Ray's musings and humor

Life is good

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem.  Everything else is inconvenience.

Robert Fulghum


I just got back from spending the night at the hospital participating in the sleep study to analyze my sleeping habits. I missed the whole thing! I slept right through it, wait…that was what I was supposed to do so I guess it’s OK. The only side effect from the study is that my hair is thicker from all the goop they put on the electrodes to monitor my brain waves. Since they did not tell me much I don’t know if they found many waves to monitor.

The docs will check the results and I’ll know sometime in the future and if they found anything correctable. It appears that with their breathing machine set at the same pressure I use at home that I had no loss of breath, so we’ll see.

So now I begin the preparation for my off shore activities next week. I will try to get a couple more Dailies out before we shut down the presses for a few weeks while my nonexistent staff takes a short vacation. We plan on being back in action in early May. In the meantime I have assigned a number of watchers to monitor your activity so if you misbehave I will be able to enjoy hearing about what you did. If you behave the whole time I am gone, sorry, remember you can’t have everything. But either way please have fun and don’t take things too seriously.

I have found the last week or so to be both interesting and challenging. I found myself a few times letting my failure to perform as I would have liked take me down a notch. Fortunately I have failed often enough to know it usually is temporary, what happened is past and agonizing over it is of no value. Fortunately I, like you do have so many positives banked that they more than offset occasional negatives. This morning as I was thinking about that reality I decided to see if our old friend Ralph Marston had anything to say on the subject and I found this piece that I really liked and want to share it with you.

Add a little joy

Whatever you’re doing, add a little joy to it. After all, you’re much more effective when you’re enjoying the moment you’re in. It takes only the slightest effort to put a gentle smile on your face. And when you do, you instantly change your perspective to a more empowered one.

You don’t have to wait or beg or hope for joy to come to you. Simply allow joy to flow from you. Remember that you’re in full control of your own attitude. So choose an attitude that supports you and affirms the positive value of the moment you’re in. Whatever else the moment may contain, add a little joy to it. Choose to feel what feels best to you.

Add a little joy to each day. And add a lot of beauty to the world.

Ralph Marston


Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.

M. Kathleen Casey


Overheard at the day care center, or was it the senior center.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section”

A:  The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome.

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.

Cullen Hightower


“I’d like the number for Rachel Cohen in Brooklyn, New York.” the young man said to the information operator.

“There are multiple listings for Rachel Cohen’s, in Brooklyn” the operator said. “Do you have a street name?”

The young man hesitated a moment, “Well, uh, most people call me “Max.”


My wife has a slight impediment in her speech – every now and then she stops to breathe.

Jimmy Durante


A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, “You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says, that the intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son.”

“Well, thank heaven,” said the wife, “at least our James has nothing standing in his way.”


Don’t tell me that worry doesn’t do any good. I know better. The things I worry about don’t happen.


The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, “Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don’t want you to leave!”

The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said “Now, now, Carolyn, don’t carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me”.

“Yeah right”, she said, “That’s what they said the LAST time too!!!”


People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.


She said: At the data-entry company where I work, the other operators and I share a coffeepot. One morning I took it into the ladies room to fill it with water. Then I began preening in the mirror, brushing my hair and reapplying some makeup.

I didn’t realize how long I’d been until someone slid a note under the door.

“You win,” it read. Any ransom demand will be met. Just release the coffeepot.”


Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.

Erich Fromm


Stay well, do good work, and have fun.


Ray Mitchell


 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.


This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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