Ray's musings and humor

Archive for October, 2010

I know you can, do you?

“Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.”

Art Linkletter

 

Years ago a good friend and motivational speaker was kept busy traveling around the US and other countries telling us all that the secret to all that is good in life depends to a large extent on attitude. My friend raised my belief in the value of maintaining a positive attitude to the point where it has become a way of life for me. Of course those of you have been reading the daily for any length of time already know that.

Yesterday one of our readers sent me this positive attitude reminder. I am especially pleased with her first story as my hair is thinning to the point where I thought I might have to resort to paint but now I know there are alternatives.

Smile, have some fun and enjoy your weekend.

~~~

Here is what my friend, who I have yet to meet, sent.

 Attitude

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll braid my hair today.’ So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. ‘H-M-M,’ she said, ‘I think I’ll part my hair down the middle today.’ So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘today I’m going to wear my hair in a pony tail.’ So she did, and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn’t a single hair on her head. ‘YAY!’ she exclaimed. ‘I don’t have to fix my hair today!’

Attitude is everything.

Be kinder than necessary,  for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live simply,

Love generously,

Care deeply,

Speak kindly,

and pray continually.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass…

It’s about learning to dance in the rain.

 It’s not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.  Life is  too short to wake up with regrets.  Love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don’t.

~~~

“Any fact facing us is not as important as our attitude toward it, for that determines our success or failure. The way you think about a fact may defeat you before you ever do anything about it. You are overcome by the fact because you think you are. ”

Norman Vincent Peale

~~~

Sally took Benny to a celebratory dinner at a really posh restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table by a formally dressed maitre d’, and sat down at a table on which were displayed the finest china and crystal. Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver napkin ring, Benny unfolded it, put it around his neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.

Staring at him, the maitre d’ said, between gritted teeth, “Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?”

~~~

Lovka’s Dilemma – You never get away, you only get someplace else.

~~~

The priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night.  Whispering firmly, the priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”

The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil?”

The dying man said, “Until I know where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”

~~~

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”

The woman says, “I’ll miss you.”

~~~

Virus — It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1960

SYMPTOMS:

1.  Causes you to send the same e-mail twice.

2.  Causes you to send a blank e-mail

3.  Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person.

4.  Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you.

5.  Causes you to forget to attach the attchment.

6.  Causes you to hit “SEND” before you’ve finished.

7.  Causes you to hit “DELETE” instead of “SEND”

8.  Causes you to hit “SEND” when you should “DELETE.”

IT’S CALLED THE “C-NILE VIRUS.”

~~~

A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

~~~

A witness was testifying before the court, and the prosecuting attorney was asking him questions.

“You witnessed the robbery, sir?”

“Yes”

“What was stolen?”

“Two televisions”

“Did you see the thieves?”

“Yes”

“Could you identify them?”

“Yes”

“Are the two men who stole the televisions in this courtroom?”

At this point, the two defendants raised their hands.

~~~

“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Albert Einstein

~~~

The tourist was admiring the Indian’s necklace.

“What is it made of?” she asked.

“Alligator’s teeth,” the Indian replied.

“I suppose,” she said patronizingly, “that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us.”

“Oh, no,” he objected. “Anybody can open an oyster.”

~~~

Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.

~~~

A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman driving a vintage car because her hand signals were confusing. “First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,” said the officer.

“I decided not to turn right,” she explains.

“Then why the up and down?” asks the officer.

“Officer,” she sniffs, “I was erasing!”

~~~

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. “

Kahlil Gibran

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies. The editor is somewhat senile.

 This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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