Ray's musings and humor

Archive for June, 2010

Goodbye and thanks!

The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning.

Ivy Baker Priest

 

 

 

I often let myself fall into a minor funk when there is a new gap in my life. Most recently it was the disappearance of a valued friend, a person with whom I met regularly and who always provided stimulating conversation. I was able to determine that there appeared to be no medical or physical reason for the hiatus so I assume it just was something I did or it was time to move on.

Of course I am like everyone else, we all live in an ever changing world filled with both good and bad experiences. This year I have felt the loss of a community based program that provided me with new friends, stimulating discussions and outstanding learning experiences. My favorite movie theatre is about to close and it hasn’t been that long ago that one of my favorite performing arts series shut down.

Today I found myself again falling into the trap of remorse for what appears to be lost. Yep I was thinking of me first and not of those who really felt the brunt of the change. I know better than to do that, fortunately I stopped and regrouped. My lost friend probably needs to move on and I just hope not because of me but I am grateful for all the times we had together. The community based program that was so valuable is in the process of regrouping and I’ll have plenty of chances to help them swing back into action. It is the same with most everything we miss, if we never had it we wouldn’t miss it, so rather than just regretting the loss we need to be pleased that we had the times we did. My memory bank is filled with fond memories that are stored always ready to remind me about how lucky I’ve been.

So good bye past highlights, I am glad we had our time together and I wish you my very best as you move on. My life would not be nearly as good as it has been without you. And now as I have often said, there is no use leaving gaps unfilled so I am off to explore new tomorrows. Have fun, I know I will.

~~~

Why can’t we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together?  I guess that wouldn’t work.  Someone would leave.  Someone always leaves.  Then we would have to say good-bye.  I hate good-byes.  I know what I need.  I need more hellos.

Charles M. Schulz

~~~

A man went to a therapist about an obsession that was ruining his life.

“It’s baseball.  Baseball is destroying me. I can’t even get away from it in my sleep. As soon as I close my eyes, I’m out there chasing a fly ball or running around the bases. When I wake up, I’m more tired than I was when I went to bed. What am I going to do?”

The therapist told him, “First of all, you have to make a conscious effort not to dream about baseball. For example, when you close your eyes, try to imagine yourself at a party at which someone is about to give you several million dollars.”

The patient replied, “Are you crazy, Doc? I’ll miss my turn at bat.”

~~~

"Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally."

David Frost

~~~

A young Scottish lad and lassie were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus."

"Well, uh, I was thinkin’. . .perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss."

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed.

Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus."

The young man knit his brow. "Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."

"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. "Din’na ye think it’s aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

~~~

Why do we press harder on the remote when we know the battery is dead?

~~~

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You’ve seen his wars and his material wealth.

You’ve seen his progress, and the damage he’s done."

      The chief nodded that it was so. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

      The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

      Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"

~~~

If you yourself are at peace, then there is at least some peace in the world.

Thomas Merton

~~~

"I play golf in the low 80’s," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club.

"Wow," said the young man, "that’s pretty impressive."

"Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I’d probably have a stroke."

~~~

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

~~~

Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco and several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their salt shaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling anything and using only the implements at hand? Clearly, this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma’am," they said, "we couldn’t help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker…"

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

~~~

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

Voltaire

~~~

A film crew was on location in the desert. One day, an old Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow rain." The next day, it rained.

A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, "Tomorrow storm." The next day, there was a hailstorm.

"This Indian is incredible," said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn’t show up for two weeks. Finally, the director sent for him. "I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow," said the director, "and I’m depending on you. What will the weather be like?"

The Indian shrugged, "Don’t know. Radio broke."

~~~

"People deal too much with the negative, with what is wrong. Why not try and see positive things, to just touch those things and make them bloom?"

Thich Nhat Hanh

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

What are your plans?

“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people:

those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.”

 John M. Richardson, Jr.

 

 

 

I was talking with a friend the other day whose father is living in an isolated area and it may not be too long before it will be difficult for him to stay where he is. He lives in a rural area and has enjoyed the isolation in his later years, in fact he has told those close to him that he can’t abide some of people who believe the strangest things these days and who feel they have to foist their beliefs onto others. In his mind there is no way that he would like a retirement or assisted living environment and the people who would be his neighbors.

I shared with my friend that I did not want to wait until the point necessity dictated my moving to a place that offered the help I might need to continue to enjoy life to my maximum ability. I think of aging as an ongoing period of adjustment, when I can’t do one thing I can do something else instead. I have found that by understanding my limitations and living with them I can use them to define the exciting things in store for me tomorrow. I have often thought of my next move and rather than waiting too long and letting others choose what they think is best for me, I want to make the decisions. I want to be with interesting and active people, not with those who spend all their time blaming everything and everyone for whatever they feel happened to them. I want to find out where they are and go there. I don’t want to be like those who have lose all interest and in effect turn what might be some of their very best years into a pre-hospice vigil.

 

Some time ago a friend sent me a piece that reflected on one persons observations at various points in his life. Here is what he said:

I learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don’t know how to show it. Age 42

I learned that the greater a person’s sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast blame on others. Age 46

I learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. Age 47

I learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. Age 48

I learned that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. Age 51

I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53

I learned that making a living is not the same thing as making a life. Age 58

I learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. Age 62

I learned that whenever I decide something with kindness, I usually make the right decision. Age 66

I learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. Age 82

I learned that I still have a lot to learn. Age 92

 

Bottom line,  things change and we have the choice of getting on board and enjoying the ride or staying on the dock letting life leave us behind. No matter what age you are today things will be different tomorrow and you get to decide if you want to manage the process or just accept whatever happens.

Let me give you one parting gift. Reread the list, but this time from the bottom up. If you recognize the value of his observations and how they put life into proper perspective then I am sure you will agree you don’t have to wait until your 92 to make positive life changes and commitments.

~~~

“I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today.”

William Allen White

~~~

A minister was giving the children’s message during church.  For this part of the service, he would gather all the children around him and give a brief lesson before dismissing them.

On this particular Sunday, he was using squirrels for an object lesson on industry and preparation.  He started out by saying, "I’m going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children nodded eagerly.

"This thing lives in trees (pause) and eats nuts (pause)…" No hands went up.  "And it is gray (pause) and has a long bushy tail (pause)…"

The children were looking at each other, but still no hands raised.

"And it jumps from branch to branch (pause) and chatters and flips its tail when it’s excited (pause)…"

Finally one little boy tentatively raised his hand.  The minister breathed a sigh of relief and called on him.

"Well," said the boy, "I know the answer you’re looking for is supposed to be ‘Jesus’ …  but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me."

~~~

It worked… Now if I could only remember what I did.

~~~

An Arkansas state trooper stopped Sherry for going 15 miles over the posted speed limit.

After he handed her a ticket, Jill asked, "Don’t you give out warnings?"

"Yes, Ma’am," he replied.  Warnings are all up and down the highway. They say, . .  ‘Speed Limit 65.’"

~~~

"Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face."

Victor Hugo

~~~

Jane asks:

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there…I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt."

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!

~~~

Did you hear about the new liberal church?

It has six commandments and four suggestions.

~~~

A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee.

"Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha’ been more than $20."

"That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord himself walked."

"Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it’s no wonder he walked!"

~~~

“Tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today”

African Proverb

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

I agree with Winston!

“Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.”

Winston Churchill

 

 

 

All in all it has been a pretty good week for me. My Brain Scan results were favorable, my Carotid Artery Doppler tests were good and my dental work came out fine. In fact I was lucky to break off the dead tooth now rather when I am away on special assignment in a few weeks. The tooth that has gone on to dental heaven was a bad actor anyway so in reality I am better off than I was.

I again have found that not worrying about what might happen pays off. I always expect things will turn out OK and 99.9% of the time they do and when they don’t I no longer have time to worry, then it is time for action.

As I was thinking about what to write in today’s Daily I decided to revisit the last few items on my old friends “Things I Have Leaned In My Life” list and use what them to trigger some pre-weekend thoughts. So here goes.

 

Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. – I think far too many of us get so tied up in our jobs and chasing the rainbow that we don’t have time for our friends. Please don’t wait until it is too late to find that they are no longer there when you need them.

Believe in miracles – I honestly believe that there are miracles all around us, sadly we often overlook them or take them for granted. Life itself is a miracle. Our children are miracles. The very air we breathe, the things that we touch, our feelings are all truly miraculous. Please appreciate your miracles.

Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger – We are often tested and we survive, no matter how often we are sure that the world will end because of a personal setback, it never does. I was thinking the other day how awful life would be if we were perfect, for it is the process of living that makes life interesting and sharpens our ability to deal with it. 

Growing old beats the alternative – Ain’t it the truth, what has amazed me is how great old age really is. These days I see things as I look back that I missed when I was always looking forward. I have learned that my life is like fine wine, as it ages it mellows and is more satisfying.

No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up – It seems far too easy for those who have lost their interest in life to just sit back and stagnate. I find that my aches and pains and lethargic feelings disappear when I am out and about. Don’t succumb to the imaginary wall that keeps you locked away, break out and breathe.

Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift – Like all gifts it is up to you to decide if you are going to put it way in a closet or if you are going to take it out and use it as you enjoy all it has to offer. Have fun, stay well and please don’t miss too much.

~~~

“Life is a creative endeavor. It is active, not passive. We are the yeast that leavens our lives into rich, fully baked loaves. When we experience our lives as flat and lackluster, it is our consciousness that is at fault. We hold the inner key that turns our lives from thankless to fruitful.”

Julia Cameron

~~~

More from the friendly skies

         And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

         Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what y’all are thinking. I’m here to tell you it wasn’t the airline’s fault, it wasn’t the pilot’s fault, it wasn’t the flight attendant’s fault…it was the asphalt!"

         Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!"

~~~

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

~~~

An old man was relaxing at his hundredth birthday party when a reporter went up to him.  "Sir, what is the secret of your long life?"

The man considered this for a moment, then replied, "Every day at 9 PM I have a glass of port.  Good for the heart I’ve heard."

The reporter replied, "That’s ALL?"

The man smiled, "That, and canceling my voyage on the Titanic."

~~~

He is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

~~~

A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I’d better go humor him."

"That’ a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man.

"It isn’t a dog, it’s a box," replies the old man.

"Oh, I’m sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were simple-minded."

The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn’t we, Rover?"

~~~

Speak only well of people, and you need never whisper.

~~~

Years ago when I was a child I used to go to the grocery store with my Mom. Barrels sat around the store filled with pickles, loose crackers, and huge containers from which lard was dispensed. This was a small country store. One morning my mom and I went to the store to purchase a few groceries. In the store was an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father went to lunch.

He stated "Miss Abigail, your pail will only hold two pounds."

Miss Abigail looked at him as if he were simple minded and said " Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last five years!!!!"

~~~

Opportunity is sometimes hard to recognize if you’re only looking for a lucky break.

Monta Crane

~~~

A teacher was asking her class what their fathers did. When she asked little Johnny, he said, "My father’s dead, Miss." "Oh, I am sorry, Johnny. In that case, what did he do before he died?" "He went blue, held his chest and moaned aaaaarrrrrrggg, and collapsed."

~~~

Life does not have to be regarded as a game in which scores are kept and somebody wins. If you are too intent on winning, you will never enjoy playing.

THOMAS MERTON

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Did you put on a smile this morning?

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.

 

 

 

The root for my missing front tooth is gone. The pain is manageable and I am wearing a temporary-temporary bridge so now that the gap in my teeth is gone my clown career is over, but at least I can smile again.

I will get the temporary-temporary bridge replaced by my new temporary bridge next Tuesday. I’ll then get the temporary bridge replaced by the permanent bridge in three months after the tooth socket is fully healed. With all of this bridge building I thought I might be eligible for some federal stimulus money but unfortunately I was told it could only be used for highway infrastructure improvement.

I did see a small sign in the dentist office suggesting that patients could ask about the no-interest payment plan, I told them they did not need to tell me about it since I already had no interest in paying. I quickly learned that that was not what they meant and was reminded that my dentist was in control of the pain killers and that the procedure had yet to start. I quickly told them I had shifted to “I am interested in paying” mode and I am pleased to report that all went as well as could be hoped for. I did not cry either – my mother would have been proud.

I think a smile is probably the most important thing we can put on and wear each day. Here is what Ralph Marston wrote about it a few years ago.

 

Smile

There’s a simple, easy step you can take that will exert a positive, powerful influence in a variety of situations. That simple act is a genuine smile from the heart.

Smile, and not only does it improve your appearance, it improves all of you. Smile, and you cannot avoid being more positive toward life.

Smile as you speak, and your voice will be more confident, enthusiastic and convincing. Even when you’re talking over the phone and the person at the other end can’t see you, a smile adds noticeable value to the conversation.

Give a smile to others, and you instantly improve the quality of each encounter. Smile to yourself, and new positive possibilities come clearly into view.

A smile costs you nothing, and yet it can bring so very much. Take a look around, and you’ll see that the most successful and fulfilled people are those who smile the most.

Even when you can’t think of a reason to smile, smile anyway. Smile, and you’ll surely create plenty of good reasons.

~~~

Smiling is infectious,

You can catch it like the flu.

Someone smiled at me today,

And I started smiling too.

Author Unknown

~~~

Becky and Sally Ann were blondes and doing some carpentry work on a house. Becky, who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.

Sally Ann, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing the nails away?"

Becky explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."

Sally Ann got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! The nails aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!

~~~

I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.  

~~~

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm hand- shake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I’m a college graduate with an MBA," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom — I’ll show you how."

~~~

“He who wishes to secure the good of others, has already secured his own.”

Confucius

~~~

Doug asks, "I know you’re crazy about that little daughter of yours, Bill. What are you going to do when she starts to date?"

Bill says, "I figure I’ll take the first young man aside, put my arm around his shoulder and pull him close to me so that only he can hear."

"Then I’ll say, ‘Do you see that sweet, little young lady? She’s my only daughter and I love her very much. If you were thinking about touching, kissing or being physically affectionate to her in any way, just remember, I don’t mind going back to prison.’"

~~~

Man is the only animal that blushes….or needs to.

~~~

How To Know When You Are Ready For Parenthood

MESS TEST: Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Now rub your hands in the wet flower bed and rub on the walls. Cover the stains with crayons. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.

TOY TEST: Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs. (If LEGOs are not available, you may substitute roofing tacks or broken bottles.) Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroo or kitchen. Do not scream (this could wake a child at night).

GROCERY STORE TEST: Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop at the grocery store. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.

DRESSING TEST: Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff it into a small net bag making sure that all arms stay inside.

FEEDING TEST: Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill it halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a stout cord. Get the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal (such as Fruit Loops or Cheerios)into the mouth of the jug while pretending to be an airplane.

Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.

NIGHT TEST: Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8 to 12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 8 PM begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9 PM. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 PM. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing them until 4:00 AM. Set alarm for 5:00 AM. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.

PHYSICAL TEST (WOMEN): Obtain a large beanbag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 mo. Now remove 10% of the beans.

PHYSICAL TEST (MEN): Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper.

Go home and read it quietly for the last time.

FINAL ASSIGNMENT: Find a couple who already has a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their child’s discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training, and table manners. Suggest many things they can improve as well. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run riot. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you’ll have all the answers.

~~~

The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another’s, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises.

Leo F. Buscaglia

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

We need each oher

Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.

Taoism

 

 

 

I reported to you last week that I was getting a brain scan to see if any changes in my brain aneurism would create the need to undertake risky surgery. The good news it will not, at least not at this time. In fact another scan is not scheduled until next year.

Now I am off to see my dentist who will have me for a few hours of dreaded root removal and bridge building, if only it was trees and roads rather than my mouth. I don’t have time for another Daily creation so it is once again back to the days of yesteryear and a look at life back in the day.

 

Ray’s Daily published on June 2, 2004

Yesterday I had coffee with a close friend and our discussion centered on just how interdependent we are in our neighborhoods, communities, and cities. The truth is we live in a democracy that is driven by the majority. If we don’t worry about the well being and education of others we could very well pay a heavy price later. We must do all we can to develop the citizens of tomorrow if we are to enjoy the years ahead. Just as the following story implies we need to practice the golden rule for if we don’t we may live to regret it later.

~~~

James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1994) relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it. The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.

"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn’t you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."

He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor’s corn also improves. So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.

The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.

~~~

You will discover that you have two hands. One is for helping yourself and the other is for helping others.

Audrey Hepburn

~~~

A Jewish friend sent me this in order for me to better understand the Hebrew language.

Hebonics

Question: "What time is it?"

English answer: "Sorry, I don’t know."

Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?"

Remark: "I hope things turn out okay."

English response: "Thanks."

Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!"

Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner’s ready."

English response: "Be right there."

Hebonic response: "All right already, I’m coming. What’s with the ‘hurry’ business? Is there a fire?"

Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time."

English response: "Glad you like it."

Hebonic response: "So what’s the matter; you don’t like the other ties I gave you?

Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged."

English response: "Congratulations!"

Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds."

Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?"

English answer: "Just say when."

Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy

To guest of honour at his birthday party:

English remark: "Happy birthday."

Hebonic remark: "A year smarter you should become."

Remark: "A beautiful day."

English response: "Sure is."

Hebonic response: "So the sun is out…what else is new?"

Answering a phone call from son:

English remark: "It’s been a long time since you called."

Hebonic remark: "You didn’t wonder if I’m dead yet?"

~~~

I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’m on the last one!

~~~

For his final project in a statistics class, a student decided to conduct a survey. So it wouldn’t be a boring project, he chose to find out peoples’ favorite pastimes. The teacher required that he sample at least 100 people, so he started out his project visiting a fairly large apartment building near the university. He knocked on the first door and a man answered.

"Sir, what is your name?” asked the student

"John"

"Sir, I’m doing a school study and would like to know what is your favorite pastime?"

"Watching bubbles in bath," Came the reply.

He liked the esoteric answer and continued down the hall, until he came to the next door, when he asked again.

"Sir, what is your name?"

"Jeff!",

"Sir, Would you please tell me your favorite pastime ?"

"Watching bubbles in bath," was the answer.

Quite amused and confused he went on to ask a good number of people in the building and all of them had the same pastime "watching bubbles in bath".

He left the building and walked across the street where there were several row houses to continue the survey.

At the first house, he knocks and an attractive college girl opens the door.

Our surveyor starts again – "What is your name?"

"Bubbles !"

~~~

Greg:  I used to hunt grizzly bears with a club.

Ed:    I don’t believe that.

Greg:  Why not?

Ed:    Because it’s too dangerous, hunting grizzly bears with a club.

Greg:  Well, I don’t do it anymore, anyway.

Ed:    Why not?

Greg:  The membership fees got too high.

~~~

Accomplishing the impossible only means the boss will add it to your regular duties.

~~~

I have found there are eight reasons why a woman buys something: Because her husband says she shouldn’t, it will make her look thin, it’s exotic, the neighbors can’t afford it, nobody has one, everybody has one, it’s different, and because.

~~~

There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life happiness, freedom and peace of mind—are always attained by giving them to someone else.

Peyton Conway March

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

 Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

Wake me when it’s over

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

Ambrose Redmoon

 

 

 

I hope you had a great three day holiday weekend if you are a reader in the U.S. (it was a national holiday yesterday). I had planned on a totally uneventful long weekend at home and I am glad that was the plan for on Friday I broke an upper front tooth at the gum line and look even worse than usual. Fortunately my dentist is a friend and fellow Kiwanis member who came into his office on his long weekend holiday to do some preparation for the root removal and more next Wednesday, Since the extraction can be a little messy I needed to go off my blood thinner for a few days to make sure any bleeding is controllable. So on Wednesday I’ll spend a couple of hours in the dental chair getting a temporary fix. As I understand it the final fix will have to wait until the socket is fully healed. While I am sure I am getting a fair price it will be high enough to eliminate any need to consider an additional cruise this year.

The tooth that broke had been dead and discolored for some time and was on borrowed time anyway so things could have been much worse, especially if I had been away. So tomorrow I’ll be attempting to be a brave trooper as I spend a major part of the day being worked on by what I hope will still be my friend when he is done. Fortunately I know that Wednesday will make the rest of the week seem much better than it might otherwise. I also am confident that the procedure will continue to be missing on my favorite-things-to-do list. Piet Hein describes it in his poem

 

Brave

To be brave is to behave

bravely when your heart is faint.

So you can be really brave

only when you really ain’t.

 

Piet Hein

~~~

Don’t be a sissy!

Ray Mitchell

~~~

DRIVING STYLES

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.

Toronto: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap.

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald’s bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.

~~~

Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

~~~

A woman, her husband and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic light. The woman glanced over at the car next to them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband, she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter."

The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks and said, "Here, have another cookie."

~~~

If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire–then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience.

Robert Fulghum

~~~

A very excited woman calls the fire department. "Help me! My house is on fire!"

"Where do you live?"

"I am too excited. I can’t tell you the exact address!"

"How do you expect us to get there?"

"Well, duh. In your big red truck!"

~~~

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

~~~

"It seems like all Alfred and I do any more is fight. I’ve been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds."

"Why don’t you just leave him then?"

"Oh, no! Not until I’ve lost another five pounds."

~~~

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Winston Churchill

~~~

She said: As a single, never married woman in my 40s, I have been questioned endlessly about my status by my friends, relatives and co-workers. Over the years, I’ve noticed a subtle change in the nature of their inquiries.

In my teens, friends would ask, "Who are you going out with this weekend?"

In my 20s, relatives would say, "Who are you dating?"

In my 30s, co-workers might inquire, "So, are you dating anyone yet?"

Now, people ask, "Where did you get that adorable purse?"

~~~

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

~~~

A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"

Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed. I’ve been telling you for the last half hour, I’ll be ready in a minute!"

~~~

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

~~~

Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife’s better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m., things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just gotten home and start all over again. My wife agreed.

I went outside, came back in and with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I’m home!"

"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It’s after seven o’clock!"

~~~

It’s not our disadvantages or shortcomings that are ridiculous, but rather the studious way we try to hide them, and our desire to act as if they did not exist.

Giacomo Leopardi

~~~

Stay well, do good work, and have fun.

 

Ray Mitchell

Indianapolis, Indiana

 Management is not responsible for duplicates from previous dailies.

The editor is somewhat senile.

 

This daily is sent only to special people who want to start their day on an upbeat. If you have system overload because of our daily clutter, let me know and I will send you the information via mental telepathy. If you have not been getting our daily you can join at http://groups.google.com/group/Rays-Daily. Back issues are posted at http://raykiwsp.multiply.com/journal currently there are about 2000 readers from around the world.

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