Ray's musings and humor

Ray’s not here

Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive an injury.

Edwin H. Chapin

 

Hi everyone. Ray’s not here he left for an early morning meeting and I think he has a full day after that. Since he was out until late last night with his 16 year old granddaughter I doubt he will not have much brainpower when he does get here. He did say they saw Hairspray at our local dinner theatre and they thought it was great. Rather than keeping the presses warmed up only to have him put together a mediocre Daily I am going to take the bull by the horns, send you an old one and get out of here. I hope you have a good day.

Ray’s Computer

~~~

Ray’s Daily first published on February 16, 2004

I hope it is my imagination, but it seems like there is more bitterness in people these days. Friends seem so polarized by politics that they seem to have lost their objectivity. Everyday we read about the results of road rage and confrontation. Are we as a people becoming so selfish that we are at risk losing of our humanity? I sure hope not. I am glad I know all of you, because so many of you are selfless and continue to enjoy life with confidence and concern for others. I guess goodness is not often recognized. Each day you make my day better, thank you.

~~~

Heavenly Father,

Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can’t make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Author unknown.

~~~

To err is human,

to forgive is divine.

Alexander Pope

~~~

Age Might Be Creeping Up On You …

You like to be in crowds because they keep you from falling down.

Your favorite section of the newspaper is “25 Years Ago Today”.

The parts that have arthritis are the parts where you feel best.

A big evening with your friends is sitting around comparing living wills

Your clothes go into the overnight bag so you can fill the suitcase with your pills.

Somebody you consider an old-timer calls you an old-timer.

Your idea of a change of scenery is looking to the left or right.

Your knees buckle, but your belt won’t.

~~~

“A man needs self-acceptance or he can’t live with himself; he needs self-criticism or others can’t live with him.”

James A. Pike

~~~

Budget cuts to the army forced the training team to start doing mock combat using no explosives, guns, or basically any equipment what-so-ever, so when it came to a training scenario, the Sergeant in charge tells his recruits that they are under imaginary fire, and what do they do? So all of the recruits bar one scatter and get down behind “stuff”, and get into returning fire positions.

The Sergeant notices this one recruit standing out in the open, quite relaxed and unfazed. Yelling, the Sergeant asks “What the devil do you think you’re doing? You’re under fire!” So the recruit takes one step to the left and remains still.

Now the Sergeant’s really annoyed. He yells again, “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING? You’re under imaginary fire, take cover!” The recruit turns to him and replies, “I’m taking cover behind this imaginary tree Sergeant!”

~~~

As I said before, I will not repeat myself.

~~~

Carolyn provides us these insights from Maxine:

1. Maxine on “Driver Safety” – “I can’t use the cell phone in the car. I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.”

2. Maxine on “Life” – “Life is like an oven. It burns my buns.”

3. Maxine on “Housework” – “I do my housework in the nude. It gives me an incentive to clean the mirrors as quickly as possible.”

4. Maxine on “Lawn Care” – “The key to a nice-looking lawn is a good mower.  I recommend one who is muscular and shirtless.”

5. Maxine on “Body Piercing” – “I’d get my tongue pierced, but I still have a little bit of brain left in my head.”

6. Maxine on “the Perfect Man” – “All I’m looking for is a guy who’ll do what I want, when I want, for as long as I want, and then go away. Or wait nearby, like a Dust Buster, charged up and ready when needed.”

7. Maxine on “Work” – “My performance at work has really improved over the years. Now I can nail a co-worker with a paper-clip shot from a rubber band at 20 yards.”

8. Maxine on “the Technology Revolution” – “My idea of rebooting is kicking somebody in the butt twice.”

9. Maxine on “Aging” – “Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita.”

~~~

“Ladies and gentlemen, before we begin a special announcement – the National Security Alert has now been lowered back down to ‘elevated’. Have you got that? It’s been lowered to ‘elevated’. I hope that clears up any confusion.”

Jay Leno

~~~

An Israeli soldier who just enlisted asked the Commanding Officer for a 3-day pass.

The CO says “Are you crazy? You just joined the Israeli army, and you already want a 3-day pass? You must do something spectacular for that recognition!”

So the soldier comes back a day later in an Arab tank!

The CO was so impressed, he asked, “How did you do it?”

“Well, I jumped in a tank, and went toward the border with the Arabs. I approached the border, and saw an Arab tank. I put my white flag up, the Arab tank put his white flag up. I said to the Arab soldier, ‘Do you want to get a 3-day pass?’ So we exchanged tanks!”

~~~

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman

~~~

A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. “In Texas,” he drawls, “you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall.”

“Yeah”, replies the Yankee, “We have slow trains in Rhode Island too.”

~~~

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.

If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Dalai Lama

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana 

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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