Ray's musings and humor

The idea is to die young as late as possible.

Ashley Montagu

 

It’s another of those good news bad news days. The good news is that I rang Salvation Army bells for more than five hours yesterday at Lucas Oil Stadium the home of the Indianapolis Colts as they surprised everyone by winning their first game of the season. While I was doing my job out on the concourse and could not see the game the fan’s joy spilled out to where I was and I am sure contributed to how many people put money in my red kettle.

The bad news is that I crashed my external hard drive where I store regular complete system backups. It should not of been a big deal since all I needed to do was go out and buy a replacement after all the sales right now are great. So of course that’s what I did. I got a super wiz bang, huge capacity, high speed drive and even got $50 of the regular price. Since it is plug and play there was not software to install just plug and go, I did, it didn’t. The device manager says it is installed and running well, the only thing is it has no drive letter and does not show up as accessible on windows explorer. The device manager says it’s is there, the diagnostics run and says it is functional but I cannot use backup software to save on a missing drive. I am too tired to keep trouble shooting so I’ll do the Daily and take a nap.

Aging would be easier if your challenges did not exceed your capacity as often as they do. I guess that the frequent realization that life is not always easy is a sign of a long and full life. Sometimes I wish I had not matured quite so quickly.

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw a friend today at the OASIS offices and discovered that he and I started our careers working for the once famous Remington Rand where General MacArthur became the chairman of our board after he left the Army, that was more than fifty years ago. I stayed with the company through numerous mergers and acquisitions and when I retired in 1990 after almost 35 years the company had morphed into UNISYS.

OK now back to aging. Here is a poem that sure reminds me a lot of myself.

A SMILE NEVER AGES

 

The older you get the less you know.

Just ask your kids they will say its so.

Blood pressure up. Arches flat.

Everything you eat just goes to fat.

 

Get out of bed. Move real slow.

Three times a night you have to go.

Caffeine not only keeps you awake –

it makes you pee for heaven’s sake.

 

The world keeps changing

at a hectic pace

causing more gray hair

and a wrinkled face.

 

But as you look in the mirror –

what catches your eye –

is your smile never ages

as the years go by.

 

Tom Krause – Author

~~~

The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn’t have when you were young you no longer want.

L.S. McCandless

~~~

“And you tell me several men proposed marriage to you,” said the husband.

“Yes, several,” the wife replied.

“Well I wish you had married the first fool who proposed.”

“I did.”

~~~

My wife is so immature, every time I take a bath, she comes in and sinks my little boats.

~~~

The following are actual medical records taken from patients charts around North America.

* The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

* Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

* Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

* I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

* Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

* She is numb from her toes down.

* The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

* The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

* Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

* Patient was alert and unresponsive.

~~~

A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions that your wife asks for nothing.

~~~

The applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application.

The salesman asked what the trouble was, and the man said that he couldn’t answer the question about the cause of death of his father.

The salesman wanted to know why.  After some embarrassment the client explained that his father had been hanged.

The salesman pondered for a moment.  “Just write: ‘Father was taking part in a public function when the platform gave way.'”

~~~

Things are more like they are today than they ever were before.

~~~

Her definitions:

ARGUMENT (ar*gyou*ment)n. A discussion that occurs when you’re right, but he just hasn’t realized it yet.

AIRHEAD (er*hed)n. What a woman intentionally becomes when pulled over by a policeman.

CANTALOUPE (kant*e*lope)n. Gotta get married in a church.

CLOTHES DRYER (kloze dri*yer)n. An appliance designed to eat socks.

DIET SODA (dy*it so*da)n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms.

ETERNITY (e*ter*ni*tee)n. The last two minutes of a football game.

EXERCISE (ex*er*siz)v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

HAIR DRESSER (hare dres*er)n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again.

 

~~~

To be seventy years young is sometimes far more cheerful and hopeful than to be forty years old.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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