Ray's musings and humor

“There’s nothing half so pleasant as
coming home again.”

Margaret Elizabeth Sangster

 

I am back finally! I have been under the weather for a few
weeks and was ill during my brief soirée into the Caribbean and am now on the
mend. But the primary reason for the Ray’s Daily hiatus has been the loss of my
primary computer and other complications. I am now on a super wiz bang new
system with new software I don’t understand and many hours of additional
rebuild ahead of me. But I have been able to retrieve old files and I hope
fairly complete mailing lists so I can get the Daily back in circulation, I
could not bring myself to shutting down after doing it for now for more than
ten years. You probably will have to bear with me for a while since I am using
a new version of Word that is much more complex than I am use too.

In any case I hope you and yours are well, I have missed
being with you. Much has happened in our world in the recent past, some good,
some bad it is now time for you and I to go out a spend a little time to make
the world a little brighter.

Here is something a teen age girl wrote some years ago that
I think we should all try to emulate.

 Brighten the World

I for one, prefer to laugh rather than cry. So whenever I
see someone in a bad mood, whether they be angry or sad, i try to lighten their
load, if only for a moment with a joke. It’s worth so much to watch a person
who looks like their world is crashing down around them suddenly smile. To
watch their face just brighten up, it’s wonderful. I’m always trying to make a
joke about something, some people call me immature. But i would rather make a
thousand people laugh by being immature, then watch one person cry, and do
nothing cause I’m too mature. Laughter is the best medicine, and the quickest
way to a wonderful friendship.

Pheonix

~~~

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”

Mark Twain

~~~

The teacher asked Johnnie, “Johnnie if I gave you two
rabbits and then two more rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many would you
have?”

Johnnie replied, “Seven rabbits, Teacher.”

The teacher asked again, “Listen Johnnie, If I gave you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two more rabbits…   How many rabbits would you have altogether?”

Johnnie smiled, “That’s easy, Teacher, I would have seven.”

“Ok Johnnie,” the teacher said. “Let’s try it a different way.  If I gave you two cans
of pop, plus two more cans of  pop, plus two more cans of pop. How many cans of pop would you have?”

“Six cans.” Johnnie said.

“OK,” said the teacher. “Now think of that with this question.  “If I gave you
two rabbits, then two more rabbits,  then two more rabbits how many would you have?”

“Seven, Teacher.” Johnnie said.

“Why seven?” the teacher asked, exasperated.

Johnnie replied, “Because I already have one rabbit at home!”

~~~

SHE SAID: Say you love me! Say you love me!

HE SAID : You love me…

~~~

A captain with a major airline monitors the flight attendants’ announcements while taxiing to the gate. Impatient passengers often stand up and attempt to dash forward before we arrive.  Once, instead of the usual terse voice reminding people to remain in their seats, he heard the attendant declare, “In the history of our airline, no passenger has ever beaten the aircraft to the gate.  So, Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain seated.”

~~~

I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it.

HARRY S. TRUMAN

~~~

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, “If I had all the beer in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.” With even greater emphasis he said, “And if I had all the  wine in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

And then finally, he said, “And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I’d take it and throw it into the river.”

He sat down. The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, “For our closing song, let us sing Hymn # 365: “Shall We  Gather at the River.”

~~~

“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.”

~~~

Jewish lady’s grandson is playing in the water, she is standing on the beach not wanting to get her feet wet, when all of a sudden, a huge wave appears from nowhere and crashes directly over the spot where the boy is wading. The water recedes and the boy is no longer there. He simply vanished.

She holds her hands to the sky, screams and cries, “Lord, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not given to B’nai Brith and Haddasah? Have I not tried my very best to live a life that you would be proud of?”

A few minutes later another huge wave appears out of nowhere and crashes on the beach. As the water recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing had ever happened. A loud voice booms from the sky, “Okay, okay, I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?”

She responds, “He had a hat.”

~~~

You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.

~~~

During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Bible. He confidently stated, “If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Bible.”

After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said, “Reverend, I don’t think the Bible mentions anything about PMS.” The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find reference to PMS somewhere in scripture.

During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and verse-by verse. On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, “Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?” The preacher smiled, opened his Bible, and began to read,  “….and Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Bethlehem.”

~~~

Does killing time damage eternity?

~~~

A university creative writing class was asked to write a short essay containing these four elements:

– religion

– royalty

– sex

– mystery

The prize-winning essay read: “My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

~~~

Everyone takes the limits of his own vision for the limits of the world.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER

~~~

 Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy.
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there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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