Ray's musings and humor

How is your flight?

The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.

Michael Altshuler

 

 

 

I thought today I would share with you the last of the entries on my friend’s “Simple Truth’s” list. Over the last month or so I have periodically offered a few of them with my comments for your consideration. I appreciate the opportunity to think about them in small doses as I sometimes think that I have become a glutton for information and don’t stop often enough to appreciate the quality of leisurely observation and thought. I fear we are becoming information obese and devour much more than we need to. Anyway here is what was sent to me sometime ago:

 

  • Success is getting up one more time – I strongly believe that tenacity and perseverance is often the key to success. In my computer industry experience I often tried and failed, tried again and failed again but by learning from the failures and keeping on I almost always succeded.
  • Now is the most interesting time of all – Amen to that, with the constant changes going on if one can’t find something of interest then they might as well just lie down and stagnate.
  • When things go wrong…. Don’t go with them – What can I say, there is a penalty to be paid for continuing down the wrong path.
  • Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side – History has shown time and again that the majority often blunders down the wrong path; fortunately they almost always correct and reverse only to find those who stuck to their principles waiting for them.
  • Anyone who asks a question might be a fool for 5 minutes, but a person who doesn’t ask, is a fool forever – The quickest way to get there is to ask for direction, if you don’t know or understand, ask. It is more important to know than it is to worry about what others think.
  • Our eyes are placed in front because it is more important to look ahead than to look back – You all know what I think about this one, tomorrow is full of promise while yesterday can never be relived.

~~~

If we’re always looking in the rear view mirror it’s hard to keep our eyes on the road ahead.

Author Unknown

~~~

You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if:

The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em.

When the pastor says, "I’d like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain’t never been in a hole it couldn’t get out of."

The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

The service wine is Boone’s Farm "Tickled Pink".

The final words of the benediction are, "Y’all come back now, ya hear?"

~~~

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people!

~~~

A man said to his wife one day, "I don’t know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain it to you. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

~~~

"In a restaurant choose a table near a waiter."

Yiddish Proverb

~~~

The math teacher posed this problem, "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"

The savvy student answered, "A lawyer!"

~~~

Success never rests. On your worst days, be good. And on your best days, be great. And on every other day, get better.

Carmen Mariano

~~~

The U.S. Treasury announced it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. The quarters are being issued in the order in which the various states joined the U.S.

"We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.

"This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices."

"The problem lies in a design flaw," Shackleford said.

The winning design was submitted by an Auburn University student.

"Apparently," Shackleford said, "the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."

~~~

Keep a green tree alive in your heart and a songbird may come to sing there.

Chinese Proverb

~~~

A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you."

"Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late."

The factory owner said, "I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred."

~~~

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

~~~

"Look at ME!" boasted the fit old man to a group of young people. "Every morning I do fifty push-ups, fifty sit-ups and walk two miles. I’m fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why? I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, I don’t stay up late, and I don’t chase after women!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes glittering, "And tomorrow, I’m going to celebrate my 95th birthday!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the young onlookers, "How?"

~~~

"Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life."

Immanuel Kant

~~~

A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer, "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"

The farmer didn’t answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again.

After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out, "About 20 minutes."

"Thank you. But why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you?"

"Didn’t know how fast you could walk."

~~~

Life is a precious gift, love is a wonderful gift, and laughter is glorious gift.

So live life to the fullest, love with all your heart, and laugh as much as you breathe.

Robert Byrne

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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