Ray's musings and humor

A three day Daily

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.”

David Henry Thoreau

 

If Thoreau is correct I am going to have a heck of a month. I spent all day today, Tuesday, doing my annual taxes, I will have to send in a good sized check but I think I should pay for what we are doing rather than building more debt so it’s OK. I will be tied up tomorrow at the Hospital getting my Pacemaker re-oiled and then being tested by my favorite Electro-Physiologist. I will rush from there to go to get an update on the Haitian rebuilding effort. Thursday I have an early Kiwanis induction ceremony and them I am on my way out of town on special assignment.

Next week’s big event is my wife’s and my 21,170th day anniversary, who would have thought that she would put up with me for that many days, of course it is not next week yet so she still has time to change her mind. The following week, on the 20th I’ll be off again to exotic locales until early May. So please read today’s daily r   e   a   l   y    s   l   o   w   l   y    since it will have to last until Friday when I can again ramble on with you.

The tough part is that I only have a little time to fit in the rest of April’s events for it is:

  • National Humor Month – It really is I’m not joking. Tell a funny story to your favorite country!
  • Keep America Beautiful Month – I don’t care what they say I am not going to hide in my house all month just to keep the outside looking more attractive.
  • Poetry Month – There was a young man from…. OOPs never mind.
  • Stress Awareness Month – I am aware, I just did my taxes today!
  • Sexual Assault Awareness Month – This is really no joke, especially for the victims. I am pretty sure I never got assaulted but if you know that I was would you remind me as my memory is really poor these days.

~~~

Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.

Andre Maurois

~~~

While I was working in the men’s section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.  When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first.  Then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs. “I don’t know his size,” she said, “but my hands fit perfectly around his neck.”

~~~

If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.

~~~

True Tombstone Inscriptions

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:

Born 1903-Died 1942

Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:

Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.

The Good Die Young.

~~~

Everyone hates me because I’m paranoid.

~~~

Morris went to his lawyer and told him, “My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn’t want to pay up.  What should I do?”

“Do you have any proof?” asked the lawyer.

“Nope,” Morris replied.

“Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you,” said the lawyer.

“But it’s only $500,” Morris insisted.

“Precisely. That’s what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him.”

~~~

A woman who dresses to kill probably cooks the same way.

~~~

The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: “What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?”

One of the brightest students in the class wrote: “0% financing.”

~~~

“I bequeath all my property to my wife on the condition that she remarry immediately. Then there will be at least one man to regret my death.”

Heinrich Heine

~~~

A mother mouse was out for a stroll with her babies when she spotted a cat crouched behind a bush. She watched the cat, and the cat watched the mice.

Mother mouse barked fiercely, “Woof, woof, woof!” The cat was so terrified that it ran for it’s life.

Mother mouse turned to her babies and said, “Now, do you understand the value of a second language?”

~~~

“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.”

Harold Coffin

~~~

A husband said to his wife, “You know, dear, it may be time for you to consider getting a hearing aid.”

“How much do they cost?”

“They’re usually about $3,000.”

“Okay, I’ll get one. As soon as you say something that’s worth $3,000.”

~~~

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

~~~

A young blonde secretary was describing her evening’s exploits to a friend.” After dinner,” she said, “he wanted to come back to my apartment, but I refused. I told him my mother would worry if I did anything like that.”

“That was smart,” her friend said, approvingly. “Then what happened?”

“He kept insisting, and I kept refusing,” the secretary said.

“You didn’t weaken your resolve, did you?” asked the friend.

“Not one bit. In the end, we went to his apartment. I figured, let his mother worry.”

~~~

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

Lily Tomlin

~~~

While driving through South Carolina, I kept having to slow down for road repair crews. To keep the workers safe, the highway department posted a series of signs that read, “Let ’em work. Let ’em live.”

On one of the signs, an exasperated motorist had added, “Let ’em finish!”

~~~

Happiness is a matter of one’s most ordinary and everyday mode of consciousness being busy and lively and unconcerned with self.

Iris Murdoch

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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