Ray's musings and humor

Share your heart

You will be happier if you will give people a bit of your heart rather than a piece of your mind.

Author unknown

 

Please bear with me once more. It has been a busy and somewhat tough couple of days and I have a few things that are going to eat up my day so I am again going to use a Ray’s Daily reprint. I hope to get my act back together tomorrow and begin with a current Daily, meanwhile have a great day and remember to smile often.

Ray

 

Ray’s Daily first published March 30, 2004

 

Today let’s all:

Smile at a stranger,

Listen to someone’s heart,

Drop a coin where a child can find it,

Tell someone we’re thinking of them,

Hug a loved one,

Not hold a grudge,

Not be afraid to say “I’m sorry,”

Look a child in the eye and tell them how great they are,

Look beyond the face of a person into their heart,

Make a promise and keep it,

Smell the rain,

Feel the breeze,

Listen to the wind,

Enjoy the sun,

Let’s use all our senses to their fullest, and cherish all our today’s,

since tomorrow will be another today.

~~~

You better live your best and act your best and think your best today, for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow.

Harriet Martineau

~~~

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the famous scientist who once said: “I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen…and replaced by exact duplicates.” His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Half the people you know are below average.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?

What happens if you get scared half to death ….. twice?

My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

~~~

Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said, “I need you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

~~~

We lived in Minnesota in the late 60’s, we were a lot hardier then. We had to be, and here is why:

    a.. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through l8 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.

    b.. If you’re proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.

    c.. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota.

    d.. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in Minnesota.

    e.. If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Minnesota.

    f.. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.

    g.. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.

    h.. If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.

    i.. If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, “From the land of sky-blue waters, …. you might live in Minnesota……

~~~

Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

~~~

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him.

“Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, “Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?”

“And then what happened?” the officer interrupted.

“From what I remember,” Bubba said, “I stood up and said, “Sure, I’m game.”

~~~

Complaints? Write them here legibly []

~~~

A guy had been isolated on an island in the South Pacific for 10 years.

He lit a signal every night for 10 years but no one saw it and no one came to rescue him. Finally a passing boat did notice the signal and sent an officer and men in a small boat to investigate.

The castaway explained that he had been on this island for 10 years waiting to be rescued.

The boat captain ask “If you are all alone, what are those three huts I see built in the lagoon?

He answered “The first hut is my home. The second hut is where I go to church. And the third hut is where I went to church before I got mad and changed churches …”

~~~

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn’t like me anyway.

~~~

When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. “Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?” she asked.

Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, “I’ll take them.”

Relieved, I started to to ring her up, until she interrupted me. “Can I have another pack? This one’s been opened.”

~~~

You are today where your thoughts have brought you;

you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.

James Lane Allen

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun. 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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