Ray's musings and humor

Thanks Annie

Remember

This December,

That love weighs more than gold!

Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon

 

It was been a great weekend for me, yesterday I attended our Indianapolis Symphony’s annual yuletide celebration. The production was amazing. It included a great cast of singers and dancers, a couple of talented specialty acts and more content than I can describe. It was hosted by Sandi Patti and she was in great voice. We all left the concert hall with a glow.

On Saturday we had a pre-Christmas celebration with my son’s family. We needed to bring all of our clan together to exchange Christmas wishes and gifts before he and his family left to spend Christmas in London. It is always warming to have our kids and all our grandkids together and Saturday was again no exception. We are truly fortunate that everyone has stayed in Indianapolis and that we are all as much friends as relatives.

But I must say Friday night was the best. It was bitter cold and it was my turn to stand a shift outside a Wal-Mart for a few hours manning a Salvation Army bucket while greeting all the shoppers. I even had a 91 year old lady stop and share with me that it was her birthday and as we stood shivering together she pulled out her checkbook and wrote a check for $25 and put it in the Christmas Kettle. I love the goodhearted and she was one of the best.

But what really made my day was when a friend of mine, a server in a local restaurant, showed up with her six year old daughter to ring bells with me so I would not have to do it alone. Of course the star of our show was the daughter, Madison. She is missing two front teeth and would greet everyone with a wide smile while wishing them “Happy Holidays.” At one point she turned to me and said “I am short and I am funny so please donate money.” What a great gift for me, this young woman and her very young daughter standing with me in the cold so that we could share the experience of doing something for those in need. My friends I have experienced the spirit of the season and believe me it was soul warming. Thanks Annie.

We all have some time left before beginning the new year, time we can spend spreading some yuletide spirit of our own. All we have to do is share a little, appreciate a lot and tell everyone we care and wish them well. If we do that we will begin 2011 with a spirit we can build on as we work to make next year our best ever.

~~~

Perhaps the best Yuletide decoration is being wreathed in smiles.

~~~

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Hanukkah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we’re told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the Fifteen Days of Chrismukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreidel, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to “A great miracle happened there,” the message on the dreidel will be the more generic: “Miraculous stuff happens.” In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts.

One of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. All sides appeared happy about this.

Fortunately for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive balance. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of “Oy Vey, All Ye Faithful.”

~~~

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.

Erica Jong

~~~

To: All Employees

From: Management

Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council).

1.  Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.

2. Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden.  (It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)

3. Eggnog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

4. Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma’s house.

5. All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.

6. Work requests are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.

~~~

Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you.

Robert Fulghum

~~~

Bill had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the plane for their two-week’s vacation in France.

“I wish we’d brought the refrigerator with us,” said Morris.

“What on earth for?” asked the wife.

“I’ve left our airline tickets on it.”

~~~

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

~~~

A guy walks into a shoe store and asks for a pair of shoes, size 8. The obviously well trained salesman says, “But sir, you take an 11 or eleven-and-a-half.”

“Just bring me a size eight.”

The sales guy brings them and the man stuffs his feet into them and stands up in obvious pain.  He turns to the salesman and says, “I’ve lost my house to the I.R.S., I live with my mother-in-law, my daughter ran off with my best friend, and my business has filed Chapter 7.

The only pleasure I have left is to come home at night and take my shoes off.”

~~~

“A worrier always seems less troubled by what happens today than by what might happen tomorrow.”

Unknown

~~~

Some neighbors of my grandparents gave them a pumpkin pie as a holiday gift.  As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that my grandmother had to throw it away.

Ever gracious and tactful, my grandmother still felt obliged to send the neighbors a note.  It read:  “Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn’t last very long in our house.”

~~~

May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through!

Author Unknown

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can request to be added by e-mailing me at raykiwsp@yahoo.com. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal and https://raykiwsp.wordpress.com/ currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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