Ray's musings and humor

I’m resting

There aren’t enough days in the weekend.

Rod Schmidt

 

Here we go again, more snow in Indianapolis. Fortunately we were warned so I was able to postpone a scheduled breakfast with an Indiana University friend until next week. So here’s my plan, since I will be in Salvation Army Disaster Relief Training all day tomorrow, I am going to trade today Friday, with tomorrow, Saturday so now I will hibernate today, my pretend Saturday as well as on Sunday. So now I will have a weekend I did not know I was going to have, even though it will be interrupted in the middle; isn’t life grand?

Of course the only problem is that I have less excuse for not doing things on my to-do list. But in spite of that I am going to enjoy the time. I hope you’ll enjoy your weekend as well.

 

Here are some tips on how you too can enjoy a period of hibernation.

  • Eat a nice hot breakfast such as frozen waffles, pop tarts, pancakes, you name it! Along with that, a cup of hot tea or coffee is recommended. Also, orange juice is a great morning drink, because it will give you all the energy you need for the day of relaxation!
  • Take a long, hot shower or bath to get you up and awake, then either get in a clean pair of pajamas or a comfortable outfit such as sweatpants and a sweatshirt.
  • Get on the computer, watch your favorite show, listen to music, etc.
  • Eat again then relax and do whatever suits your interests. Some interesting ideas are to meditate, read, do your hair, dress up for fun, whatever your heart desires!
  • If you’re home alone, then let loose and be yourself completely. Do something silly or stupid, scream, release all the week’s stress in some just plain dumb ways. You’ll feel much better.
  • If it’s snowing outside and your significant other agrees, go play in the snow! Just have fun.
  • Get something to look forward to. Think about that your favorite movie being aired on TV or something special is coming up next week.

~~~

Of all the days that’s in the week

I dearly love but one day

And that’s the day that comes betwixt

A Saturday and Monday.

Henry Carey

~~~

Here is another reason why I like Indiana.

Ray

The Floridian’s Prayer

Bless this house, oh lord, we cry, please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine, while ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs two by two the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, in Florida, Lord, you’ve put them all!

But this is home and here we’ll stay, so thank you Lord for insect spray.

~~~

“It’s okay. I didn’t believe in reincarnation last time either.”

~~~

Kid’s Prayers

Dear GOD,

Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,

Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother. -Darla

Dear GOD,

It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,

Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. -Tom L.

Dear GOD,

I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

~~~

“Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 7:41:23 am EST”

~~~

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

From the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General walks slowly forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy’s ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, and sits quietly as his mother fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers are relieved and grateful; they smile and nod at the General with gestures of thanks as he slowly makes his way back to his seat.

One of the cabin attendants approaches the General. “Excuse me, Sir,” she asks quietly, “but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?”

The old man smiles serenely and confides, “I showed him my pilot’s wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose.”

~~~

Why can’t Unitarian Universalists sing very well in choirs?

Because they’re always reading ahead to see if they agree with the next verse.

~~~

This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off, “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s wrong with me, Doctor?”

The doctor looks her over for a couple of moments, then calmly says, “Well, I can tell you one thing…there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight.”

~~~

Definition of a teenager?

God’s punishment for enjoying sex.

~~~

The neighbor dropped in on Judi and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.

“What’s wrong Judi?” she asked.

Judi told her that she had “morning sickness.”

Surprised, the neighbor said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant!”

“I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just sick of mornings.”

~~~

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of ‘smart’?

~~~

Frieda had just finished her fish dinner. She was, however, not at all happy with it, so she called over the waiter.

“I’ve tasted fresher fish,” said Frieda.

“Not in here,” replied the waiter.

~~~

“I do not count the hours I spend in wandering by the sea”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun. 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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