian Tracy

 

After I wrote my last Daily of 2011 the year provided me with additional reason to be glad it soon would be over. Friday I ended up having to abort one of my Cardiac Rehab exercises as I had some minor angina that we think was due to increasing the work level on the exercise. Tomorrow is my next session and we are going to tone it down a notch to see if I can make the full time without any problems.

New Year’s Eve was also memorable. We were to join another couple for dinner, a show, a dance band, a midnight celebration and then a fabulous breakfast buffet.  It started off with our friends having to cancel due to a severe health problem and it was too late to offer the expensive tickets to anyone else so we were on our own. I was not really feeling all that well and thought the show was mediocre so we left two hours before the midnight celebration. It did not take too long before we realized that we had a major flat tire, we called AAA and fortunately we got road service fairly quickly allowing us to get home a little after 11 PM. I was wiped out so it did not take long before I was asleep. I was pleased to learn the next day that neither the New York nor any other New Year’s Eve gatherings were postponed because of my absence.

As I said last week the secret is to forget 2011 bad stuff and bank the good stuff, so I have done that. Fortunately New Years Day was great, not the least because we learned that a judge had married our oldest daughter and her fiancée shortly after midnight making theirs one of the first marriages of 2012. Then yesterday I was able to get my car in for service, a new tire and more for what I thought was a reasonable price. So 2012 is going fine so far.

My other news is that I have now mentally stored my 2012 goals but have yet to put them to paper since I am working to make sure they include some stretch while being achievable and I write them with an ink that does not fade too quickly. Here are some tips I picked up that were written by Jon Gordon that you might find useful as a checklist against your goals for this year.

Tips for a Positive New Year (Updated for 2012)

  • Stay Positive. You can listen to the cynics and doubters and believe that success is impossible or you can trust that with faith and an optimistic attitude all things are possible.
  • Take a morning walk of gratitude. It will create a fertile mind ready for success.
  • Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
  • Zoom Focus. Each day when you wake up in the morning ask: “What are the three most important things I need to do today that will help me create the success I desire?” Then tune out all the distractions and focus on these actions.
  • Instead of being disappointed about where you are, think optimistically about where you are going.
  • Don’t chase success. Instead decide to make a difference and success will find you.
  • Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
  • Live with the 3 E’s. Energy, Enthusiasm, Empathy.
  • Believe that everything happens for a reason and expect good things to come out of challenging experiences.
  • Implement the No Complaining Rule. Remember that complaining is like vomiting. Afterwards you feel better but everyone around you feels sick.
  • Focus on “Get to” vs “Have to.” Each day focus on what you get to do, not what you have to do. Life is a gift not an obligation.
  • 18. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements:
  • I am thankful for __________.
  • Today I accomplished____________.
  • Smile and laugh more. They are natural anti-depressants.
  • Enjoy the ride. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy it.

~~~

“Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination.” Fitzhugh Dodson

~~~

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. “You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the mutt replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, “Ten dollars.”

The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?”

The owner replies, “He’s such a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff. ”

~~~

“Whether it’s the best of times, or the worst of times, it’s the only time you’ve got.”

Art Buchwald

~~~

A concerned Father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

“I’ll say he is Daddy,” she replied… “Why just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you guys are easy to get along with.

~~~

“Never ruin an apology with an excuse.”

Kimberly Johnson

~~~

A beautiful young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. When her name was called out in the court foyer, she brushed her hair, checked her make-up, took a deep breath, and walked into the court and took to the witness stand.

The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. “Not guilty,” the woman answered emphatically.

The prosecution council then approached the woman and said: “Is it true that on the 11th of December, last year, you committed acts of gross indecency with a one-legged dwarf – who was waving a union jack –on the roof of a car, whilst traveling at over 100mph through the center of London, in a blizzard and you were totally nude?”

The woman composed herself, looked straight at the prosecution council and calmly said….. “What was the date again?

~~~

I find it fascinating that most people plan their vacation with better care than they do their lives.Perhaps that is because escape is easier than change.

Jim Rohn

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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