Ray's musings and humor

Never meddle with play actors, for they’re a favored race

Miguel De Cervantes


Yesterday I was fortunate to be able to kick off my week by healing my ills, rebuilding my spirit, and going into my week’s prelaunch mode with a smile on my face. And because it’s you I am going to share my secret remedy for the blahs.

What I did was take my wife and two friends to the Studio Theatre at the Center for Performing Arts in Carmel, Indiana to see the Actors Theatre of Indiana’s production of Forbidden Broadway. It was not just that the show was so well staged; or the impressions so well done; or the great creative costuming; or the great choreography; or even the outstanding talent demonstrated by the performers; what it was was the opportunity to participate in a stupendous HOOT! There is nothing more therapeutic than sharing raucous laughter with a group of folks who have forgotten what ails them. And what makes this production so special is that the theatre provides an intimacy that allows the audience to feel like they are in the show with the performers. If you live in Central Indiana, do yourself a favor and go to http://www.actorstheatreofindiana.org/ and buy yourself a ticket, there are only a few weeks left in the run so do it today. When you go be ready to forget your troubles, have some fun and walk out into a brighter world. If you don’t live nearby I hope you will look for events in your area that will allow you to escape your troubles through the healing powers that can be provided by live theatre.

The Actors Theatre of Indiana (ATI) has been in Indy for a few years now but this is their first year in their new home. The principles are topnotch professional actors with a long list of national credits as you can see if you visit their website. We are so fortunate that they chose to settle in Central Indiana to raise their children, have fun and bring a unique entertainment experience to us. They do it all, they have a “Hey Kids Let’s Put on a Show” exuberance. They choreograph, write material, adapt musicals, paint scenery, raise money to keep the ticket prices reasonably priced, rehearse, in other words they do it all, our own Mickey Rooney − Elizabeth Taylor live flashback to a time when the country needed folks like these to pull us out of the doldrums.

I am so glad they chose us to offer the gift of their talent and if you take advantage of the opportunity I know you will be glad too. For those of you who can’t join us, do me a favor find something where you live and support live theatre for it is an experience that we all need, I find that periodic doses enrich my life and they will yours as well. And now on with the show.


Only one who attempts the ridiculous can achieve the impossible.

Miguel Unamuno


Three mischievous boys went to the zoo one day for an outing, since they had been at school all week.  They decided to visit the elephant cage, but soon enough, they were picked up by a cop for causing a commotion. The officer hauled them off to security for questioning.  The supervisor in charge asked them to give their names and tell what they were doing at the elephant cage.

The first boy innocently said, “My name is Gary, and I was just throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The second added, “My name is Larry, and all I was doing was throwing peanuts into the elephant cage.”

The third boy was a little shaken up and said, “Well, my name is Peter, but my friends call me Peanuts.”


Seek and ye shall find; hide and ye shall be lost.

Kenneth G. Mills



FINE – This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES – This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

NOTHING – Be advised, this means “something,” and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine, go ahead (With Raised Eyebrows).” This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine.”

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) – This means “I give up” or “do what you want because I don’t care.” You will get a “Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH – This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing.”

SOFT SIGH – Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sighs” mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT’S OK – This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s OK” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s OK” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with a Raised Eyebrow.

GO AHEAD – Warning: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO – This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s OK.”

THANKS – A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say, “You’re welcome.”

THANKS A LOT – This is much different from “Thanks.” A woman will say, “Thanks a lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh.” Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh,” as she will only tell you “Nothing.”


“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

Charlie McCarthy


A group of bats is hanging around, upside down, as usual, mostly sleeping. Suddenly one notices that Charlie is on the floor, standing upright and looking around.

“Hey, Charlie,” he calls out. “What are you doing down there?”

Charlie looks up and says, “Yoga!”


From a Jewish Friend: If it tastes good, it’s probably not kosher.


A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang.  In going to answer it, she tripped on a rug, grabbed for something to hold on to and seized the telephone table. It fell over with a crash, jarring the receiver off the hook.

As it fell, it hit the family dog, which leaped up, howling and barking. The woman’s three-year-old son, startled by this noise, broke into loud screams. The woman mumbled some colorful words. She finally managed to pick up the receiver and lift it to her ear, just in time to hear her husband’s voice on the other end say, “Nobody’s said hello yet, but I’m positive I have the right number.”


Laughter, tears, curtain.



Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@gmail.com. Back issues are posted at https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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