Ray's Daily

It’s time to quit quitting

Success is a tale of obstacles overcome, and for every obstacle overcome, an excuse not used.

Robert Brault,

 

 

 

 

It seems that lately I have become more prone to delaying tasks for no real reason other than laziness or avoidance, it can’t be procrastination or could it? Is the rationale for delay nothing more than an excuse to avoid doing something of value? if the truth be known in my case it probably is. You may have heard me talk before about how things that are not critical and really not that important can create unnecessary burdens, well that continues to be the trap I often find myself in.

My problem has always been that I maintain a triage discipline at the wrong end of time. For years it has only been after the backlogs get so large and the piles so high that they can no longer be avoided that I go through the process of throwing out the stuff that is really not worth any effort, and those things that were not of great enough interest to attract my attention, and then unfortunately, things of value that got lost in the shuffle until it was too late to do anything with them.

Of course the answer is to triage everything upon receipt. If something is not all that important why put it on the list in the first place? Not only that, I am at the point in life where I am my own boss so if I am really not all that fired up about something why take it on? I guess part of my problem is that I am interested in too many things and would never have time to do all I would like to do but more times than not I am not honest enough with myself to recognize my limitations. So this time it is going to be different, I’ll clean up the stacks, set priorities, take action and clear the decks and never ever get bogged down again; at least not until next time. Until then, no more excuses, no more procrastination (starting tomorrow).

I think I better read what Ralph Marston sent me about excuses again.

Laugh at every excuse

The easiest thing in the world is to come up with an excuse for not taking action. No matter what the situation, there’s always an excuse that sounds perfectly reasonable and that can provide you with permission to do nothing.

Rarely does it help to fight against the excuses, because that just leads to even stronger and more compelling excuses. So how do you get around them?

Connect with a dream that is bigger than any excuse could possibly be. Grab hold of a dream that’s so compelling it makes you laugh at every possible excuse.

If your goal is to do what you don’t really want to do anyway, even the weakest excuse can stop you cold. If, however, your goal is tied to an authentic, personally meaningful dream, that’s a completely different situation.

And that makes perfect sense. Because if it doesn’t really matter to you anyway, there’s not much point in spending your precious time on it.

Choose instead to live the beautiful, meaningful dreams that you truly desire to live. And no setback, no challenge, no excuse will have the power to even slow you down.

OK, Ralph, starting tomorrow I’ll change my procrastination nightmares into fulfilling dreams. Maybe I’ll just throw everything away and start fresh  oh wouldn’t that be nice. Well since tomorrow is Saturday and it will be the weekend maybe I better wait to start not waiting until Monday.

~~~

If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.

Yiddish Proverb

~~~

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

7. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

8. The seventh amendment is “Thou shalt not admit adultery.”

9. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

10. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 11. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

12. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

13. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

14. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

15. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

16. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, “a man doth not live by sweat alone.”

17. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

18. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

19. The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

20. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

21. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

22. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

~~~

Help beautify our dumps. Throw away something pretty.

~~~

After reviewing my current progress I regret that I did not make these New Year resolutions:

Gain weight. At least 10 pounds.

Stop exercising. Waste of time.

Read less. Makes you think.

Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.

Get in a whole NEW rut!

Create loose ends.

Spread out priorities beyond ability to keep track of them.

~~~

I can resist anything but temptation.

~~~

News from the British papers:

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West gas said, “We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It’s possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.” (The Daily Telegraph)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It’s a Special Branch vehicle and they don’t want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, “This sort of thing is all too common”. (The Times)

~~~

“Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make, both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control the process of choosing, you can take control of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom that comes from being in charge of yourself.”

Robert F. Bennett

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

The challange makes us stronger

I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders.

Jewish Proverb 

  

Frequently over the last week or so I let what I perceived to be adversity take it’s toll. Between really lousy weather, a lingering cold, some cancelled and missed events, a broken Sirius receiver, my inability to successfully install a new piece of electronics and a few other things I let myself feel that my luck had run out and I was destined to suffer the consequences. Of course the reality was that I was reacting badly to a set of events that in reality were no more than inconveniences. Fortunately I realized how foolish allowing these things to get to me really was.

Over the years I have often found that just telling myself that the world would not end or this too will pass and the like were enough to keep me from overreacting or letting a negative experience take me down. For me it I don’t think it is unbridled optimism, rather it is just the realization that most things are not that important and the ones that are do not get resolved with woeful wailing, rather accepting the reality and making the best of it allows you to move on.

Here are some thoughts I picked up in an article on Overcoming Adversity that was written by Chuck Gallozzi that I feel have merit, I hope you do too.

 

Pain, suffering, stress, and other difficulties are the admission tickets to the game of life. But, at times, we cannot help suspecting that life would be much more pleasant without the hassles. In a world without hurdles, there are no champions; without suffering, there are no saints; without battles, there are no victories; without rain, no rainbows.

 

Points to Consider

1. Adversity is unavoidable. So, don’t fight it, accept it. Develop the proper attitude, for as Havelock Ellis wrote, Pain and death are part of life. To reject them is to reject life itself. Although pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. It is not misfortune that produces suffering, but an improper reaction to it.

2. Realize that misfortune tells what fortune is. We need winter to appreciate spring, rain to appreciate the sunshine, and adversity to be thankful for the calm after the storm.

3. Recognize misfortune for what it is: an opportunity to lift yourself to a higher level. Sailors caught in a storm should prayer not for safety from danger, but for deliverance from fear. Why should they accept the storm? Because a smooth sea never made a skillful mariner.

4. Lessen your suffering by refusing to linger on past difficulties or expecting future ones. Problems of the present are difficult enough to deal with. Don’t add to your misery by regretting the past or worrying about what might happen in the future.

5. Realize it could be worse. Count your blessings. Keep in mind the Persian proverb: I cried because I had no shoes until I saw someone with no feet.

 

One of the great things that comes with age is the realization that working through adverse situations strengthens us to the point that each event becomes easier to deal with. Probably equally important is understanding that a lot of what we encounter or worry about is not that big a deal.

So now will somebody please get my new Blue Ray player to communicate with my WI FI network before I get wild and crazy!

~~~

Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss, contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve your performance the next time.

Og Mandino

~~~

As an act of charity, the wife of a local magistrate in a poor district of London invited a little girl from the area to tea.

The girl sat down at the tea table, looked around, and then turned to her hostess. “I see you keep your house very clean,” she said. “Cleanliness is next to godliness, you know.”

The magistrate’s wife smiled at the girl and winked at her husband.

The little girl went on, “Is your husband working?”

“Of course he is!” said the lady. “Why do you ask such a strange question?”

The girl continued. “And are you both keeping off the drink?”

“Why, what an impertinent little girl you are!” cried the lady. “When you are invited to tea, you should try to behave like a lady, my child.”

“Oh, but I am trying,” replied the little girl. “When ladies visit our house, they always ask these questions.”

~~~

“I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter.”

Tommy Cooper

~~~

Three pastors were having lunch in a diner.

One said, “You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything–noise, spray, cats–nothing seems to scare them away.”

Another said, “Me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”

The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!”

~~~

“I hate housework!  You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.”

Joan Rivers

~~~

A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, “Read all about it.  Fifty people swindled!  Fifty people swindled!”

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page.  Finding nothing, the man said, “There’s nothing in here about fifty people being swindled.”

The newsboy ignored him and went on, calling out, “Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!”

~~~

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

~~~

Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.  “What’s the story this time, Jones?” he asked sarcastically.  “Let’s hear a good excuse for a change.”

Jones sighed, “Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.

The wife decided to drive me to the station.  She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river — look, my suit’s still damp — ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson’s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes.”

“You’ll have to do better than that, Jones,” said the boss, obviously disappointed.  “No woman can get ready in ten minutes.”

~~~

You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.

~~~

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.

Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.

“Tell me, Mrs. Rosenwasser, how old are your grandsons?”

Mrs. Rosenwasser gave her a grateful smile and replied, “The doctor is four and the lawyer is six.”

~~~

Obstacles can’t stop you. Problems can’t stop you. Most of all other people can’t stop you. Only you can stop you.

Jeffrey Gitomer

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Don’t stand too close

“Be gentle with yourself, learn to love yourself, to forgive yourself, for only as we have the right attitude toward ourselves can we have the right attitude toward others.”

Wilfred A. Peterson

 

My satellite radio is broken so no BBC or international news, I have been unable to connect up the BlueRay WI FI gift I received to my network, my killer cold kept me from attending a National Security lecture at Butler University last evening, I attended a critical early morning meeting in spite of my cold and now I am home with a headache runny nose and all that stuff. And now it is time for the Daily and since I am not feeling all that positive I will again use a reprint. So goodby friends I hope you are well and that I will be again soon.

Ray’s Daily first published February 9, 2005

In the last few days one friend shared with me that a project she had worked on for some time was not going to turn out the way she hoped. Someone else shared with me that his Mother had passed away while she was with her family for Christmas. Another friend told me that he needed to make a mid-life career change. For many these kind of events can be debilitating, those of us who are not facing the same problems can never really understand the impact it can have on our lives, all we can do is offer empathy and support. those I know continue to demonstrate their strength and resiliency. I think much of how we handle our lives comes from our attitude; I know these friends will demonstrate a positive attitude as they move ahead.

In that vein I offer you the following.

~~~

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than success, than whatever other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company…a church…a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past. We cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it.

And so it is with you…we are in charge of our attitudes.

Charles Swindoll

~~~

Ralph shared this story with us.

A grammar school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students.

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two children myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own first-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a child, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Children bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Anna, a very bright, very outgoing child, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant and says, “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord. “She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The children are watching her in amazement. “Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going Oh, oh, oh!”

Anna puts a hand behind her back and groans. “She walked around the house for, like an hour, Oh, oh, oh!” Now the child is doing this hysterical duck walk; holding her back and groaning. “My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” Anna lies down with her back against the wall. “And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!”

This child is sitting on the floor with her little hands miming water flowing away. “Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push, and breathe, breathe. “They started counting, but never even got past ten.” “Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff. They said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there for him to do.”

Then Anna stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it’s show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Anna comes along!

~~~

Someday they’ll invent a pill that is so powerful that you’ll have to be in perfect health to take it.

Herb Shriner

~~~

The late great Johnny Carson was the master joke teller as you can see below.

“I was so naïve as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.”

“According to statistics, it’s a lot easier to get hit by lightning than to win a Lotto jackpot. The good side: You don’t hear from your relatives.”

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.”

“Happiness is seeing the muscular lifeguard all the girls were admiring leave the beach hand in hand with another muscular lifeguard.”

“If God didn’t want man to hunt, He wouldn’t have given us plaid shirts.”

“The difference between divorce and legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.”

“The Surgeon General announced today the ultimate safe-sex product. It’s called a Rubik’s condom: By the time you’ve figured out how to use it, you’ve lost the urge.”

“When turkeys mate they think of swans.”

“What’s all this fuss about plutonium? How could something named after a Disney character be dangerous?”

“The Oscars are two hours of sparkling entertainment spread over four hours.”

“I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”

~~~

She said:

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied “I’m not sure.”

“Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised.  “Mine says I’m four.”

~~~

She also said:

Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, “What’s good tonight?”

Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn’t think was good.  I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband.

He calmly replied, “Anything over $13.95.”

~~~

Have you noticed how living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Mardi Gras.

~~~

While shopping in a supermarket in Florida, I heard over the PA system:

“A wallet containing a large sum of money was found, but it contains no ID.  Will those laying claim to it please form a double line at the customer service counter?”

~~~

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

~~~

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.

They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,

“Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife.”

~~~

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

~~~

Jill:  Look, Mary!  That couple at the corner table’s getting engaged.  He just gave her a ring.  How did your ex propose to you?

Mary:  Well, he said, “If you get pregnant, I’ll marry you.”

~~~

Ability is what you’re capable of doing.

Motivation determines what you do.

Attitude determines how well you do it.

Lee Holz

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

What I learned yesterday

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.”

Thomas Merton

 

I was at a meeting yesterday where a university friend who has known me for thirty years or more asked me if I was a busy as I use to be. My response was that I was not and that I was retired and then reported on what I am currently doing. As I rattled off the list I realized I had lied, I am just as busy as I always was, maybe sometimes even more so. Later as I thought about it I realized that it is not whether what consumes our time is a job or some other activity it is how much of our lives are consumed by our tasks.

In the past I have often touted the value of balance in our lives and that we needed to keep our jobs, our families, and time for ourselves in synch so we could get the most out of the days given to us. Well I now will admit I often don’t practice what I preach. It does not matter if we are working or not, nor if we are too busy or too idle or not, nor if we are in constant hibernation or constantly adventuring. What matters is that we keep or lives in balance. In my case that means better self discipline. It means giving active and leisure time appropriate priorities. It also means being careful to not only to bite off only what I can chew but also biting off only what I need to chew to stay in balance. I have been around long enough to know that we often do less when we try to do more than we should.

I often suggest that as we age we need to stay active and get out as much as we can out of life since there is so much we can do. However I also do understand we move a little slower and sometimes need more rest. What I am finding out is that if we leave the gold in our golden years out so long that it loses its luster we need to bring it in and let rest in order to be repolished occasionally. I would write more but I think I am going to quit and take a polishing nap.

In the meantime here is something for you that I got from the web.

 

Three simple ways to begin building a greater sense of inner peace and harmony:

1) Quiet time.

One of the first things we tend to sacrifice when we’re busy is our personal time. Instead we devote all of our energy and attention to caring for others, multi-tasking, meeting responsibilities and “being productive.” Over time this depletes our energy and we begin to feel more and more burdened by our responsibilities.

To live a more balanced life, quiet time to yourself is CRUCIAL. You may believe that you don’t have any time available for yourself, but something amazing happens when you consistently MAKE time; you find yourself feeling happier and more energetic, your focus improves – and you still get plenty done!

2) Self-care.

Beyond making time for things you enjoy, there are other ways to nurture and love yourself on a daily basis. Getting a full 8 hours of sleep (or as much as you personally need) is a great start, as well as eating nutritious food, exercising daily and speaking kindly to yourself.

Have you ever noticed that when you’re really tired or stressed, even the smallest problem can seem like a nightmare? On the other hand, when you’re feeling well-rested and centered, you’re much better able to handle upsets.

3) Flexibility.

Did you know that one of the biggest causes of stress is rigid expectations? We all do it from time to time; get a mental picture of how our lives “should be” – and get really annoyed when our outer circumstances don’t cooperate! One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is a flexible state of mind. In other words, learn how to detach from unrealistic expectations and go with the flow.

When you have a flexible mind-set, you’re able to deal with crises and problems much more easily because you’re not working against a preconceived notion of how things “should be”. You’re able to tap into your creative problem-solving skills and move through challenges without all the drama and frustration.

~~~

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.

Brian Tracy

~~~

Some of us remember when:

Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV.

When Kool-Aid was the only drink for kids, other than milk and sodas.

When there were two types of sneakers for girls and boys (Keds & PF Flyers), and the only time you wore them at school, was for “gym.”

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up.

When nearly everyone’s mom was at home when the kids got there.

When nobody owned a purebred dog.

When a quarter was a decent allowance, and another quarter a huge bonus.

When you’d reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then.

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces.

When all of your male teachers wore neckties and female teachers had their hair done, everyday.

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking,….. for free, every time and you didn’t pay for air. And you got trading stamps to boot!

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box.

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents.

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed…and did!

When being sent to the principal’s office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home.

~~~

Billing’s Law:  Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Josh Billings

~~~

She said she learned this from the kids:

•There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

•If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

•A 4 year-old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

•If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

•Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

~~~

The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she’d have children if she had it to do over again. “Sure,” she replied, “but not the same ones.”

~~~

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

We don’t have to be lonely

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”

Mother Teresa

 

I got an e-mail the other day from an Australian reader of the Daily who has become a long distance friend over the last few years. In her message she shared with me how distressing the passing of someone dear to her coupled with the loss of a dear friend has been. It again reminded me how often loneliness can be more devastating than physical ailments as we age. It can be made even worse by the effort of friends and relatives telling us we shouldn’t feel the way we do and that everything is fine.

I do spend a significant amount of time with the elderly, after all they are my peers, and far too often I find folks who have lost their vitality out of sheer loneliness. What disturbs me is that I know it does not have to be that way. In my case I too have lost dear friends and family members but I have learned to appreciate what we had together while at the same time finding that there are potential new friends all around me as well as new things to see and do.

It is too bad that we have all kinds of doctors to diagnose and treat our physical ailments while there are few around to treat, with real understanding, our sometimes lonely hearts. In that spirit I did an internet search this morning and found and edited the following piece from Wicki How.

 

We don’t have to be lonely, here is what we can do.

• Realize that we all get lonely. It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with us. We’re particularly prone to loneliness when we’ve lost someone close.
• Call or get together with the people you know, even if they aren’t who you want to be with right now. Human contact makes more contact easier. This includes your kids and the guy at the deli counter. Listen more than talk. Listening, and drawing people out will deepen your contacts more than just talking endlessly about yourself. Do not exhaust your existing connections; these are all you have at the moment.
• Get involved in anything where you will meet people. If you are very shy, find a group for social anxiety, even if it has to be online (obviously it’s better if it’s not). Look for activities in your area. Volunteering can help. But don’t attend functions with the idea of making friends or meeting people. Being too demanding is a sign of loneliness. Try to go with no expectations whatsoever, and to enjoy yourself regardless of what happens.
• Challenge yourself to take the initiative in social relationships whenever you can. You ask the person if they want to chat, get a coffee, whatever. Remember how much you like it when people are attracted to you. Remember though, that you are trying to make a place for yourself in another person’s life. Do not think that just showing up will win you instant friends. It can be a long, painstaking process, and most people you meet already have their own friends and lives. You must always show interest in other people before they will show interest in you, if they ever do.
• Take risks about revealing yourself. Say what’s on your mind, if it seems at all likely the other person will be receptive. It can hurt when it backfires, but it’s worth it a million times over if it works. My wife sometimes criticizes me for being too open. I find if let people know about my failures as well as my successes I don’t have to worry about pretending to be something I’m not. I much prefer someone to choose to be my friend because of who I am rather than who I seem to be. Ray
• Notice the difference between loneliness and solitude. Imagine this is the last day you will ever be alone. What would you do?
• Join an online community. Remember to be safe when online though not everyone is who they say they are and predators feed off of loneliness.
• When feeling lonely, don’t allow yourself to wallow in your loneliness. Do something, anything! Take a walk, ride your bike. Explore activities and hobbies, trying new things. Having experience gives you a basis upon which you can comment in more social situations (thus talk to more people) and strike up conversations that will interest other people.

~~~

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

Joseph F. Newton

~~~

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.  The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, “That’s it.”

~~~

We forfeit three-fourths of ourselves to be like other people.

Arthur Schopenhauer

~~~

My brother-in-law offers this to me, he is my personal trainer.

Subject: Easy Exercise Program…

Usually when I feel energetic, I lay down and wait for the feeling to pass.

Before that I joined Joggers’ Anonymous.  Whenever I felt like jogging, someone would come over and hide my running shoes.

But I have decided to turn over a new leaf and start some serious exercising in 2011. Here’s an exercise I have been doing to stay in shape. You might want to take it easy at first, then faster as you become more proficient.

…..easy does it……….

**WARNING – THIS EXERCISE MAY BE TOO STRENUOUS FOR SOME PEOPLE**

Scroll down…

Scroll up…

~~~

“Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.”

Lily Tomlin

~~~

As soon as the service had ended, little Benjy walks up to Rabbi Bloom and says, “When I grow up, Rabbi, I’m going to give you lots of money.”

Rabbi Bloom laughs and replies, “That’s really good to know, Benjy, but why do you want to do this?”

Benjy replies, “Because my Dad says you’re the poorest Rabbi we have ever had!”

~~~

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.

Carlos Castaneda

~~~

There was a ventriloquist who had no work for six months. He went to his agent and told him he needed work badly. The agent said, “There’s no call for ventriloquists, but if you were a psychic I could get you plenty of work.”

So this ventriloquist went home and hung out a psychic sign. An hour later a woman knocks on the door: “I want to talk to my deceased husband-how much will it cost?”

The ventriloquist says, “If you talk to him, $50; if he talks to you, $100; and if you talk to each other while I’m drinking coffee, that’s $200.”

~~~

“It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them” Anita, nine years old

~~~

A worried father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.

“I’ll say he is, Daddy,” responded the girl. “Just last night he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves, and if you two are easy to get along with.”

~~~

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

Mark Twain

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Let’s have fun today

“The more fun you have, the greater your value to yourself and to your society.

The more fun you share with others, the more fun you have.”

Author Unknown

 

Yippee, today I get to breakout of my forced hibernation after spending for days looking out upon a frozen and frigid landscape. I think I am suffering from a combination of being stir crazy while having a severe case of cabin fever.

The first thing this morning is a trip to my primary doc so she can probe and test to see if I am still borderline magnificent and that any problems are just mental. After that, watch out, I’m planning on having some therapeutic fun, I don’t know what yet, but I’ll think of something. Maybe I’ll follow Gretchen Rubin’s suggestions that I have added below.

  

Having fun sounds easy, but it’s not. Take the time to do some real self-reflection. As you ask yourself, “How can I have more fun?” keep two things in mind:

1. Be honest about what’s actually fun for you. It’s a Secret of Adulthood: just because something is fun for someone else doesn’t mean it’s fun for you, and vice versa. Wine-tasting, skiing, baking bread, reading mysteries—I personally do not enjoy any of these “fun” activities. They’re fun for some people; not for me. Don’t try to be self-improving, and don’t plan a “fun” event based on what other people would enjoy. Make time for something that’s fun for YOU.

2. Do have real fun. I often feel so overwhelmed by tasks that I think, “The most fun would be to cross some items off my to-do list. I’d feel so much better if I could get something accomplished.” In fact, though, I just make myself feel trapped and drained. If I take time to do something that’s truly fun for me (re-read All the King’s Men for the fourth time, call my sister), I feel better able to tackle that to-do list.

I’m going to break a lifelong vow here – never to quote Dr. Seuss for a nugget of life philosophy. When I was reading The Cat in the Hat to my younger daughter, these five lines hit me so hard I simply can’t resist.

Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me NOW!

It is fun to have fun

But you have to know how.

So very true. You do have to know how to have fun — and it takes serious reflection.

In case Dr. Seuss isn’t convincing, I’ll also invoke Samuel Butler:

“One can bring no greater reproach against a man than to say that he does not set sufficient value upon pleasure, and there is no greater sign of a fool than the thinking that he can tell at once and easily what it is that pleases him. To know this is not easy, and how to extend our knowledge of it is the highest and most neglected of all arts and branches of education.”

~~~

It’s the game of life. Do I win or do I lose? One day they’re gonna shut the game down. I gotta have as much fun and go around the board as many times as I can before it’s my turn to leave.

Tupac Shakur

~~~

Murphy’s Laws of Genealogy

1.  The public ceremony in which your distinguished ancestor participated and at which the platform collapsed under him turned out to be his hanging.

2.  When at last after much hard work you have evolved the mystery that you have been working on for two years, your aunt says, “I could have told you that.”

3.  You search ten years for your grandmother’s maiden name to eventually find it on a letter in a box in the attic.

4.  You never asked your father about his family when he was alive because you weren’t interested in genealogy then.

5.  The will you need is in the safe on board the Titanic.

6.  Copies of old newspapers have holes occurring only on the surnames.

7.  John, son of Thomas the immigrant whom your relatives claim as the family progenitor, died on board ship at the age of 10.

8.  Your great grandfather’s newspaper obituary states that he died leaving no issue of record.

9.  Another genealogist has just insulted the keeper of the vital records you need.

10. The relative who had all the family photographs gave them all to her daughter who has no interest in genealogy and no inclination to share.

11. The only record you find for your great grandfather is that his property was sold at a sheriff’s sale of insolvency.

12. The one document that would supply the missing link in your dead end line has been lost due to fire, flood, or war.

13. The town clerk to whom you wrote for the information sends you a long handwritten letter which is totally illegible.

14. The spelling of your European ancestor’s name bears no relationship to its current spelling or pronunciation.

15. None of the pictures in your recently deceased grandmother’s photo album have names written on them.

16. No one in your family tree ever did anything noteworthy, owned property, was sued or was named in a will.

17. You learn that your great aunt’s executor just sold her life’s collection of family genealogical materials to a flea market dealer “Somewhere in New York City.”

18. Ink fades and paper deteriorates at a rate inversely proportional to the value of the data recorded.

19. The 37 volume, 16,000 page history of your county of origin isn’t indexed.

20. You finally find your great grandparents’ wedding record and discover that the bride’s father was named John Smith.

~~~

My psychiatrist says I’m manic-depressive ……I have mixed feelings about that.

~~~

She said:

It’s every airplane passenger’s nightmare:  Getting stuck near a crying baby.

I was manning the ticket counter at a busy airport when the sound of a sobbing infant filled the air.  As the next passenger stepped up to the desk, he glanced up to the tot and rolled his eyes.

“Don’t worry,” I said to him cheerfully.  “Chances are that baby won’t be on your flight.”

Head shaking, he grimly replied, “Oh, I bet he will. That’s my son.”

~~~

You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than you can by what others say about him.

Leo Aikman

~~~

Two Jewish ladies who were neighbors in New York met unexpectedly in Miami one winter.

“Why Shirley” one of them said, “I had no idea you were here”

“So listen Ruthie” said Shirley “now that we met I just must tell you, I am having an affair!”

“How wonderful” said Ruthie, “who is doing the catering?”

~~~

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”

Anthony Robbins

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun. 

Risk-takers win!

This nation was built by men who took risks – pioneers who were not afraid of the wilderness, business men who were not afraid of failure, scientists who were not afraid of the truth, thinkers who were not afraid of progress, dreamers who were not afraid of action.

Brooks Atkinson

 

Unfortunately my hibernation of the last few days has spilled over and I slept much longer than usual. Rather then make an effort to reenergize in order to write a lucid Daily you again get to peek into my past. Better days are coming.

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on February 3, 2003

The loss of our astronauts this weekend brought back memories of the first NASA tragedy, the death of Gus Grissom and his crewmates, Edward White II and Roger Chaffee while they were in a training simulation on January 27, 1967. Like now, everything was brought to a standstill until the causes could be determined and verification made that everything associated with space flight was fault-free. It became personal to me when I was chosen to be a member of a Sperry-Univac team responsible for the review of our computer functions at the Johnson Space Center.

I like many others, wondered about the value of the program because of the associated risks. But as I thought it through I decided that almost all the great discoveries have been made by risk-takers. Those of us who never take any risks are destined for stagnation. The real tragedy in this world is the death of children, through disease, accident, or famine who never even have the chance to make the choices that we all make as we mature.

We will long remember the sacrifice made by those who died this weekend. We should also be grateful as we remind ourselves that they, and people like them are responsible for most of the great things that have happened since the beginning of time.

~~~

Take a chance! All life is a chance.

The man who goes the furthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare.

The “sure thing” boat never gets far from shore.

Dale Carnegie

~~~

More advice from my personal trainer:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me? A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program? A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain… Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you? A: You’re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What’s the secret to healthy eating? A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me? A: Are you crazy? Hello… Cocoa beans?!… Another vegetable! It’s the best feel good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Have a cookie… flour is a veggie!

One more thing…

“When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt.”

~~~

Some folks wear their halos much too tight…

~~~

There was an article I read about a little girl’s insight into boys which was particularly insightful:

“Boys are no good at all until they grow up and get married.  Men who don’t get married are no good either.  Boys are an awful bother. They want everything except soap.  My mom is a woman, and my dad is a man.  A woman is a grown up girl with children. My dad is such a nice man that I think he must have been a girl when he was a boy.”

~~~

Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are your own fears.

Rudyard Kipling

~~~

Woman phones up her husband at work for a chat.

Husband: “I’m sorry dear, but I’m up to my neck in work today.”

Wife: “But I’ve got some good news and some bad news for you, dear.”

Husband: “Okay, darling, but as I’ve got very little time now, so just give me the good news.”

Wife: “Well, the air bag works.”

~~~

Familiarity breeds children.

~~~

The insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife to take out a life insurance policy.  “Now supposing your husband were to die,” he said, “what would you get?”

“Oh, a Labrador, I think,” replied the housewife.  “They’re always good company!”

~~~

So one guy says to another guy, ” Goldberg and Rosenstern were talking one day…HOLD IT !, his friend interrupts him,

“Always with the Jewish jokes! Give it a rest! Why do they always have to be about Jews? Just change the names to another ethnic group for once!”

So he starts again, “Hashimoto and Suzuki were talking one day at their nephew’s Bar Mitzvah…”

~~~

Did you really think Mr. Rogers wanted you or me as a neighbor?

~~~

“Oh, No!” he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

“Danny! Danny!” he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn’t understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, “Danny!”

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. “Yes, Dad,” he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

“It’s time to get up and get ready for school,” the man sighed, “and, for heaven’s sake, clean up this room.”

~~~

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.

Jawaharlal Nehru

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

We’re hibernating again today

“In the coldest February,

As in every other month in every other year,

The best thing to hold on to is each other.”

Linda Ellerbee

 

Today is Groundhog Day, supposedly if the groundhog comes out and sees his shadow winter will last an additional six weeks. If the groundhog has any sense at all he’ll just stay in since the weather in our part of the world is horrible  ice, blizzards and high winds provide man and beast plenty of reason to just home.

The tough part is that February is a short month and it will get a late start with so many of us hiding out. I am the process of putting together my “you better do it” list. Here are some of this month’s national events I need to consider, it is:

 

• ·         Low Vision Awareness Month – I took care of this last month, I bought new glasses and now see things that are both high and low.
• ·         American Heart Month – I am grateful for mine since after two heart operations, my medications and a second Pacemaker mine is fine, thank you very much.
• ·         Bird Feeding Month – Invite a Wren to dinner.
• ·         Cat Health Month – Buy a membership at the feline health club for your cat?
• ·         Creative Romance Month – I am at the age where memories are about as creative as I get.
• ·         Dental Month – I am sure I helped my dentist fund a vacation or two last year; this year I’ll let him celebrate on his own nickel (I hope).
• ·         Friendship Month – In my case every month is friendship month, friends’ fuel the fire and you should keep your life filled with them.
• ·         Library Lovers Month – Make sure you don’t forget to send your library flowers on Valentines Day.
• ·         Potato Lovers Month – This ones easy, I have never met a potato that I didn’t like.
• ·         Sinus Pain Awareness Month – Oh really? I have never been unaware of the pain when my sinus’ act up.
• ·         Snack Food Month – Sure, thanks a lot, I am trying to hold my weight down!
• ·         Wise Health Consumer Month – I try to only consume wise health, I find dumb health to be problematic and counterproductive.

 

Oh the heck with it, I am going to make it a worry free month, I’ll try to have fun, stay well, do the best I can and try not to hurt anyone, what about you?

~~~

If February give much snow A fine Summer it doth foreshow.

English proverb

~~~

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. As he sits, the waitress comes over and asks for their orders. The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and turns to the ostrich, “What’s yours?”

“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please,” and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”

Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter again.

“The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man, “same for me,” says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $12.62.”  Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse me, sir.  How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?”

“Well,” says the man, “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp.  When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress.  “Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right.  Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the man.

The waitress asks, “One other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

~~~

Support a Lawyer – Become a Doctor

~~~

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!”

~~~

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

~~~

An elderly gentleman with serious hearing problems goes to the doctor who fits him with hearing aids that allow him to hear at 100% for the first time in many years.

The elderly man goes back in a month for a checkup. The doctor says, ”Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

To which the gentleman replies, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”

~~~

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

~~~

After 50 years of wondering why he didn’t look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

“Yes, you were son,” his mother said as she started to cry softly. “but it didn’t work out and they brought you back.”

~~~

A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.

~~~

As a mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, the boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. The mother saw an opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, ‘Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.'”

The older boy said to his younger brother, “Ryan, you be Jesus!”

~~~

“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire:  it is the time for home.” 

Edith Sitwell

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun. 

Yesterday was a good day

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.

Emily Dickinson

 

As most of you know yesterday was my birthday. Unfortunately the weather required us to postpone a family get together planned for a downtown restaurant with my children and their significant others last evening. The delay just means I can act younger for a few more days.

Fortunately the weather did not dampen what turned out to be an overwhelming good day as I was inundated with birthday greetings. Friends, family, former colleagues, doctors, nurses, some heroes, business leaders, NGO Executives, foreign aid workers and others sent me their best wishes. Even folks I don’t know who read Ray’s Daily added their greetings.

Best of all was a special note buried in all the messages from my god daughter who I had not seen or communicated with for decades. It was special to know that she even remembered me much less offered such warm thoughts. In subsequent message exchanges we planned to learn more about all I have missed and for that I am grateful.

I can think of no gift that I could appreciate more than the friendship and good wishes from so many. It is these folks and others who enrich my life and make each day special. The best thing I could possibly offer you is the same good fortune. I find that if you look for the good in people and really care about them and what they do, magic happens, you become friends. Who could ask for more than that?

As another year goes by I realize that friendships are made by those who stay active and live full lives. Here is something Ralph Marston wrote years ago that I strongly recommend to you.

 

Fill your moments

Fill your moments with action, and there will be little time left for worry. Fill your moments with meaning, and there will be little time left for despair.

Fill your days with discovery, and you will fill your life with valuable knowledge. Fill your hours with caring, compassion and respect, and you will fill your world with love and friendship.

Fill your thoughts with positive possibilities, and the best things in life will surely be within your reach. Fill your words with encouragement and enthusiasm, and you’ll often find people and circumstances lining up in your favor.

Fill your efforts with purpose, persistence, diligence and integrity. And your life will be filled with valuable achievements.

Fill your heart with a love of truth and goodness. And your soul will be filled with the treasure of wisdom.

Your life is a most precious gift. Fill every corner of it with the best that you can.

~~~

Time draweth wrinkles in a fair face, but addeth fresh colors to a fast friend.

John Lyle

~~~

— Things Your Mom Would Never Say To You  —

“How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?”

“Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too”

“Just leave all the lights on … it makes the house look more cheery”

“Let me smell that shirt — Yeah, it’s good for another week”

“Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I’ll be glad to feed and walk him every day”

“Well, if Timmy’s mom says it’s OK, that’s good enough for me.”

“The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It’s not like I’m running a prison around here.”

“I don’t have a tissue with me … just use your sleeve”

“Don’t bother wearing a jacket – the wind-chill is bound to improve.”

~~~

Blutarsky’s Axiom:  Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.

~~~

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, “What is three times three?”

“274” was his reply.

The doctor worriedly says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”

“Tuesday” replies the second man.

The doctor sadly says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three”?

“Nine” says the third man.

“That’s great!” exclaims the doctor. “How did you get that”?

“Jeez, Doc, it’s pretty simple,” says the third man. “I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

~~~

If you want people to think you wise, just agree with them.

Leo Rosten

~~~

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he’d asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn’t they just throw out the pest.

“Oh I don’t care.” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner.”

~~~

“I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, ‘Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.’ He told me to get off his couch.”

 Rodney Dangerfield

~~~

I’M NOT OLD…JUST MATURE

 

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.

From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.

I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;

And he answered, “Because of the Seniors Discount.”

 

I went to McDonald’s for a burger and fries;

And there, once again, got quite a surprise.

The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.

He said, “For you, Seniors, the coffee is free.”

 

Understand—I’m not old—I’m merely mature;

But some things are changing, temporarily, I’m sure.

The newspaper print gets smaller each day,

And people speak softer—can’t hear what they say.

 

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),

and my glasses identify people I meet.

Oh, I’ve slowed down a bit…not a lot, I am sure.

You see, I’m not old…I’m only mature.

 

My friends all get older…much faster than me.

They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.

I’ve got “character lines,” not wrinkles…for sure,

But don’t call me old…just call me mature.

 

The steps in the houses they’re building today

Are so high that they take…your breath all away;

And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.

That should explain why my walking is slow.

 

But I’m keeping up on what’s hip and what’s new,

And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.

I’m still in the running…in this I’m secure,

I’m not really old…I’m only mature.

~~~

One of the signs of passing youth is the birth of a sense of fellowship with other human beings as we take our place among them.

Virginia Woolf

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.