Ray's musings and humor

Enjoy your life

Use life to provide something that outlasts it.

B. C. Forbes

 

 

 

I have a full day ahead so I am going to again send you a previously published Daily, this ones from July 8, 2004. Have a good day and please be kind.

Ray

~~~

We are truly fortunate that we have the lives we do. There are so many in the world that have nothing and if we were not so fortunate to have been born where we were instead of where they are, it would be us who are in desperate need. Yet even with our good fortune we still often wish for something else. I sometimes wonder if we spend so much time looking for something else across the fence we don’t see what we already have.

My friend Judy looks around and knows what she has liked. Her list includes:

 

Falling in love.

Laughing so hard your face hurts.

A hot shower.

A special glance.

Getting mail

Taking a drive on a pretty road.

Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half price.

Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or strawberry)

A long distance phone call.

Giggling.

A good conversation.

The beach

Laughing at yourself.

Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

 

Doesn’t that make you wish Judy was your friend too? I when I look around and see the good things I already have, I count Judy’s friendship as one of them and of course yours too.

~~~

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.

Aristotle

~~~

A Mother’s Dictionary

AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to make love again.

DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: What you call your child when you’re mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

POW: The first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry clothes into it.

SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: What you do to your first baby’s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it.

TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman pajamas.

TWO MINUTE WARNING: When the baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: Able to whine in words.

WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house..

WEEKEND: When Dad gets to play golf while Mom catches up on the laundry, cleans the house, runs errands, etc.

~~~

Did you know that the biggest sellers in the bookstores are cookbooks.

The second biggest seller is diet books about how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.

~~~

Hey, I like engineers, I use to work with them, so take the following with a grain of salt. Ray

Q: What is the definition of an engineer?

A: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?

A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?

A: Because they looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?

A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map the wrong way.

~~~

Q.  Why is it so important for the groom at a Jewish wedding to stomp on a wine glass?

A.  Because it’s the last time he’ll put his foot down.

~~~

I don’t think I’ll ever have a mother’s intuition.  My married sister, Anne, her twelve month old son, Timmy, and I were having lunch together in a restaurant one day. All of a sudden my sister gets up and announces she needs to excuse herself from the table to make a telephone call and would I please keep an eye on Timmy.

I said, "What do I do if he cries?"

She said, "Give him some vegetables."

It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite.

~~~

She said: I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let’s eat out!"

~~~

One day, Jimmy Joe Bob was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin.

"Bubba, where’d you get that truck?!?"

"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.

"She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"

"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, ‘Bubba, take whatever you want’.

So I took the truck!"

"Bubba, you’re a smart man!. Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

~~~

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.

Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.

H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Advertisement

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: